Chapter 31 - Porter
I Found - Amber Run ?
T he weight of everything that happened sits heavy in my chest.
I think I'm the problem because every time I start to love someone they die. Lila died because of me and now Charlie’s been hurt, so it's only a matter of time before she will die too.
I heard her whisper the words I love you last night and I wanted to say them back so badly. Every part of me is screaming to tell her how I feel but the moment I decide to say them, to tell her … I can’t.
Some invisible force just stops me in those final moments, leaving me more confused over what the right thing is to do.
I don't know if I can let Lila go enough to love Charlie the way she deserves, and I don't know if I can let Charlie go at all. The same problem repeats in a never ending circle in my head. A constant stream of confusion and confliction, with no obvious outcome.
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“Baby, wake up. You fell asleep on the couch. Come to bed.”
Her soft tone eases me awake as her hand gently rubs across my face. Opening my eyes, I'm greeted by her beautiful face looking down on me, a glint of concern and worry flicking across her eyes.
Taking both of my hands she pulls at me, trying to get me to stand up but she's not strong enough. Tugging her arms a little, she yelps as she falls into my lap and I make quick work of positioning her so she's straddling me. My hand rubbing up her thighs and around her bare ass, her naked body wrapped cosily beneath the bulk of my hoodie. Both of her hands reach up and caress my face, running her fingers firmly across my head before draping her arms over my shoulders.
“What's wrong Porter? Talk to me,” she whispers.
The soft notes of her voice soothe me into a false reality where nothing can hurt us.
“Tell me how you're really feeling about everything Charlie? I'm struggling with what I did to you.”
Resting my forehead against hers, I shut my eyes waiting for her to unleash upon me. To tell me how useless I am. That I don't deserve someone like her and that Dante was right. If I can't keep one girlfriend alive then why would anyone think I could keep the next one.
“I’m okay Porter, I promise. I was a little shaken and I've maybe been a little clingy with you. I'll stop if it's too much. I can feel you pulling away from me and I don't know how to fix it. I didn't think ... I didn't even suspect that that man spiked my drink. I'm usually so aware but I was wearing one of your hoodies for fuck sake,” she says, her words wobbling slightly.
Gods, she's a phenomenal woman. I'll never know how she still has time to worry about me while she processes what happened to her. What I let happen to her.
“You didn't do anything but save me. You saved me, Porter, right when I needed someone to. Even strong people need a little help from time to time. You helped me. Let me help you.”
Her words hang in the air between us and my eyes open to find a single tear rolling down her cheek, the look of worry spread across her face. I don't have the words to comfort her right now because I've tried for months to find them, to be sure of what I want to say and how I want to say it.
Pulling her mouth to mine I kiss her, putting every emotion I can into it until we're feverish for each other. The passion and need rolling off us in waves. In a hurried rush, we remove each other's clothes. The desperate need to be as close as possible causes our movements to be frivolous and chaotic, until in an instant she's standing before me, naked. Her beautiful soft body begging to be worshipped.
Closing the distance between us, her lips graze mine. A slow melody of suffering as she drags out each point of contact, kissing my neck, my clavicle, my chest. Dragging a slow path to where I want her mouth to go. To feel her soft lips wrapped around my heavy length. She falls to her knees before me and I can't help but pull her hair away from her face, making sure nothing gets in the way of me seeing her perfect pout suck on my tip.
Looking up, she is an angel bowed before me, leaning forward slightly and flattening her tongue as she drags it up the length of my shaft. Her lips are so soft as they wrap around my hardness, causing a guttural moan to escape as she bobs up and down on my length. My hand tightening in her hair as she lets me leisurely fuck her face.
“Fuck, baby. Such a filthy slut choking on my cock. You’re so damn beautiful like this.”
Her thighs squeeze together from my words while one hand moves to pinch her nipple as she takes me deeper into her mouth. Whimpers and drool escape her as she continues to struggle with my size.
