Chapter 17
17
Belinda’s footsteps echoed softly along one of the winding trails at Kiptopeke State Park. She reveled in the sunshine, inhaling the scent of salty air. The pine trees towered above, with the underbrush filling in the space of the forest. The bay washed along the sandy shore just over the dune, and the seagulls dove for their breakfast in the glistening bay. In the distance, the concrete ships forming the breakwater stood as sentinels to the changing tides. Their weathered forms bore witness to the passage and ravages of time.
Remembering the lessons from her high school biology teacher, she knew the concrete fleet consisted of nine of the twenty-four concrete ships manufactured in the United States during WWII. Long before the bay bridge tunnels were built, the only way to cross the Chesapeake Bay was by ferry, and in the late 1940s, the concrete ships were brought to protect the ferry terminal during severe weather. Now they formed a home for fish, shellfish, and birds.
She had arrived before dawn, eager to take advantage of the earliest morning light as it peeked over the trees to the east before illuminating the waters swirling around the ships. She’d taken over a hundred photographs as the shadows slowly crept away, allowing the rays of the sun to add sparkles over the surf. At times, the sunlight reflected on the water was almost blinding, but she continued to snap pictures of the glory of the bay in the ever-changing light.
After photographing birds and the shoreline, she turned at the rhythmic sound of pounding footsteps in the sand. With a smile of recognition, she waved as Aaron came into view.
When he stopped beside her, his chest heaved with exertion, and she couldn’t help but admire the sculpted contours of his body. A sheen glistened upon his skin, and as he wiped his face with the T-shirt draped around his neck, she tried to ignore the way sweat droplets rolled down his muscular chest. She’d admired his body before but had pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind when they broke up. But now? Her gaze slowly moved down his torso to the muscles that formed the V that led to his?—
“Good morning,” he said, dropping his shirt over one shoulder.
Glad the sunshine hid her blushing face, she lifted her gaze, unable to deny the spark of attraction that flared between them. She’d felt that fire before but had also been burned. “Hey,” she said with a smile, tilting her head. “What are you doing out here?”
“The truth?”
“Always.”
“Bess told me you’d be out here when I missed you at the shop.”
Belinda’s eyes widened. “And you decided to come out here for a run?”
“Why not? I needed the run, and this place is beautiful.”
She dragged her gaze away from him and smiled. “You’re right. This park is wonderful. Have you ever walked on the boardwalk trails?”
“It’s been a long time since I have.”
“That’s where I was taking pictures,” she said, then looked behind him toward the bay. “Well, there and toward the breaker ships. I was going back on the trails now that the sun has risen.”
“Mind if I tag along?” he asked, his expression full of hope.
“Not at all,” she said, her heart as warm as the fall sun on her face. “I’d love your company.”
He pulled his shirt over his head and slipped his arms through the sleeves. They walked side by side without speaking as she snapped photographs. Finally, coming to a bench under a pine tree with the bay in the background, she shoulder nudged him and asked, “Sit for a while?”
He grinned and nodded. They settled on the wooden bench, their shoulders barely touching. Pulling the strap over her head, she set her camera on the bench next to her, glad to have something to do with her hands.
Aaron leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, and sighed heavily. She wasn’t sure what was on his mind, but the flirty Aaron was now replaced with a man, heavy with silent thoughts. No longer concerned with what to do with her hands, she reached over and gently placed her hand on his back, her fingers spread widely as they smoothed over the tense muscles underneath.
“I was born premature.”
Belinda blinked at his words, and her fingers twitched slightly. Surprise mixed with concern, and her hand halted its movements.
“I spent a lot of my first year in the hospital. Small. Underdeveloped lungs. Fed through a tube that went from my nose into my stomach until I could suck. Weak muscles. I needed special exercises so that my muscles would develop properly. I was slow to speak. Slow to walk. Slow to stand. Slow to do fucking anything.”
He twisted his neck and held her gaze. “Not that I remember back that far, of course. I’ve seen pictures, and Dad and Andy have told me about it.”
