13. Gracie
Chapter 13
Gracie
The dreaded question I'd been avoiding since my orgasmic night and heavenly morning with him.
Holding a tense breath, I had an inkling of hope that if I passed out, then I could avoid this conversation further. Too bad my natural instincts to breathe kicked in the moment my vision became splotchy, forcing me to let out a disgruntled huff.
I didn't pounce on him last week because I chickened out at the overwhelming feelings from my heart. Internally, I was torn. My heart knew my place with Valphan, but my rational mind held me on the safety of land. I should take the plunge, but how much would be natural with Valphan? And how much would it be because of this magical bond of destiny? I didn't want to be with him because it was deemed so. I wanted organic growth and to fall in love with my own volition. Not because my feelings were set by God!
Not that I was being an ungrateful brat so please don't smite me, big guy. And yeah, I might have grown up praying for Mister Right to come along, but come on a demon? Really? Granted, he was a charming one, and sweet, and perfect… Really, minus the demon part, he was perfect, personality-wise. And pretty sure we'd have no problems in the bedroom if that one night was any indicator.
But I couldn't be with a demon. Even if Stella and Kastoron made it work, it just didn't seem fully rational to me. I mean, at the end of the day, Valphan deserved so much more than me. He seemed like a great demon, and I was a little hermit of an introvert who spent her life on a computer as an editor and aspiring author. I only ever left the house for a makeup gig with Stella if her client didn't have someone lined up.
Clearing my head with a sigh, I zoned my attention back to Valphan, who looked down at me with broken eyes full of concern. I hated how my answer would do nothing to alleviate his anticipation. "I don't know… I wish I could give you a better answer, but I'm still a little torn." I admitted truthfully with a grimace. I wish I had a straight answer for my own sake.
Breaking into a sad smile, Valphan strokes my cheeks with the tips of his claws. "What is making you feel torn? Is it something I have done? Something I need to do? Tell me what it is that you need of me." God, I hated how eager he always was whenever it came to me. It made me feel worse about passively rejecting him and keeping him in the grey zone.
Yes, it was beyond sweet of him to cater to me, to ensure my happiness and safety above even his own needs and wants, but by God, it made my inner turmoil worse.
"It's not you." Now, I was sure I sounded like a dumb movie. "It's me."
Grasping his wrist, I brought his hand down to my stomach to play with his fingers. "You are sweet, charming, a gentleman, just perfect, really, but I'm just torn because I want to feel for you naturally. I don't want any kind of sway from this soulmate bond of ours, to love you mindless because I was destined to." The understanding frown on Valphan's face was a punch to the gut.
"But…" I wanted to turn his head away when I saw how his eyes lit up, making whatever guilt I had churn in the pits of my stomach. "Maybe things will change with time. I mean, you are growing on me quite a bit and fast, my little Fawn." I teased with a dry chuckle.
At the sound of his nickname, Valphan rolled his eyes and groaned. "Why do you keep calling me that and the other variations of it? It's the most weird nickname ever."
Giggling sheepishly, I let go of his hand to make a horn with my two index fingers at the side of my head. "Because you remind me of a baby deer with how your short horns kinda go backward and look like deer ears, and the golden color of your hair looks like their coats, too." My fingers moved with my words, mimicking his brushed-back horns. "And your hair reminds me of a fawn coat on animals."
His white-gray skin and the golden brownish hair didn't help ease my image of him being an animal. If he didn't look so demon-like and much cuter, he could look like a golden retriever—in my humble opinion.
Oh! Actually …
Rolling away from him, I reached around him to pull the faux fur blanket over him with a snicker. "And the fact you love to bundle yourself up in this and curl up into a cute ball really reminds me of Goldie, who has a fawn-ish coat."
Playfully narrowing his eyes at me, Valphan huffed and pulled me under the blanket with him. "I don't know whether to be offended that you compared me to your mutt again along with a weak little baby deer or happy and grateful for putting such thought and attention to me." He grumbled with a roll of his eyes.
Tightening his arms around me, he pressed my frontside flushed against his. An arm around my waist and lower back to keep me anchored, he ran the other through my pink locks. "Why do you color your hair? Why pink?" He asked while carefully observing my hair slipping between his fingers.
