Anthony #2
I knew this call was going to ruin the good mood that talking to my brother had given me. I told him the news about my potential contract and he wanted to go out and celebrate.
I reminded myself of all I had and I prayed that this call wouldn’t fuck up the happiness I’d finally found. Resigned, I picked up the phone and put it on speaker.
“Yeah?”
I went about my business, continuing to pack my bag mentally going through my checklist so that I didn’t forget anything I needed.
We had an away pre-season game this week and my mind had been focused on that.
My last day with Aphrodite before her tournament would be the night I got back and I hated that we didn’t have more time together.
“Damn, is that how you greet your mother right now? I haven’t heard from you in a good minute but you acting real put out to be talking to me. You ain’t called to check on me or nothing.”
“Had a lot going on.”
My mother was annoyed about how I spoke to her but she couldn’t even tell me hello. I touched the gold initials on my bag and thought about Phro before I went back to packing.
“Yeah, I see your face and shit all over the place. With that lil scraggly girl. You doing like your brother and trying to get these uppity-ass women like you too good for the girls back here or sum.” Her talking shit about Aphrodite and Rye was expected but it still pissed me off.
“Back there? What you think I’m gone go searching for something when everything I ever wanted walks in the door? I’d be a fool to miss out on something good to satisfy some strange idea I never had.”
“Oh, so I guess them girls you were messing with all this time were just pass arounds?”
I was done with whatever guilt trip she was trying to hit me with. Her tactics hadn’t changed. She would lob shots to soften me up before going in for the kill. But a lot of the work I’d been doing on myself meant that I didn’t falter so easily like I used to.
“Jill, what’s up? You called for something and I got stuff going on.”
“What you got something else to do? I know that lil girl ain’t around so why are you acting like you’re too busy?”
I clenched my teeth knowing she was trying to get a rise out of me but I refused to let her.
“I have a job that I’m focused on besides my relationship. I’m thankful that I’m with someone who understands the focus it takes to achieve any measure of success in professional sports. So, nah. My needing to get off the phone has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.”
She cackled out a scratchy laugh made that way but her pack a day habit that I was sure had increased. “Your nuts dropped, huh? I’m sure you’re just like your brother. Letting that little bitch talk to me any kinda way—”
“One thing you not gone do is disrespect my brother, his wife, or my girl. We can end this call now.”
“So they finally turned you against me. I knew it was coming. As soon as they offered you that help and had you with Silas I knew I’d lost you. You were never going to love me the same.” Jill sniffled like I would take this fake crying as real and rush to make it better.
I laughed making no attempt to spare her feelings when I spoke again. “You’re right, I wasn’t and neither is Antwan.”
“Well, damn you agreed with me quick as hell.” Her voice got tight again and all the crying was gone.
“I did. Because the love you require means loving you more than we love ourselves. To put us in a position of hurt to make sure you’re good.
Mothers shouldn’t do that and good ones wouldn’t.
” Explaining myself was pointless because she wasn’t going to hear me but I would have peace in knowing that I’d tried.
“Oh, so I’m a bad mother now? When didn’t I hustle hard for everything that you ever needed?”
“Is that a rhetorical question or is it something you actually want me to answer?”
It was too close to that date. This year would be more stressful because we didn’t have a preseason game to distract us. The Desperados Gala was that weekend but I was going solo so even that wouldn’t work.
“You keeping track of my faults now? You want me to throw your mistakes up in your face too?”
“You could. But it would only reinforce what I’m saying. I’m sure you’ll bring them up to me at some point. You can’t help yourself.”
“All that I went through for the two of y’all and you—”
My free hand squeezed my braids because talking to her with my hard-fought emotional detachment made me feel insane. “Again, Jill, I got stuff to do. Was there a reason you called?”
“I need some money.”
Right on point. “I can’t help you with that.”
“So your brother has you trained too, huh?”
“No, not trained. We both decided a long time ago that you were too irresponsible with money. If you needed us to do something and it was legit we’d figure it out. But just handing you money ain’t about to happen.”
