Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
As the early morning light crept in through Jo’s curtains, Amelia lay on her side, her eyes open but unfocused, watching the shadows from the swaying trees against the wardrobe door.
She hadn’t slept much throughout the night.
Though her body was too exhausted to fight rest entirely, her mind hadn’t quieted for a single second.
Because she was here, in Jo’s bed, and she didn’t understand how.
She’d hurt this woman so much that Amelia struggled to think about it.
She had done the one thing she’d sworn she’d never do…
and fallen for her through the darkness.
She didn’t deserve what Jo had offered last night, and she didn’t deserve to have her in her life moving forward. But again…she was here.
Jo was still sleeping behind her, her breath warm against the back of Amelia’s neck, and her arm draped over Amelia’s waist like she had every right to be there.
God, Amelia wanted her to. But if she really wanted Jo to stay, if she really wanted something good and strong with her… then the truth had to come next.
All of it.
Not just the mess of the last few weeks, and not just the dark room, but the pain and ugliness that had shaped the woman Jo was still getting to know. The version of Amelia she never let anyone see. The one she’d buried beneath years of survival and silence.
She carefully turned beneath Jo’s arm and watched her sleeping.
She looked younger like this. Softer, perhaps.
Amelia studied the faint crease between her brows, the long lashes resting on her cheeks, the peaceful rise and fall of her chest. She didn’t want to ruin that, but the weight of the truth was pulsing just beneath Amelia’s ribs, and it had to come out.
She brushed Jo’s arm lightly and whispered, “Hey…”
Jo stirred. “Mm?”
“I need to talk to you.”
Jo slowly came around, frowning as she focused on Amelia. “W-what’s wrong?”
Amelia sat up and pulled the cover around her. The only thing bringing her comfort right now was the soft T-shirt of Jo’s that she wore. The faint perfume that lingered on it. It was all she needed to keep her grounded.
“Amelia?” Jo’s voice was filled with sleep but laced with worry. She sat up slowly, mirroring Amelia’s position where she rested back against the headboard, her frown deepening. “You’re starting to worry me.”
“I don’t mean to. I just…” Amelia inhaled deeply. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve never really talked about with anyone.”
Jo reached out and placed a hand gently on Amelia’s knee.
“It’s about why I ended up at Satin,” Amelia said. “Why I went to that club in the first place. Why I ever even considered the dark room.”
Jo tensed slightly but nodded. “Okay.”
Amelia stared down at her hands. “My ex-husband…Callum’s father… He nearly killed me.”
Jo’s hand stiffened on Amelia’s knee, but she remained silent.
“It was years ago. Decades, even. But I still remember every time he cracked a rib, every time I couldn’t breathe. I remember the hospital visits…the lies I told, the sound of his boots on the stairs after a bad day. The way he’d always say he loved me before he landed a fist on my face.”
She heard Jo sniffle beside her. “Jesus…”
“I didn’t leave because I didn’t love myself enough to,” Amelia went on, swallowing the lump working its way up her throat.
“I’d been reduced to nothing. I wasn’t me anymore.
I was just someone trying to survive the next hour, the next night, the…
next excuse.” She finally looked up at Jo.
“I think, somewhere deep down, I thought I deserved it.”
Jo shook her head, her thumb tracing slow circles against Amelia’s knee. “N-no. No one deserves that.”
“But when you’re told for years that you’re worthless, you start to believe it.” Amelia sighed. “After he was arrested, after I’d spent months in the hospital, I didn’t recognise myself. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to.”
Jo’s trembling hand took Amelia’s beneath the cover, squeezing tight.
“Satin wasn’t about sex for me, not really.
It was about control and about choosing to be seen in a way that I got to dictate.
After so long of being hurt and silenced, I wanted to take something back.
I wanted to be touched without fear, and I wanted to feel like I still had some kind of power over what happened to my body.
I’d spent fifteen years before that locking myself away and always believing that I had nothing to give outside of my career.
Then, four years ago, Evie introduced me to Satin. ”
Jo covered her mouth, her shoulders shaking with silent tears.
“I wasn’t looking for love. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship. I didn’t think I was capable of it anymore. I didn’t think anyone would want someone so…broken.”
