11. Luka
11
LUKA
“Do you have a minute?”
I looked up from the drawer in my toolbox I was rearranging to find Nate a few feet from my workstation.
The shop was ghostly quiet today, thanks to it being Thanksgiving weekend. We closed on Thanksgiving Day so everyone could celebrate with their families, but we were open our regular hours for the rest of the weekend.
Yesterday had been so dead that we’d spent most of our shift doing inventory and other tasks to pass the time, and today wasn’t much better. I’d already rearranged my toolbox once since I clocked in, and we still had about an hour before it was time to start our closing routine.
“Yeah, of course.” I closed the drawer to my toolbox. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” he said. “Let’s go to the office for a second.”
Nate’s smile was genuine, and his demeanor didn’t suggest anything was wrong, but my heart started pounding in my chest as I followed him to the back office.
I snuck a quick look at Zander as we passed his workstation. He smiled and gave me a reassuring nod, like he could sense that I was freaking out. That little smile helped calm some of my nerves, and I felt almost calm as I stepped into the office.
“Do you want me to close the door?” I asked Nate.
He nodded and perched on the edge of his desk.
I nudged the door shut with my foot, my whole body going on high alert like I was expecting a serial killer to jump out from behind one of the giant desks in the room.
“Relax, Luka,” Nate said in his dad voice. “You’re not in trouble. I just wanted to talk to you about a few things.”
“Sorry.” I shot him a weak smile and tried to shake off my anxiety.
“Nothing to apologize for. I bet it kind of feels like you’re being called to the principal’s office.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, a little bit. Only every time I got called into the principal’s office, it was because I was getting in trouble.”
He chuckled. “Actually, same with me. That wasn’t the best analogy.”
I couldn’t picture Nate being the type to get in trouble, not now that I knew him. Nate was a walking contradiction, the same with his brother. He was six-four and built like a bodybuilder with huge arms, a massive chest, and legs that could double as tree trunks. Add in his stoic nature and the confident way he carried himself, and he gave off an air of being one scary motherfucker.
But in reality, he was one of the kindest people I’d ever met. He took care of everyone around him, and the only time I’d seen him even raise his voice was when he was protecting someone.
“I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.” He crossed his arms over his chest, the bottom of a tribal tattoo on his bicep peeking out from under his t-shirt.
“I’m good.” I clasped my hands in front of me, then shoved them into the pockets of my coveralls, not sure what to do with them.
“Relax. You’re not in trouble,” he said again. “You’ve been here for just over three months now. This is just a routine check-in we do with all our hires to make sure you’re settling in and see if there’s anything we can do to make things easier for you. And to see if you have any complaints or suggestions.”
“This is so not what I’m used to,” I said to try and explain my weirdness. “Getting called into the boss’s office has always been a bad thing at every other job I’ve had. My brain is still getting used to the idea that you’re not like them.”
“I get that. I worked in enough shops where my bosses treated me like I was five and couldn’t be trusted to do anything without micromanaging my every move. It takes time to get past that kind of conditioning.”
“It does.” I leaned against the wall behind me, feeling more at ease.
One thing I really liked about Nate and Dev was they weren’t just bosses; they were also mechanics by trade, and they had no problems getting their hands dirty and doing shifts with us on the floor when needed. They understood the job from a practical perspective and didn’t just look at the bottom line.
“How are you finding things?” he asked, giving me a little prompt when I didn’t say more.
“Great, really great,” I said truthfully. “This is the best place I’ve ever worked.”
He smiled proudly. “That’s really good to hear. How are you adjusting to the hours? I know that can be a rough transition when you’re used to working days.”
“It’s fine,” I said quickly. I wasn’t about to complain when I was the one who’d applied for a job working evenings and weekends.
And that wasn’t a lie. I was used to my schedule now. The hours were fine. It was everything else in my life that sucked.
“How are things outside of work? Is there anything we can help you with?”
I started to tell him I was fine but stopped before I could get the words out.
Nate might be my boss, but he was also becoming my friend. I didn’t work a lot of hours with him because he had young kids at home and tended to work days while Devon filled in outside of regular business hours, but he’d made it clear he cared about me as more than just an employee.
“Things aren’t great right now,” I said honestly. “Just dealing with some issues with my friends, and I’ve got family stuff going on too.”
I didn’t tell him that I was also trying to get over my crush on my coworker while also trying not to fall for the guy I was chatting with online. That wasn’t something I could share with anyone.
“Is there anything we can do to help?”
I shook my head, my stomach flip-flopping at his concerned look. “No, unfortunately these are the kind of problems that will only go away on their own.”
He nodded. “Will you let us know if that changes?”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Thanks. It actually really helps to know that you care. That I’m not just a cog in the wheel, so to speak.”
“I hope things get better. And feel free to come and talk to Dev or me any time. Our door is always open.” He huffed out a laugh and glanced at the closed door to the office. “Metaphorically speaking, of course.”
I laughed too. “Thanks. I will.”
Taking that as my cue that the meeting was over, I hooked my thumb at the door. “Is there anything you need done out there?”
He shook his head. “I think we’re good.”
“All good?” Zander asked as I passed his workstation.
