Aphrodite
APHRODITE
I THINK I’M falling in love.
Or something like that. And the shit scared me because there wasn’t any reason for this situation with me and Anthony to work out but every time a doubt crept into my head, his words seemed to meet the challenge I’d never spoken and vanquish the excuse before it could take root.
Had to be voodoo.
After he put me in the car, the driver, Rasheed, looked like he was truly too worried about Anthony’s wrath to talk to me.
I tried to give Anthony his space because I was honestly still reeling from the night we’d spent together.
You’d never have been able to convince me that there were still moral men who were focused on pleasing their partners.
Especially ones that were built like him.
But for all that dark molasses skin he had wrapped over a solid, muscular frame, there was something…
deep about Anthony. And I’m not talking about how his tongue was damn near tickling my cervix last night. Well, not just that.
His mindset was far more mature than somebody who was only a year older than me.
I’d had to grow up early because of all my responsibilities before I was barely a teenager.
But out of his own mouth he’d said that he’d been spoiled until his issues in college.
He moved like a man who’d seen a thousand lifetimes and had kept the lessons and the emotional intelligence from each.
I’d left home to play in a smaller tournament before I needed to get to the French Open and as always my parents hadn’t questioned where I’d been overnight.
I beat my father home and my mother just wanted to grill me about where he was and who he was with.
She couldn’t find the time to be bothered with actual concern for her kid.
Instead of going through the normal motions of being disappointed with her behavior I had something else to distract me from the pinch of pain that accompanied their neglect. But the distraction was one that had me believing that all relationships weren’t as challenged as then with my family.
“Is it crazy if I say I miss you?”
“Oh, you’re not playing about me?” I giggled as I wrapped my body in my silk robe. We were on a video call and I could see that he was lying on his bed.
He grinned at my joke showing off his teeth, which were so pretty I’d asked him if they were veneers. “Shut up, Phro. I’m just…missing your vibe is all. That shit was something intense but beautiful as fuck and I got so much going on it was good to forget that for a minute.”
He shifted in the bed exposing more of his bare chest. We’d talked about how he was working out, hoping to be picked up for at least the practice squad this year.
I loved the fact that Anthony knew he was talented but was also extremely humble about his chances.
His hope mixed with the reality of his situation made me root for him even harder.
I sat on the hotel bed looking at how his features had shifted. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing too crazy just focusing on goals but not wanting to neglect you. Your next match is in France, right?”
“Yeah, but the last thing we need to do is stop being friends with each other just cause it might lead to something deeper.”
“Oh, you trying to get me to go deep?” His voice dropped and had a thread of seduction laced through it. My teeth went to my lip as I tried not to moan out loud thinking about our night in New York. I’d gotten myself off many nights to that memory.
“And you flirting with me? Be careful; you never know what I might do to your ass.”
“Ditto. You wouldn’t want to miss out on a match cause I rearranged them guts.”
My thighs clenched together and I wanted to say something but I wasn’t sure what. I’d already shot my shot with him once and I didn’t feel like embarrassing myself again.
“Why you talking all this big talk when we were together—”
“That was about you. To be real, you don’t seem like the type of girl that just goes anywhere for a good time. One thing I notice about people is their intentions and yours were pure.”
“So what was the problem?”
I hated to sound like this girl but damn the one time I want to be adventurous I got shot down. Well, I got some phenomenal head so that wasn’t true, but still.
“Because it was pure I wasn’t about to fuck with that.
If we just hooked up and didn’t go further than that then I would’ve played a part in dimming that purity.
And I’m not talking about that weird purity church folks are obsessed with.
I’m talking the type that makes you see people in an unjaded way.
It’s refreshing and I wouldn’t want to be the reason that was fucked up. ”
“Damn, that’s noble.” I hated that his words made me feel special. Not that I was going to regret anything about sleeping with him, but he had me feeling like he had me in his sights for something real.
“Not noble. I know how it feels to be the person that life fucks over. I would never want to be the cause of those feelings in someone else. There are plenty of marks against me and I wouldn’t want one against you.”
