CHAPTER 10
CARA
I was back to feeling numb as I sat in the back of the car.
We’d driven through central London, down iconic streets, and past noteworthy sights I hadn’t seen in over a decade, but I hadn’t taken any of it in.
Rafe was sat in the back with me, an empty seat between us, and Dante drove with Dio in the passenger seat.
The cars remained in the formation they had collected us in – one car in front of us, and another behind, both filled with Rafe’s men, all likely armed.
Maybe I should have felt scared that Rafe seemed to think such precautions were necessary, or angry that I found myself back in that place, in that life that had taken me from the people I loved and left me to survive alone for so many years.
Maybe I should even feel happy to be home, knowing with every mile that we travelled through the chaos of central London, that I was getting closer to seeing my sister.
But instead I didn’t know what I felt, other than numb.
So much had happened in such a brief time and I hadn’t even had the chance to just stop and try to rationalise any of it.
I had been hit with one blow after another, some physical, some mental, and all completely and utterly life altering.
My Mum. Rafe coming back. My fear at being trapped with him.
Those men in the car park at Jewels. The rape.
I’d been raped. Hadn’t I? Did what happened count as rape, or was it sexual assault?
Then the gore and violence after my brother and Dio arrived.
Now I was thousands of miles from anything that felt vaguely familiar, being taken to a life I knew I would never fit into, surrounded by men who terrified me, siblings I barely knew, and so many unanswered questions.
Part of me knew I could trust Rafe, but things between us were different.
I was grown up, and he was different in so many ways too.
We hadn’t known each other for so long. I’d relented and leaned on him on the plane, and even before that, simply because I had to.
I needed someone to try and hold me together while I found the strength to do it myself, and Rafe had done that for me.
Maybe he would be there for me again when I needed him, if I let him be, but right then I didn’t feel ready to show any more weakness to anyone, not even my brother.
So numb was best. Numb held back the images of my Mum’s body, or the terror filled sounds of my own begging, pleading, and screaming as that motherfucker beat and violated me.
Numb stopped me from crumbling to pieces I didn’t have strength to hold together myself, for the time being at least.
“Home sweet home,” Dante announced, his deep voice pulling me from my dead stare at the seat in front of me.
I lifted my head and looked around. We were on a residential street, obviously in Kensington, since that’s where Rafe told me his home was.
It was a neat street, filled with a very long row of tall, elegant, terraced houses.
They all arced around the perfectly clean and immaculate street, and opposite them all, sat a reasonable sized green area, which looked like a small park, with trees, plants, and benches to sit on, all perfectly kept to exacting standards from what I could see.
Dante had parked the car outside of the house at the very end of the street.
The house was a large looking corner property, spread over multiple floors, judging by the rows and rows of windows I could see as I looked up at it.
It was a grey and white stone building, simple, but classic.
Elegant, was the best word to describe it.
Five stone steps led up from the pavement to a large front step which was framed by two huge planters filled with bright flowers and lush green plants.
It was so different from the fenced estate I grew up in.
I couldn’t even see any of Rafe’s men standing around the place, like we always used to have when I was younger.
It just looked like an ordinary home on that obviously prestigious and elite street in the heart of Kensington.
“It’s bigger inside than it looks from here,” Rafe told me when I just continued to stare.
“Don’t tell me that. I’m intimidated enough,” I admitted.
“Don’t be, sweetheart. This is your home.
It’s where you belong.” I didn’t argue with Rafe, but it wasn’t because I believed him.
I just knew it was pointless. He could never understand how very much I did not belong there after everything I had done in the last eleven years.
Sure, I was sure he had faced his own version of battles in that time.
Stepping into Marcello De Santi’s shoes and trying to write so many wrongs to make things legitimate could not have been without it’s days of hell, and many decisions that would forever haunt him, but he’d never left the life of luxury he had.
It was all he’d ever known. He had no idea what it was to be so desperate for food that you’d take it from trash cans, or accept handouts from anyone willing to give them to you.
