Chapter 12 #2
The driveway up to the house cuts through almost half a mile of dense forest, I have no neighbors in sight, and the large windows that see straight into the kitchen and great room have never worried me before.
With Delta living here, though, maybe I should install some curtains or blinds.
She’s a public figure, and I don’t like the idea of her wandering around her own home only for some creep to sneak pictures from the woods.
The moment I open the front door, all thoughts of window treatments vanish.
The great room is empty, no Delta, no dogs, but as I set down my backpack and make to shrug off my coat, movement catches my eye from the back deck.
Almost instantly, arousal surges to life like a live wire beneath my skin.
I stand there, staring, exactly like the hypothetical creeps I was concerned about a few seconds ago.
Delta obviously found the Christmas lights in the basement, because they’re strung up over the pergola which covers the hot tub, casting a warm glow over the back deck.
All three dogs are lying in the snow, accepting pets from Delta, who is dressed in nothing but winter boots and a tiny black bikini.
It’s like all the air has been sucked out of the room and I can’t move. I can’t even breathe . All I can do is watch as she straightens up and crosses over to the hot tub, steam rising into the icy air around her.
I’m hypnotized as Delta toes off her boots and steps right onto the packed down snow around the hot tub.
She looks like a goddess of winter, her skin shining gold in the glow cast by the Christmas lights, so mind-numbingly beautiful that I half expect to wake up and discover this has all been a dream.
Holy fuck.
I’m hard almost instantly, and my thoughts seem sluggish and muted as I grip my cock through my pants, gritting my teeth to keep myself from groaning out loud.
No good can come from me going out there.
I should go upstairs, jerk myself off to the memory of how her ass is hanging out of that fucking bikini, and consider myself lucky I got to see her in it at all.
I don’t go upstairs.
Possessed by a reckless impulse fueled by something greater than attraction or desire, I find myself moving toward the back of the house.
Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to her against reason.
I can’t stop myself and, as I pull open the sliding door and step out into the cold night air, I’m not sure I want to.
Delta looks around at the noise and watches silently as I close the door behind me, smiling gently in welcome. It’s bitterly cold out here and she’s half my size. It seems impossible that she isn’t freezing, but her teeth aren’t chattering, she doesn’t seem to even have goosebumps.
Like my eyes are working independently of my brain, they rake greedily over her body. I’ve never seen her like this before, fucking on display for me, feminine and strong and so mind-numbingly sexy my erection is bordering on unbearable.
I take far too long to look away, my heart thundering as I kneel to pet the dogs.
What the hell am I doing?
“How was your day?” she asks, her sweet, carefree voice carrying back to me over the winter air. There’s a little splash and a sigh as she steps over the edge, sliding into the water.
“Good. Long. I was—” My words falter and I clear my throat, trying again. “I was in surgery.”
I avoid looking up as long as possible, hoping and praying she’ll be up to her neck in water and I won’t embarrass myself by ogling her all over again.
When I’ve delayed the inevitable long enough, I raise my eyes to meet hers.
She’s thankfully covered by the churning water, but it doesn’t help.
Not at all. Just catching another glimpse of her bare shoulder makes my cock throb painfully.
Delta hums, skimming her hand over the surface. “You must be sore. Why don’t you put on your suit and join me?”
A terrible idea if ever I heard one.
“Maybe later.” I swallow, my brain too sluggish and lust-drunk to think of a reasonable excuse for why. “How are you feeling?”
She’s fine. I know she’s fine, but I need something to focus on other than my need to close the distance between us and take everything I’ve ever wanted from her. An ache, a pain, anything to dampen the lust raging inside me like wildfire.
Her lips curl into a self-satisfied little smile. “Great. Better than I have in ages.”
I cast around for another subject, something safe and completely nonsexual. “My mother wanted me to ask if you’d like to join us for Christmas dinner. I told her you’d probably have plans with your brothers.”
Delta shakes her head. “They’ll be in Utah. The first qualifying event is a few days after, and they’re going out early to train for a few weeks with their new club. Don’t worry about me, I was just going to hang out here. I wouldn’t want to impose.”
My stomach sours at the idea of her spending Christmas alone in my living room while I’m across town with my family.
No way. “Come with me. We don’t need to stay long, and I’ll make sure they’re on their best behavior.
” I’ll try, anyway. At the very least, I’ll be sure to clear up the fact that Delta is most definitely not my girlfriend with Mom before the day comes.
“Okay.” She dips lower so the water touches her chin and the loose strands of her hair that have escaped her bun float out around her. “Are you sure you don’t want to get in? It feels amazing.”
“No,” I answer firmly, fighting the urge to adjust my throbbing erection. “No, I shouldn’t.”
