29. Kovu
My obsession with Camilla only seems to grow by the day.
Every day I wake up thinking I can’t crave her any more than I did the day before, and every night I realize that was a false hope.
My mind is almost as clear as it normally is after a fresh kill. Blood has always been what settled my racing thoughts, the thoughts and memories that have always made living and breathing hard. But my little lamb seems to be the same kind of antidote.
It probably helps that every night I sleep beside her, I sleep soundly. The only thing that’s ever helped me sleep before is a handful of prescription pills, and even then, it’s a fifty-fifty chance whether it will work or not.
Bishop is working in the armchair when I slip out of the guest room and head for the gym. As much as I love spending time with Camilla, I’m not used to being still for long periods of time, and I need to keep my reflexes fast if Davenport is going to keep up his vendetta to get us out of the position he helped vote us into.
The sound of fists on a punching bag and loud metal music is all the evidence I need that Kaos has beaten me in this morning. Usually it’s me in here at the asscrack of dawn because I can’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time, but I’ve been sleeping later this week, basking in the time with Camilla even when she’s still fast asleep.
I spot Kaos on the other side of the room the moment I shove through the door. The gym is fucking massive, but it needs to be to hold a fighting ring, cardio and weights equipment, and a sparring space big enough for men the size of us.
His fists slam into the bag over and over again, anger etched into his brow as he throws everything he has into every punch. I try to think back to a time when he was this worked up, but I come up empty. The last time he was like this was when his father died. It was a rough time for all of us, but for obvious reasons, he took it the hardest.
He didn’t eat or sleep. All he did was kill and drink. He wanted answers that we were never going to get, and the rest of us were beyond being able to save him from himself. We were all dealing in our own way.
I was never as close to Caleb as I am to Crew. Crew was the one who found me, who helped me, who gave me a place to live and taught me how to channel my anger in a productive way. But Caleb was always there as someone I could turn to when I had no one. He and Crew raised the three of us, they dragged us up from poverty to where we are now. They worked tirelessly to make sure we always ate, even if it meant they didn’t. He deserved more than the end he got.
I cross the gym and turn the music down to a decibel that doesn’t give me a headache. Our music tastes are similar, but he tends to turn it up much louder than I do.
“Hey,” he snaps. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“You know, listening to metal at that volume isn’t going to drown out the voices in your head.” I cross my arms over my T-shirt covered chest.
“Fuck off, Kovu. Don’t act like you know it all just because a tiny piece of ass is letting you sleep next to her every night.”
I blow out a breath to disperse the red creeping into my vision. He’s lashing out. He’s trying to hurt me because he’s hurting. Kids who grow up surrounded by violence are known to do shit like this. I sure as hell do it myself.
“What crawled up your ass and died this morning?” I smirk.
He turns his body toward mine, the punching bag all but forgotten. His glare would probably knock a lesser man on his ass, but Kaos and I are best friends, brothers even, and I’m not scared of him, even if he wishes I was. “You fucking know what, Kovu. Don’t act like her being here isn’t dangerous for us all. She could fucking end us, don’t you see that?”
I remain rooted in place, the same smile playing on my lips knowing it will rile him further. He needs to hit someone, and it’s been too long since I’ve felt pain. My skin is starting to itch with the need for it.
“If you and Bishop could think without your cocks, we wouldn’t be in this mess. He should have just left her in the fucking alley to die. It would have been better for all of us.” He steps closer to me. He’s making himself angrier with every vile thing that spews from his mouth, so I don’t bother fueling the fire.
“Are you going to say something?” he snaps.
I shrug. “Wasn’t planning on it.”
He growls and lunges for me, but I’m ready for him and duck out of his way before he can reach me. Kaos and I trained to fight together, but that doesn’t mean our styles are similar, because they’re not even close. He’s methodical but scrappy, a mix of me and Bishop in how he grapples, whereas I’ll always go straight for the kill. I don’t give a fuck who I’m fighting, I just want to see them bleed.
He advances on me again, and when I move to step out of his path, he anticipates the move and takes me to the mat. Initially, we only had this matting in the grappling area but had to have it installed throughout the entire gym after the second time I cracked my head on the concrete while training with Kaos. Rogers pretty much demanded it and said if one of us came in needing stitches again that he wouldn’t treat us. Asshole.
I make quick work of rolling us and give myself the advantage. He may be bigger than me, but I’ve spent a lot more time in this gym than he has, and my sheer strength is evidence of that.
“Is this making you feel better?” I goad, never allowing the sinister smile to drop from my lips.
He growls and catches me off guard with a left hook to the cheek. Pain vibrates through my entire face, but I crave it. I need more. The punch has me distracted enough that he throws me off him, and a moment later he’s got me pinned to the mat. “You think you’re so fucking smart.” Punch. “But you’re a fucking idiot. You’re going to get us all killed with your stupidity. What the hell do you think is going to happen when Davenport finds out we’ve had her this whole time? Do you think he and the other families are going to let us get away with that?”
I lift my legs and manage to buck him off, putting some distance between us so I can wipe the blood from my lip. The taste of copper moves across my taste buds, and I almost groan with relief. The things I crave would have a therapist in need of therapy. Blood being one of the many things that any normal person would screw their nose up at and get as far away from my psycho ass as possible.
“Well?” Kaos demands.
“Did you hear a word Crew said?” I challenge. “The second De Marco took his dying breath, that contract was void. Camilla was free in the eyes of the law we follow.”
“Davenport won’t see it like that, and you know it. And when they find out we’re grooming an inside leader?” he scoffs. “Hell, they’ll probably take her out, and I won’t ever have to see her or deal with you lovesick puppies again.”
Something about the idea of them hurting Camilla makes me pause. The only person who can hurt my little lamb is me.