Chapter 11 #2
Amelia focused on the glass in front of her, something shifting in the air, and then Jo saw it. Beneath the composure and beneath the careful restraint…feeling. Raw and deep feeling.
“I didn’t think I’d ever…” Amelia trailed off, exhaling slowly. “I never imagined it would be you.”
Saddened by what she was about to say, Jo dipped her head and caught Amelia’s eye. “Don’t worry, it won’t be.”
The server reappeared with their drinks, a notepad in his hand as he looked between them. Neither of them had paid any attention to the menu, so Jo quickly lifted it and ordered a few sharing dishes between them.
When the server stepped away, Amelia’s hand drifted across the table.
Jo didn’t reach for it, she wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but then Amelia’s fingers brushed against hers, and she closed the gap without a word.
Tonight, she would enjoy this dinner, and tomorrow, she would prepare to let go of each and every feeling she had for Amelia.
The drive to Amelia’s was quiet, but thankfully not in a tense way.
It felt as though they were both simply wrapped up in their own heads, and that was okay.
Jo’s hand rested lightly on the gearstick, her heart continuing to race erratically.
It always did when she was around Amelia.
Dinner had been calm and reflective, and in places…
sweet. But now, as the night closed in around them, the air inside the car grew thicker and heavier.
Honestly, Jo didn’t know the next time she would see this woman.
If she didn’t learn to let go of the things she would never have soon, it would be a long time.
She pulled up outside Amelia’s house and cut the engine. “Can I walk you to the door?”
Amelia glanced over, one hand on the door. “You don’t have to.”
“I’d like to.”
They stepped out of the car together into the cool night air, that ever-present hint of spring lingering even though the temperature was set to drop a few more degrees before the end of the night.
Amelia walked ahead slightly, her keys already gripped tight in her hand, and Jo followed.
Right now, she was torn between wanting this moment to last… and knowing what could never be.
When Amelia reached the door, she paused and turned around. Jo stopped just behind her, suddenly aware of just how close they were. A foot apart, if that. All Jo knew was that she was close enough to see the faint pulse in Amelia’s throat.
“Thank you for tonight,” Amelia said with a hint of a smile. “I wasn’t sure what to expect.”
“Me neither, but thank you. I had a lovely evening with you.”
Amelia’s gaze lowered to Jo’s lips for the briefest of moments.
Jo felt her stare, her breath catching when she realised what was potentially happening here.
She hadn’t expected this, not tonight…not now.
But here they were, standing in the dark, neither of them knowing what the right thing to do was.
Amelia inched closer. When her fingertips grazed Jo’s sleeve, the contact seared through the fabric like a brand. Jo’s breath caught, her heartbeat thundering in her ears, until…
“I shouldn’t,” Amelia whispered.
Jo’s throat tightened. “You didn’t.”
Instead of retreating with a goodnight as Jo had expected, Amelia drifted nearer still.
They hovered a whisper apart, sharing the same air…
dangerously close. Amelia’s scent—vanilla and something uniquely her—enveloped Jo, and in that moment, nothing mattered more than pressing her mouth against those full, inviting lips. Once. Just to know.
The wanting clawed at her insides. This nameless, forbidden thing between them.
Then her pulse skittered, and shame followed right behind.
This was Amelia. Callum’s mum. The woman who had held her through her worst days and offered her space when no one else had. The woman who trusted her. Jo couldn’t risk fucking it all up if they overstepped. She wouldn’t risk it.
So, she stepped back enough to break the moment. “Amelia…”
Amelia’s eyes closed as her hand fell away from Jo’s arm.
“I’m sorry,” Jo said, her hands shaking at her sides. If she could be certain that this would be the best thing for her, she would be inside kissing Amelia already, but it wasn’t possible to be certain of something that had the potential to be soul-destroying in the end. “I can’t.”
Amelia nodded slowly, but Jo noted the pain in her eyes as they opened. Why did things have to be this way? Why did Amelia have to be Callum’s mum? “That’s okay. I understand.”
Jo half-turned and nodded towards her car. “I should go.” She moved towards the gate, pausing when she reached the edge of the path. “But I did mean what I said earlier. About not wanting to pretend anymore.”
“I know.”
“And I know it won’t change anything, but I can’t lie to myself any longer.”
Amelia nodded, regarded Jo with the smallest of smiles, and slipped inside the house.
Jo stood alone beneath a streetlamp, her emotions swinging between want and regret.
She had no idea how to tackle any of this or how to make it better, but she knew she had to try.
Amelia meant the world to her, she had for some time now, and Jo knew she should be happy with her friendship.
After all, it was that friendship that had kept her going in recent months.
Just go home and regroup tomorrow.
As the door clicked shut with a strange sense of finality, Amelia pressed her forehead against it and closed her eyes. She didn’t know how long she would have to pretend that what had just happened hadn’t gutted her, but she would try. For Jo’s sake, not her own.
She stepped back, locking the door as she did so, and moved through the silent house she didn’t quite feel she belonged in tonight. That had happened a few times recently. Amelia just seemed to feel out of place. No, she felt empty.
She kicked off her heels and poured herself a glass of wine, immediately taking it into the warmth of the living room. She folded herself into the corner of the couch, one leg tucked beneath her, and stared down at the phone in her hand.
Amelia hadn’t meant to get that close at the door.
She certainly hadn’t planned it. But when Jo had looked at her like that, when her breath had hitched, and her lips had parted, it had felt impossible not to close the gap between them.
It seemed as though they were caught in a tangled web that neither of them could break free from.
But Jo had resisted just in time.
And now Amelia didn’t know where that left them.
She stared at the screen, at the messages they’d exchanged the night before. Her heart beat a little harder, and her throat constricted. Amelia knew what she had to do. She opened a new message, her fingers trembling as she typed.
I’m going to step back out of your life, Jo. I think you need space away from me, and I think you’re too much of a sweetheart to admit that. So, I’ll do it for you. Be safe and take care of yourself x
Amelia’s thumb paused over the send button as her eyes burned.
But then she sent it, stupidly waiting for a response even though one likely wouldn’t come.
Hadn’t Jo told her tonight that she didn’t want to risk losing what they already had?
Hadn’t that been one of the reasons she knew they couldn’t go any further?
Yet here Amelia was…making the decision for her.
A tear slipped down her cheek before she could stop it.
She brushed it away, angry with herself for ever letting it get this far.
She was too old and too careful for this.
She was too guarded to be crying over someone who deserved the most incredible love.
A love Amelia likely couldn’t offer. But that didn’t stop the tears falling onto her blouse as she curled further into the couch, her phone clenched in her hand like it was the only thing anchoring her.
The screen lit up suddenly.
No. Please don’t step back. I just need some space to work through things in my head. I’m not running, and I’m not asking you to run either. I just need some time to think x
Amelia didn’t know what to make of the message, but she felt a little more positive as she reread it. She couldn’t offer much, but she could offer the bare minimum.
Take all the time and space you need x
That response felt both too much and not enough, but Amelia didn’t dare add anything more. She didn’t trust herself not to say something she couldn’t take back. So she placed her phone on the cushion beside her, rolled onto her back, and stared up at the ceiling.
Jo needed time.
And Amelia would wait for the outcome.