Chapter 16.
I woke up in an awfully cold bed.
The ambient light was already blooming across the ceiling when the tones of my alarm yanked me from my sleep – a soft, neuro-sensitive soundscape designed to mimic distant wind chimes.
Still, it didn’t make being dragged out of sleep by something artificial any better.
I silenced it with a mumbled voice command, then stared at the ceiling for a moment.
The world around me was too bright, too awake.
It couldn’t have been real – and yet, my body felt raw from her relentless fingers. Even if the sex wasn’t real, I knew the orgasm had been. I’d come in my dreams before, without needing any physical touch.
Even more real was the hole in my chest. Like my ribcage had been torn open, baring my heart only to rip it out.
I dragged myself to the bathroom with a clouded mind.
My body was here, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally, I was still in that luxury bedroom with her.
My head was heavy with equal parts euphoria and devastation, like I’d been offered a teasing taste of heaven just to know what I could never have.
I stared at my image in the mirror for several seconds before I recognized myself.
The bags under my eyes betrayed my lack of sleep – even though I’d been knocked out for a good few hours. My fingers flew to the sides of my neck where she’d choked me and sucked on my skin, as if expecting to find marks of her love.
My heart sank when I found none.
Of course, I should’ve known it was impossible. But somehow, her touch had been so intense, so violent, so possessive, I was sure I’d find its reminders the next day.
The undeniable truth was a tightening rope around my chest.
None of it was real, and now it could never happen again. I would spend the rest of my days longing for an illusion.
I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and cry all day, watching stupid movies and playing stupid video games to distract myself.
But I knew that if I were to break my routine now, depression would regain its iron grip on my heart real fast. And so, I dragged myself into my clothes, out of the house, into the subway and on to my corporate duty, lead weighing down my legs.
My co-workers’ daily gossip was now nothing more than a faint buzz in the background – as were Joey’s jokes.
“Alright, Morgan, that’s it.” I flinched slightly at Joey’s voice, suddenly close behind me.
He pointed at my screen. I sighed, realizing I’d just flagged the chatbot’s reported “That’s a great suggestion!
” in response to a customer’s sarcastic comment to throw itself off a bridge as ‘not inappropriate’.
“This is the third time you’ve made some, well, interesting choices in the thirty minutes I’ve been watching you.
” He said it as a joke, but the frown betrayed him.
“You’re staring ahead like you’re a bot yourself.
Care to tell me where your mind’s at, since it’s obviously not here? ”
“I didn’t realize you were my manager.” I hid my head in my hands with another sigh. How had I not noticed he was looking over my shoulder?
“You’re lucky I’m not, because Arya will be a lot less amused than I am.” He lowered his voice so that our conversation couldn’t reach Chanel and Elyssa’s ears. “Seriously. Are you okay?”
I kept my eyes fixed on the screen, afraid I’d burst out in tears the moment our eyes met.
How was I even supposed to answer this question?
Well, I took your advice and finally got laid again – with a dominant goddess of a woman who rearranged my insides in the best way.
Only problem is that she’s not real, and neither was the experience.
Oh, and the tech we used for it is dangerous, and highly addictive – so now I have to resume my life knowing the best sex I ever had was not only an illusion, but also one that can never happen again. How sad is that?
“I’m fine,” I muttered.
Joey groaned. Unfortunately, he was the only person I knew who didn’t expect ‘I’m fine’ to the world’s most dead-end question.
“How about we go do something fun?” he said then, to my surprise.
I glanced up despite myself. “Fun?”
He laughed at my dumbfounded expression. “Yeah, Morgana – fun, the thing people do to make this dull life bearable. Don’t worry, I won’t drag you to the bar again. Maybe we can get out of the city this weekend? Take a long walk in nature or some shit.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his grimace. Joey was not a nature person, but he knew I was. And he was right – it’d been months since we had been out of the city.
“Nature sounds good,” I heard myself say. Tears welled up behind my eyelids again. I blinked violently trying to keep them at bay. “Thank you,” I whispered – barely trusting myself to speak.
Sometimes, Joey knew me better than I knew myself. He knew I was far from fine – but he also knew I wouldn’t spill here.
He lightly squeezed my shoulder, flashing me a genuine smile that made his whole face light up. “Hang in there. Just fifteen more minutes and we’re done for the day.” He rolled his eyes at Arya’s closed office door.
“He’s been in there for an awfully long time,” Chanel commented.
I looked from one to the other. I probably would’ve known what they were talking about if I’d been paying attention to their conversation for the past few hours, but my attention had been entirely caught by flashbacks of last night and Zafyra’s parting words.
“Who?” I asked reluctantly when no one enlightened me.
“John.” Chanel clapped her hands together, her eyes sparkling with undisguised malicious pleasure at the idea of her co-worker being in trouble. “I hope he’s going to get fired for harassing Nadia in the bathroom last week.”
“He won’t get fired for that.” Elyssa rolled her eyes. “Not as long as he’s one of our ‘top performers’,” she muttered, her hands making air quotes to illustrate her words.
I nodded, hoping it looked like I cared about John’s fate. John bothering his female co-workers was nothing new, nor was management’s lack of action toward him. Just another reason to leave this company as quickly as I could.
