Chapter 24
Chapter 24
Ryder
NOW
I’m awake all night in a jail cell, terrified about what comes next. All I can think about are Caroline and my precious kids and what’ll become of them if I’m sent to prison. I gave up a lucrative engineering job to run for Congress and sunk a big chunk of our personal money into getting my campaign off the ground. This’ll ruin us in more ways than one.
An officer stops in front of my cell. “There’s an attorney here to see you.”
I get up and run my fingers through my hair.
The officer cuffs me and leads me to the same room where I met with Cam last night.
Before leaving the room, the officer uncuffs me.
The lawyer has grey hair and wire-framed glasses. He’s wearing a bespoke suit like the ones my old boss wore. “I’m Bennett Gormley.” He holds out a hand to me.
I shake his hand. “Ryder Elliott.”
“Your brother asked me to come by. I brought you a change of clothes for court.”
One of my suits hangs from a chair and my shaving bag sits on the table. That means someone went to my house to get those things. “How’s my wife?”
“I haven’t spoken to her directly, but your brother said she’s very upset, as you might imagine.”
That makes my stomach hurt even more than it already did. “What happens now?”
“You’ll be arraigned at ten a.m. in Superior Court in Newport. These are felony counts, so we won’t be entering a plea at the arraignment. Since this is your first offense, we can hope for personal recognizance with no outlay of cash.”
That’s a relief.
He slides a piece of paper across the table. “This is my retainer agreement, authorizing me to act on your behalf. The initial retainer is twenty-five thousand, half of which will be due after the arraignment. The other half is due within thirty days.”
A wave of shock rolls through me as I realize how quickly this will burn up our savings. We’ll have to sell the house. Immediately. Where will we go?
“Mr. Elliott?”
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked if you’re able to pay the retainer.”
“I, uh… Yes, but not much more than that.”
“We’ll also need to hire investigators to look into the victim and the witness.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t want them investigated.”
“Do you understand the charges you’re facing?”
“Yes.”
“In order to mount a defense—”
“What if I plead guilty? Will I still need to pay you?”
He stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “You have young children. You’ll spend the rest of their childhood behind bars if you do that. All it takes is one juror to acquit. You’d be insane to plead guilty.”
“Even if I did it?”
“Don’t tell me that.” I’m taken aback by his sharp tone. “Don’t say that to anyone.”
“I want my wife and kids to have money to survive if I go to prison. If I burn through everything we have defending myself and still get convicted, they’ll be left with nothing.”
“You don’t have to decide anything today. You should be released after the hearing, and you can discuss it with your wife and family. In the meantime, get cleaned up for court and we’ll take it from there.”
He gets up and leaves the room.
Twenty-five thousand dollars. And that’s just the beginning. I’m sick with dread, fear and regret.
That I’m in this boat is entirely my own fault. Not only did I commit the crimes I’m charged with, but I brought this down on myself by not being content with the nice, quiet life Caroline and I had created for ourselves and our kids. I needed more. Cam warned me. He said I was crazy to open myself up to the scrutiny that would come with running for office. But I was so sure I’d left those troubles behind.
Little did I know. There was a witness. A fucking witness. And now my life is in ruins. Tears run down my face as I change into the suit that Caroline sent for me. I try to imagine her standing in front of my closet in our bedroom, deciding what suit to send to jail for me to wear to my arraignment on felony sexual assault charges.
She’ll hate me for this.
Who could blame her? The thought of her hating me is far more unbearable than the night in jail was.
When I’m dressed, I bang on the door. A cop comes to cuff me and leads me to a communal bathroom. Thankfully, I’ve got the place to myself as I shave, brush my teeth and comb my hair.
I’m cuffed again and led to a State Police SUV for transport to court in Newport. The cop tosses a bag with the clothes I was wearing when I was arrested and the shaving bag into the back of the vehicle. I hope that means they don’t expect me back after court.
Will Caroline be there, or will she stay far away from this nightmare? I hope she stays away almost as much as I hope she comes. I need her, even if I don’t deserve her. I’ve never deserved her. I always knew that. She’s just found out who I really am and must be reeling.
