CHAPTER 16 #3
I fell asleep nuzzled against Cal’s side, his arm wrapped around me, making me feel brave enough to allow myself to drop off, in the hope that he would keep away the nightmares I feared.
Some part of my subconscious must have still been wary of the nightmares though because I wasn’t fully asleep, trapped in that strange place of half wakefulness still, some part of my mind not allowing me to give in completely, knowing the nightmares would be close after a small trip down memory lane that day.
So when strong hands slipped under my back and thighs, and gripped me, lifting me from the bed, I woke quickly with a strangled cry of terror.
I scrambled to get free of the grip, twisting my body and hitting out blindly in the dark room.
“CAL!” I cried as I caught sight of him asleep on the bed, while also throwing my elbow back hard into the chest of the person who had grabbed me. There was a loud grunt but the grip on me didn’t release.
“What the…?” I heard Cal groan, obviously just opened his eyes. “Cara!”
I glanced to the side to see Cal jumping from the bed and coming towards me.
Using the distraction, I cried out as I threw my entire body, throwing all of my weight to the side in the hope I’d get free, and I believed I was winning as the grip on me floundered, but then they caught me again before I could get free.
“Stop fighting before you hurt yourself!”
My fight stuttered as I realised I recognised the voice.
“D-Dante?” I whimpered shakily.
Adrenaline was racing through my body, causing waves of violent shaking, and making my heart pound so hard it felt painful.
“Dante?” Cal repeated. I couldn’t see where he was in the dark room, but his voice was close. “What on Earth are you doing?”
Dante didn’t say a word as he just gripped me even tighter and stormed from the bedroom, out into the dimly lit living area of the hotel suite.
I blinked furiously, my eyes adjusting from the darkness, to look up at Dante. He was breathing hard, his chest heaving against me, and when I met his eyes, they were wide and a little wild looking.
“Put me down, r-right now!” I growled, angry and breathless.
“No. You’re mine! You stay with me,” he grunted like he had gone full on caveman. He hadn’t stopped crossing the room and I felt uneasy as I realised he was taking me into the room that he had been sleeping in.
“Cal!” I called.
“Put her down, man. What the fuck are you playing at?” Cal called, and when I tried to look behind me to see him, he was pulling a t-shirt over his head as he followed after us.
“Keeping her safe. She doesn’t understand, but she will. She’s mine!” Dante barked. He stepped into his room and slammed the door closed behind him, locking it with a twist of the catch on the handle.
“DANTE!” Cal yelled, as he rattled the door behind us.
Inside the bedroom was pitch dark again. I could hear Dante’s heavy breathing, mixed with my own panicked gasps.
“Dante,” I said as calmly as I could. “What are you doing? You…you need to put me down and let me out of this room.”
I could hear Cal calling for Arran outside the door, as he continued to rattle the handle, obviously trying to rip it open.
“Dante! Open the door!” Cal yelled at the top of his voice.
It was lucky for us that the additional men we brought with us were the only other one’s with a room on that floor, or we’d have likely had the whole hotel coming to see what was going on.
“Listen to him, pl-please. Y-you’re scaring me,” I pleaded.
I placed my hand against Dante’s cheek, and I knew he had to feel how badly it was shaking.
“No! I need to protect you!” Dante snapped viciously. I pulled my hand back and curled more into myself, realising I wasn’t going to get through to him.
Was this a side of Dante that I had missed?
I had always found his oddness and directness endearing.
I had seen his darkness too, but it didn’t scare me, it spoke to me.
It was like his darkness knew my own, and that had always made me feel safe.
But now Dante was scaring me. He seemed like he had come undone, and his unpredictability was worrying.
“Dante! Open the door, lad!” Arran bellowed next with an almighty knock.
“Y-you can protect me,” I spoke up, unable to hide the quiver in my words. “But so c-can Arran and Cal. Wouldn’t I be safer with all of you…d-doesn’t that make more sense?”
“No! They let you do what you want. They make bad decisions. You need to be with me. I won’t let you make mistakes that will get you hurt. I’ll keep you safe.”
“I was safe, with Cal. We…we’re locked in a hotel suite, with security outside, Dante.
We’re all safe, and I was sleeping and peaceful until you d-did this.
Now I…I’m shaking, and my heart…it’s beating too fast. It’s adrenaline, because you…
you terrified me. You still are. Please.
..” A sob slipped from me, as tears ran down my cheeks and I had to force a breath in before I could speak on, “…please just l-let me go now.”
“Cara? Are ye alright?” Arran called through the door.
“I…I w-want Dante to p-put me down, but he…he s-seems a little upset right now,” I called back shakily.
“Can’t you see how much you’re scaring Cara right now, Dante? Let her go!” Cal called and I heard his anger.
“No! She’s mine. I keep her safe! Back off!” Dante almost snarled.
I cried out loudly, when he grabbed me under my arms and moved me so I was upright, facing him, then pressed me so tightly against him that it actually hurt. I slammed my hands down to his shoulders and pushed my body back to try and create enough space to breathe.
“Dante!” I gasped.
“Stop! I won’t hurt you!” For the first time I smelled alcohol on his breath. It was strong, and so familiar it instantly took me back to the past and had me dry heaving. My mother’s face flashed in my mind, and with her came the many monsters she had subjected me to.
