33. Chapter Thirty-three
Chapter Thirty-three
Clara
The honey guy looked incredibly disappointed Bea wasn’t with me today. He handed over our honey sticks with the glummest expression I’d ever seen on a man. It would have been funny if it weren’t a little sad.
As we walked away, Jake slid his arm around my waist. “What was up with that guy? He always looks like someone peed in his cereal.”
I snorted a laugh. “No. I think he was looking for Bea. Poor guy doesn’t know he’s better off she’s not here. She would chew him up and spit him right out.”
He chuckled. “I think that’s very true.”
Jake had been introduced to Bea and Shira during brunch at my place a few weeks ago. To me, it had been interesting to see three distinctly different people get to know one another. Jake had been gentle with Shira, and once he’d gotten the feel of Bea, he hadn’t let her give him any guff.
Before they left, Shira had said she liked him very much, and Bea had shrugged. “He’s nice to Nellie, and he’s smart enough to see your value. So what if he’s chronically good-looking? Not everyone can be perfect.”
From Bea, that was the highest of praise. Had she ever met Miller, she would have laughed him out of the room. Then again, if Miller had still been around, I would have been a different person and truly doubted I would have been open to a friendship with Bea or have grown as close to Shira.
I would never voluntarily choose to go through everything I had because of Miller, but deep down, I knew it had been worth it. Look what I have now.
“Jake!” Nellie called from her stroller. “Out, please?”
“Peas,” I murmured.
Jake grinned at me. “She’ll start saying it the right way far too soon.”
“Don’t remind me. I can’t think about her being Sage’s age.”
Jake unbuckled Nellie from her stroller and put her feet on the ground. She shook her head, holding her arms out to him.
“Up, please,” she demanded sweetly.
He scooped her up without hesitating. “Like this or higher?”
She kicked her feet excitedly. “Higher. I wanna go up.”
Jake had the dad maneuver down, plopping her on his shoulders like he’d done it a thousand times. Knowing him, he’d probably had Sage up there until she’d gotten too big and independent. Thinking about that made my stomach twist wistfully. For what, I wasn’t sure.
We strolled around the farmers’ market, buying fruit and veggies for the week and looking at craft vendors. Jake bought Nellie a doll matching the one Shira had given her since she’d claimed she needed it and me a bouquet of flowers he’d claimed I needed.
By the time he got to the cheesemonger, he’d slipped Nellie off his shoulders and into his arms. She was getting tired but refused her stroller and frankly wanted nothing to do with me when she could have Jake. Her head rested on his chest, and her little body was nestled firmly against him. He carried her around like it was no big deal, but my heart was a wild thing, wanting to leap out and claim this man as our own. The pit in my gut echoed with panic though, because he wasn’t ours to keep.
“Daddy?”
I turned around from examining the choices of cheese to find Sage and Carly almost upon us. Carly was smiling and Sage had a perplexed expression.
“Hey, Sagie.” Jake held his arm out to his daughter, pulling her into his side as soon as he could reach her. “What a nice surprise, kid.”
“We came to buy you cheese,” she stated.
I tapped my head. “I guess great minds think alike, huh?” I reached into my bag slung on the back of the stroller and pulled out a few honey sticks. “Have you hit the honey stand yet? We practically cleaned them out. Want one?”
Carly plucked a stick from my hand. “I love these.” She leaned in and air-kissed my cheeks. “Thank you. Long time no see. Jake’s been hiding you guys.”
It sort of felt that way too. Since the emergency sleepover at his place, we hadn’t seen Sage, and that had been over a month ago. Jake’s walls were firmly in place, and it bothered me at times, but he’d been patient with me so I could give him the space and time he needed. I just hoped he’d feel safe enough to crack open his world sooner rather than later.
Carly tickled Nellie’s arm. “Hi, sweetie. You look sleepy.”
“She is,” I answered for her. “The fresh air always knocks her out.”
“Sage is here.” Nellie lifted her head with great effort and waved at her friend. “Hi, Sagie.”
Sage tugged on Nellie’s foot. “Hi, Nellie. Is my dad comfy?”
“Yeah.” Nellie flopped against Jake’s chest. “My Jake.”
Carly laughed, light and carefree. “Well, I guess she’s claimed you, huh? Too cute.” She patted her daughter’s head. “Want a honey stick, babe?”
“Oh.” Sage’s brows were drawn together. “Yeah, sure.” She carefully chose one from me, her eyes flicking to mine. “Thank you, Clara.”
“No problem.”
