4. Pretty
Chapter four
Pretty
Astoria
My vibrating phone wakes me with a start. I almost jump off the bed to get it but I can't help gasp at all the aches and pain through my body. Then I realize, I'm completely naked. Where the hell are my panties? I never sleep without them on. The dreams I had last night avalanche into my consciousness. A stranger came into my room and fucked me in my nightmare. I begged him not to. My pussy is so sore and wet, but that must be from yesterday’s tests. My tits are also sore and swollen, hurting as if I were about to get my period. The phone vibrates again. I grab it from the nightstand.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Tory, I’ve been calling you all day and night. Where the hell have you been?” She almost yells, making me wince.
“Oh. Mom, please stop screaming. I have a horrible headache.”
“Did you go out drinking?”
“No. I just–I had a bad day yesterday. Is something wrong? Do you need anything?”
“Tory, why are you doing this to me? You should have moved back home after college. That way, you could help me with the bills. That was the plan–”
“Mom. I’m so sorry, but I’m not feeling well. Can I call you later?”
“Are you pregnant? Abortions send you straight to hell, Astoria. I hope you’re not whoring around–” I wait for it because she always has to spew her poison. Finally, there it is–she completes the sentence by asking, “Again?”
No matter how much I try to shield myself from her hurtful words, they always affect me. I swallow the pain. This is why I never told her about Jeremy and Emmanuel, because I could never talk to her about anything. Hell, I had to learn about my menstrual cycle from Mindy’s mom because I was too afraid to approach my own mother about it. For a year, I hid my period from her, scared of how she'd respond. She always assumed the worst with me. It kills me that she can’t be more affectionate and open.
“Of course not, Mom. I have to go. Love you. Bye.” I hang up before she answers as my eyes are drawn to the nightstand. I can’t stop staring at it because there are two pills and a glass of water that I’m almost certain I didn’t put there.Did I not take the aspirin? I am so confused.
My dreams were too vivid and now I can’t separate them from reality. Isn’t that the definition of going crazy? I mean, if I forgot the aspirin after all, that explains why the pain lasted so long and why every muscle around my pussy is so sore.
Only after I return from the shower with my robe on do I notice that all the curtains in my bedroom are drawn. Slowly, with my heart slamming, I walk through the rest of the house and find all the rooms on the first floor have their curtains closed too, but there’s no one there. What the hell?
Then, I find both of the doors locked. I thought I’d left at least the front open. The memory isn’t clear. My breathing goes off kilter, but I calm myself. There used to be a time, when my father still lived with us, that I would walk and talk in my sleep. Perhaps that’s what happened last night. I nod to myself. That must be it. Once the adrenaline crashes, I can’t help but feel exhausted and throw myself back on my bed. Thank God it’s Saturday.
By the time I wake up again, the sun is setting. I’ve slept almost twenty-four hours? Really? My phone has a bunch of text messages from Mindy.
Mindy: Where are you? (five hours ago)
Mindy: Why are you not responding? (four and a half hours ago)
Mindy: Are you okay? (three hours ago)
Astoria: I’m okay. Sorry, I got kind of sick yesterday and needed a lot of sleep. What are you up to? I’m starving.
Mindy: Be there in ten. Let’s go to Rocky’s and widen our hips by eating some burgers.
Astoria: You’re the bestest friend I’ve ever had.
Mindy: I’m the only friend you’ve ever had. LOL!
In The Car
“So, what happened yesterday? Why did you get sick?”asks Mindy while driving and occasionally turning her face to look at me.
“Not sure. I had the most horrible day at work, then I went to the OBGYN you recommended.”
“I mean, it’s never fun. Right?” She shrugs.
“Absolutely, but it was…” I want to tell Mindy I let the doctor examine me without supervision, but the words don’t come out of my mouth because I’m scared she’ll judge me. Hell, I’m scared she’ll judge me for my little crush.
“What?” Mindy’s gaze slides from the road to me and back and a smile spreads on her lips before she fakes a gasp. “You liked him!”
“No.”I respond loudly but my cheeks burn. I liked him way too much.
“Yes.”
“No. No–”
“Yes, yes. Yes, you did. Astoria, that is so not okay.” She laughs at me.
