Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Blaise
THEN
Sienna jumps into the SUV before it completely stops moving, letting out a shriek of excitement that stretches my nerves almost to the breaking point. Her wild, curly brown hair is still wet from the shower, and she’s taken a bath in Victoria’s Secret body spray. “I honestly thought you’d chicken out.” She changes the radio station from B101 to WHJY and cranks the volume on “Freebird.”
“I almost did. I might throw up.”
“You’ll be fine. We’ll go over there, see what Cam is doing and then come back. No biggie.”
Right. No biggie. It’s not her ass on the line if we get caught there. People know my dad’s car, which is why we drive around for an hour until darkness gives us the cover I need to go through with this plan.
We head across the bridge into Monroe, the town between ours and Land’s End. The kids from Land’s End used to go to Monroe High School, but for reasons I’m not clear on, they ended up in school with us. School got a lot more interesting once the Land’s End kids joined us freshman year, especially Dallas Rafferty.
Not that he knows I’m alive, but whatever. A girl can dream. No one knows I like him, even Sienna, who’d want to try to fix me up with him because Cam plays football with Dallas and is friends with him outside of school.
In fact, Dallas’s older brother Houston—their mom is originally from Texas, and their sister is named Austin—is the one having the party tonight. I was surprised to hear Houston was having a big party, since his dad is the police chief in LE. Sienna heard his parents are on a cruise and off the grid, thus the party. Houston is a senior in college and legal, which means there’ll be plenty of beer and other booze at the party. That’ll draw a lot of kids from Hope across the river tonight, which is all the more reason to be scared. Someone might still recognize my dad’s car and rat me out.
So many of my friends can do whatever they want. Their parents never ask them where they’re going, who they’re going with or when they’ll be home. While part of me thinks that would be nice, I’m grateful that someone would care enough to ask where I was if I didn’t show up at home. My parents would call the police if I didn’t come home.
Sienna is practically bouncing in the passenger seat. “You’re driving like my grandmother.”
She gets hyper when she’s stressed, and worrying about Cam lying to her has had her on edge for days.
“Why don’t you come right out and ask him if he’s going?”
“I don’t want him to know that I know about the party.”
“Why not?”
“He’ll think I don’t trust him.”
I don’t follow the logic. “Well, you don’t…”
“Yes, I do! It’s just a bump. We’re solid. Always have been and always will be.”
“Of course you will.” I tell her what she needs to hear even if I’m not so sure lately. I’ve noticed subtle signs of Cam pulling away from her, even if she can’t admit it.
I don’t want to be around if they break up. I’ll have to make up an emergency trip to Siberia or something to avoid having to deal with her if that happens. Not that I wouldn’t want to be there for my best friend, but her without Cam is unimaginable. They’re an institution, the longest-standing couple in our entire school, the homecoming king and queen two years in a row and the couple most likely to get married. They’re even planning to go to college together in Arizona. Her whole life is tied up in him and vice versa.
I desperately hope we don’t catch him doing something unforgivable at this party.
The road to the Rafferty house is lined with cars.
“Where should we park? If Arlo sees the car, I’m screwed.”
“There’s a back road Cam showed me once. Go past the house. You can circle around. We can walk in from the next block over.”
I follow her directions to a street a block away and park in a dark spot between two streetlights. The second we emerge from the SUV I can hear the party. Music, loud voices and laughter fuel my anxiety as we walk through a thicket of trees, the noise getting louder as we get closer. The scent of woodsmoke from a bonfire fills the air. Houston is famous for his epic bonfires, or so I’ve been told. I’ve never been invited to one of his parties.
Sienna takes my arm to stop me from going any farther. “We can see from here.”
The party is massive. If you ask me, every kid from Hope, Monroe and LE is there, except us.
I smack a mosquito that lands on the back of my neck. “Shit, we forgot bug spray.”
She digs through the gigantic purse she takes everywhere. “I’ve got some.”
We joke that anything we will ever need can be found in Sienna’s bag.
The smell of woodsmoke and bug spray will forever remind me of this fateful night.
“There’s Cam,” I whisper to her.
She leans in for a closer look.
He looks a lot like Ryder with lighter hair but isn’t as ripped as Ryder. Sienna says that’s because he likes pizza so much.
Shit, he’s talking to Brooke, who’s a year ahead of us with boobs twice the size of Sienna’s. “They’re just talking,” I whisper to her. “It’s no big deal.”
I venture a glance at Sienna’s face and see that it’s a very big deal to her. I’ve wanted to ask her how things are between them when they’re alone, but I’ve been afraid to. From the outside looking in, something has changed. If I can see that, surely she can, too.
My stomach hurts like it did earlier as I pray Cam doesn’t do anything that can’t be undone—or unseen. The very fact that we’re spying on him like this should be the biggest red flag ever for their relationship, but I’m not about to say that to her.