Delta doesn’t reply for a long time, and I’m about to say something, anything, to break the tense silence when suddenly she stands. Streams of water run down over her body, shining from the lights above.
The term ‘ mind-numbing’ never made sense to me until this moment, when every conscious thought in my head is wiped away by a rush of desperate, dumb lust. If things were different, if she was mine , I could pull those little strings holding her bikini together and have her naked in seconds.
I could make sure she never wore the damn thing in front of other people and spank her ass red if she had.
I could carry her inside where it’s warm, bend her over the kitchen table and fuck her so hard she’d feel it for days.
Blowing out a ragged breath, I’m only dimly aware that I’ve been staring at her for far too long, my eyes raking over her every inch of exposed skin as she steps over the edge of the tub.
When I make it to her eyes, they’re blazing with triumph and in a horrible moment of clarity, I know I’ve just walked into a test.
She was worried the exam room was a fluke.
She wasn’t sure, but now she is. She knows I want her.
Delta moves gracefully down onto the deck, only a few yards away from me. “Why shouldn’t you, Brooks?”
Tension hums in the air between us, pulling tighter by the second, and I realize I don’t have it in me to keep up the facade anymore. She suspected before, and now she has confirmation.
I swallow the tightness in my throat, forcing myself to look directly into her eyes and not flinch away like I ache to.
She needs to know why, she needs to understand.
“We can’t.” Two words to break my own heart.
“What happened in the exam room was a mistake. Regardless of how I feel about you… We can’t, Delta. ”
“Brooks—” Delta takes another step closer to me, and her face has been transformed with such obvious, incandescent joy. “Say it again. Please.”
I don’t understand why she’s looking at me like that, why the words I just told her don’t seem to be sinking in. “We can’t?”
Her face splits into a radiant smile, and even through my inner turmoil and frustration, I’m in awe of her beauty. “The other part.”
“I—” I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, trying to assemble my thoughts. When I open them again, I’m looking directly into stormy gray. “Regardless of how I feel about you?”
A watery, joyful little laugh falls from her lips. “How do you feel about me, Brooks?”
My jaw goes slack as realization hits me like a truck.
She’s happy because I have feelings for her.
I hadn’t known, not for sure. I’d surmised she was attracted to me, had a crush, but the look on her face suggests she’s just as in this as I am.
It says she’s been waiting for me to say those words, and now?—
“No.” I step back, blood rushing in my ears, my skin crawling with panic. “It’s not only that we can’t, I don’t want to .”
Her smile falls just a little, but something else in her expression flickers to life. Fight . For the first time since we’ve met, I can see the heart of a champion burning behind her eyes. Unwittingly, I’ve just handed Delta Jacobs her next goal and I’m positive I should be terrified right now.
“So, I should find someone else, then? If you’re not interested,” she asks, and without even raising her voice, it’s like a punch to the gut.
“Do you want someone else?” I bite back, and Delta moves forward again. I’m paralyzed, glued to the spot as she crosses the distance between us, not stopping until the vapor from our breaths curl together in the winter air.
Her smile isn’t soft anymore, it’s dangerous. “Not at the moment. Someday, though. A girl has needs after all.”
What I wouldn’t give to know what her needs are.
She’s trying to provoke me into action, but it won’t work.
I know her heart, who she is, and the fact she won’t go off and sleep with another man when she has feelings for me.
But, even knowing all that, I’m not immune to the suggestion making me fucking furious.
I don’t care if it’s irrational or unfair, or if it makes me a possessive, alpha male asshole.
If anyone else lays a finger on her, I’m prepared to rip it off.
Gritting my teeth, I glare back at her. “ Enough .”
I once thought Delta was the only one of us who wore a mask, but I can see now that I do too.
I hold myself with confidence, I direct operating rooms and obsessively manage every part of my life.
When all that control is stripped away, when she looks at me and breaks down every single door I’ve spent years hiding behind, what’s left that’s worth having?
There are a lot of reasons it would be wrong to give in to my feelings, but this … this is the biggest.
This woman, an actual gold medalist, will conquer the world if given the chance. What would she do trapped in her hometown with an old doctor? She deserves so much more .
She’d regret me, regret wasting her youth on a man who wants less than she’s capable of, and it would break me.
I love her, and that means putting her first, even if I hurt myself in the process.
Steeling myself, I stare down at her, hating that I can still see the hope in her expression.
“I’m not interested, Delta. I’m sure there are lots of men who would be impressed by your little hot tub routine, but I’m not one of them.
Put your clothes on and go inside. Don’t try that shit on me again. ”
Like the coward I am, I turn, walking back toward the house before I can see the damage my words inflict.