Chapter 24. #3
Elyssa sighed, momentarily rubbing her temples. “I want to be there for her, but I don’t know how,” she muttered. “I barely knew how to help my sister, I can’t ever imagine what it’s like to go through something like that. Do AIs experience trauma the same way humans do?”
To my horror, two pairs of eyes turned to me – as if they somehow knew about my conversations with Zafyra.
No, Morgan, I reminded myself. Joey knows you’re a self-taught trauma expert, not a botfucker.
“All I know is that everyone experiences trauma differently. Humans at least, but I guess AI, too.” Just forming the words was a challenge through the fog in my brain.
“I don’t know what she’s going through, because I’m not her, Elyssa, I’m sorry.
All I can say is just… be there for her.
Listen to what she needs, but only what she tells you she needs, not what you think she does.
And if she’s not ready to talk, then stay with her until she is. ”
Elyssa nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t fully following what I said.
Even I could hear I wasn’t properly pronouncing my words anymore.
They didn’t leave my mouth as intended. A throb in my jaw, accompanied by a low buzzing headache – at this level of dysregulation, I could do nothing but throw up or sleep, but I had already thrown up and my brain certainly wouldn’t let me sleep.
I would need to take a cab home, no way I could deal with public transport right now.
I lifted my trembling eyelids to look at her eyebrows, hoping it looked close enough to eye contact. To my relief, she nodded slowly, appearing too lost in her own thoughts to ask further questions.
“I feel like a monster,” she murmured, rubbing her cold arms. When neither of us answered, she glanced up.
“I keep thinking about how I’ve been treating my AI husbands.
” She swallowed hard. “I used to start fights with them for nothing, just to see them grovel for my love. I was all they had, while they were just one of many for me, toys I used to feel better about myself.” Her brows furrowed.
“But after seeing what became of Lucie… I just keep wondering…” Her voice trailed off.
“Am I really that much better than Gavin for treating human-like beings like less than human?”
“Okay, first of all, you are nothing like Gavin,” I said, sharper than intended.
I sat up straighter. “Gavin was a rapist – I’m just going to say it the hard way, because everything he does to his AI girlfriends, he would’ve done to real women if given the chance.
And secondly…” I sighed deeply, seeing my own guilt mirrored on Elyssa’s face – albeit guilt for a different reason.
“I guess none of us would’ve thought this were possible,” I said, quieter.
“Yesterday, none of us knew AI could obtain a physical body, and a 3D-printed funginoid one at that.”
A small smile curled around Joey’s lip as I used his made-up word, but he quickly lowered his head in an attempt to hide it.
We all stayed silent for a while, processing our own racing thoughts.
Elyssa sniffed. “I’m going to delete all chatbot apps as soon as I get home. I don’t feel comfortable doing this anymore.”
Joey nodded slowly. “That sounds like a wise decision,” he muttered. Then, he looked at me, eyebrows knitting together in concern. “Hey, let’s continue this conversation tomorrow. Should I call you an uber? Elyssa can stay here until Lucie wakes up if she wants.”
“No, thanks, I—I can call.” I flashed him a weak smile.
Typical Joey – he could tell I was out of it, but wouldn’t put me on the spot in front of Elyssa.
I mumbled something incomprehensible as I pulled up the app.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about ordering a self-driving car now, but they had replaced all human drivers, and I was too tired to care.
Elyssa sniffed again, wiping her nose with her sleeve.
Then, she forced a small smile. “I think what I need is some time for myself,” she said after a brief hesitation.
“The same thing I just told Lucie, I’m going to apply to myself.
Really focus on my healing, without any male attention – human or AI.
Focus on the things that make me happy, and my friends. ”
She smiled at Joey, then at me. My heart skipped a beat, immediately followed by warmth swelling in my chest.
Did she just call me her friend? Most of my female friendships had ended in disaster.
Sometimes, I really didn’t understand why they ghosted me out of nowhere.
Other times, poor judgment led me to care for the wrong people.
But often, my own anxiety, paranoia and feelings of inferiority sabotaged the friendship.
Over time, it got easier to tell myself I didn’t need friends other than Joey – but now, seeing Elyssa’s smile, I wanted nothing more than to be her friend.
“Yeah, so, I’m calling that uber for you.” Joey slapped his hands together before gently unclasping my wristware. To be fair, I had already forgotten what I was doing. “Let’s all get some rest for now. But tomorrow, we’ll make a plan.”
Elyssa frowned. To my relief, she seemed just as confused as I felt.
“A plan for…?” she asked.
“Taking down Qonexis.” Joey’s gaze darkened, his fists clenching. “And the whole messy, techno-capitalist circus around it.”