Chapter 30
Under normal circumstances, Maddox would have found it surreal to be sitting in the passenger seat of Denise’s Lincoln zipping down the highway with Ella Fitzgerald softly drifting through the speakers.
And part of them did find it surreal, to be honest. When Denise had stunned Maddox by throwing open the staff door and charging in the room to confront them just after they’d gotten off the phone—they still had no idea what that had been about—the last thing they’d expected was for her to question Maddox about what was wrong.
They definitely hadn’t expected the way she’d maneuvered into their personal space, her hands clasped on their arms in a touch that comforted and unnerved them all at once. And then she’d completely taken control of the situation by insisting on driving Maddox to the hospital.
In some ways, Maddox felt like they should have resented Denise’s interference, especially after she’d distanced herself from them when she’d first gotten back to the resort. Yet the way she’d stepped in had been gratifying, not to mention hot.
Maddox’s face heated, and they squeezed their eyes shut briefly. This really wasn’t the time to think about Denise’s hotness, though.
Because the situation wasn’t surreal enough to override their bigger fears in the moment.
Gran had several health issues that had sent her to the hospital from time to time in recent years, but never a situation where she had that much trouble with her breathing.
That sounded serious. What’s more, ever since Maddox had first received the call from the nursing facility staff, they’d been haunted by the mental image of that little cup of pills in Gran’s nightstand.
Maddox was no nurse, but it wasn’t difficult to make the connection between Gran’s current problem and the fact that she’d apparently been skipping doses of her medication.
Nausea roiled through their stomach. Dammit!
They should have been paying closer attention over the last couple of weeks.
There had probably been signs Gran wasn’t keeping up with her meds.
Maybe if they’d checked in with the staff more or called more like any decent grandchild would have done, this wouldn’t be happening now!
Maddox’s heart started pounding faster, and their breath grew shallower the longer they mulled it over. How had they let this happen?
“Maddox, are you okay?” Denise asked in a worried tone. “You’re breathing kind of hard over there.”
Numbly, Maddox shook their head. “This is all my fault.”
Denise glanced over at them. “What is?”
“With Gran,” Maddox continued, the sick feeling in the pit of their stomach growing as they said it out loud. “I think she may have been forgetting some of her medicine, and that’s why she’s having this trouble now.”
“Isn’t the nursing home staff in charge of giving her the medication?”
Maddox’s chest tightened until it ached.
“Yes, I mean, that’s how it’s supposed to work.
But they’re understaffed and busy. I should have gone over more and made sure everything was being handled.
Two or three visits a week and the phone calls weren’t enough to keep track of that kind of thing.
I’ve just been letting other people handle my responsibility and blindly trusting they would. That’s not—”
“Whoa, Maddox, hold up!” Denise cut in, sending them a look, but Maddox couldn’t bring themself to meet her eyes. “You need to take a breath.”
Maddox’s breath was more like a sobbing gasp, and their chest tightened more. They shook their head again, lost in the spiral of their thoughts and the frantic spasms of their lungs. Was that what Gran had felt like this morning? She must have been so scared. Maddox should have been there!
Denise’s hand came to rest on theirs and squeezed. “I’m serious, Maddox."
Her voice was calm but firm, even as she kept her eyes on the road. “I need you to get with me here in the moment, okay?”
Something about the gentle authority in her voice broke through the haze filling Maddox’s mind. “O-okay?”
“What do you see?” she asked.
“Huh?”
“Look around you. Tell me something you can see.”
Maddox’s gaze darted to the window and was soon drawn to the stunning cloudless blue above them. “The sky?”
“The sky. Good. What else?”
“The asphalt. The semi up ahead. The trees on the side of the road. The mile marker,” they listed off. There was a subtle loosening in their chest.
“What can you feel?” Denise murmured. Her voice was lower and more soothing now.
“I feel your hand on top of mine,” Maddox answered with a catch in their throat. The weight of Denise’s hand held so many contradictions: soft yet firm, strange but familiar, reassuring yet unsettling. “And I feel the vibration from the car beneath my feet.”
“What else?”
Gradually, she walked them through each of their senses, and Maddox’s breathing finally slowed. When Denise got to smell, Maddox could inhale deeply. Lavender. The soft fragrance always seemed to follow Denise around. It had even lingered in Maddox’s bedroom.
Maddox had never done a grounding exercise before, but they realized that was exactly what Denise was guiding them through. Gratitude and relief stirred in their chest as they took the first of several deep breaths.