She refused to look away, but her mind was racing. He was trying to tell her something profound… something even more than the difficulties and complications of being a preemie. I’ve seen pictures. Dad and Andy have told me about it— Dad and Andy. But he’s not saying Mom.
“After the first year, I slowly improved but spent most of the first ten years of my life always behind… physically, mentally, and we won’t even talk about emotionally.”
She placed her hand on his back again, wanting to offer comfort, but found the feel of him grounded her. She rubbed his back gently, but her heart raced, uncertain what was coming next.
“Yeah… I can see it crossed your mind,” he said, still holding her gaze. “No mom in the picture. At least not after I was two years old when she decided she wasn’t cut out to be a mom, and certainly not a mom of a kid who cried easily, took longer to feed, and needed assistance. She left and never came back.”
“She… she left?” Belinda barely whispered the questions, unable to believe she’d heard him correctly.
“She packed her bags and left. At least, that’s what I’m told. I was a toddler, asleep in my crib. Well, not really a toddler since I could only stand and barely take a step at the age of two, but you get the idea.”
Her chest constricted with an ache so sharp for the little boy who had to grow up without a mother because she simply walked away. She searched for the right thing to say but knew that platitudes would never convey how much she hurt for him.
He shifted slightly as he sat up, and her hand slid off his back. Reaching around, Aaron wrapped his fingers around hers and pulled it gently so their clasped hands rested on his thigh. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. Of the two of us boys, Andy had it worse.”
“How do you figure that?”
“You’ve met Sally. She and her husband, Toby, were great friends and neighbors. Sally made sure I ate, and Toby would come over and help my dad with my exercises to strengthen my muscles. I was only two when my mom left, so I have no memories of her. Between my dad, Andy, Sally, Toby, and the others who stepped in, I was well cared for. But Andy was seven years old. I don’t guess there’s any good time for a parent to walk out, but that was a really shitty time for him. He was angry, and it took him years to figure out how to deal with that anger.”
“I can’t begin to imagine what that was like for him,” she said, choosing her words carefully and hoping they were the right ones he needed to hear. “But I imagine that at some point when you were older, you also felt that sting of her leaving.”
He barked out a scoff and nodded. “Dad made sure Andy got some counseling, but it wasn’t until he was an adult before he really understood how to deal with his anger.” He squeezed her fingers and chuckled. “Would you believe he and Ivy knew each other in high school? But it wasn’t a good relationship. He was an asshole to her and assumed he’d never see her again. Years later, he meets up with her, falls hard, and had some serious apologizing to do.”
Belinda smiled, having witnessed Andy and Ivy's love but imagining Ivy giving him hell for the way she’d been treated.
They were silent for a moment before he continued. “I blamed myself for a long time, thinking that I was the reason Mom left. I’m sure an armchair psychiatrist would have a great time looking at all my behaviors as an adult, especially with avoiding commitment, tracing it all back to being abandoned.”
“Leave first before you get left?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ve had some long talks with my dad and Andy over the past few months and realized that was my pattern. Some of my past relationships were with nice women, but I think I knew right from the beginning they weren’t the one for me. I could have some fun, enjoy being around someone’s company, and keep things light with no deep feelings, but always knew I’d be the one to leave first. It wasn’t until you came along that everything changed.”
Her heartbeat began to hammer against her ribs as she wondered what his next words would be. “How did everything change, Aaron?”
He shifted again, this time twisting his body to more fully face her, and their hands were still held between them, resting on his thigh.
“You have the most beautiful eyes.”
She blinked but remained silent, now even more unsure of where he was going with his thoughts.
“When I first stepped into the bakery, my gaze landed on Bess, and like any red-blooded male, I thought she was pretty. But when my gaze swung over to you standing behind the counter, I thought you were beautiful. When I got closer in line and I saw that your blue eyes were almost purple, I knew you were drop-dead gorgeous. And yeah, I wanted a date, so I flirted.”
