Chapter Fourteen
Everest
Thorne thinks he’s fucking funny. I should’ve known that he was up to something when he asked me what my type was.
Of course he got to pick my night guard, and of course he found someone that matches the description I gave him perfectly.
He’s tall, deliciously tall, and completely covered in tattoos.
He reeks of masculinity, even more so than Axel does despite being slightly smaller than him.
There’s just one thing that Thorne forgot… Jett is so fucking submissive.
I was giving him attitude, trying to push his buttons, and he just folded.
He let everything I did slide right off his back as if it didn’t affect him at all.
I want someone that pushes back, that challenges me, and instead I got the two easiest bodyguards in the world… a twink and golden retriever.
This is going to be a long three months.
Jett uses his badge to unlock a set of double doors and holds it open.
For the very first time, I step inside the actual prison.
There’s an immediate flip in the whole aura of this place.
Where the warm lights and white walls of the section I’ve been staying in were very clinical, this place is the exact opposite.
Its floors and walls are a dark stone, and the lights are sparsely installed leaving dark corners and edges at every turn.
There’s a lack of ventilation that has the entire space smelling musty and damp.
Surprisingly, everything seems to be pretty clean, though.
We pass signs that show the direction of the block that I’m going to be staying in, and he points it out as we pass by. I nod to acknowledge it but stay silent. I remain lost in my own thoughts as he continues to lead us down the winding hallways.
I was so desperate to get out of town, even if just for a little while. I would’ve left a long time ago if it weren’t for Axel, but I could never convince myself to talk with him about it. I feel guilty that I have all the shit I could ever want and I still wasn’t happy.
Axel would move with me. I know he would. Even if it meant losing his job and having to pay to get out of the contract on his apartment, because that’s just the kind of person he is. He’s always been willing to do anything for me, and I kind of hate that I’ve always had that.
I feel like loving me is a burden for him, and I’m tired of being his…
baggage. Just because we’ve known each other our whole lives, doesn’t mean he has to be responsible for me.
He doesn’t think of it that way, but I want to be okay on my own so that he can find a life for himself.
He has nobody and I know that he wants to meet someone he loves so that he can have a family and kids.
People that he can go home to every night.
I want that for him even more than I want it for myself, honestly.
I thought that coming here would be a good compromise.
I could get some time away from my job, away from that stupid city, and just get to be myself for once.
I wouldn’t have to hide parts of myself, I wouldn’t have to get up at the ass crack of dawn and drag myself to a job I secretly hate, smile through meaningless conversations with co-workers, and go home to watch the same boring television shows until it was time to do it all over again.
Repeating that same shitty routine over and over again until it’s basically all muscle memory.
We’ve only been here a couple of weeks, but I don’t feel any better.
In fact, the more time that passes, the worse I feel.
I’ve realized that there is no compromise.
If I stay where I’m at to make Axel happy, I’ll be miserable, which makes Axel unhappy.
If I leave Axel behind so that he can find happiness, I’ll feel like I’m missing a part of myself, which means he probably will too.
I know, because now that we’ve been separate for a while, not having him by my side is…
strange. No matter what I do, no matter what I decide, I’ll never actually be happy.
My brain is just wired wrong. It’s broken.
I’m broken.
Every time I reach a goal, the high eventually wears off and I think I just need one more thing to finally be content.
It never works though, because there’s just something missing inside of me.
There’s this hole that I’m never going to be able to fill, and it’s time that I just take it for what it is.
My old therapist would be proud of me for even thinking that.
This is me. I’m chaotic, messy, loud, and impulsive. Most of all… I’m sad, a lot, and that’s okay.
I’m determined to do everything I can to function on my own though, because if there was ever a time to put distance between the two of us, it’d be as soon as we get back from here.
Axel will already be used to being away from me, and if I can just pretend to be satisfied long enough to move somewhere else, then maybe he’ll actually be okay without me.