“Better?” Denise asked.
“Yes, much better.” Maddox swallowed. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” They were both silent for several minutes.
Ella continued her serenade from the stereo, and the highway thumped beneath them.
There had been countless quietly tense moments between them and Denise in the past few days, but this was something altogether different. This felt peaceful…and safe.
Finally, Denise spoke again. A touch of that authoritative tone was back. “Maddox, whatever is going on with your grandmother is not your fault.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because you’re a good caretaker,” she answered.
“And because when you feel responsible for someone else, it’s like they’re another part of you.
You don’t just act and think for yourself but for them too.
You wouldn’t intentionally or unintentionally neglect your grandmother.
If something went wrong with her medication, it was an accident, and you couldn’t have known it was happening because you can’t be everywhere all the time. Please don’t blame yourself.”
The corners of Maddox’s eyes began to sting, and they blinked hard. Damn. They were not going to cry. Not on top of making Denise deal with their meltdown. No. Not happening.
“I’ll try not to.”
Maddox drew in a deep breath, still thankful they could do that once again, and slowly let it out. Then they turned their head to face Denise better as a sudden curiosity slipped into their mind.
“So,” they began with caution. Would Denise be forthcoming about her life the way she’d been in the past, or would she tell Maddox the question was off limits? “You sure sound like you know what you’re talking about with caretaking.”
Denise’s graceful shoulders rose and fell in a sigh. “In a way, yes.”
They continued to watch her as they waited, hoping she’d pick up on the fact that they were interested but without feeling pressured to say more.
She glanced at them. Their gazes connected for a second, and then she returned her focus to the road. “When I was a little girl, my mom had several health issues: some physical and some mental and emotional too, or I think that in retrospect, at least. She was basically an invalid. And my dad, he…”
She frowned as if searching for the right words.
“His personality is just so big, so much. He’s all energy and noise and drive, and well…
he didn’t have a clue how to deal with my mom.
So he worked all the time, and I stayed with her.
It felt like I was all she had. She’d have nurses from time to time, but more often than not, I was the one who did stuff for her. ”
Maddox blew out a breath. “Wow. That seems like a lot for a kid to handle.”
“It was, while it lasted,” Denise agreed.
“So, your mom is…”
“She died when I was eleven.”
If pressed, Maddox would have imagined Denise having a pretty cushy childhood. And no doubt, the Farringtons were wealthy, but that hadn’t insulated Denise from heartache any more than the advantages Maddox had received in their younger years had insulated them.
“I’m so sorry,” Maddox said. Without thinking, they reached across the car and rested their hand on Denise’s arm. She looked down at their hand, and they almost moved it away. But then Denise sent them a quick, soft smile before looking ahead again.
“Thank you. It was a long time ago, though.” Denise released a hollow chuckle. “Obviously.”
“Sure, but you still have to deal with the ripple effects,” Maddox murmured. They knew that all too well.
They ran their hand over the smooth fabric of Denise’s sleeve and squeezed her hand where it rested on the steering wheel before returning their own hand to their lap.
“Your gran, she’s your only family?” Denise asked.
“For the most part. My parents died shortly before I turned eighteen.”
“Oh goodness. That had to have been an especially hard time in life to lose them,” Denise murmured. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” Maddox answered before continuing. “My dad’s dad wasn’t in the picture. And as far as my mom’s family goes, I don’t think my dad liked them much, or vice versa. We hardly ever visited them. They live in south-central Oklahoma.”
“Oh, really? Then, are you Chickasaw? Shawnee?” Denise asked with a smile in her voice.
“You’re in the right vicinity. Seminole.” Maddox chuckled. “Is it that easy to tell?”
“It is if you’re paying attention,” Denise answered, and for some reason, that made Maddox’s face heat.
Fortunately, they were spared from coming up with a response since the car was now pulling into the hospital parking lot.
Denise parked beneath the awning outside the hospital’s main entrance to let Maddox out.
After exiting the car, Maddox turned and leaned against the frame of the open door. They met Denise’s eyes and hoped she could see their sincerity. “Thank you for the ride and…for everything.”
A car pulled behind Denise’s, and Maddox glanced back at it before refocusing on her.
“I don’t want to hold you up. I’ll get a ride back later on, since it will probably be a while.
The last time Gran was here, she was in the ER for several hours before they admitted her.
I’ll definitely need to be here for that because she has trouble with the health history questions.
So, I’ll see you back at the resort later. Thank you again.”