The courthouse is surrounded by media trucks. I’m not surprised. The arrest of a congressional candidate will be big news in this state where political corruption is known to run rampant. Having a candidate accused of sex crimes is a rare occurrence, however. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s made the national news.
I’m led in through a side door where Bennett waits for me. “You’ve drawn a big crowd.”
“Is my wife here?”
“I’m not sure, but your parents are. Cam introduced me.”
Hearing my parents are here leaves me deeply ashamed for what I’m putting them through. If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d end this right now with a guilty plea. Bennett’s words from earlier, about spending their childhoods in prison, has me reconsidering that plan. I need to talk to Caroline before I decide anything.
I’ve never felt shame like this as I’m brought into court in handcuffs, which are removed when I’m positioned next to Bennett at the defense table.
A sheriff’s deputy stands three feet from me in case I get any ideas about making a run for it.
Memories of that long ago summer come flooding back, reminding me of how afraid I was the first time I stood accused of these crimes. That was nothing compared to what I feel now that I have three young children and a wife I love with all my heart—not to mention there being a witness who saw me commit rape.
I’m afraid to look behind me, not wanting to see the disappointment and fear on my loved ones’ faces.
The court is called to order, the judge comes in and the lawyers do their thing. Bennett talks about my deep ties to the community as well as my young family as he assures the judge I’m not a flight risk. No one says anything to me. I’m released on personal recognizance and ordered to surrender my passport pending trial.
“You’ll be taken back into custody until the paperwork for the PR is signed.” Bennett hands me a business card. “Come to my office at four o’clock this afternoon to discuss strategy. Bring a check for fifty percent of the retainer.”
I’m cuffed and taken to a cell in the courthouse.
An hour later, a sheriff’s deputy comes to the cell with the paperwork I’m required to sign. “You have twelve hours to surrender your passport, or you’ll be back in custody.”
“I’ll take care of that.”
“Make sure you do. They don’t fuck around with this stuff. This is a no-contact order that prohibits you from having any contact with the victim or anyone associated with the prosecution.” He hands me the paperwork to take with me.
The door opens, and Cam is there waiting for me, holding the bag with my possessions as well as my phone, which he hands to me. “We need to go out the back. The front is overrun with media.”
Cam’s SUV idles outside the door with Arlo at the wheel.
“Where’s Caroline?” I ask as we speed away from the courthouse. Getting stopped by the cops is the least of our concerns.
“She stayed home with the kids,” Cam said. “We all thought that was for the best.”
I want to ask if “all” includes her, but I keep the question to myself. I’ll find out what she thinks soon enough.
“I talked to Blaise.” Arlo looks at me in the mirror. “She’s not backing down.”
“We’ve got another problem,” Cam says.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“The affidavit could come back to haunt the rest of us.”
“How do you know?” Arlo asks.
“A vibe I picked up when I spoke to the prosecutor before court. He said he’s going to call me to discuss another matter. There’s nothing else it could be.”
“Fucking hell,” Arlo mutters.
None of us says another word on the ride to my house. I don’t look at my phone because I can’t bear to see what might be waiting for me there.
As I walk through the door, I feel like a stranger in my own home, like I already don’t belong there. I hear the kids’ voices and wonder what they’re doing home. Then I realize that Caro wouldn’t have sent Miles and Grace to school to possibly face ridicule when the whole town knows I’ve been arrested.
“We’ll…ah…give you some time with your family,” Cam says as he drops the plastic bag with my belongings inside the door.
“I need someone to take my passport to the courthouse.”
“I’ll do that this afternoon,” Arlo says.
I turn to face the two men who’ve been my closest friends all my life. “Thank you both for being there for me.”
“Always,” Arlo says.
Cam leaves without saying anything, which says everything.
I square my shoulders and walk into the family room, uncertain of what to expect.
Miles sees me and lets out a scream as he runs to me. The girls are right behind him. I scoop them up and hug them tightly, inhaling the familiar scents of shampoo, maple syrup and sweetness.
When I put them down, Miles stands to the side, eyeing me warily.
I place my hand on top of his light brown hair. “I’m okay, buddy. Don’t worry.”
He’ll have other questions, for certain, but for now, that seems to satisfy him.