Jo lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Amelia as though she could physically shield her from the past. Amelia clung to her just as fiercely, letting the emotion finally break free.
She had spent so many years bottling everything up, pretending that it wasn’t a part of her anymore, but here…
with this woman, she could be open and honest. She could be herself.
She could show her vulnerability instead of hiding behind business suits, heels that made people drool over her, and a personality she had carefully crafted.
“I’m so sorry,” Jo whispered. “I didn’t know. I never thought—”
“You weren’t supposed to,” Amelia murmured against her shoulder.
“I never let anyone see that side of me. I wear heels and lipstick and flirt like it costs me nothing. But the truth is that everything about who I am now came from that pain. It shaped me, Jo. It helped me find pieces of myself again…in the dark, at Satin, from the touch of strangers who didn’t know how to break me. ”
“I don’t want to be a stranger.”
“You’re not.” Amelia pulled back and looked deep into Jo’s gorgeous blue eyes. “You could never be.”
Jo cupped her face and brushed away Amelia’s tears with the pads of her thumbs. “You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and I hate that anyone ever made you feel otherwise. You’re perfect exactly as you are.”
“It’s taken me a long time to believe that.” Amelia exhaled a shaky breath. “But being here with you last night, and now this morning, I think I finally started to believe it.”
Jo kissed her forehead, her lips lingering against her skin. “I want to be someone you never have to hide from.”
Amelia closed her eyes. “I’m sorry you ever became a part of that world for me. It was never supposed to be that way.”
“No. No more apologies.” Jo held her tighter. “Right now, I just want to hold you. I just want to be here with you like this.”
As Amelia curled into Jo’s arms, tucked into a warmth she’d never dared dream of, she realised that the truth hadn’t broken them after all. It had finally set her, them, free.
As Jo stirred milk into two cups of coffee, one hand braced against the counter as she tried to get her head around everything she’d heard this morning, she glanced towards the living room.
Amelia sat curled up on one end of the couch, her legs drawn up beneath her as Jo’s hoodie swallowed her frame.
She hadn’t said much since they’d left the bedroom, but Jo couldn’t blame her.
It had to have been a lot for her to put herself and her heart on the line like that.
Jo watched her from the kitchen. There was something about Amelia’s stillness that felt unnatural. She wasn’t used to seeing her like this. Quiet and small, clearly weighed down by things Jo was only just beginning to comprehend.
She sighed and reached for the toast, dropping two slices onto plates.
She wasn’t sure either of them could stomach anything more substantial right now.
It had been quite the morning, and it was only nine.
Still, everything within Jo ached to make this okay, to…
do something that made it better. But how did you fix a past like that?
How did you love someone through that kind of pain?
By staying, she thought. By being here.
She carried the plates and mugs through, placing one gently on the coffee table. “You okay with some toast for now?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Maybe if Amelia was feeling up to it later, Jo could treat them to lunch in the village just along the road. But for now, this was enough.
Jo sat beside her and tucked one leg under herself. “You haven’t said much since we got up.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Amelia smiled weakly. “It’s been a long time since I’ve let anyone see me like that.”
Jo’s gaze landed on the faint smudges beneath her eyes, then to the way Amelia’s hands were clasped tightly in her lap. She wanted to reach for her, but she didn’t. Not yet. Not until Amelia wanted her to. “I’m glad you told me,” Jo said. “Even if it broke my heart.”
Amelia exhaled slowly and reached for her cup of coffee.
“I’ve…been thinking,” Jo continued. “About us. About what I want, despite everything.”
Amelia turned to look at her, worry present in her eyes.
“I want to be with you, Amelia. Not just in moments like this, not in the dark, I want all of it. The real stuff. You, as you are. The lies and mess and healing, too. I want to be with you while I figure it all out.”
Amelia’s fragility flickered across her face. “Y-you do?”
“I don’t care how complicated it is or if we still need to talk about things.
I just want you.” Jo reached out, her fingers brushing Amelia’s.
“I want to know more. I want to understand everything. Now that I know the truth, it changes everything for me. It also makes sense when it comes to certain things.”
A shadow passed over Amelia’s features. “I don’t understand…”