A little smile slipped across her lips, remembering the first time she saw him in the shop. “I remember thinking you were one seriously attractive man. And then, when you told me your name, I remembered you from high school. What I never told you was that I had a crush on you back then.”
His wide eyes gave evidence to his surprise.
She laughed and shook her head. “You shouldn’t be surprised, Aaron. I think every girl with a beating heart in high school had a crush on you.”
He shook his head and rolled his eyes, then sighed. “By the time I was in middle school, Andy had worked with me lifting weights, and I was shoving down protein drinks so that I could keep growing. We spent hours in the backyard throwing a football or tossing a baseball back and forth. I’d felt so different in elementary school, still struggling a bit physically and with schoolwork, that when I finally started succeeding in athletics in high school, I let it go to my head. I’m surprised you noticed anything about me other than my overinflated ego since it would hardly let me through the door!”
She laughed and twisted her fingers so that their hands were linked. “I don’t think any of us should be judged by who we were in high school. I told you that I was a complete nerd all the way through high school, living through the people I focused my lens on.”
They sat quietly for another moment, each seeming to sift through their teenage angst.
“After I flirted with you in the shop, I knew I wanted to keep coming around. You were like the proverbial flame, and I was the moth. I couldn’t stay away even though I knew I’d probably get burned.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Why did you think I would burn you?”
“Because somehow I always imagined that someone I cared for would walk away… again. While I might not have remembered the day Mom packed up and left, I do remember the feeling I had when I’d wonder when she was coming home and was told that she wasn’t.”
“Oh, Aaron, my heart hurts for you. I’m so sorry. She’s missed out on the best things that life could’ve given her.”
He stared at her for a long time, searching her face, before finally allowing his lips to offer a tiny curve. After another moment, a wince replaced the smile. “I felt really bad that you overheard my conversation with Andy. It was a shit way to find out about my past relationships and a shit way to be introduced to my family. On top of that, I’d been worried about the timing of trying to start a new relationship when I had so much going on at work. My head was fucked up.” He sighed heavily. “I really liked you, Belinda. I should have never let you walk away.”
She shook her head slowly, not speaking until he looked at her again. “You don’t owe me an apology, Aaron. I overheard a conversation that wasn’t meant for my ears. I looked back and realized that I had done the exact thing that you had been accused of. I walked away before we even had a chance.”
“We both walked away for our own reasons.” A heavy sigh left his lips. “Can you believe that was almost a year ago?”
“A lot has happened since then.”
“Mainly, I pulled my head out of my ass.”
She threw her head back and laughed, and when her mirth slowed, she found him staring at her with a smile on his face.
“I realized months ago that I wanted to take the time to get to know you again, Belinda. Slowly. I wanted to give you a chance to get to know me.”
Tilting her head to the side, she stared intently, uncertain of his meaning.
“Now that we’ve built on our friendship, I’d like us to move our relationship forward. I really want to be with you, and I don’t want you ever to have any fears about me or regrets about us. My feelings for you never went away, and they’re stronger than ever.”
Her tongue darted out to lick her suddenly dry lips. Not wanting any misunderstanding, she asked, “Are we an us ?”
“I want there to be. You and me, Belinda. Together. Exclusive. No doubts. No fears. No regrets.”
At that moment, her heart soared, but she tried to hold it like a string with a kite that was caught by the wind, threatening to dance and skip away. Her feelings for him had never gone away, either, but hearing it from him gave her hope.
Their gazes held as they leaned closer. He held back, so she took the reins and closed the distance. The instant her lips touched his, it was as though every memory of kissing him came back–soft, strong lips molding perfectly to hers. The tingle that raced down her spine. And the zing of electricity that shot along every nerve from her mouth to her breasts to her core. Pulling back before she tried to push him back on the bench and do things that would frighten Mother Nature, she sucked in a breath.
She nodded slowly. “Okay. You and me.”
He glided his arms around her and held her close. They sat on the bench, the breeze blowing under the pine trees and the sound of the surf in the distance. Resting in his arms, she knew she was falling for him once again.