33. Nica
33
NICA
He froze as the door fell shut behind him. I darkened my phone and watched him gape at me. At last, he set his phone down, but he still didn’t move. Henrik danced at his feet, beside himself with joy to see his dad again. At last, Ryan bent down and used both hands to pet the pup.
My heart crawled up my throat. To be fair, it had done that regularly for the past two days.
“Nica?” he whispered at last.
I swallowed hard and tried to remember what I’d planned to say. “You said I could come anytime. So, I did. We did.”
“I didn’t see the flight on the card. How did you get him on the plane?”
“I didn’t. I drove.”
His jaw fell open. “Why?”
Just do it. Be bold. Be audacious. Be—oh, just do it. “Because we had to bring our stuff. Good thing I got a new car. The old one wouldn’t have made it cross-country in February.”
“Nica, that wasn’t safe. You should’ve?—”
“No, Goalie. You should’ve. You should’ve stopped for a second to think about what you were doing leaving me behind. How dare you? How dare you force me to drive three thousand miles with nothing but my thoughts and Henrik to keep me company? Do you know how loud the voices in my head were? How many times they screamed at me that this was a huge mistake? Asked what the hell I was doing, having the nerve to come here? As if I had any right to just waltz into your hotel room. As if you would even want to see me.”
He swallowed hard. “You have every right. And of course I do.”
“You say that. But you didn’t send for me. Didn’t break down and hop a plane to come get me. You… you were content to leave, Ryan.”
Damn the tears that I promised I wouldn’t cry. I bit down on my wobbly lip.
Ryan threw himself to his knees in front of me. His hands gripped my waist. Green eyes begged me. “I am nowhere near content. I am a fucking mess . And a goddamn fool. I had no choice but to go, Nica. But I know I fucked this up. I know it was all my shit that kept me from strategizing better for us. I just didn’t want you to have to choose between me and Seacrest. I didn’t want to pull you from your happy life just to follow me. Who am I? How could I ask for that? And what would I do when you—when you regretted it?”
His voice broke in a hoarse rasp that shattered my heart. I sobbed ugly tears. “You are my goalie,” I bawled, but my voice was garbled.
He cocked his head. “What did you say?”
I tried to check the mess. “You… you are my goalie. That’s who you are. I come from nothing , Ryan. From a trailer park in rural Connecticut. Everything I’ve ever done, I made happen for myself. I’ve slept in my car, stashed food in my purse to keep from going hungry, and made do . And somehow, some fucking how, all that led me to you. To a life. To the little family you, me, and Henrik were becoming.
“I am sure I don’t deserve all the love you’ve given me. I’m also damn sure you don’t deserve the way I’m overriding your silly fears and obviously flawed plans.”
“I definitely don’t.”
“But it’s not about what we deserve or don’t deserve.” My tears abated, leaving my voice softer.
Ryan nodded up at me. “It’s really not.”
“It’s about what we choose. And I have chosen to fuck with your plans, just like I fucked with your luck. I came out here to stay, Goalie. I don’t want to be without you. I’m scared as hell to leave home. I’ll miss everyone so, so badly. But if I’m going to say yes to loving you, then I’m going to be in on the hard parts, too. I’ll find my way here. I’ll go home to visit sometimes. But I’d very much like to work on our life together. If you want it, too.”
His hold on me changed. Ryan’s fingers loosened to tickle just under my sweater. “Would it be worth it?”
“The trouble?” I grinned, and he nodded. “You tell me.”
“Hell yes, it would.”
I gripped his shoulders and fell forward. He held onto me as we tumbled to the ground in a kiss. Immediately, Henrik’s tongue and wet nose pressed against both our cheeks. Passion dissolved into laughter as we squirmed at the puppy kisses.
Ryan nudged Henrik back an inch and scratched his head. He grinned up at me with tears in his eyes. “Oh, god. I missed my family.”
Another sob spilled out of me. “We missed you, too, Goalie.”