Together
T HE PROFESSOR COULDN'T remember the last time he had paid attention to his looks. But that was exactly what he found himself doing, on the morning of Diana's final defense. And while he still ended up with his usual tweed suit, it was new, and so were his tie and shoes. Preparation was the often underestimated key in winning battles, and he was not taking anything for granted.
When the professor stepped inside the forum hall, all gazes swung to him, Diana included.
That's right, darling.
Stare at me.
Swoon over me.
Fucking lust after me.
She had once told him, albeit shyly, that he was the only man to have turned her on, and the professor was all for doing anything and everything to remind her of this.
A lot of sighing and gushing seemed to happen as the professor made his way down the steps, but he only eyes had for one girl.
His girl.
She seemed unable to stop herself from staring, and he wondered idly if she was aware of how her doe eyes had once again started eating him.
If you want to eat me so damn bad, then don't leave me.
He took his seat, and at his nod, the fourth-year student he had assigned to moderate went up to the podium. Introductions were made, and soon the first student to defend his or her thesis was called.
"May I ask Ms. Diana Leventis to present herself before the panel?"
Diana's jaw dropped. The last time she heard, the order of defense was supposed to be random. Her gaze swung accusingly to the professor's, but his leonine gaze only met hers in bland challenge. Yes, it's deliberate. Are you going to do anything about it?
Her teeth gnashed even as she forced herself to stand up. Since the professor wasn't the petty type, she knew he was doing this for a reason, and that was what? Did he want her rattled? Did he want her so nervous that she'd blurt out the first thing on her mind?
Oh, Saint M, save me .
Diana's knees bumped each other under her skirt as she came up the dais and face the panel.
Her face whitened.
The panel, which was made up of every single individual that had once attended her mock defense.
Dear God.
Had she somehow gotten all of this wrong?
Her gaze swung back to him, but his handsome face was a blank, hard mask, and her heart shriveled at the sight of it. She felt sick and cold with fear, but she couldn't make herself back out. This was her purpose, dammit, and not even the professor would ruin this for her.
She managed a smile for the crowd. "Good morning everyone." She could barely hear herself over the hammering of her heart. "My name is Diana Leventis. As with all the students here, we've been tasked by Professor de G-Graaf—-" She could feel her cheeks heating up at the way her tongue suddenly stumbled over his name, and her color deepened when she heard Pepper snicker.
Clearing her throat, she tried again, saying, "We've been tasked by the professor to propose a novel approach in resolving the growing suicide rate among Catholics."
"The last time we spoke," the priest murmured, "I mentioned a few concerns you had trouble addressing."
"Yes, Father. And one of the adjustments I've made was to redefine the limitations of my thesis."
"With regards to what?"
"My thesis will not cover the rare and special instances in which an individual may be called upon God to end his life and serve His purpose, as was such in the case of several biblical figures—-"
A rude, scoffing sound interrupted her, causing her to stop speaking.
The moderator cleared her throat. "I, err, believe Professor de Graaf has something to say?"
Diana's astonishment turned into consternation at the older student's words. That was the professor? Her head snapped to his direction, in time to see his golden eyes mock her as he drawled, "No surprise there, that after all the time you've been given to improve your thesis, and all you were able to do was add a fucking limitation—-"
Nervous laughs erupted from the crowd even as the Carmelite nun seated next to Matthijs let out an affronted gasp. "Language, Professor!"
"Apologies, Sister Dorothy." But his mocking gaze remained on the trembling, red-faced figure of his target. She was hurt and confused, but she was also visibly angry, and it was exactly what he wanted.
"I simply had to express my disappointment," he murmured laconically. "I was hoping Ms. Leventis would have significantly improved herself, but perhaps I was expecting too much from someone like her."
"Professor de Graaf..." Mr. Bakker looked distinctly uncomfortable. "It's best not to make things personal..."
"If I had wanted this to be personal," Matthijs drawled, "then I should have said from the start that trash is what one's likely to expect—-"
Diana jerked.
"Coming from a student whose admission essay singled out a teen TV show as her reason for wishing to study in Helder Meer." The professor's gaze swung back to her. "13 Reasons Why, wasn't it, Ms. Leventis?"
Diana could feel everyone staring at her, judging her, laughing at her, and all she could do was gaze back at the professor. Why was he doing this? Why was he being cruel? Why?
"No rebuttal?"
In the corner of her eye, she saw Pepper taking a photo of her with a smirk, and when her dazed gaze swept across the crowd, she saw that most of them were the same, uploading photos and live-tweeting what they could of Diana's gradual and inevitable breakdown.
Because it would happen.
His vicious, inexplicable cruelty had done a great job in demolishing her self-control, and even with her still doing her best to fight off her tears, Diana knew that it was only a matter of time before everything in her gave out.
"We're waiting, Ms. Leventis," the professor taunted.