“Yup.” I shot him what I hoped was a breezy smile. “Do you need help with anything? I’m out of busy projects unless I rearrange my shit for a third time.”
He chuckled. “I did that a while ago when it was really dead, but then I ended up putting everything back in the same places a few days later because I couldn’t find anything.”
“Why do you think I did it twice?” I grinned, more of my nervous energy bleeding away. “Once to change it, and then once to fix it.”
“Hey, Zander?” Cass called, poking her head through the door that connected the back of the shop to the front end.
“Yeah?” he called back.
“Can you help me translate Isaac’s handwriting? I’m trying to close out some of his files, but it’s like trying to read an alien language.”
“Be right there.”
“You’re the best.” She beamed a big smile at him.
“Duty calls.” He shot me a shy smile.
“Good luck,” I said. I’d seen Isaac’s handwriting when he was in a hurry, and it made most doctors look like they knew calligraphy.
While Zander headed to the front of the store, I slipped into the break room to refill my water bottle. I also grabbed a granola bar from the staff snack bin.
Unlike my last job, which used to charge us a monthly fee for coffee, whether we drank it or not, the system here was honorary. Nate and Dev provided coffee and tea, and the staff brought snacks in to keep the bin stocked for everyone to share. It was nice to be treated like adults and not be nickel and dimed to death.
Once I was done with my snack, I went back out to my workstation to find something to do until it was time to close up. Being busy helped pass the time, and after two dead shifts, I was mentally and physically exhausted.
My phone pinged in my pocket. I hadn’t bothered to silence it because of how dead it was. Nate didn’t care if we used our phones when it was quiet, especially in the back of the shop where no one could see us.
I pulled my phone free and checked my texts.
Dean : change of plans tonight
Luka : ?
I’d spoken to Dean yesterday, and we made plans to go to Glenn’s tonight with a few of the guys. He and Elle were on another break, so this was the first time in weeks that I didn’t have to worry about getting left out.
Dean : elle and me got back together
I stifled a groan.
I didn’t understand their relationship. I hated drama and fighting, and when someone broke up with me, that was it. They didn’t get another chance. The same as how I’d never even think of trying to get back together with someone after breaking up with them.
Dean wasn’t like me. He thrived off drama, and every relationship he’d had in our eight years of friendship had been exactly like this. It was exhausting just to be adjacent to it. I couldn’t imagine actually living it.
Luka : that’s great
Luka : what are the new plans?
Dean : we’re going to phoenix at ten
I leaned against my workstation, my brain doing that weird record scratch thing again.
Pheonix was one of two gay clubs in the area. It was known for its drink specials and theme nights, unlike Chimera, the other club that was better known for its back rooms and loose rules when it came to public nudity.
Luka : you know that’s a gay club right?
Dean : yeah
Dean : obviously not my thing but there’s some drag show Elle and her friends want to see tonight
Dean : Scott said there’s always a shit ton of hot women at the club so at least there will be something for us to look at
This was one of the main reasons I didn’t go to Phoenix and stuck to Chimera when I was in the mood to pick up. Phoenix wasn’t really a queer space anymore, especially not on nights when they brought in acts.
I preferred Chimera, which no straight guy would ever go into unless he wasn’t as straight as he thought.
Luka : I can’t make it
Dean : why?
Luka : I’m still at work
Dean : we’re not meeting until ten. you have lots of time
Luka : I’m not in the mood to go to a club
Dean : is it because it’s a gay club? You worried you’ll get hit on?
Dean : just spend the night with one of Elle’s friends and you’ll be safe
He sent a winking emoji, then the smirking one.
I rolled my eyes. I knew Dean didn’t really mean anything by these kinds of comments, but I was getting tired of them. The problem was they weren’t blatant enough for me to call him out without raising suspicions.
After so many years of letting these things slip, it would look weird if I suddenly had a problem with them. Unless he said something outwardly homophobic or dropped a slur, there wasn’t anything I could do without risking my secret getting out.
The fucked-up thing was, I had no idea if Dean would be okay with me being bi. Even after all these years as friends, I couldn’t get a read on if he’d be able to accept it or not.
I knew a few of our friends would have issues if they ever found out, but most of them were also a mystery. They tossed out these mildly homophobic jokes all the time, but it was the same shit I’d heard guys say my entire life. It was locker room talk, so to speak, but because we weren’t the type to have deep conversations about things, I had no clue if they were actually homophobic or just assholes who didn’t think about the words they used.
Luka : I’m going to pass. Have fun
Dean : I plan to
I exited out of my texts and slipped my phone into my pocket.
“Did you guys figure it out?” I asked as Zander walked past me on his way back to his workstation.
“Yeah.” He paused. “At least I think we did.”
“That bad?”
He nodded. “Hopefully no one needs to look at those files again. We really reached on a couple of them.”
“Hey, guys?” Nate called from the door to his office.
“Yeah?” I called back.
“Want to get started on the closing routine? I’m calling it a night and locking the doors. No point sitting around for another thirty minutes with our thumbs up our asses.”
“Gross, Dad,” Cass complained loudly through the door to the front of the store.