“I’m special or something?”
“Hell yeah, you shouldn’t even have to ask me that.”
“Damn, you’re talking like you mean it and it makes me believe it.”
“You should. I know stuff is going to get busy because of everything we have going on between the two of us, but I wasn’t joking when I said I was protective of you when we were in New York. Wherever I gotta go to get to you, I’m more than ready to fly. Got my passport and everything.”
I had to remember that there were things that I’dd taken for granted, like trips out of the country since I was born because we had to follow behind my father.
“I wouldn’t have you doing that—”
“No, I’d have me do it because I care to. I’d want to because we are building and I would want to be that to you.”
“What do you want to be to me?”
“If I’m being real?”
“Yeah.” I held my breath in anticipation of his answer.
“Everything.” His words were simple, his tone was soft but emphatic in his sincerity.
My breath released slowly because I wasn’t sure how to respond to this. My relationship knowledge was all toxic and I thought men nowadays weren’t stating their desires bluntly. I mean, we’d had one date and half a hookup, but he was applying this kind of pressure.
“That’s a weighted statement.”
“It is and it ain’t one that I take lightly.
People talk. I’ve heard words without actions my entire life.
I’ve moved that way with people before because that’s what I thought was expected of me.
I’ve been spoiled and only thought of myself.
I don’t want that especially not with you.
It’s been a few weeks and all I can think about is how to help you make this time smoother.
Ease your mind. I know you don’t need me financially, but even that is something that was on my mind.
If you need something. Have you eaten or taken care of yourself?
That’s the manly side of me I guess.” He shrugged like the idea of worrying about me more than my parents probably ever had wasn’t a big deal.
It left me momentarily speechless and I could feel myself tearing up.
“Money isn’t a thing and I’ve seen so many people controlled by finances that I would never want to depend on a man for that.” My mother still being married to my father had everything to do with money. And her inability to speak up for herself.
“Yeah but money is still something I would offer. Call it pride.”
“Yeah, well, your wanting to is something that truly surprises me. Most people in our age group are talking about going half on stuff and men being angry when their girl even wants to feel special.”
“Your feeling special is the bare minimum. Going half-shit is nonnegotiable because I truly believe that if I can provide it, I will. I’d rather go without so my family has everything they need.
It’s probably a traumatic response to my childhood to be real but I’d rather be hyper-vigilant in taking care of my people than be selfish. ”
“So if I’m the woman in this situation—”
“When you’re the woman in the situation—”
“Okay, we’ll go with that, how do we compromise on this?”
“Like when I want to treat you, how can I if you’re trying to spend all your money on the family?”
“Treating me is one thing. I wouldn’t have you worrying about bills and stuff when I got it.”
Not like I was counting his pockets but I was sure I made more than him. I wasn’t a snob but if it got to that I wouldn’t want him out there struggling while I had millions of dollars just sitting in the bank.
“I feel like we need to table this conversation for another time. When it becomes necessary we can revisit it. Does that work?”
“Hell yeah. Look at us working through our shit with communication instead of arguing. I told you this shit is fated, Phro. But anyway, what do you think about what I was saying? I want to see your pretty face in person. I need to take you on a real date if that’s cool with you? And soon.”
“Well, I have to play in a certain amount of matches to keep my ranking up or else I get docked points before the majors. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
“That’s fucked up. They just can’t let you be great?”
“Apparently not. But I do want to see you. I just don’t know how all of this works. Trying to figure out my schedule around someone else’s. My next real break isn’t until after Wimbledon.”
“Cool. I might pop in and see you between your other matches. I don’t fuck with the French even if I’m from Louisiana but maybe we can go back by the deli so you can convince me about chopped cheese.”
“Maybe…”
“Wazzam, Phro? Say what you want.”
“Maybe we could hang out after one of my matches. I’m not trying to get you to come overseas or anything but I have meets in Miami, California and a few overseas. We might not make it back to see Leo, but we might get together there.”