Chapter 10
brOOKS
A part from a very shitty week with the flu about two years ago and the morning I went to see Delta at Blue Pike, I haven’t taken a day off work since the practice opened.
I like my job, and my conspicuous lack of a personal life has lent itself to spending a lot of time in the office.
Generally, mine is the first car in the staff parking lot every morning, and the last to leave at night.
So, when I call the front office to let them know I won’t be in for the third consecutive day in a row, I’m not entirely surprised to encounter some questions.
“Give me the phone, Courtney,” I hear my business partner, Caleb’s, muffled voice. There’s a clatter and then, “ Three days in a row? Got something to share with the class, Harrison?”
“You take every Friday off to golf during the summer. I think I’ve earned some personal time,” I bristle, leaning against the wall outside Delta’s hospital room.
Caleb laughs. “I’m not giving you shit. I’m curious. Come on, I’m married with three kids. The most exciting thing that happened to me this week was my husband finally agreeing to let me get myself a zero-turn lawnmower for my birthday. Give me something .”
I watch as the old man occupying the room next to Delta’s inches into the hall, pushing his walker with a swarm of nurses hovering around him. “You’re a gossip. If I tell you anything, the whole office will know by noon, and contrary to popular belief, personal lives should be personal .”
“God, you’re so boring. Boooo— ” I hang up, striding back inside just in time to see Lake toss a cheese puff across the room to Delta, who leans over the side of her bed to catch it in her mouth. All three Jacobs siblings cheer and I grit my teeth, snatching the massive container away from him.
“Would you stop that ? She just had a head injury!” Who the hell let him through hospital security with a five-gallon bucket of cheese puffs? Isn’t that some kind of health code violation?
Despite having witnessed the entire accident, Lake and Bay had barely assured themselves that their sister would make a full recovery before teasing and joking with her about the whole thing. I wish I shared their resilience.
Delta’s lips twitch, looking up at me like she knows exactly what I’m thinking. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re overprotective?”
“I’m your doctor. It’s my job to be overprotective.”
From his perch on the AC unit by the window, Bay snorts, “I’ve seen no evidence of that. It’s Thursday morning, and you haven’t left this room to do more than change your clothes and brush your teeth for three days. Don’t doctors, you know, work ? ”
I ignore him, focusing my attention on pouring Delta a glass of water, which she takes with a sweet smile.
Bay isn’t wrong. I’ve been sleeping on the couch to “monitor” Delta even though Pritchett quickly concluded her brain bleed wasn’t progressing and she’d likely be able to go home soon.
The infection in her hip was thankfully mild and the last piece of the puzzle before her medical team clears her for discharge.
If her blood work last night was any indication, that will be today.
It’s all been good news. Things are looking up, and yet I’m not acting like it. The terror I felt those first hours after the accident seems to have burrowed under my skin, and I can’t shake the fear that the moment I walk out of this hospital, something will happen to her.
“Miss. Jacobs?” A nurse edges into the room, wincing apologetically at Delta. “Your father is here. He, um , asked for a word alone with you. Again.”
I bristle, prepared to remind the woman that we’ve already informed her several times that River isn’t welcome, but Delta beats me to it.
“Tell him to leave,” she snaps, crossing her arms defensively.
“I’m sure he’s making a fuss, but I’m an adult and he has no right to be here if I don’t want him.
Which I don’t. I would appreciate it if you stopped asking. ”
Bay grins as the nurse leaves, properly chastised. “Fuck yeah, DJ. When did you get that badass?”
I let myself smile, too. She is a fucking badass.
“Could you get my phone, Brooks?” asks Delta. “I think I left it in the bathroom.”
I do as she asks, attempting not to feel too pleased by the sound of my first name on her lips.
I’m still not used to it, and despite the blatantly unprofessional nature of our relationship now, I won’t let myself forget that wanting more is still impossible.
Neither of us has brought up the moment in the exam room before her accident, or the things I said to her afterward, and I don’t know what I’m going to say when it inevitably comes up.
How could I possibly deny I have feelings for her when my actions have proven the contrary over and over again?
When I pick up her phone, though, an incoming notification from a popular apartment search website adds yet another worry to the mounting list.
“Thanks.” She yawns, reaching out to take it from me and I sit down mutely, watching her cross her legs and take a long sip from the orange soda one of her brothers must have slipped her while my back was turned.
“You’re looking for an apartment?”
“Well, yeah.” She wrinkles her nose. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be living with Dad at the moment and, no offense guys, but I don’t want to live with Lake, Bay and whoever they take home to their all-you-can-bang buffet.”
Both of her brothers roar with laughter at this, but I frown.
I hadn’t considered where she would go when she was discharged, and the last thing Delta needs right now is to be alone.
She’s recovering from a major head injury, will probably need surgery on her hip sooner rather than later, and is headed for a massive lifestyle change as she leaves snowboarding behind.
Then, there are the drugs. I failed her once and I know I’ll never stop regretting it.
I refuse to watch her slip away from me again.
“You just had a brain bleed, and the underlying issue with your hip is still unresolved. You’ll need surgery soon, which is another recovery.”
Delta rolls her eyes, exasperated. “What do you want me to do, Brooks? I’m not sure if you’re aware, but all I know how to do is snowboard. I’ve never had a normal person job. I don’t have friends or classmates, and even if I found a roommate, it’s not their responsibility to look after me.”
She suddenly looks so fucking sad, and the suggestions on the tip of my tongue die away. She doesn’t want to hear it, and I can’t say I blame her. I don’t know what my life would be like if I could no longer operate, but I’m positive I wouldn’t be handling it as gracefully as she is.
Automatically, I reach out and take her hand in mine, and warmth spreads through me at the way her expression softens, and the tension bleeds from her shoulders, comforted by my touch.
