Chapter 3 #2
I open my mouth to say something polite, but I can’t quite manage it.
Seconds later, she’s gone, closing the door behind her like she doesn’t have a single concern about leaving her boyfriend alone with another woman.
Then again, why would she? I’m not tall, blonde, and leggy, I’m short, distinctly uncurvy and I’ll probably need a walker just to get out of bed this time next month.
I don’t even own a pair of heels and can usually be found wearing t-shirts and leggings beneath puffy, technicolor snowboarding gear. I’m not a temptation for her Brooks .
Silence.
Awkward silence.
“I, ah, got this for you.” Doctor Harrison gestures to a familiar, foil-wrapped package of garlic bread at the end of his desk.
“Thanks.” I don’t move, though, lingering uncomfortably beside the door.
I’ve been in this room plenty of times, have sat across from him and made him laugh so hard he snorted, shared garlic bread, and fell harder and harder for this man who may or may not have a gorgeous, perfectly nice girlfriend.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. He knows everything about me, and even the most basic facts about his life are a mystery to me.
Does he have a girlfriend? Where’s his house?
Does he like dogs or cats? I thought we were friends, that he cared about me, but I realize with a sick swoop of shame that it’s all been completely one-sided.
This was always about his business.
I clear my throat, staring determinately at the wall just over his left ear.
I don’t trust myself not to make a fool of myself and cry my eyes out, and I’d like to leave this room with some scraps of my dignity intact.
“I talked to our PR lady on the way over here, she says the article is going to focus on complimentary sports medicine. I guess they like you working with acupuncturists and stuff?—”
“Delta—” He sounds concerned, and I’m so embarrassed. He’s the only person in my life who always seems to know when I’m pretending to be okay, but I’ve never resented it before this moment.
“I really shouldn’t have wasted your time with this.
It totally could have been an email.” My laugh is breathy and forced as I back toward the door.
Closing my hand over the cool metal knob, I cling to it like a lifeline.
“I’m in if you are, so we’ll get it set up whenever you decide.
Actually, I can just give you the PR contact so you don’t have to go through me. ”
Doctor Harrison gets to his feet when I pull the door open, his eyebrows pulling together in concern.
I’m acting crazy. He can totally tell something is up.
“Delta.” He tries again, but I don’t want to hear it.
I don’t know this man, not really, and this was exactly the rude awakening I needed to make sure I never, ever forget that.
“I’ll see you later.” Ducking out of the room, I stride back down the hallway to the lobby, the pain in my hip overshadowed by the brand-new wound that seems to have opened up in the middle of my chest. I’m terrified he’s going to come after me, but why would he?
I’m his patient, not his friend, and certainly not his girlfriend.
He’s an amazing doctor. He cares about me because it’s his job, and all his patients get that from him. I’m not special.
That moment we had at my last injection only meant something to me.
I’m in the icy cold parking lot, fumbling with the keys to my Jeep when I hear it. “Delta!”
Well, shit .
Turning reluctantly, I see Doctor Harrison jogging over to me, foil-wrapped garlic bread in hand.
He stops beside my front tire, the winter wind ruffling his hair.
“Are you okay? You left in a hurry.” He holds out the bread, and when I make no move to take it, his hand falls slowly back to his side.
The fact I’m gripped with guilt for rejecting his garlic bread offering says a lot about the depth of my desire to please.
“Sorry.” I smile tightly, my heart hamming against my ribcage. “Long week. You know how it is.”
Doctor Harrison’s eyes search my face, his frown deepening. “You don’t look good, Delta.”
My jaw drops. What the actual fuck? Did he really just say that?
“Thanks,” I snap, reaching blindly for the handle to my door and yank it open a touch too hard.
God, do I look that bad? I tried, damn it .
I wore makeup and everything. Though, of course, if he’s used to looking at a tall, blonde, leggy model of womanly perfection?—
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Furiously, I try to pull my door closed but it barely budges, and I don’t need to look far for the cause. Brooks is holding the top, and he looks… well, mortified actually. He clears his throat. “You’re, uh , fine?”
I let out an incredulous laugh. “Are you kidding me?” I try to yank the door shut, but Doctor Harrison growls in frustration, holding it firmly open.
“Would you stop that?” He steps into the space between the car and the door and braces his forearm on the roof, glowering down at me. “I didn’t mean that you’re unattractive. You look exhausted, Delta.”
“If you get out of the way, I’ll go home and nap,” I snap, gripping the steering wheel tightly.
He still doesn’t move. “Do you want to tell me what that was about in there?”
Yeah, I would rather do conditioning for a week than tell Doctor Harrison I’m jealous of his girlfriend. I scowl, keeping my eyes resolutely forward to avoid looking at him. “ Nothing .”
“ Nothing ?” His tone drips incredulous disbelief. “Delta, come on, you know you can talk to me.”
“Do I? Do I know that?” I round on him, glaring.
I’m determined to stay angry as long as I can.
Angry is good, angry is productive , whereas sad means crying into a pint of mint chocolate chip in the same sweatpants you’ve been wearing for a week.
“Don’t do the cool, relatable doctor thing to me anymore, okay? I don’t want a fake friend.”
His eyes widen in disbelief. “Cool? Relatable? Is that what you think? That I’m faking being your friend?”
“Are you my friend, Doctor Harrison ? You know every single thing about me, and I know nothing about you. Do you call your real friends by their professional title?”
“Is that what you want? To call me Brooks? Fine, call me Brooks. I don’t care.” He’s so genuinely confused, and just like that, all the fight drains out of me.
I want to kiss him. I want to fall in love with him for real.
I want to cook for him and take care of him and be the person who knows what he’s going to say before he says it.
I want to know what he looks like naked, and the things that turn him on.
I want everything and he doesn’t care if I call him by his first name. Whoopee .
“Let me go.” My voice is small, weak, and tired.
“I promise I won’t tell my dad I want a different doctor if that’s what you’re worried about.
I just…” I trail off, shaking my head miserably.
“I get it now that you treat all your patients like you treat me. I understand, but I’m feeling really, really stupid and embarrassed, so please could you just move? Please. ”
The desperation in my voice must win me some sympathy points, because Doctor Harrison straightens up, finally stepping out of the way. “Delta, you’re not stupid. ”
I’m careful to not let myself look at him as I close it as quickly as possible, fumbling with my keys.
The very last thing I want from this man is a pity pep talk.
My stomach twists as I pull out of my parking spot, Doctor Harrison’s tall frame lingering in the corner of my eye as he watches me go.
In the space of a week, I’ve gone from his chill, easy-going patient to a crying, needy mess.
What is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly incapable of keeping it together?
As I turn out of the parking lot, I finally find the courage to glance in my rearview mirror. Doctor Harrison is still standing by my parking spot, watching me go.