Her last sentence puts the nail on the coffin. I will not tell her how beautiful he was, how amazing I felt with his fingers sliding in and out of me. I tighten my insides at the thought only to feel a painful soreness. “Stop.” I raise my voice and she giggles, teasing me. “Okay, he is… a little cute," I admit.
“I knew it!” She laughs and hits the steering wheel a few times while I cover my burning face with both hands. “I knew it. He’s so your type.”
“My type? What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on, Astoria. Both Emmanuel and Jeremy. Black hair, blue eyes, nerdy, and tall as hell.”
“Oh, yeah." I had never noticed how consistent my taste in men was. Desperate to change the subject, as we pull up to the restaurant, I ask, "How’s Tom?”
“Don’t change the subject,” she chastises before getting out of the car, slamming her door shut.
Inside, after ordering our burgers at the counter, we sit in a booth near the window. The burger is so thick and juicy that I roll my eyes back and moan. “Jesus Christ. I needed that.”
“So what are you going to do about Dr. Michaelson?” Mindy dances her shoulders and wiggles her eyebrows with a big smile on her face, then stuffs her mouth with three ketchup-drenched fries.
“What do you mean? Nothing. He’s our doctor. Like you said, it would be weird. He’s just a cute stranger that's all. He told me to exercise more.”
“Yikes. Why?”
“He said it may get rid of my horrible periods.”
“Oh, I thought you were trying to tell me he called you fat.”
I laugh. “No, you silly.”
“Well, the good news is that we can go dancing every Friday night to take care of that. A little merengue here, a little salsa there, some reggaeton, and you should be good to go in no time.”
I giggle. “I doubt it will be that simple.”
“By the way, don’t think I don’t see how you changed the subject. Your little crush…” Her smile makes my cheeks burn. “Damn girl. That bad?”she asks upon seeing me blushing again.
I can’t help but chuckle from the embarrassment. “Enough about me. How’s life? I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“I know. With this job, everything is a constant hustle." A silence settles and right away I can tell that she has some bad news because she's not meeting my gaze, teasing, or giggling anymore. "Tom and I had a fight about a week ago. We haven’t talked since–”
“Why? What happened?”
“Stupid stuff, but I don’t know. Maybe we’re already growing apart. I knew it would happen.”She shrugs.
“Jesus, I’m sorry, Mindy. You guys were together for all of college. This is like when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt broke up.”
“Oh, stop, you!” She chuckles. “You didn’t even like him.”
“I mean, he used to tease me way too much, but he made you happy. That’s all I need.” I shrug. Too many seconds of silence pass, and I wonder just how much is this affecting Mindy? The anxiety at seeing her like this makes me worry. What can I do? “Talk to me, Mindy.”
No answer, just dipping her fries in ketchup unenthusiastically. She sighs. I've never seen her this serious or affected by anything. "Mindy. You're always there for me. Please, let me do the same?" I lower my face trying to force her to meet my gaze.
She sighs again. “I actually think he had a little crush on you.”
“On me?” I exclaim. We glance around to see how many people are startled because of my big mouth. “I’m sorry. I think I just misheard you.”
She titters and shakes her head. “No. You didn’t.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Mindy. What are you talking about?”
“Remember when you got too sick to go to the Sigma Alpha party last year?”
“Uhh… yeah.” The hesitancy is clear in my tone. I wrinkle my forehead and widen my eyes wondering what horrible thing Mindy has been hiding from me.
“Well, that night.. Tom asked me if I'd be willing to arrange a threesome with you.”
“What!” Again, we look around. “Jesus Christ, Mindy. Why–why didn’t you ever tell me this?" I gasp and cover my mouth. "I’m so sorry. I never–I mean, would never–”
Mindy raises her palm in the air to stop me from speaking. “Astoria, I know you wouldn’t, and that’s exactly why I never told you, 'cause I didn’t want you to feel like yet one more thing on this planet was your fault. Truth is, we’ve been slowly drifting apart since he made that request. I kind of feel bad because he was so drunk, but still. I couldn't see him the same way.”
I put my hand on top of hers and try to hide the guilt that's drowning me because it’s not about me right now. I never thought of him that way. Actually, I thought he hated me, so this is hard for me to believe. “Oh, Mindy, I’m so sorry. What a disgusting asshole.”
“Pretty much.” She nods.
Pretty… Why is that word sticking to my brain?