I’m not used to that. Nearly always, my attempts to support or commiserate with the people I care about have ended in forced smiles and a swift change of subject.
My family and friends know I love them, but I’m no one’s first choice for comfort during tough times and god knows patients don’t come to me for my bedside manner.
Delta is the only person in my life who makes me feel like who I am is enough.
Across the room, Bay clears his throat, and when I look up, he raises an eyebrow at me cooly.
Hint taken.
Giving Delta’s hand one last gentle squeeze, I draw back and she sighs, “Sorry, I’m being a bummer. It really will be okay. I have money for now, and I can get a coaching job while I figure out what I want to do next. I love cooking. Maybe I’ll start a blog or something.”
“You’d be a terrible coach,” Bay adds unhelpfully, taking a long slurp of his orange soda—I feel confident that we have identified the junk food smuggler.
“You didn’t even like talking to the other girls in the club.
You’d be too chicken-shit to tell people when they’re being assholes.
You do cook like a boss, though. I say lean into that. ”
“Yeah, because the girls in the club either hate me or they’re obsessed with you.
Or you .” She makes a gagging noise, and I press my lips together to keep myself from laughing.
I’d thought Phoebe and Elliot were just particularly meddlesome, but apparently, it is a universal truth that siblings can irritate each other as no one else can.
I’ve found myself liking Bay and Lake more and more.
I was wary at first, but my respect for them doubled on the second night here when they announced to a tearful Delta that they’d signed on to finish their season with a competing club across the city.
Like their sister, the Jacobs brothers want nothing to do with River in the wake of the accident.
Lake, whom I quickly deduced is the most peaceable of the three, glares at Bay. “You’re being a dick. DJ, you’d be a great coach if it’s what you wanted. Don’t you want to chill for a while, though?”
“Sure.” Delta lifts her shoulder in a shrug, fiddling with her phone to avoid looking at us. “Rent isn’t cheap if I want to stay here, but I guess I could go stay with Granny and Gramps in Connecticut while I regroup?—”
My heart stalls. “No.”
Bay, Lake, and Delta all look over at me, their expressions ranging from bemused to annoyed.
“Do you have a better idea?” asks Delta waspishly.
“Because I’m going to be discharged soon, and as it is, my choices are either Dad’s house, staying in a hotel, or crashing on the couch in my brother’s apartment.
Did I mention they share it with four other guys, all of whom have made it clear they’d be down to sleep with me at one point or another?
” There’s a challenging glint in her eye, and I know what she’s doing.
Behind her, Lake and Bay exchange murderous looks .
It’s a testament to how utterly gone for this woman I am, that even knowing that I’m being provoked, I still can’t resist biting. “You’re not staying there. Or in a fucking hotel.”
This is a bad idea. A terrible, impulsive idea that is almost guaranteed to lead to me doing something I shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t say it. I should let her go to Connecticut to stay with her grandparents.
They’d look out for her and I could do my best to protect her from afar.
It’s the reasonable thing to do, the way to prove to myself once and for all that nothing will ever come of my feelings for her.
When she says the word “ roommate ” , though, an idea began to take shape in my mind, one that’s equal parts mad and wonderful.
“Oh no,” Bay suddenly groans like he knows exactly what is going on in my head.
I lean forward in my chair and know I must be grinning madly. “Delta, how do you feel about dogs?”
“She used to beg Dad for a puppy,” Lake snickers, elbowing Bay.
“Remember? She tied her stuffed animal to a rope and dragged it around the neighborhood every day for a month to prove she was responsible enough to walk it. The thing got so beat up— oh fuck —it’s legs were hanging on by threads.
” They’re both howling with laughter by the end of the story and even I have to chuckle.
Delta isn’t laughing along. She’s staring at me like she didn’t hear a word of what Lake said. Slowly, she turns away to look at her brothers. “Hey guys, could you get me another milkshake?”
They head off immediately, pleased to have a mission, and the moment the door shuts behind them, I wince. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I think it makes sense, though… I have room.”
She lets out a long breath. “I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just confused. If it weren’t for the accident, I’m not sure I would have even seen you again, and now you want me to live with you?”
I balk at her suggestion, “Of course you would have seen me again!” I was threatening to track her down for fuck’s sake. Did she think I was bluffing?
“Really?” Her eyebrows lift challengingly.
“We kissed, you practically threw yourself off me, pretended it didn’t happen, put me on medical suspension and I—we’re supposed to be friends and you didn’t even check in with me after all that.
You can see where I’m getting some mixed signals here, right? ”
“What do you mean, I didn’t even check in?
” I demand, feeling sick. Should I have gone to see her in person?
Called? I’d assumed she was furious with me.
I was sure as hell furious with myself. Texting had felt safer.
Did I overlook some social technology etiquette?
“You didn’t respond to the texts, so I thought?—”
But Delta looks as confused as I feel. “You texted me?”
Wordlessly, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. Unlocking it, I open the string of messages I’d sent her in the days preceding the accident and pass it over. As she reads them, her eyebrows knit together, and panic flairs in her eyes.
“I didn’t get any of those.” She passes it back, staring down at her own phone. “That’s weird, right?”
I don’t think it’s weird at all. Especially if she’s on the phone plan of a controlling, vindictive asshole like River Jacobs who must have realized he was losing his grasp on his favorite trophy. Delta must be thinking along the same lines because her expression freezes.
“We’ll check,” I assure her quickly. “We’ll find out what’s going on, and we’ll get you your own phone, on your own plan. Today .”
Delta nods jerkily, but I can tell she’s still in shock. “Wait.” She turns abruptly to look at me, wide-eyed. “Do you really have a dog?”