I turn to face my wife, who’s seated on the sofa, holding a mug of coffee. Her sister, Maggie, who lives in Philadelphia, is next to her. That Maggie is here says a lot about Caroline’s state of mind.
“Could I please speak to my wife in private?”
Maggie glances at Caroline, who stares straight ahead, looking through me rather than at me. The chill in the air sends a shiver through me. “Caro?”
After a long moment, she stands and walks upstairs to our bedroom.
“Stay with Auntie Maggie, guys,” I tell the kids as I follow Caroline.
Inside the bedroom, I close the door and lean back against it. My gaze darts to the bed where we made love like passionate newlyweds only two nights ago.
She has her back to me, arms crossed, head down in a position of defeat that makes me ache for having done that to her.
“I’m sorry.”
She spins around, her eyes flashing with outrage. “You’re sorry ? Well, that fixes everything. Apology not accepted.” She’s never spoken to me or anyone like that, and it takes me aback.
I take a step toward her. “I understand that you’re—”
“ You understand nothing! I’ve been married to a lying rapist for eight years . I’ve slept next to a lying rapist for ten years and had three children with him only to find out I didn’t know him at all .”
“You do know me, Caro.”
She shakes her head and puts out her arm to keep me from coming any closer. “You’re a complete stranger to me.”
“I’m not. I’m the same man I’ve always been.”
“ You’re a liar! And a rapist. I want you out of here. I don’t care where you go or what you do, but you’re not welcome here.”
“Caroline, please. Listen to me.”
“I never want to see you again. Take your stuff and get out so your children and I have a chance of salvaging our lives.”
“You can’t take my kids away from me.”
“Have you lost your mind? Of course I can. You’ve been charged with sex crimes! There’s not a judge out there who’d let you near those kids.”
“Please… They mean everything to me. You know that.”
“I have nothing else to say to you. Get your shit, get out and stay gone, or I’ll take you to court to keep you away from us.”
She brushes past me on her way out of the room.
The door slams shut on our marriage.
I fall to my knees and weep.
Caroline
NOW
“I need you to get us out of here,” I tell my sister after the confrontation with Ryder. My heart has shattered into a million pieces. “Please, Maggie. Get us out of here.”
She came running last night when I called to tell her my husband had been arrested in front of our children, their friends and the friends’ parents, all of whom looked at me like I’d suddenly gone rancid or something after he was led away in cuffs.
Maggie hops into action, rounding up the kids and taking them to their rooms to pack. “We’re going on a fun vacation,” she tells them with forced enthusiasm.
“I don’t want to go on a vacation,” Miles says, sounding tearful. “I want to go back to school and see my friends.”
He doesn’t know yet that he’ll never be able to go back to that school or those friends. How will I ever explain to him that his entire life as he knew it is over, starting with the loss of the man he worshipped from the day he was born?
It’s unbearable.
If you’d asked me this time yesterday if I’d be leaving Ryder and taking our children with me to get them away from him, I would’ve thought you were out of your mind.
What a difference a day makes.
When I saw the police officers walking toward us, I thought they were there for Michael’s father, who’d been accused of domestic battery last year and was prohibited from coming within a thousand feet of his wife, Lori, and their children. I’d seen him lurking in the distance and figured the cops were there to keep him from getting any closer.
Imagine my shock when I realized they were there for my husband, not Lori’s.
As I wait for Ryder to leave so I can pack my things, I don’t know what to do with myself. Nothing could’ve prepared me for a nightmare like this. I’m one of those wives that other women love to hate, still in love with her husband after more than ten years together with never a bad word to say about him. At least I was that wife. Now I don’t know what or who I am.
Devastated.
Shocked.
Infuriated.
I’m all those things as well as crushingly disappointed to learn the man I’ve loved with all my heart is a liar and a rapist. He’s many other things, too—a loving husband and father, a hard-working provider and a wonderful son, brother, uncle and friend. But what do any of those other things matter now that the truth has been revealed?
He told me about being accused of sexually assaulting a girl he went to high school with. I asked him point blank if he’d done it. He looked me in the eyes and said no. I wonder if I ever knew him at all.
Oh, God… The fundraiser we host every year, dedicated to the memory of Ryder’s beloved high school girlfriend… I can’t very well reach out to her brother, Marty, and tell him we’re not going to be there. I’m sure he’s heard about Ryder’s arrest by now.