But was the alternative better? Selling my soul to a sketchy chatbot producer on the dark web, handing my heart to one of their bots, and slowly bleeding what was left of my sanity into her virtual claws?
At that moment, the door flew open. We all quickly turned back to our screens.
“Speak of the devil,” Joey mumbled, loud enough for all of us to hear. Chanel burst out into muffled giggling, which earned her a firm elbow nudge from Elyssa.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed John walking over to me. I kept my eyes on the screen, mentally praying he wouldn’t start talking to me.
“Morgan?” I looked up with the fakest smile I could muster when he said my name. “Arya wants to speak to you.”
My eyebrows shot up. I deliberately ignored the three pairs of eyes that turned toward me. “Me? Why?”
“She’ll tell you.” John crossed his arms – was I mistaken, or did I catch a hint of smugness under his stiff expression?
Mumbling a string of curses under my breath, I shoved my chair back with a firmness that startled Chanel.
Right. Act normal. Don’t let them think you’re weird.
I refused to meet the prying eyes – imagined or not? – as I walked toward the most dreaded place for all employees. Thoughts raced through my head, making my stomach turn with anxiety.
I hated not knowing what I was in for. Did this have something to do with breaking Gavin’s nose?
I wouldn’t put it past Gavin to file a formal complaint, even though he started it – and John would no doubt back it up.
My job used to be fairly secure since I was also one of the top performers, but lately, my results had been slacking.
“Close the door behind you,” Arya said by way of a greeting. She leaned back in her chair, her expression unreadable.
I did as she said and sat down opposite her, anxiety raging through my pulse. I’d never been in her office twice in such a short timespan, and I didn’t like it one bit.
Through half-closed eyelids, I studied my manager.
Her nails were perfectly manicured, not a hair out of place in her short black cut, her dark eyes enlarged behind thick glasses.
I could tell she’d once been a young girl with ambitions, maybe even morals, but corporate greed had slammed them out of her and turned her into the screw in the machine she was now.
I squinted my eyes, trying to assess her age.
She could be no older than in her late forties.
How long could one work at a company like this one before turning into her?
“How are you?” Arya interrupted my train of thoughts with a forced smile.
“I’m fine.” I forged one back. My manager was, in fact, one of those people who wanted no other answer than ‘fine’.
She cleared her throat, a sign we were about to go straight to business. Good – every second stalling only heightened my anxiety.
“Here’s the thing.” She folded her hands.
“As you may have noticed, Gavin Jenkins hasn’t been in our office for over a week.
His attendance has been suffering for a while, but now, he doesn’t come in at all.
He doesn’t respond to messages, calls, or even the formal warning that was sent to him earlier this week. ”
She pressed her thin lips together, raising her eyebrows. I nodded slowly, my face twisting into a frown. I actually had not noticed Gavin’s absence. “And you’re worried something’s wrong with him.”
“No, I’m worried about how this will affect quarterly results.
” Arya slammed down a file of stapled-together papers with a firmness that made me flinch.
She started hastily skipping through them, and I absently wondered why companies like ours still used paper when everything could be done digitally.
Clearly, they didn’t care for saving trees, but not even for efficiency?
“I asked John Lewis – given his friendship with Gavin – but according to him, Gavin is not answering him, either.” She finally glanced up at me.
“He suggested I speak to you. He said you may know more, since apparently…” She narrowed her eyes in undisguised disdain, “…mister Jenkins and you are involved in the same side hustle you neglected to report to me. Is that correct, Morgan?”
I closed my eyes for a moment, fighting the dread that manifested as bile in my throat.
Fucking John. The leech was probably mad at Gavin for ignoring him, and he already couldn’t stand me, so now he decided to out us both in the process.
“Gavin’s side hustle,” I corrected, looking my manager in the eye.
Apparently, lying got easier the more you practiced – who would’ve thought?
“Not mine. He tried to convince me to sign up, but frankly, this job is taking up all my energy, so I hardly have time for his pyramid schemes.” I raised my eyebrows.
“Besides, in case last week’s encounter didn’t make it clear, Gavin and I aren’t friends.
Even if we did have the same side hustle – which we don’t – I don’t see how that has anything to do with me knowing his whereabouts. ”
My own sharp voice startled me. I hadn’t intended to snap like that, but sometimes when my emotions had been festering too long, they flooded like that.
Arya’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment, I thought she was about to lecture me on my tone.
Instead, she shook her head, leaning forward to rub her temples.
She suddenly seemed exhausted. “Well, according to John, Gavin kept bragging about how profitable his side hustle was and how he soon wouldn’t need this job anymore. ”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s bullsh—that’s untrue. They don’t pay for over fourteen hours per week. According to Gavin,” I quickly added upon seeing her scowl.
Arya nodded. She put her pen to her chin – pens, another thing we definitely didn’t need in 2055 – and thought about it for a moment.
Then, she made a dismissive gesture. “Alright then. Well, if you do hear from mister Jenkins, let him know that we have no choice but to terminate his employment. The formal letter will be sent out this week. This is not a place where employees can just come and go as they please.”
I nodded slowly. Somehow, her words sounded like a warning.
“You are dismissed,” she added after a pause. I quickly got up, realizing I probably should’ve picked up the cue.