Him
T HE MOMENT THE PROFESSOR saw Diana's name flash on his screen and his phone started ringing, he knew.
He already knew.
He fucking knew.
"Hello?"
"I'm sorry."
And there it goddamn was.
The defeated sound of her voice.
Like she had already made up her mind to leave him.
It made him want to drive his fist into the wall, made him fucking want to roar to the heavens, WHY, GOD, WHY?
Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?
But because he loved her, his first thought was for her and of her.
"Are you safe?" he asked harshly.
"Matthijs—-"
"Answer the goddamn question!"
"I am," she choked out.
His tension eased, just enough for him to breathe. "Where are you?"
"It d-doesn't matter."
"Goddammit, Diana—-"
"I almost killed you." A sob broke out from the other end of the line. "I almost k-killed you, and for n-no reason at all." And after that, a jumble of words came out in a rush. All of it should've been incoherent, and she might as well have been speaking in tongues. But somehow he understood. Somehow, he understood every fucking thing that transpired...just as he understood that she thought she was doing the right thing now.
"I love you, Matthijs. I love you so much, you know that, right?"
"Shut up."
"I would never hurt you, I can't ever bear the thought that I could ever hurt—-"
"Shut the fuck up."
A cry spilled out of her. "I love you—-"
"Then stop saying it like you're saying goodbye," he snarled. "We can fix this. We will fix this. As soon as the hospital clears you, I'll come get you—-"
"I'm s-sorry."
"Stop saying you're fucking sorry and just say you'll stay—-"
"I can't. I just can't. I love you. You're my life."
"You goddamn promised—-"
"I'm sorry. I just don't...I just can't... I just want you to keep living."
The line went dead.
And just like that...
It was over.
The professor threw his phone against the wall and watched it smash to pieces.
Jeremiah fucking 29:11.
You fucking promised, remember?
You made me believe.
You made me hope.
So the ball is fucking back on your court, GOD.
Tell me what to say.
Show me what to do.
Anything He asked, Matthijs would do.
He had no choice.
No fucking choice.
Because he had already forgotten how it was to breathe when she was not with him.