“Sorry, kiddo. How’s this? There’s no point sitting around for another thirty minutes twiddling our thumbs?”
Cass popped her head through the door. “What the fuck does twiddling mean? That sounds worse.”
“Language,” I called teasingly.
“Fuck off.” Cass shot me a sweet-as-pie smile.
Zander and I both laughed.
“This.” Nate held up his hands and rolled his thumbs a few times. “Is twiddling your thumbs.”
She snickered. “You look and sound ridiculous right now.”
He made a big show of doing a silly little dance, almost like skipping but with a little twirl, as he twiddled his thumbs again. “How can you call this ridiculous?”
Cass dissolved into giggles, and I had to cover my mouth to stop from laughing. A quick glance at Zander told me he was also fighting a laugh.
“I have no idea what you all think is funny,” Nate said, doing a pretty good job of looking bewildered. “But how about we start shutting down, and I’ll lock up.”
“I’ll do it.” Cass held out her hand for the key. “You always forget to turn off the ‘We’re open’ sign, and it drives me crazy.”
“Why does that drive you crazy?” I asked.
She shot me a look like she couldn’t believe I’d asked her that. “Because we’re closed, but the sign says we’re open.”
“Right, of course.” I nodded solemnly.
“I’ve got my eye on you, new guy.” She made a menacing face and pointed to her eyes, then at me with two fingers.
“I’m a good boy, I promise.” I held up my hands in mock surrender.
Zander started coughing beside me.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Fine,” he croaked, then cleared his throat. “Just choked on nothing.”
“I do that all the time,” I said sympathetically.
When I glanced back at the office and front of the store, Nate and Cass were gone.
Zander cleared his throat again.
“Do you need some water?” I snatched my bottle off my workstation and held it out to him.
He hesitated.
I shook the bottle at him.
“Thanks.” He took it and flipped the top.
The bottle wasn’t a squeeze type, and my stomach tightened when he put the straw to his full lips and took a few sips.
The last time I’d gotten excited about someone drinking from the same vessel as me was back in middle school. How could something so benign be so hot?
He finished drinking and handed me my water back. “Thanks.”
Our eyes locked for a few beats. Something in his gaze was different. The usual intensity was there, but there was something under it. Something dark, almost heated.
I tore my gaze from his and put my water back on my workstation. What the fuck was wrong with me? He wasn’t looking at me any differently. I was only seeing it because I wanted to.
“Better get started on closing.” I pasted on a smile to cover up my weirdness, but that probably only made me look deranged.
He scrutinized me for a second.
Jesus, something about that look did things to me. It was so intense, so focused.
“Yeah, better start.” He gave me a small smile.
We spent the next fifteen or so minutes shutting down for the night. I finished first and pulled out my phone to send Nice a meme I’d seen on my break. For some reason, I felt weird messaging him during the day, so I only messaged him when I was home from work. But we were almost done, and I needed something to distract me so I wouldn’t stare at Zander’s ass as he bent over his workstation to finish filling out a form.
I opened the app and went to our messages. Once I uploaded the photo, I hit send.
Ding .
A notification exactly like the one Kinksters used echoed softly in the near-silent room.
My entire body glitched out. There was no other way to describe it. It was like my body and mind disconnected for a few seconds as everything around me went simultaneously slower and faster.
No.
No fucking way.
Zander couldn’t be Nice.
It was impossible.
Right?
I stood there, frozen and staring in horror at his back as Zander pulled his phone out of his pocket.
The green dot under Nice’s name lit up a few seconds later, and the message was read.
Zander chuckled.
Holy fucking shit.
Was Zander MrNiceGuy?
Panic flooded through my shock, and out of pure reflex, I switched my phone to airplane mode. I had my notifications for Kinksters on, and if my worst nightmare had just come true, I didn’t need Zander realizing it too.
He typed something, then tucked his phone away and bent back over his forms.
Pushing off my desk, I turned away from him and flipped my phone back on Wi-Fi.
I had a notification for Kinksters.
I opened it.
MrNiceGuy : relatable
Holy shit.
Zander was Nice.
He had to be, right?
There was no way this was a coincidence. No way had he gotten a message on an app with the same notification sound as Kinksters at the same time I’d sent one to Nice. That was impossible.
It had to be him.
Zander was the guy I’d been sexting with.
Zander was the guy who’d brought me to my knees and given me the best sexual experiences of my life.
Zander was bi? Or was he gay?
He’d said he and his ex-wife split up because they weren’t compatible. Had he meant they weren’t compatible in that way?
If he was queer, it made sense that he wasn’t out, not with his background. And he’d never actually said he was straight. He never talked about women other than his ex, and come to think of it, I couldn’t remember him even checking a woman out when we were with the guys.
All the signs of him being queer had been there. I just hadn’t seen them.
My brain started spinning and connecting all the dots I’d missed before. All the details Zander and Nice had in common that I hadn’t put together.
Holy shit.
Zander and Nice were the same person.
Laughter jarred me out of my shock, and I shook my head a few times.
Okay, panicking wasn’t going to help right now. I just had to keep my shit together long enough to get out of here and get home.
Then I could panic.