I can act like I’ve had some grand epiphany, that I want to do more with my life, and he’ll be happy for me.
I may never be happy, but he will eventually.
He’ll finally get the chance to take his own life by the reins and do all the things that I’ve been holding him back from.
“You okay, E?”
I glance over at Jett, staring at him blankly.
His brows are furrowed, and he watches me with concern.
It takes me a minute to remember what we were even doing, but since we’re standing outside the bathroom door, the pieces slide into place relatively quickly.
It’s obvious that he’s worried about me.
Whether it’s because I look like a hot mess right now, or if it’s because I’ve been so lost in my own shitty thoughts that I was completely zoned out, I don’t know.
I just know that I feel bad about the way I acted earlier, and my life being a cocktail of toilet remnants isn’t exactly his fault.
It’s not mine either, but it’s definitely not his.
I let out a deep breath as I relax my shoulder. “Listen… I’m sorry about earlier. I’ve just got a lot going on up here right now.” I say as I tap my knuckle against my head. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you. So, I uhh… apologize. For that. Earlier.”
“It’s not a big deal,” he shrugs his shoulders as he runs his hand through his hair.
“I’m here to be your friend, but if you don’t like me then that’s okay, too.
” We’re standing so close to one another, and his voice is so deep that it feels like it’s rumbling inside my chest. It’s obvious that he’s from a different country.
He doesn’t talk a whole lot, but his English is a little rough around the edges, so I don’t think it’s his first language.
I scoff at him and roll my eyes as I push on his shoulder to turn him into the bathroom door. Like him? Ha. I wish the problem was that I didn’t like him… if only things were that simple. My brain isn’t exactly on board right now, but my body damn sure likes him.
The bathroom is surprisingly clean, and our footsteps echo loudly against the tiled walls and floors as we walk through the locker area.
There isn’t anyone else in the bathroom right now, which seems kind of impossible considering the amount of people here.
This bathroom is just for my wing, but no one else being in here still seems odd.
“You ate lunch really late today, but a lot of people have appointments or tests right after lunch, so they usually eat dinner a little later in the evening. It’ll get busy in here before long.” He explains as he points toward the showers.
I start to peel off my shirt as I head in their direction. I can hear his footsteps echoing behind mine, so I turn to look over my shoulder and see that he’s right on my heels. I glance down at his hands and notice that he also has a bag and clothes with him.
“What the fuck are you doing? Showering with me?”
He squints his eyes, stares at me, and tilts his head curiously. “Is that what you want me to do, E?”
I turn all the way around to face him, crossing my arms defiantly. “Sorry, do I look that desperate?”
I try not to squirm even though a chill runs down my spine as his gaze trails over my bare chest and lazily drifts lower.
There’s almost a reverent glint in his eyes as he catalogs every inch of my flesh, memorizing every curve and contour he possibly can.
I can feel the heat radiating off of him, and my dick hasn’t gotten the memo that this isn’t the time to get excited.
There’s no way that these pants are hiding it from him either. He has to notice.
His eyes snap back up to mine as he smirks at me. “Yes.”
The asshole.
“If you actually believe that I’m desperate enough to have sex with someone I just met, for absolutely no reason, you clearly need to get yourself checked by Wilder.”
“I can tell you haven’t been here long, schon. IOU’s are coveted. They are…” He stops to think about what he’s saying, confirming my theory that English might not be his first language. “The best currency.”
I don’t know what he said in another language, but it doesn’t matter to me right now.
All he’s doing is trying to rile me up, and for some reason, I’m letting him.
Maybe this is the back-and-forth I was looking for.
Maybe he didn’t react to my attitude earlier because he’s confident enough that he doesn’t let it affect him.
He can definitely take my shit and still banter back and forth with me without getting his panties in a bunch.
Okay. Okay. I can work with that. I might be stretching at this point, but I’ll take it.
“Get fucked, Jett.” I snarl back with a scowl.