23. A Different Setting
Chapter twenty-three
A Different Setting
Julian
I should've gotten a chair to sit on hours ago, but I don’t want to leave her alone until she opens her eyes. Besides, I'm too exhausted. It took me five hours to remove all the tissue.So here I am, sitting on the floor, waiting.
My poor, little, pretty bird. It’s the first time she’s made me think things over.I’ve been so happy the last few months, but what will I do if I lose her? I can’t have what happened with Molly again. And I said this when Molly left this Earth but with Astoria… it's even more true. I just can’t fathom finding someone like her or better. That’s just… impossible. I need her.
Astoria is so drugged up she won’t realize for a while I’ve removed the extra tissue that lined the exterior of her uterus. She had a severe case of endometriosis. The ultrasound would've shown nothing. I should’ve known better. Between the lack of exercise, the dehydration, and stress… she also skipped a few months of menses and almost hemorrhaged last night. If she hadn’t been with me, she would’ve bled out. It must have been yet another reason she reacted the way she did. Endometriosis is recognized as one of the most painful conditions. I wonder how much pain she withstood yesterday, how much of it she’s used to. Did I pick a tough cookie without realizing?
Looking at her big, round eyes when she finally opens them, something happens to me. For the first time in my life, I have the urge to give someone the world. It’s a new sensation. I've only ever wanted to possess and control women then make them suffer for me, I've never wanted to give them anything.
I cover her with a comforter so she can be warm. As she dozes off, I consider taking her up to my bed but then decide against it because maybe it’s my exhaustion.
Her protests wake me from my slumber on the floor. It's expected she'll be in pain since I cut off the narcotic meds three hours ago. “Julian? W-what happened? Everything–hurts…” She tries to get up and I rush to her.
“Don’t get up.”
“I need to pee. Ow!” she protests as soon as she bends her belly.
“No. Don’t. You’ll open the incisions.”
“Incisions? What did you do to me?” The question is full of panic.
“Nothing, baby, you um–I had to help you out. You got a little sick.”
“You cut me?” she yells after finding the bandages on her belly. "What did you do to me?" Now she's hysterical. "You said you wouldn't hurt me."
“I didn't, Astoria. Please calm down." The tone of my voice silences her but I see the fear in her eyes. "Come. I’ll help you.” I wrap my arm under hers, carry her to the toilet, and turn away. There’s not much I’ve given her before, but I’ll give her this. From behind me, I hear her panting and sobbing.
“What did you do?” she whispers.
I sigh, not wanting to tell her that it’s safe, that I’m her doctor who has done this procedure a billion times and can obviously do it with my eyes closed. If I tell her I'm a doctor, how likely is she to put all the pieces together? I'll have to tell her something. For now, she'll have to believe I’m into mutilation. I can’t figure out why this bothers me. I could do much worse things to her.
“Do you need help standing?” I’m still not facing her.
“No.”
The water from the faucet runs and she brushes her teeth, but I don’t turn around, not even when she shuts it off.
“Julian?” It’s a whisper. She doesn’t want to need me, but I immediately turn around and help her walk to the bed, where she sits.
“You know what?” I ask, and she angles her eyes up to me. “Fuck this.” I pick up the blind fold.
“Julian…” Her palms come up and the anguish on her face is clear.
The blindfold is hanging from my hands in the air. “It’s okay, Astoria. I have a surprise for you and this time… you’re gonna love it.”
While still holding the terror and pain in her eyes, her gaze shifts from the blindfold to my painted face. I nod once, then wrap the thing around her head. From my pocket, I take out the keys and unlock her collar. Her neck is black and blue from it. She doesn’t dare say a word, but I can see her eyebrows wrinkling with confusion.
“I’ll be right back.” I open all the doors, then return to her cell and carry her all the way up to my bedroom on the second floor.
The sunset is bleeding through the glass wall. I gently place her on my bed, close all the curtains, then search my dresser for my sunglasses. "Don't open your eyes 'til I tell you to." I take off the blindfold and replace them with the sunglasses. “Open your eyes very slowly. The light is going to bother you for a while, but just blink a lot.”
She follows my advice, first looking at me, then eventually around her. “Wh-where are we?”
“You’re in my room. I figured you could use a different setting.”
“F-for how long?”
“I don’t know. For how ever long you behave.” I shrug, smile, then cup her cheeks, craving for her to show some semblance of happiness. “You want to take a shower?”
She sighs, her eyes searching mine for the angle, the trick. Tears run down her cheeks. "My eyes… it's stinging."
"Here put the blindfold on again. We will ease you into it."
"No!"
"Astoria. It's for your own good."
"I-I won't need it in the bathroom if you keep the light off."
"Okay, but we'll rest your eyes when you come out." She nods. "I’ll be right back.” When I return, I have scissors, surgical tape, and plastic. She catches sight of the scissors and her eyes open wide, then they shift toward mine. “I’m not going to hurt you. We have to keep your incisions dry, so I’m gonna cover them.”
After, I carry her to my bathroom and place her on the marble bench next to the bathtub while I turn on the hot water. We don’t speak a word when I help her get in, or when she sighs with her eyes closed, enjoying the temperature of the water and smell of the lavender soap. My shower has ten times the water pressure compared to hers, so I'm sure that's part of what's relaxing her.