30. Ryan
30
RYAN
This was my first holiday season as a Commodore where I had a plus-one to team events. I’d gotten so used to going stag that I never thought about it. I was the guy at the bar with a beer in his hand, ready to laugh and bullshit with whoever walked up.
Now, for the holiday party and then Yuri’s New Year’s Eve bash, I was the guy with the new girlfriend. I hated the attention and the knowing smirks. But I fucking loved having her on my arm.
In the house, at the games, and in between—anytime Nica was nearby—things seemed right. She never nagged me like Amanda had. Never seemed frustrated if I was deep in thought. Never drank too much and started talking shit about my teammates’ partners.
But screw what she wasn’t. More important was who she was.
To me, she was everything. For a woman who’d built a platform out of bold statements and flashy posts, Nica Solance was also subtle as hell. Subtly funny, clever, kind, and sexy beyond words. My first impression of her had been right. She was quiet, but she knew how to enjoy life. And I was the lucky bastard who got to enjoy it with her.
My game was better than it had ever been. The more I played, the more my goalie Force strengthened. We were near the top of our conference, flirting with the number one position. I didn’t let myself think of it much, but I’d done what I’d promised in that press conference. I’d been myself and not let the team down.
Quinn was ready to start practicing again. By the all-star break, we would likely be splitting games, with me starting four or five in a row to his one. He had to build up his stamina, but he was coming back. We were all happy for him. Even me. With the way this fall had gone, I felt like my place on the team was stronger than ever. It would be some time before Quinn was full force again. I liked the idea of a more even split of games through this season at least.
Everything seemed in its place like never before. Kissing Nica at midnight on New Year’s felt like a harbinger of all good things to come.
January was the typical snowy return to focus. Nica never did find an apartment in Seacrest. This month, she let her lease expire on the place in Hartford. We officially lived together, even though she insisted that “soon” she’d get her own place. I didn’t argue, but Henrik whined anytime she mentioned it.
Quinn got a round of applause the first day he laced up for practice. He was slower than normal, which was to be expected. I was impressed at how calm he was about it and told him so in the locker room.
He laughed. “I have been working with a mindset coach. It is the only way I can be patient enough to take my time.”
I clapped his shoulder. “Smart move, French. You’ll be back to full speed soon enough.”
And I was right. The recovery team he employed must’ve been wizards because Quinn looked stronger day to day. We were on track to have him start right after the all-star break.
Nica and I were having coffee. It was Friday, the day before the week-long break officially began. The day before we left for six days in Turks and Caicos—Nica’s first time flying first class. I’d laughed at her when she offered to pay half of the trip and assured her I had reward points to cover it. One day, I hoped she’d stop feeling like she owed me something.
I looked at her over my mug. “Quinn will start the first game back.”
She nodded. “As if we haven’t been blasting that for a week online.”
“I just… Eventually, he’ll start again, and I’ll be backup.”
She tilted her head. “Yeah? So?”
That response was enough, but I went on. “You’re okay with dating the backup goalie?”
Nica stared at me for a long moment. And then, she burst out laughing.
She giggled so hard that tears glistened her eyes. “What kind of question is that, goofball?”
I gestured helplessly. “I mean, a valid one, I thought? It’s not the status that I have now. I just wanted to make sure you understood it.”
Nica slid off her barstool and stood between my legs. She cupped my face in her hands. “I love you . I hit on you when I had no idea who you were. I crushed on you when your fashion sense made you look like a mop in a flannel and glasses.”
I groaned and palmed my forehead, but she pulled my hand away. Her smile was too bright to resist. “I love you, Ryan Molloy. You are my goalie, no matter how many games you play. If you love what you do, then I love it, too.”
“God, I love you ,” I said on an exhale before hauling her into my arms and up onto the island. Her coffee-flavored kiss backed up her claims. This is this.
She pulled away with a pop of our mouths and grinned. “Save that for the hotel tomorrow, buster. I gotta get to work now.”