Antwan and I weren’t heartless but we also weren’t stupid. If there were a true emergency we’d try to help. If it was some bullshit she was on her own.
“Y’all trying to ho me—”
“No, we just not about to let you ho us. You didn’t hit the jackpot just because you got two sons in the NFL.”
“Well, definitely not with you because you’re barely pulling in any money. Definitely not enough to keep that lil rich girl interested past a fling. Better get her pregnant and go for custody so that you got some money that’s consistent coming in.”
I was silently raging as Jill hit the one spot that I knew she would but it still cut me. “You finished?”
“That’s all you got to say?”
She thought I would get angry. Yell and scream at her so she could relish the ability to still manipulate my emotions. But I no longer showed my vulnerability to people who would use it against me.
“Yeah, I don’t entertain nonsense.”
My voice was flat and emotionless because showing emotion meant it was just a point to exploit.
The silence spread and I knew she was trying to find a new angle to use but was coming up short. The information diet she’d been on for years meant that she didn’t know how to attack me. Which was exactly how I wanted it.
“Is that how you’re doing your mother?”
“That’s how I’m dealing with someone who’s being disrespectful to my brother and his family. To the woman I’m building a life with and will create a family with. That’s not something that will ever be tolerated with me. It’s always family first.”
“You say that as you speak to the person that gave you life.”
“And that’s about the last thing that you did for me if we being honest. And even that was trying to prove a point to that nigga’s other bitch since she was sterile.”
My uncle Silas didn’t play the radio when it came to my mama and her shit.
He told me straight up when I lived with him how shit really was with Jill and my sperm donor.
Antonio had an old lady but she couldn’t have kids so he constantly stepped out on her.
Which was crazy cause he was a hustler and she was a nurse.
They were high school sweethearts but a fucked up accident when he was out with some of his people ruined his chances to play football at a collegiate level.
He’d supposedly been good at that shit because all his people loved to brag that we wouldn’t be talented if it wasn’t for him.
But then he met Jill and knocked her up twice.
Among half a dozen other women. His high school sweetheart got fed up with his shit so all his side chicks competed for her spot.
I hated that so many women around our way would do whatever they could just to say they had a man.
As a man, none of us were worth that. Thirty years later, my mama was still trying to keep his attention.
“Wow, your disrespect has gotten out of control.”
I moved around our room gathering up more stuff to put in my duffle bag.
“You gotta understand I’m grown, Jill. You wanted to be treated like a friend and to be real, friends that acted the way that you did with me and my brother would’ve long been cut off.
You still got access off the strength that we share DNA but I can always change that if it’s not enough for you. ”
“I have cancer.”
I didn’t miss a step when I responded. “Send me the doctors’ information.”
“What?”
I knew by the way she sounded she hadn’t expected me to say that. I treated my mother with a long handled spoon going months without talking to her. It was what I had to do for my own sanity. After the way she spoke to me when Choo got married she was lucky I talked to her ass at all.
“Send me the doctor’s information.”
“He can’t talk to you because of HIPAA.” Jill was pulling shit out of the air thinking I didn’t know anything.
“He can if you give him permission. Until then I’m not believing it.” I squeezed my eyes wishing I’d just ignored this call instead of taking it. Jill was following her normal script and even though I’d prepared for it she was still stressing my ass out.
“Wow. So you got your lil money and you think you can talk to me any kinda way? That’s what this is.”
I chuckled keeping the slight pain her words caused buried about as deep down as the last shred of love I had for her.
“My lil money is the reason you’re calling ain’t it? I’m sure it was all over SportsNews and you were calling trying to get your piece of it. Why would you want to talk shit to the person you’re trying to con?”
The news had reported that I was in contract negotiations with the Desperados and it took me by surprise.
Here had been several reports on how I’d performed at camp and I honestly thought they’d only done it because of who I was with.
But when they started using words like asset and hidden gem my confidence solidified that I was doing what I needed to.
“Con? All the shit that I’ve done for you and you think I got to convince you to give me money? Nigga, you owe me!” Her voice got louder on the phone and I was trying my hardest not to get pissed off. After everything she’d lost she still hadn’t learned.