CHAPTER 5 #2
‘I think I see what you’re saying,’ said Jeremy. ‘I need to focus on achieving a few things that scream that my life is better than his, rather than running around making my life better in small ways he won’t know about unless he happens to ask what languages I’ve learnt lately.’
‘You’re essentially running a publicity campaign to convince this idiot Miles that you’re thriving and better than him.
It’s a public image thing: Campaign 101.
Nobody cares that you’re pickling various vegetables – unless we can make that into a story about the fact that you’re pickling vegetables because you’re better than him. ’
‘That … makes a lot of sense.’ Jeremy leant back. ‘I really am a fucking idiot.’
‘Nah, I think it’s cool you want to improve your life. I recently did a lot of soul-searching myself about the kind of person I wanted to be and the life I want to live. It’s been pretty eye opening.’ Sam leant forwards. ‘I’ve made some big changes and it’s —’
‘I get it,’ interrupted Jeremy. ‘I guess I’ll have to find something that will super impress Miles … but I have no idea what.’ He heard Sam laugh a little, but his mind was whirring with plans.
‘If I were you, I’d make a short list of high-value targets that can be attained within the time limit. I still think you should focus on making your life better if that brings you joy though.’
‘Nah, fuck that,’ Jeremy said. ‘No time for having a good, wholesome, enjoyable life. Only time for revenge. How did you become so good at revenge planning anyway? You don’t strike me as the type.’
‘Thanks? Well, it’s my job. I do climate-crisis campaigning for an advocacy group, though we’re more about awareness and fundraising and lobbying than revenge … but maybe I’ll branch out.’
Jeremy’s itching feeling of dislike for Sam came back again.
Of course he was a morally upright greenie.
He could see it now – vegan, composting, insufferable opinions on sea lions and utterly humourless, but you couldn’t fault him because he was such a technically good person.
(Jeremy here deliberately ignored the fact Sam was quite funny.) ‘That sounds very impressive and important. Big broccoli energy.’
‘Broccoli?’ asked Sam.
‘Oh, yeah: so jobs are like meals, and they all fall somewhere on the broccoli scale. The closer to broccoli, the better they are for the world – jobs you can take pride in. But then you can have junk food jobs, which aren’t really good for anyone, but you enjoy eating them.’
‘Right – but I enjoy my job too, not just because it’s about doing good things,’ pointed out Sam. ‘It’s interesting and satisfying.’
‘That’s even worse. That gives you wellness-influencer vibes. That’s the activated almonds of the job market,’ said Jeremy, deliberately baiting Sam a little. Sam just laughed. Of course he was too handsome and virtuous to respond to taunting.
There was silence, and Jeremy pulled his knees close to his torso, leaning his head back against the elevator wall.
Talking and joking with Sam had made him forget the mild horror of being trapped for a bit, but it was coming back to him.
He sighed, looking at his phone. French – or Italian, or noodles or whatever he was meant to be doing – was definitely out of the question now.
But in any case that was all pointless according to Sam: an inefficient campaign that didn’t even matter.
He looked back at Sam. ‘So, if you’re the genius campaigner – what do you reckon would get Miles’s attention the most?’
‘Well, first off, I’m not exactly a genius campaigner.
Technically, I just work on campaigns – it’s my bosses who design them,’ clarified Sam.
‘And, ah, I don’t know, I guess that depends on your ex.
I’ve never really done a campaign to grab the attention of just one person: more like whole specific demographics.
It might be more about convincing everyone Miles cares about, as well as Miles himself. What is Miles like?’
‘A monster,’ said Jeremy. ‘A pretentious, backstabbing, cheating, shallow asshole with no redeeming features.’
‘Umm, that’s hard. Don’t hate me for saying this, but the best way to get the attention of someone like that is probably just to be the bigger person.
If you ignore him, it will likely drive him crazy.
And you know, being the bigger person is also just …
a bit healthier.’ Sam looked at Jeremy earnestly.
‘Oh, of course,’ said Jeremy sarcastically.
‘I should work harder at being perfect like you.’ Sam shook his head, moving to speak again, but he cut him off angrily.
‘You know what? You’re probably right, but that doesn’t even matter, because the fact is you don’t know what it’s like to be betrayed and heartbroken all at once.
You think I’m feeling angry? Or spiteful?
Or vengeful? That’s what I’m trying to feel, because then I at least have some power – because you know what I mostly feel when I think about what Miles did to me?
I feel mortified. Every day, I wake up feeling so ashamed to be me, because why would he feel like he could do that to me if I wasn’t just some kind of shameful, shit person, huh? ’
Jeremy wasn’t yelling, and he wasn’t making eye contact with Sam, but he was speaking loudly and bitterly, looking at the floor, arms wrapped around himself.
He could sense the hand Sam tentatively reached out towards him, but suddenly, the lift lurched, descending the last floor, and the moment was lost as they both scrambled to their feet.
The door pinged open at ground level, and there was a sudden silence.
‘Sorry,’ muttered Jeremy, embarrassed by his outburst. ‘I … Sorry, I have to go.’ He shouldered his way out, not looking back.