4. Elliot
4
ELLIOT
“You’re sighing again.”
Scott’s knee nudges my head where it’s hanging off the side of the couch. I swat him away, scrunching my brows in annoyance. I’m not sure how effective the look is when hanging upside down, but I can’t sit up with Ellie’s feet resting on my stomach and Charlotte’s fingers playing with my hair.
We’re at Ellie and King’s apartment, sprawled across the massive couch that takes up most of the living room. Calling this space a “studio apartment” feels misleading since it’s the entire top floor of the building and has one whole wall of windows overlooking the city. This apartment has quickly become one of my favorite places, even with the over-the-top extravagance of it all. It’s certainly better than my shitty little apartment on the other side of town.
“Elliot!” Ellie giggles, pressing one of her heels hard against the bottom of my ribcage. “Why are you sighing so much?”
“I’m not!” I argue, but I know they’re right. I’ve caught myself audibly sighing more than once since Grady left my office today. In my defense, I have a lot to sigh about. Some of the sighs are frustration over the fact that I have no idea if I’ll be able to deliver on the four-week timeline Grady is so insistent on. Other sighs are in annoyance over how awkward I was with him today.
However, the majority of the sighing has been straight up longing. Jesus fuck, Grady’s so hot. He was in my office, door closed, basically naked, and saying shit like, “ Whatever you need me to do, Elliot ”. That’s unfair on every possible level.
“Dude, you just sighed again.” Scott leans over me, blocking out the overhead lights. His red hair is freshly shaved on the sides, the longer strands falling across his forehead in the kind of artfully messy way I would kill to be able to pull off. The dark metal piercings in his eyebrow are a stark contrast to his light eyes, but they’re nothing compared to the tattoos covering the majority of his body.
Scott and I could not be more opposite in looks or temperament, but somehow, over the last year, we’ve become best friends. It’s been a long time since I’ve had friends who weren’t my siblings. Being twins has kept Ellie and I close our entire lives, but after my accident, I turned toward our four older brothers in lieu of having anyone else.
Having friends opens you up to a world of pain and loss that I am unprepared for, but Scott didn’t allow me to shy away from our friendship. He simply kicked his way through all the walls I’ve built around myself, and I have to admit I’m grateful for it.
“All of this sighing wouldn’t have anything to do with your new patient, would it?”
The way he says patient tells me he knows exactly who that patient is. “How do you know about that?”
“Hoax told me. Did you really think we wouldn’t find out you were the one working on Grady’s shoulder?”
“Wait, what the fuck?” Charlotte sits straight up from where she’s been lying on the floor next to the couch, long brown hair falling chaotically around her face and shoulders. Her question is lost behind the squeal Ellie lets out right before kicking me in the side so hard I have to grunt against the pain.
“What the Hell, Ellie?”
“What the Hell you , Elliot? How was that not the first thing you said when you got here?”
“Because it’s not a big deal.”
That doesn’t sound convincing even to my own ears. A quick glance at the three people now staring blankly at me tells me none of them are convinced either. Huffing, I shove Ellie’s feet off my stomach, spinning around until I’m sitting properly on the couch. I don’t need to have this conversation while upside down.
“It really isn’t as big of a deal as you guys are about to make it out to be.”
“Oh, so you’re not going to be spending a shit load of time touching all up on Grady’s body?”
“That,” I point at Scott, trying desperately not to blush. “Is not what my job is about. Yes, I will have to do some manual manipulation?—”
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Charlotte’s teasing tone cuts me off, and I lean forward to flick her forehead. Her giggles are infectious, making me laugh as she swats my hand away.
“Seriously, you guys, it’s fine. I think this will be good for me. Maybe spending more time around him will help me get over this ridiculous little crush.”
Scott scoffs, throwing one tattooed arm over the back of the couch as he settles into a position where he’s facing me. “Because spending time with your crush always leads to lesser feelings. Especially when they look like Grady.”
“It worked for me,” Charlotte pipes up, a wicked smile on her face. “Oh, wait. No, I ended up sleeping with Miller.”
Scott points at Charlotte, giving me a look that says his point has been unequivocally proven. I flip him off before turning to Ellie. She’s sitting against the side of the couch, her arms folded over her chest with an uncharacteristic frown pulling at her brow.
“What?”
“Nothing. You clearly have this in hand.”
“Ellie,” I roll my head back, staring at the ceiling. “I can tell you’re upset.”
“No, definitely not,” she says in a way that tells me she’s lying through her teeth. “Why would I be upset you’ve dodged every attempt I’ve made to get you to spend time with Grady, but now that you are being forced into it, you’re suddenly certain time together will get you over your ‘little crush’?”
Her pointed tone makes me grimace. “It isn’t like that, Ellie.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Of course not!”
“Dude, you said?—”
“I know what I said,” I groan, rubbing a hand through my hair in frustration. “And I meant it, but what am I supposed to do? Quit my job? Trust me, I would rather not spend this much time with him, but it’s unavoidable.”
“Uh, hey, guys.”
All four of our heads spin toward the elevator, where King, Miller, Hoax, Steal, and Matthew fucking Grady are all awkwardly standing. None of us heard the elevator chime over the sound of our argument, so I have no idea how much of that they caught. The way the guys are shuffling their feet, and the fact that Grady is looking anywhere but at me, is a good indication they heard enough.