I see Arlo mixing with the other kids, holding court the way he always does. Everyone likes him. He’s tall, dark-haired, handsome and easy going. I aspire to be more like him and less of an anxiety-ridden mess of insecurities. I’m a work in progress, and he’s already arrived at his final destination. I’d hate him for that if I didn’t love him so much.
“What the hell is she doing here?” Sienna whispers.
At first I’m not sure who she’s talking about. And then I see her—the new girl, Denise Sutton, who goes by Neisy. The boys are crazy about her. The girls hate her because she’s stunning, with big boobs, long sun-kissed hair and bee-stung lips. She arrived at our school last September, at the beginning of our junior year, touching down with the impact of an F5 tornado and completely upending the social order. Even the most popular girls in our class have nothing on her, and they know it, which is why they despise her.
They treat her like she’s radioactive, crossing the hallway to avoid her, getting up and moving away from any table she sits at in the lunchroom and spreading vicious rumors about her, like how she fucked the entire football team after a game last fall and how someone from her old school said she had an abortion freshman year.
I’ve been surprised and ashamed at how girls I’ve known my whole life have treated her.
It’s hard to know what to believe. Everyday it’s something else. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the girls are making shit up just to undercut her. The boys are too dazzled to care what anyone says about her.
Oh shit. Cam’s talking to Neisy now.
Sienna vibrates with outrage next to me.
He leans in closer to hear what Neisy is saying, and then his big laugh rings out so loudly, it’s like he’s standing right next to us.
“I’m going to fucking stab him,” Sienna mutters.
“He’s not doing anything wrong talking to other girls.”
“He knows how I feel about her.”
It’s news to me that she has an opinion about Neisy. “How do you feel about her?”
“She’s a slut.”
“What? You don’t know that.”
“You’ve heard the rumors same as I have.”
“It doesn’t mean they’re true!”
“Whose side are you on?”
“I’m on your side,” I tell her. “Always.” We’ve been best friends since third grade. “But we don’t know her well enough to call her that.”
“From what Cam says, the whole football team knows her.”
“Including him?”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
I’m not so sure, but I keep that to myself, too. Ever since they finally had sex last winter, Sienna has been extra possessive of him.
Minutes pass as Cam makes the rounds, seemingly talking to everyone as Sienna goes silent. That’s never a good thing.
My legs are starting to cramp from squatting.
“Here comes Ryder,” Sienna whispers. “Don’t move or he’ll see us.”
I’ve thought Ryder Elliott is hot for as long as I’ve known what hot meant. With dark wavy hair, dreamy blue eyes and a muscular body, he’s like a god in our school, revered by everyone, scouted by colleges that want him for football and track. Every girl wants to be his girlfriend, but he’s been dating Louisa Davies since ninth grade. Ryder and Louisa will be our class couple, and it’s understood they’ll get married as soon as they finish college—if she lives that long.
Louisa has been fighting Hodgkin’s Disease since she was fourteen. Ryder has been by her side through it all, hosting fundraisers for her family and making sure she has everything she needs. They recently celebrated her remission after grueling treatments that had her out of school for most of our sophomore year and again the last half of our junior year.
Everything was looking up until recently when we heard she’d relapsed again. She’s back in treatment, and her immune system is fragile, so she’s not allowed out of her house. I heard how Ryder leaves flowers outside her door every morning. She’s the sweetest girl, and we’re all praying for her recovery. No one more so than Ryder.
We’re about six feet from where he stops and turns to speak to someone.
Neisy.
Shock ricochets through me. No way. What’s she doing with him? By now she must know he has a longtime girlfriend. Maybe the things people say about her are true.
I want to tell Sienna that we should go, but I can’t get the words out.
I’ve asked myself over and over what would’ve been worse—what we saw or no one knowing what he did to her.
At first, all they do is talk.
We can hear everything they say.
He sips from a red Solo cup. “You know you’re driving me crazy with the way you look at me in school.”
“How do I look at you?”
“Like you want to fuck me.”
She crosses her arms. “Well, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I really don’t.”
“There’s nothing worse than a cock tease. That’s what all the guys say about you. That you’re a cock tease, among other things.”
“They can say what they want. I know the truth. I thought you said you wanted to talk to me about Louisa.”
As if she hasn’t said anything, Ryder moves closer to her. “You don’t care what they say about you?”
“Why should I? I don’t even know them. I don’t know you. Why would you think I want to fuck you?”
He moves so quickly she never sees it coming—and neither do we. One minute they’re standing a foot from each other, the next they’re on the ground, and he’s on top of her, his hand over her mouth as he pulls at her clothes.
She struggles against his tight hold, fighting him fiercely, but she’s no match for him.
Sienna’s fingers dig into my arm.
I want out of there right now. I don’t want to see this. Bile burns in my throat.