Jake still had his arm around his daughter, but she pushed away from him a little, giving herself room.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” Sage said. “It’s weird. I didn’t think you even knew where the farmers’ market was.”
“Your dad knows a lot of things,” Jake joked. “But, really, this is my first time. It was Clara’s idea. Turned out to be the best idea ever since I get to hang out with you. Want to show me all the cheese choices?”
She lifted a shoulder. “I guess I could do that. If I leave it to you, you might pick a bad one.”
Carly and I fell back and found a seat on a bench, letting them have a moment together. Well…with Nellie too, since she was firmly attached to Jake. But she was halfway to falling asleep and didn’t have many opinions about cheese, so she’d probably be a pretty silent companion.
“Sage says she never sees you guys,” Carly said.
I smoothed my hands over my linen pants, uncertain of how much I should say. “That’s true. We mainly hang out during the weeks she’s with you.”
She nodded. “Obviously, he and Nellie have bonded.”
“Yeah. They’re buddies.” I opened and closed my fingers. “To be honest, I’m flying blind here. This is my first time dating as a single parent, and I’m not sure I’m doing it right. It feels like it, but then Jake’s doing the complete opposite, so—”
She put her hand over mine. “Jake dated a real bitch who fucked him up. Excuse my language, but that’s the truth.”
I laughed. “Your language is fine. I’m glad you don’t beat around the bush.”
“Never.” She laughed too. “Push him a little. He’s got to get over that experience, and I can tell you’re the real deal. Push him. Tell him you want more and he needs to get off his ass to provide it to you. If I trust you around my daughter, there’s no reason for him not to.”
My brow winged. “You trust me?”
“Sure. You’re a mom, and you’re just as sweet to my girl as you are yours. Jake probably does too, you know? The fact is, Sage is good. She bounced back in no time after the bitch left. Jake was the one who was flattened. Not that she was any great love; he’d just been blindsided by it all—that she could be there one day and gone the next. I don’t think that’s you. Even if it doesn’t work out—”
I shook my head. “I was blindsided too. I’d never do that to anyone else.”
She squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I bet you had people who pushed you, didn’t you?”
My brother, sister-in-law, parents, Bea, Shira, even Marina. They had all pushed me to move on. To reach for happiness with both hands.
“Yes. A whole team of people.”
“Good for you, girl.” She nudged me with her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m going to push his stubborn ass. Obviously, his team hasn’t been after him enough. I’m on it now.”
“Does anyone say no to you?” I asked.
She grinned. “Not if I can help it.”
When we got back to my house, I put Nellie down for a nap and joined Jake on the deck, his feet kicked up on the rail, his hands clasped at his middle. I tucked myself beside him on the padded bench, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Do you know I love Carly?”
He let out a startled chuckle. “Do you? Why’s that?”
“She’s just so blunt yet peppy. She reminds me of Saoirse.”
His eyes narrowed on me. “What were the two of you talking about?”
“You.”
He took my chin between his fingers. “Don’t know if I like you teaming up with her. It could be dangerous.”
“Considering I only see her at random, I don’t think you have to worry about us forming a team. We’d have to see each other far more often for that.”
His eyes swept over me like he was looking for something. Up and down, left and right, he examined me.
“You want to see Carly more?”
“It’s not that.” I pressed my lips together. “I think…I would like to be let in to your world a little more. Only having every other week with you is becoming more and more difficult for me.”
His eyes darted with what I feared was panic, so I hurried to amend and backpedal.
“I’m not asking for a massive change, and I would never want to interfere with your time with Sage. I know how important that is to you. But maybe, when you’re comfortable, we could have a dinner or two together, the four of us. Or maybe Nellie and I could come to one of her games. I want to know that part of you and not feel like you’re living a completely separate life I’m not privy to.”
His jaw rippled with tension, but he kept his hand on my face, cupping it with tenderness.
“I know things have to shift.” He nodded like he was agreeing with himself. “And as glad as I am to have my girl with me during her weeks, I miss the hell out of you and Nellie.”
“We miss you too,” I said softly.
“Something was up with Sage today, seeing us like that. I need to talk to her and think this over.” His lips grazed mine with a sweet little kiss. “Is that enough for you?”
“Yes.” If I pushed him too hard, he’d retreat. “I’m not going anywhere, Jake, whether you like it or not.”
Groaning, he hauled me onto his lap and buried his face in my neck. “Oh, I like it, mama, and you’re right. You’re absolutely not going anywhere, not unless I’m with you.”
I wrapped my arms around him, melting into his embrace. There was a twinge in my chest that took me a moment to identify.
Hope.
It might take time, but maybe this was going to work out after all.