“Yeah. I’m too invested in my career for the drama, anyway." Mindy gathers the garbage from our meal, smiles at me, recuperating within seconds, as if there'd been nothing to be upset about. "Hey, it’s Saturday. Wanna take advantage that we aren’t swamped with work and go to a bar after this? We haven’t partied in so long. The alcohol might help burn off the fat from these amazing burgers and fries.”
“Um… I don’t know.”
“Come on. Help a girl forget the ex-asshole?” She sticks out her bottom lip, looking comically pitiful, which makes me chuckle.
“Okay, but not a dance club 'cause I’m not dressed for it like you.”
“Fine, fine.”
At the Bar
Everything in the bar is black, including the slab of marble holding our drinks. Trust fund babies roam around in elegant clothing while a mix of pop and foreign music plays in the background. I like the atmosphere although I never feel like I fit in places like these. Thank God for alcohol. It numbs the leftover pain and my anxieties. Even drunk, I don’t tell Mindy any of my concerns–especially because I don’t know if it’s all in my mind, but also because tonight is about her. Mindy makes me drink a fourth tequila shot and I’m gone. There’s no way back to sobriety unless I go straight to bed and sleep for eight hours. Now, I no longer care if I’m dressed sexy enough to go to a club. We end up dancing to Spanish music all night, sticking together even when we’re dancing with guys. Some time after, a guy named Fernando sweeps Mindy off her feet. She doesn’t dance with anyone else the rest of the night.
Fernando seems like a nice guy, but appearances are always deceiving. While dancing with a bunch of other guys, I see her giggling and having fun with him. Suddenly, Dr. Michaelson’s sky-blue eyes run through my memory. I catch myself wishing he were there to dance with me. Unbelievable. I roll my eyes at myself.
Mindy’s snoring wakes me on Sunday past noon. We’re both still wearing last night’s clothes on my bed, the disgusting aroma of cigarettes and alcohol on us. Yuck. How did we make it home? God, I hope we didn’t drive.
“Mindy?”
“Hmm?” She moans with her eyes still closed.
“Wake up. You hungry?”
“Oh Jesus, how much tequila did we drink?” She grimaces while holding her head.
“I lost count after ten. How did we get home?” I ask her and sit up trying to figure out how sick I'm feeling.
“Taxi.”
“Oh thank God. I thought maybe you drove.”
“I’m crazy, not suicidal.”
I chuckle and turn my face to watch her slowly sit up. “We need to eat or we’ll get sick soon.”
“Alright, brunch is on me,” she says.
“Let me shower first.” I get out of bed and head for my bathroom while she sits up, looking as if she’s lost.
“No way. Let's just brush our teeth. I need food yesterday.”
During brunch, we hardly talk as we eat, and drink enough water to satiate a garden, before taking aspirin for the splitting headaches. I vow to never drink Tequila again.
After we pick up the car from the bar’s parking lot, we are out of energy, so we watch Bridgerton ‘til eight p.m, on my couch, where we lounge around with half eaten snacks scattered on the coffee table. When Mindy stretches and gets up from the couch, my heart sinks because I know she’s about to leave. The fun is over and I’m going to be all alone to sleep. The thought of being by myself makes me feel lonely and there's an overwhelming fear that rises from the pit of my stomach, a chill that I can't shake. Goosebumps rise on my arms. It doesn't help that I have to get up to go to a job where I hate everyone. I push all these thoughts and sensations away because I don't want her to worry about me.
“Alright girl. Maybe we can get together again next week and this time, plan to go dancing?” she asks.
“Yeah. Thanks for everything. Keep me posted on what happens with Tom.”
“He’s out. I think I’ll call that guy from last night in a day or two. He’s been leaving me texts all day.”She smiles while lifting her cellphone and shaking it.
“Fernando?” I ask, surprised.
She shrugs her right shoulder and I mirror the gesture while still sitting, looking up at her. “Life is short. Why not text him tonight?”
“Figure I’d let him beg for a day or two.” She chuckles as I walk her to the door.
“You’re so much better at this dating thing than I am, so you get no arguments from me.”
“Practice makes perfect.” She winks at me and we smile.
“As you’ve told me a million times,” I nod.
“Alright, see you next week.” We hug at the door. “Take care.” I watch her from the doorway as she walks to her car, and drives away.