“I’m gonna,” Grady points to the elevator, not bothering to finish his sentence. The guys all make sounds like they’re trying to stop him, but he ignores them, stepping between the doors just before they close.
“What did you hear?” Ellie asks the question I can’t seem to make come out of my mouth. The look King gives her makes my stomach drop.
“Elliot basically saying he would rather quit his job than spend time with Grady.”
“Fuck!” I’m aware the shouted word comes from my own mouth, but I jump nearly as hard as Ellie does at the sound of it reverberating through the apartment. “That! That is why I shouldn’t spend time with him. I can’t keep my fucking mouth shut, and now he feels like he can’t be here with his friends.”
I hear Miller whispering something to King, who quickly shakes his head at his best friend. I’m too distracted by the memory of Grady’s face as the elevator doors closed to care about what is happening between the other guys. “I’m gonna go after him.”
“Wait, Elliot?—”
“I have to apologize,” I cut off Ellie’s protest, standing quickly and sliding on my shoes. I barely glance at the guys as I pass them on my way to the elevator, and no one tries to stop me. Thankfully, I don’t have to wait long for the doors to open again. It must have just returned from dropping Grady in the lobby, and I hope I can catch him before he gets in his car.
The ride to the first floor feels like a lifetime, and I’m through the doors before they’re fully open.
“Evening, Mr. Bennett.”
“Hey, Ralph.” I nod at the doorman as I come to a stop in the middle of the lobby, realizing I have no idea where Grady would have parked. “You wouldn’t happen to know which way Grady went, would you?”
Ralph gives me a look I can’t decipher before a small smile touches his lips. “Of course I do. Mr. Kingston’s friends always park in the garage, as I have repeatedly asked you to do.”
Ralph’s tone has some serious shade, and I give him a sheepish smile. “I know. I just prefer to park on the street.”
He makes a sound in the back of his throat, but his eyes have dropped to the computer screen. “If you’re trying to catch him, you’ll need to hurry. He’s almost to his car.”
“Thanks,” I call over my shoulder as I spin toward the door to the parking garage. It isn’t until I’m in the garage itself that I realize I didn’t ask what floor Grady parked on. Groaning, I take off toward the ramp, hoping I’ll at least catch him before he leaves.
Three floors up, I’m running out of breath and patience. This is the last level of the garage, so his car has to be here. Sure enough, I catch sight of the dark blue Mercedes halfway down the aisle. The headlights are on, and I can hear the gentle purr of the engine, but he doesn’t seem to be trying to pull out of the spot yet.
I come to an awkward stop in front of the car, suddenly realizing I have no idea what to say to him now that I’m here. Sorry you heard me shouting like that. I didn’t mean it. I would rather spend every minute of every day with you, but I can’t ever get my brain to cooperate with my mouth whenever you’re around and now you probably think I hate you.
Yeah, that’s way too many words.
“Elliot?”
Grady says my name loud enough I hear it despite his windows being rolled up. The engine cuts, but he doesn’t move to get out of the car. We’re just staring at each other through his front windshield, neither of us sure what the next move is.
“I’m sorry.” I mouth the words, even though I could have said them at full volume, and he likely still wouldn’t have heard me.
He opens the driver’s door, carefully getting out of the car so his arm doesn’t bump into anything. “What?”
“I said I’m sorry, and I am.” I quickly add, forcing myself to keep eye contact with him so he knows I mean it. “I didn’t mean for you to hear that.”
Grady’s lips purse. He nods slowly, but his eyes dart around the garage as if he can’t bring himself to look at me. “It’s fine.”
“Except it clearly isn’t because now you’re leaving.”
That brings his eyes back to mine, confusion wrinkling his brow. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“No,” I sigh, pushing my glasses up my nose to buy myself a moment to think. “It isn’t that I don’t want to spend time with you, Grady, it’s just…I don’t know how to act around you.”
His head tilts to the side, and I’m reminded of how he looked at me in my office earlier today. It’s as if he’s trying to reconcile my words with what he knows about me, and he’s coming up at a loss.
“Why not?”
“Why not?” I parrot back, my eyebrows climbing toward my hairline as I stare at him. There’s no way I am going to admit my crush to his face in the middle of a parking garage. “I don’t know. Just because it’s you, I guess.”
“Because it’s me?”
Grady looks so small, a word I never thought I would use to describe him. His shoulders are hunched, back curved forward, and head hung low as he pretends to clean something off the top of the door that’s still open between us. In that moment, I realize I will do anything to bring back the larger-than-life man I’m used to, including forcing myself to get over these unbearable fucking feelings . I’m done drooling over him. No more fantasizing about a version of my life where Grady and I live happily ever after. I will be friends with him, and that will be enough for me.
“I’m going to get over it, Grady.” There’s a confidence behind the words I hadn’t expected to be able to conjure. I can do this for the sake of our friends and my sanity. Grady doesn’t seem as convinced as I am, so I take a step forward, extending my hand toward him. “Friends?”
He stares at my palm for so long I’m not sure he’s going to accept my offer. I can’t say I would blame him for not wanting to be my friend after this mess I’ve caused between us, but I need him to say yes. I don’t know what I’ll do if he turns me down.
His hand is warm against mine, the callouses built up from years of batting practice scraping against the smooth skin of my palm. Our eyes meet, and there’s something I can’t name hidden in his gaze.
“Friends.”