"I like pink." That was the main reason. "Being a brown-haired Asian is boring, and pink is fun, cute, and happy." Taking my hair from him, I giggled and tickled his nose with the tips of my hair. "Also, it's a way to stick it to my parents because they want me to be normal and boring."
"Speaking of your parents, what the fuck were they thinking naming you Prudence?" I couldn't help but laugh a little at how he sounded offended for me about my name.
Letting my laughter die out to a dry chuckle, I picked at the splint ends of my strands while speaking, "They're hardcore religious people, like read, eat, and drink the bible for breakfast, lunch, and dinner hardcore. They wanted me to basically be the demure housewife and pop out kids and kiss my husband's feet for letting me breathe. They wanted me on the 'right' path and thought if they gave me the right namesake or whatever, then I'd stick to it."
Sighing heavily, I dropped my hands back to his, "Only thing it brought me was a lot of bullying growing up, and I guess, in a way, I was shown a life I definitely didn't want for my future." Maybe if I had been homeschooled and shut inside for the majority of my life, then I'd live the life my parents wanted so desperately for me.
Fortunately, I suffered the outside life that opened my eyes the older I got. Sure, my life could be a lot more stable than it is now, but I've nothing to complain about. I had my own place, didn't have to put up with my parents—again—had jobs I thoroughly enjoyed, and I had Valphan—life was perfect in hindsight. Most importantly, I was content. Yes, even with a demon living in my closet and being an indoor girl, I was very content.
"They're probably not gonna like me very much then when they meet me." The lightheartedness in his voice meant he was joking—thank God.
Laughing softly, I tilted my head up at him, reached up, and pinched his cheek. "They'd have a heart attack the moment they hear I'm dating someone who isn't of our religion. If they heard their precious daughter fell for a demon, well, pretty sure they'd explode into a pile of ashes in their spots." I threw my own joking words back at him.
Then, as my fingers lingered against his cheek, my curiosity emboldened me. Slowly, I traced my fingers up to his horn while holding back a smile. Stella told me about how sensitive Kastoron was with his horns, so I was curious to see for myself now that I had my own little demon to mess around with.
"Cupcake, don't do what you're thinking." Valphan's warning rumbled out of his chest as his body went stiff under me.
Stopping right at the base of his horn, I let my fingers linger while I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Why do you call me that? Cupcake? Little blessing?" A small moment of distraction won't hurt.
The uncontrolled grin, paired with how his eyes lit up like a sunny day, caused my body to explode with a wave of hot bliss and for my heart to thud away like some war drum. "Because you are my saving grace." Suffocating me with a hug, he let out a happy sound of a humming chuckle. "I'll never be able to fully show you how grateful I am, even if we are to spend eternity with each other."
Kissing the top of my head, he gave me one final squeeze before pulling back to look down at me. "For centuries, I remained trapped in a never-ending darkness in a suspended state, unable to fully sleep or wake until you came along." Tracing the edge of my face with his finger, he smiled at me tenderly. "Your voice pulled me from the void the moment I heard it. You woke me from what could have possibly been an eternity of damnation."
Shivers of arousal warmed my body until I felt myself clench around nothing when his lips descended onto mine in a languid kiss. "You brought me back to life, literally, so therefore my blessing." He whispered against my lips. "I will forever be grateful for whatever divinity brought you to me, and I will forever cherish you until I fade away to nothing when I choose to be done with life."
Then, his smile turned playful and cute. "As for cupcake," chuckling, he boops my nose, "I got the idea from your hair and light creamy complexion after you kept looking at cupcakes. The pink looks like frosting, and your light, creamy skin resembles vanilla cake."
"Okay, a little cheesy but sweet and cute," I remarked with a giggle before leaning up and kissing him softly.
Pressing my finger firmly against the base of his horn, I slowly traced the edge of it, causing Valphan's eyes to darken with his shudder. "How about you save your energy to come out later tonight?"
Intrigued, Valphan smirked in response with raised brows. "Oh? For?"
"A date."
Valphan's face lit up brighter than a damn Christmas tree with the big ass grin that spread on his face, and I couldn't help but let his contagious happiness spread to my face.