Her lips moved, but the words just wouldn't come out. She could only stare at him, wishing she had the courage to ask, Why? Dear God, why?
Why send all her those sweet quotes, making her think he still and truly loved her, and then do this?
Was it because her lawyer's letter had stung his pride?
Was it because he despised her for breaking her word?
She just wanted to know why.
Diana bit her lip hard the moment it started to tremble, but if she had thought this would inspire his mercy, it did the opposite, and she actually saw his upper lip curl in contempt.
"So much for your so-called purpose," the professor said coldly. "And to think you made so many of your peers believe that this whole thing was more than an academic requirement—-"
"It is!" Hurting as she was, she couldn't, she just couldn't let him say that about her.
"And yet here you are, and all you can talk about is a new limitation for your thesis," the professor derided.
The university therapist shifted in her seat when she noticed the tears running down Diana's face. "Matthijs, I think that's enough—-"
But it was Diana herself who interrupted her, saying in a fierce, tight voice, "I meant every word I said."
"You still believe the Church has the power to cure depression to prevent suicide?"
"Yes!"
"How then?" he challenged.
"I'm s-still trying to figure out—-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake." A majority of the panel protested more loudly this time, but the professor didn't even look at them. "You're trying as much as I'd expect from someone who think a TV show is a modern-day prophet—-" He saw Diana take a furious step forward, and he rose to his feet with a sardonic laugh. "Itching to slap me, Ms. Leventis?" He stalked towards her until they were mere inches apart. "Go on. You have the privilege, being my ex-girlfriend—-"
"Damn you!"
"And so you shall be as well," he snarled," for promising what you can't keep—-"
Tears of frustration burned in her eyes because he wasn't saying anything that wasn't true.
"What do you want from me?" she cried out. "What, damn you?" And she could no longer stop herself, her fingers curling into a fist as she struck his chest. "I know what I'm doing isn't enough. I know. But I'm not God—-"
The professor's handsome face turned expressionless. "Are you not?"
"No—-" And that was when it started to dawn on her. "I'm not." And her voice faded as it finally hit her, what all the pain was for, and why the professor had kept pushing and pushing until she finally made it to this point.
Until she finally understood.
She was not God.
And no one else could be.
Diana spun back to face the panel and the rest of her audience. "I...I was wrong," she whispered, "and you were all...you were all right." She turned to the professor, and this time she was no longer blind, and her heart ached, seeing how much it had hurt him to hurt her. "Professor de Graaf...has made me realize that while I was on the right track, I had the wrong conclusion."
"Can you be a little more specific?" It was Luisa, the social worker, but unlike before, her gaze was sympathetic and her tone careful.
"I once thought that suicide could simply be prevented by making people responsible for other people. But you were all right when you told me it won't work. Just as a person is essentially incapable of finding what he is unable to see, depression...is the likely concomitant of any unsuccessful pursuit of happiness. Just as true freedom is gained by doing God's will, true happiness can only be founded in God's purpose."
She knew it could only be her imagination, but with every word she spoke, it was almost as if she could feel more of the Holy Spirit filling her heart, dispersing her fears and doubts, until all that was left was the rightness of what she was doing.
"Depression in its every form, including all of its symptoms and consequences - depression may be immediately reversed, miraculously if you will, if one is made to understand the true nature of happiness. That's how the Church can save the lives of its children, and that's how we can also help other people. Because it's as St. Augustine says. Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee. "
Silence.
So much silence.
While she hadn't been expecting a standing ovation like before, was it too much to expect for someone to just react in any—-
And then she noticed Father Edwards pointing at her and then making a circular motion with his finger, as if asking her to turn around.
Okaaaaay.
But she did as asked.
And Diana had the shock of her life.
"Professor?"
A gorgeous face. Golden eyes. And a dazzling smile.
That was all she managed to see before his mouth conquered hers, and he had her locked tightly in his arms, every inch of her body pressed against his.
He kissed her long and hard, kissed and kissed and kissed, and oh it didn't even stop as everyone started to clap and whistle. Kissed and kissed until she cried and heard what his lips were telling her without the words.
My purpose is to show you the way so you can save other people.
Your purpose is to save me.
His head slowly lifted, and their gazes met.
"I'm just so scared," she whispered brokenly. "I don't ever want to risk hurting you—-"
"You won't."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Jeremiah 29:11. Remember?"
She sobbed and laughed. "Oh, Professor. Do you think anyone would believe me if I told them that you use bible quotes to get me into bed with you?"
"You can try, but I think everyone's just going to think you're on something." The professor pulled a small black box out of his pocket as he spoke.
"Is that so—- oh. "
The professor took the ring from the box. "I'm not even going to ask."
A smile wobbled over her lips. "For some reason...I never expected you to."
And as she watched him slide the ring down her finger, she heard him say her name.
"Diana?"
"Mm?"
"Keep your promise this time, will you?" He slowly brought her hand to his lips. "Never leave me again."