“Fucking beautiful. You’re a fucking queen right now. Uh-uh, don't reach for my pussy, baby. Only I get to play with that pretty pussy,” I moan. “Look at how wet you are, glistening for me while you gag on my cock.”
Her hips rotate as she rocks back and forward, humping the air around her begging for me to fill her, to give her the release she needs.
Gods, she feels amazing and I know I need to pull her off me before I cum in her mouth. After everything that's happened, I need to fill her pussy until I'm dripping from her. Claiming her so everyone knows she's mine, so she knows she's mine .
Pulling her hair, I gently ease her off my hard length and she pouts. Looking up at me with puffy lips, annoyed that I would pull her away from a treat.
Gods, This woman will be the death of me .
“Go get on the bed, I want you to sit on my face while you choke on my cock.”
A wicked grin spreads across her lips as I help her from the floor. My body surrounding hers as we fall onto the bed, moving us until her dripping pussy hovers just above my mouth.
“ Sit, Charlie. Sit on my fucking face. Sit on your throne and let me worship you,” I growl, pulling at her hips until I'm drowning in pussy, eating as though it's my last meal. I'm so lost in the moment of what I'm doing, her cries of elation echoing around the room that I almost miss the sound of her spitting on my tip.
A groan escapes as I picture what she's doing. Her fingers grasp my base, pumping and twisting as she gives me the best head I've ever received. Her throat tightens around me when I latch onto her clit and suck, hard. Not letting up until she comes over my face. Her whimpers tremble, as I lick and get everything I can from her orgasm. The first of many I plan to give her tonight.
Rolling her off me, she lies on her back panting as small shock waves roll across her body. I kiss up her leg, giving her pussy a rest as I move across her hip. Continuing my trail of kisses along her soft stomach, planting a final one on each nipple before I rest my weight between her hips, my heavy cock pressed against her still throbbing pussy. Her hand goes between us and she pushes my tip just inside her; I can't help but rub my face into her neck, the words I love you too almost slipping from me.
“More,” she moans, her voice breathy and needy. Slowly I ease inside her, mindful of how sensitive she must be but also selfish enough not to wait any longer. A slow hiss comes from both of us as I'm pushed to the hilt. Our bodies settle into each other like they should have never been apart. Looking into her eyes she seems content and happy. I'm so grateful at this moment that despite every worry that's plagued me, we're going to be okay.
Pulling out of her a fraction, I rock back in, dragging my hardness in and out, painfully slow, rubbing that sweet spot of hers over and over until she's crying out my name, shaking underneath me as another orgasm ripples through her.
“One more, okay. One more and you can rest for a little bit. I need more of you, Charlie. Need to be closer to you,” I grunt, as I roll onto my back taking her with me, never once slipping from inside. My cock is aching and my balls are throbbing with the need to come.
Pushing up from my chest she straddles me, her hips rotating so her clit gets the friction it needs. This is a moment I will keep with me forever. Her breasts bouncing above me, my hands digging into her ass as she rubs against me. It’s taking every ounce of my willpower not to come. Her head falls back as she moans, her movements becoming jerky as she reaches out and grabs my throat. The pressure from her hand tightening causes me to see stars almost instantly and as we fall over the edge together. I know I need to tell her everything. Let her decide if the man I am is the man she wants to be with and not the shell of a person she loves. I need to give her all of me and hope that it's enough.
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“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I shout out to the room. Throwing the covers off me as I scramble to get my clothes on. Already, I know I'm too late, the light of the new day already cutting through the gaps in the curtains. I'm so frustrated with myself. We just shared the most amazing night and once again reality has to bring me crashing down to the crap that is my life.
“What's happened?” Charlie asks, her voice groggy after being woken from a deep sleep.
“Don't worry, you won't get it,” I snap, leaving her sitting in my bed as I slam the roof access door open. Praying to the gods I don't believe in that I will still feel her when I step into the light.