Neisy bites his hand, and he slaps her hard across the face.
She screams, but no one can hear her over hundreds of voices and “Empire State of Mind” playing at full volume.
“We need to do something,” I whisper to Sienna.
“We can’t. We’ll get in huge trouble.”
“He’s going to hurt her.”
His hand is between her legs.
I look away. I want to go. I tug at Sienna. “Please. Let’s go.”
“He’ll see us if we move.”
Bile burns my throat.
Neisy begs him not to do what he’s already doing. “Please, I’ve never—” She cries out in pain.
“Shut up,” he says, grunting. “Shut the fuck up and take what you’ve been asking for since the day we met.”
I want to die.
I’ve never experienced anything that would’ve prepared me for this.
Sienna weeps silently next to me, her fingers pressed so tightly into my arm that I’ll have bruises.
If we so much as move, he’ll see us.
Our parents will know we were there. We’ll be grounded for the rest of our lives. We’ll be ruined for spying on the party. For spying on Ryder.
We barely know Neisy.
But we know him. We’ve known him all our lives.
I’m revolted.
After he finishes with a loud groan, he gets up, pulls up his pants and walks away from her, leaving her on the ground sobbing.
“We need to go to her,” I whisper to Sienna.
“We can’t, Blaise.”
“What do you mean? Who cares if we get in trouble?”
“He’s Cam’s brother and Arlo’s best friend. We can’t .”
I look at her like I’ve never seen her before.
Neisy is curled into a ball, still lying on the ground, her underwear around her ankles as she sobs.
Sienna pulls me toward the SUV.
“We can’t just leave her there.”
“We don’t even know her,” she says on a hiss.
“Sienna! Who cares if we know her? He raped her.”
She drags me back to where we left the SUV. “Let’s go home and forget about this.”
“Are you insane? I’ll never forget this.”
“You have to. She’s nothing to us. He’s been part of our entire life. He’ll be in my life forever. You can’t say anything. No one will believe us anyway.”
She’s right, and I hate that.
People at school hate Neisy.
They love him.
It’d be our word—and hers—against him. We’d be vilified.
I lean over and puke up the meatloaf, which burns on the way out.
I’ll never eat meatloaf again.
“For God’s sake, Blaise, you’re being so dramatic.”
We ride home in stony silence. My hands shake so hard I can barely keep the vehicle in the lane. To think my biggest fear upon leaving the house was getting caught with the car across the river. Now that’s the least of my concerns. I pull up to her house, a two-story colonial with black shutters.
“You can never say anything about this.”
I maintain my stony silence. I feel like I don’t know her at all.
“Swear to me that you won’t say anything, Blaise. No one knows this, but Ryder’s up for an appointment to the Naval Academy.”
Hearing that, I feel sick all over again. His gilded life will go on like nothing happened while Neisy will never be the same. And neither will I.
“Blaise?”
Almost ten years of close friendship has come down to this. If I do the right thing, I’ll lose my best friend and be made a pariah at school. Not to mention Arlo will hate me. Ryder has been his best friend since T-ball. I’ve never been more conflicted. If I tell what I saw, life as I know it will be over. People will hate me for taking Neisy’s side against Ryder.
“I won’t say anything.”
“Good.” Sienna gets out of the car and slams the door. She disappears inside the house, leaving me shaking uncontrollably. It’s so bad I fear I shouldn’t drive the short distance to my house. I sit there for a long time, trying to get myself together so I can get home safely.
I’m sobbing so hard I’m afraid I might vomit again.
Later I won’t recall driving home. Those few minutes will be a total blank while everything I saw in the woods will exist in my memory bank in bright, living color forever.
My mother is in the kitchen when I come in through the door from the mudroom.
“You’re home early,” she says as she makes the sleepy time tea she says is critical to getting any rest.
“Not feeling good. My stomach.”
She comes over to feel my head. “Have you been crying?”
“From feeling sick.”
“You’re not warm. Did you drink anything?”
“Of course not. I was driving. I just want to go to bed.”
From under the sink, she produces the lime green bowl that’s served as our puke bucket my whole life. “Take this with you. Just in case.”
I take it from her, hoping she doesn’t notice my hands are shaking. “Night.”
“Come get me if you need me during the night.”
“I will.”
My dad is in the family room when I cut through on the way to the stairs. “What’s up? Thought you’d be out for hours yet.”
“Not feeling good.”
“Oh, too bad.”
“Yeah. See you in the morning.”
“Feel better.”
“Thanks.”
I close my bedroom door and slide down to the floor, burying my face in my hands, sobbing harder than I ever have in my life, even after my grandpa died. Every part of me feels sick. We were wrong to leave Neisy there. I’ve been raised to treat others how I’d want to be treated. If something like that happened to me, I’d hope someone would help me.
What I couldn’t have known then was that the sick feeling would stay with me forever.