“ARRAN!” I called desperately. I just needed to get out of this situation while I still had some grip on myself.
Arran didn’t call back, but there was an almighty crash, and I assumed it was he and Cal trying to break through the door.
“Stop!” Dante yelled right in my face as he wrapped his huge arms around me so tight I was terrified he’d crush my ribs.
“You’re hurting me!” I cried, panicked as I started to struggle even harder as my fight response kicked up a notch.
I kicked out blindly and knew I was landing blows against his shins, but I was barefoot and pretty sure I was hurting myself more than him.
The banging against the door continued, as I fought and Dante wrestled to keep a hold of me. So many images from my past rushed through my mind with every heavy breath of stale alcohol he gasped over me, and I knew I was losing my grip on my control.
As the door burst open, I gave one last ditch attempt to get free, raising my knee as high and hard as I could. Dante growled in agony as his grip relented slightly, and I pushed against him as I wriggled to get free.
“Cara!” Cal called and I felt hands wrap around my hips as Arran appeared at Dante’s side.
Faster than anyone could ever see it coming, Arran threw a violent punch to the side of Dante’s jaw, and the impact had him stumbling backwards. The hands at my hips caught me and pulled me back until I knew I was in Cal’s arms.
Arran hit Dante again and he went down hard onto the bed that was behind him. There was a loud crack of the wooden bed frame splintering under his weight and then everything just went still.
Dante was knocked out, his eyes closed and his body still. Arran stood over him, breathing hard, his chest heaving and his fists still clenched and held up before him.
“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Cal asked as he somehow turned me in his hold against him. I looked up into his worried eyes and just burst into tears.
“Get her out of here, Cal. Take her to her room and make sure she’s no’ hurt,” Arran said. I lifted my head and looked over to him, then down to Dante.
“D-don’t hurt him again. He’s drunk. He…he wasn’t thinking straight. Please just…d-don’t hurt him,” I squeaked through my tight throat. I was confused about my feelings for Dante after what just happened, but I didn’t want to see him hurt.
Cal didn’t wait around for a response. He just turned and left the room, holding me gently in his arms.
He set me down on the edge of my bed once we were back inside the room Dante had taken me from, and then dropped to his haunches before me.
“Cara?” I lifted my head and looked into his eyes, my own watery as I fought to hold my tears in. “What happened? Did he hurt you?”
“He…he’s been drinking. He s-said only he could keep me safe…that you and Arran give into me too easily. He didn’t h-hurt me…not really,” I gasped between a hiccupping effort to catch my breath.
“Not really?”
“He just….he held me too tight. I might be a little bruised, but I…I’m alright.”
“Stupid bastard! What was he thinking? Rafe is going to kill him!” Cal hissed angrily.
“No! We’re not telling Rafe about this!” I gasped.
“Steady gorgeous. We can talk about that later. Where do you hurt? Your torso?” he asked and I nodded. My ribs were throbbing. “Can you lie back for me so I can check your ribs?”
“They’re n-not broken. I know what that f-feels like.”
“You’re still vibrating with adrenaline. You likely can’t feel a thing right now. Just let me check, please?” Cal pushed.
“I can’t,” I admitted shakily.
I didn’t want to upset Cal, but those images from my past, of monsters looming over me, touching me, and groping me, forcing themselves on me – they were all so raw in my mind, and I knew I’d lose it all together if Cal touched me in the way he wanted to.
“It’s just me, Cara. I swear I won’t hurt you,” Cal assured me gently.
“I…I know…but I…the alcohol….on his breath and the way…him holding me like that. My past…it’s too much. I can’t. I tr-trust you Cal…I do, but my head. I just….can you go, please? Can you j-just give me some space…please?”
“I don’t want to leave you like this. You shouldn’t be alone when you’re upset,” he hesitated.
“I’m going t-to break, Cal,” I whimpered.
“Then I’m definitely not leaving you. You can’t break if you let me hold you together.”
“Let the both of us hold ye together, wee one. Yer no’ alone any more. Ye’ve got us, so allow us to be at yer side when ye need us to be.” I looked up and found Arran leaning against the doorjamb, just inside the room.
“Dante?”
“He’s out cold. Brax helped me to move him into their room fer tonight.
He’s gonna stay there, until I feel sure he’s sobered up and pulled himself together,” Arran assured me.
“And Cara? If you dinnae want him here at all, I’ll send him home.
He scared ye. Ye’re within yer rights if ye never wanna see him again. ”
I didn’t know how to reply to that. I was so tired, confused, and messed up, that I wasn’t even sure I could process what Arran had said. All I wanted was quiet and calm so I could crumble, in the everlasting hope that tomorrow I’d have the strength to put myself together again.
More tears flowed and my head throbbed as if my past were fighting to burst from it. I shakily lay down on my side and curled into myself.
Cal and Arran were there with me. Worried about me because they cared.
I had people in my life now. I knew that.
My brother and Dio - I knew they loved me and would do anything for me.
Terza cared for me. Even Dante in his own, obsessive, possessive way.
I had so many people in my life right then, but as I lay there, I just felt so lost and alone.
And that was my fault. Because of my history, and the fears and scars that it had left behind, I didn’t know how to let them in.
I didn’t know how to be anything but alone in my head.
That was why it was such a scary place for me to get lost in.