“Yeah, I have a meeting today. Coach told me last night.”
Nica tilted her head. “Team meeting?”
“Don’t think so.”
She furrowed her brow but shrugged. “Let me know how it goes. Especially if it’s something I can share with your followers.”
“Ugh. How big is the profile now?”
That got me a huge smile. “Ten thousand as of Monday. I am so good.”
I leaned in and nipped her neck. “You are good at many things. Making me look cool is one of them.”
Her lips brushed my ear. “Taking your cock is another.”
With a groan, I buried my face in her shoulder. “Read my mind and also ruined my concentration.”
She giggled and scratched my back. “We’ll do plenty of that at the beach. I gotta go now, baby.”
“But you could come first.”
She shooed me away since we both knew there was no time. I grabbed my jacket and followed her outside. Nica slid into her new Mazda, which she’d bought on a New Year sale. I wanted to buy her a car, but she had insisted on doing it herself. We followed each other to the rink and rode the elevator to the third floor together. She blew me a kiss and slid into her chair while I headed on.
“Morning, Coach,” I said with a knock on Delgato’s office door.
He flashed a close-lipped smile. “Hey, Molls. Let’s go talk to Hunt.”
My brows knitted. Coach was clearly tense as he stood and led me back to the elevator. We went one floor up to Hunter’s executive suite. The owner gave me the same tight smile when we walked in. He shook my hand and gestured to a chair.
“Everything okay?” I asked, glancing between them.
“Yes, and absolutely not,” Hunter said. He clasped his hands on the desk and looked me in the eye. “I’ll get right to it, Molloy. I’ve traded you.”
The words bounced around my suddenly hollow chest. I stared at him, trying to absorb the moment.
He went on. “I’m mad as hell to do it, but I have to remove my feelings from business. The new Oregon franchise has struggled with their defense all season. No way are they making the playoffs this year, but they have potential. They’re offering me a top-round draft pick in exchange for you. Your contract is up this year, and they’ve told me they’re willing to negotiate generously to keep you.
“They want you as the backbone of the team, Ryan. Now, I could say no. I could turn down fresh talent for our team and keep you on. But that would deny you a chance to be a starting goalie. Quinn is this franchise’s star in net. You are a fucking star, too, and you should be playing as such. So I said yes. It’s gutted me to do it because, hell, you’re integral to our team in so many ways. But that’s the game.”
“Oregon,” I echoed.
“Oregon.”
Delgato spoke up. “I fucking hate this, Molls. Don’t know what I’ll do without you and all your notes for the team. And, ha, I’ll be nervous as hell to face you in a game eventually. But you deserve to start, kid. You’re not meant to ride out your career on the bench.”
I cleared my throat and took a massive breath. This is the life. This is the job. You jumped from Virginia to Connecticut to become a Commodore. You can make this transition, too. It’s how it goes.
“I see. When do I need to report there?”
Hunter wiggled his eyebrows. “Monday. They want to use the break to set you up with the franchise.”
I pushed my glasses up and rubbed my eyes hard. “Wow. Alright then. I’ll, uh, get my stuff.”
They each shook my hand when we stood. Ambivalence gripped me hard. Resentment and anger at being blindsided. Respect and appreciation that they gave me this shot. All those roiling emotions churned in my gut while I followed Delgato to the elevator.
He punched the third floor and glanced at me. “You going to see Nica?”
Nica.
I swallowed hard to keep the bile down. Shaking my head, I punched the bottom floor. Coach didn’t press or make chitchat. I appreciated that.
The maroon and navy stripes led me to the locker room for the last time as a Commodore. The next time I was here, I would be in a different uniform, headed to the visitor’s door. I am not a Commodore anymore.
Grateful as hell that no one was around, I stepped into our locker room— their locker room—and sank to the bench. Bittersweet tears stung my eyes that I didn’t try to dam. I loved this fucking team. Would die for them. Didn’t know how to envision life without them.