Heavy footsteps on the stairs alert me to him coming down.
I go into the first-floor powder room and shut the door, so I won’t have to see him again.
I fear I might beg him to stay since I have no idea what I’m going to do without him. How will I raise three children on my own without his emotional, physical and financial support? I’ve hardly eaten anything today, but when I recall sinking a huge chunk of our savings into a campaign that’s over now, it’s all I can do not to vomit.
This’ll ruin us both in every possible way, which is so unfair. All I’ve ever done is love him and our children with everything I have to give.
“Caro.”
His voice outside the door has me covering my mouth so he won’t hear my sobs.
“Please. I love you. I love our family. Please don’t make me go.”
“You need to leave, Ryder,” Maggie says. “Don’t make this any harder on her or your children than it already is.”
“I want to talk to my wife.”
“She asked you to go. That’s what you need to do.”
“I’m not going anywhere. This is my house.”
“Not anymore.”
Thank God for Maggie saying the things I can’t bear to.
“I want to hear that from her.”
“She’s already told you how she feels. Why would you want to make this worse for her than it has to be?”
“I want to see the kids.”
“It’s better if you don’t. Please go and let them try to put their lives back together.”
I hold my breath as I listen and weep silently. My heart is shattered. I’ve loved this man with my whole heart and soul, almost from the day we met.
A few minutes later, Maggie gives a light tap at the door. “He’s gone.”
I open the door and fall sobbing into my sister’s arms. “I don’t know if I’ll survive this.”
“You will. You have to. Your babies need you.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. I’ll be right there with you. I promise.”
“Mommy?”
I pull back from Maggie and make a fast attempt to pull myself together for my son’s sake. “Hey, honey.”
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m sad.”
“Where’s Daddy?”
“He had to go.”
“Where did he go?”
“I’m not sure, but we’re going to Aunt Maggie’s for a little bit. Did you finish packing?”
His little chin quivers. “I don’t want to go there. I want to go back to school to see my friends. I have basketball on Saturday. I can’t miss it. My team needs me.”
My heart breaks all over again. “Right now, we’re taking a vacation.”
“But I have school. I don’t want to go on a vacation.”
The front doorbell rings as I start to fear my head might explode.
“Get that,” Maggie says. “I’ve got him.”
I open the front door to find my next-door neighbor and close friend Aimee on my porch. I’m surprised to see her there holding a covered dish. Pushing the storm door open, I force a small smile. “Come in.”
“I brought dinner.”
She hands me the dish and a cloth bag. “It’s the ziti the kids love with salad, garlic bread and brownies.”
“Thank you so much.”
Tears fill her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry, Caro. We all are. We can’t imagine how you must be feeling.”
“I’m shattered.”
Maggie comes to take the food from me and smiles at Aimee, who she’s met a few times in the past.
“Do you remember my sister, Maggie?”
“Of course. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.”
Maggie leaves me to talk to my friend.
“What’re you going to do?” Aimee asks.
“I guess we’ll go to Maggie’s since we can’t very well stay here.”
“Yes, you can. Everyone feels awful for you and the kids.”
“They do?”
“Yes! My God, Caro. It’s not your fault or the kids’ fault that this happened. You have so many good friends in this town, who want to support you through this the way you’ve supported us through everything. You’re always the first one there with food and compassion or anything we need. Don’t go. Stay here with us and let us help you.”
Tears roll down my face as she embraces me. “Thank you.”
“I know it’s not possible to believe it now, but you’ll get through this. I know you will.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“You will.”
“How will I pay the bills without him?”
“You’ll start getting paid for the confectionary works of art you make for every birthday party. I’ve told you before you should start a business.”
“I can’t do that with three little kids.”
“You can, and you will. We’ll help you. You’re not alone.”
As she hugs me again, I feel slightly better to know I have the unwavering support of the friends who’ve been such a big part of my life in this town that belonged to Ryder when I first arrived. But I’ve made my own life here, and I’m thankful to know my friends plan to stick by me and the kids.
That, and the push she’s given me toward a means of support, makes all the difference in this nightmare.