He didn’t know the fear of sleeping on the streets in the dead of winter, or cowering against the door of a bedroom, just because you knew your Mum’s boyfriend may try to sneak in at any time during the night.
He didn’t know I had sold my body to Justin for drugs, more than once, or that I would have done it again and again if that were what I had to do to survive.
If he did – if he knew how low I had truly fallen – he wouldn’t keep insisting I belonged in this world he and Gia had always been a part of.
I had zoned out again, I realised, when Rafe opened the door at my side, startling me. I hadn’t even noticed that he had gotten out of the car.
“Let’s go, Cara,” he said as he held his hand out to me.
I looked up and found Dio and Dante both stood close behind Rafe, and I could hear doors closing as other men stepped from the other cars too.
I glanced around me through the car windows and saw them taking positions all around us.
They looked so out of place on that quiet, perfect street.
“Cara?” I turned back to Rafe and tried to focus on what I needed to do. Get out of the car.
I placed my shaky and frozen hand into Rafe’s, then slid from the seat of the car, remembering to release the seat belt around me just in time for it not to rip me backwards again.
As soon as I set my feet on the pavement I knew I was going to struggle to get into the house.
My legs felt so shaky beneath me, and my knees wouldn’t seem to lock in place.
I had no choice but to reach for Rafe’s shoulder with my free hand to keep myself up right, and he quickly caught on and wrapped his arm around me.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so tired. Just…I’ll be okay…just g-give me a second,” I uttered as I tried not to freak out or fall apart.
“Maybe we should take her to the hospital and let a doctor check her over,” Dio suggested as he leaned in closer and watched me with concern.
“No!” I cried. “I’m okay. I’m not going to a fucking hospital!” I knew it was short tempered of me, but we’d been through this multiple times. The last thing I wanted after what happened in that parking lot, was to have strangers prodding and poking at me, even if they were medical professionals.
“Shush now. No hospitals,” Rafe agreed, obviously trying to calm me. “Let’s just get into the house. Shall I pick you up?” he offered.
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m alright. Maybe just give me some support though.” I had to find my strength again, or at least fake it until I could find some way to replenish what used to be within me.
“Fine, but I want you to tell me if you feel as though you’re going to faint on me,” Rafe told me, and I nodded. I wasn’t stubborn enough to end up face planting on the stone steps out front.
I turned and took a wobbly step. Leaning into Rafe’s arm, which was wrapped around my back at my waist, was the only thing keeping me up, and we both knew it, but he just held me tightly with that one arm and helped me fake some strength as I walked up the steps and through the heavy, charcoal grey painted front double doors.
We walked into an opulent entrance with polished white stone tiles on the floor and a modern, chandelier like light fitting that hung down from the vast, tall ceiling above.
It was a long space that gave way to a historical, solid wood staircase with a beautiful, polished handrail.
The walls were white, but not stark, and it didn’t feel cold or sterile, because the lighting had been installed to give a warm feel.
A long sideboard ran along one side, and atop it stood a statue that had to be some kind of modern art, because I couldn’t make head nor tail of what it was supposed to be.
Rafe led me deeper inside, and Dio, Dante, and Arran followed behind, closing the door behind them.
“Wh-what about the others?” I asked, nodding to the closed door.
“My men never come into the house unless it’s an emergency.
We try to keep our home as peaceful and business free as possible,” Rafe explained, and I let out a small sigh of relief at that.
At least the strange men wouldn’t be wandering the house, as they often did when I was a kid.
“We keep men surrounding the house, discreetly, of course, and the others will be close by if we need them for any reason.”
“The only people who come into the house are us…” Dio waved his hand around to indicate himself, Rafe, Dante, and Arran.
“…Gia, Callan – that’s Arran’s younger brother – my Mum, and two young girls who help with the cleaning twice a week.
We’ll always let you know if we ever have cause to bring anyone else in. ”