And by the end of the season, I’d feel that way about a whole other group of people. If you’re lucky. If lightning strikes twice and they turn out to be as incredible as the Commodores.
I wiped my eyes and sniffled hard. Pity party was over. I went to my locker and grabbed Yoda and the few effects I stored there. Then, I reached up and swiped my name plate from its slot as a souvenir.
I did not let myself think about Nica. Not until I got home and saw her mug beside mine on the counter. Only then did another wave of tears hit me.
How the hell was I going to tell her?
My phone jerked me out of my thoughts.
GeneV: The Pub. Now. That’s an order.
No way could I go out with red eyes and a mopey expression. I splashed water on my face, combed my hair, and went back to the car. Tires crunched the gravel parking lot, so familiar. So final. It was noon, but cars filled the lot. I jogged up the porch and hauled open the door.
A wall of cheers and applause nearly knocked me off my feet.
The entire team, Tony, and all our regulars formed two lines into the bar. I shook my head and walked in, high-fiving every last one of them. My throat clenched with more emotion. By the looks on their faces, I wasn’t the only one holding a lot in.
“Dammit, Molls,” Gene shouted to get the mob quiet. “Damn you and your sick skills. Why you gotta be so good, huh? If you were just a little more mid, we could keep you on the bench forever.”
I bit my lip. “Sorry, Cap,” I rasped at last, drawing a round of laughs.
Gene lifted his glass, and every last person followed. Ethan pushed a drink into my hand and tapped his iced tea against it.
Gene smiled. “Here’s to Ryan ‘Molls’ Molloy. May his new team bask in the glory of his talents. May his spreadsheets be populated with wins. May he never, ever flinch from a shootout.
“Except when he’s playing the Commodores!”
I laughed, and more damn tears blurred my vision. “Here, here!” I shouted.
They went quiet, and I looked around. “Thanks, guys. Fuck, I can’t believe I’ve gotta go. I was ready to wear maroon and navy until I retired. But, uh, I guess this is the game. Still. You goofy, talented jerks are my friends. And I will never forget that. So here’s to the game, and here’s to teammates for life.”
“The Game! Teammates for life!” echoed everyone in the room.
From there, the party quieted down. Everyone took a turn wishing me well and saying goodbye. I promised Dustin I’d be back for his wedding next year. I told Ethan to fuck off one more time. And I held up my glass to Quinn, who snatched it from my hand and instead clapped me in a massive hug. Wiping my eyes again, I turned around.
Face-to-face with Vinny Solance.
My jaw clenched as he nodded once. “Gutted to hear it, man,” he muttered.
“Same.”
He breathed a dry laugh. “What am I going to do without Nica around?”
My brows knitted. “Dude. I… don’t expect her to come with me.”
Vinny stared at me like I’d lost several marbles. It was an oddly familiar look, thanks to his sister. At last, he shook his head slowly. “I’d be shocked if she didn’t. Why the hell wouldn’t she?”
“She’s got her life here. I can’t ask her to leave that.”
“Pretty sure you won’t have to, buddy. Just, you know. Let her come home to visit when she can. She’s the only family I’ve got.”
I wanted to argue more but then realized he wasn’t the one I should be discussing this with. Plus, the pain in his eyes said enough. We clinked glasses, and he drifted away.
There had been so many team gatherings at The Pub where I was the last to leave. The single guy in no hurry to go home. Today, I was the last to leave for a very different reason. I couldn’t bear to think about not seeing these guys all the time. Couldn’t process that I’d not walk into this bar again anytime soon. But at last, the party was done. I thanked Tony once more and cruised home, so deep in thought that I didn’t register her car in the drive.
Reality smacked me straight in the face when I walked in and found her sitting on the floor with Henrik in her lap. Fear and pain dulled her gaze.
“Goalie. What the fuck?” she whispered.
I bit down on my lip, but my eyes leaked anyway. “Sorry, baby. Gonna have to cancel the beach.”