Chapter 14
HANNAH
Andrea had been stomping ahead of Hannah into the office after their lunch with Rosalie at Meadow Sweet.
Her temperament was always volatile but it had been especially so in recent days.
Was it that she missed Hunter? Was it that she walked out on Tommy after their night together and now Hannah was having to field his calls, wondering why the heck Andrea had left him?
She didn’t know. She would never know because when Andrea decided to shut down, she couldn’t be prised open.
What she did know was that Andrea’s hips were swinging with prime-time swagger as her stilettos pounded the sidewalk as best as their skinny heels could.
Hannah had learned that silence was best in these situations. Until the volcano finally erupted, Hannah had no way of telling whether that hot lava was coming after her in a friend capacity or in her capacity as an executive PA.
They reached the revolving entrance doors to XM Music Group’s office block. Andrea paused, then sighed, then spun those doors so fast that Hannah decided it would be safer to let her complete the revolution alone.
And she did complete the revolution. After a full three-sixty walk through the revolving doors, Andrea was back on the sidewalk, facing Hannah, on the verge of eruption.
‘Isn’t it enough that everyone in this place thinks I slept my way to the top?’ she ground out through her teeth. ‘Now, everyone will be saying, There goes Andrea, CEO of Stellar label, who slept with the boss and screwed her clients to keep them .’
The way her arms flailed as she spoke and her cheeks flushed red made the situation almost comical.
‘Is that why you encouraged me to go to Tommy’s? Huh? So you could tell everyone? Gossip to whoever will listen?’
Hannah felt like shaking Andrea’s shoulders hard, both in anger and to stop the hysteria. She raised her arm and forced her fingers to point instead.
‘ You decided to go to Tommy because you were mourning the loss of dirty grandpa from your panties. You decided to fuck Tommy. Yes, I thought seeing Tommy was a better idea than pining after that douchebag, Hunter. He’s a significant improvement from screwing your friend’s dad.
‘You like Tommy, whether you can admit it to yourself or not. And he likes you. Hence him calling my desk every second to find out why you’re not taking his calls and why you walked out on him, again.
Which, by the way, is a question only you can answer because, despite the fact you do like Tommy and you’ve gone back there a thousand times in the past, you left him, again . ’
‘That’s none of your business, Hannah, and it’s certainly not your story to go gossiping to Rosalie about.’
Hannah raised her hand to say stop. ‘I’m not finished.’
Andrea straightened, dropping her hands on her hips and pulling her lips into a pout. But she didn’t move from her spot on the sidewalk.
‘You sleep with someone like Hunter for six months and walk out on someone like Tommy, who you get along with. You’re terrified of being with anyone who might stick. You’re afraid to be committed to anyone.’
‘I have been committed to people all my life,’ Andrea snapped back.
‘You lost your mom. You took care of your dad when he needed help. You brought up Sofia as if she was your responsibility. You have never committed by choice and you’re terrified of doing so.’
Andrea lowered her voice, glancing at passers-by on the street, whose attention had been drawn by the showdown.
‘You’re the prime example of how that statement is bullshit, Professor Hannah.
I’ve never walked away from you. Or maybe that’s because I feel a sense of responsibility to you too, huh?
With a million mouths to feed and a lazy, selfish husband to take care of.
Well, let me tell you something, Hannah, I’ve had enough.
I’ve had enough of playing friend instead of boss when you take endless days off for sick kids.
When you leave early because Rod got a new job and didn’t have the decency to discuss it with you first.’
Hannah saw the proverbial red mist. ‘Do. Not. Talk. About. My. Family.’
‘Yeah, it’s shitty when someone spreads crap you don’t want to hear, isn’t it?’
Hannah squared up to Andrea. ‘I told our friend – one of your best friends – that you slept with Tommy. I wasn’t gossiping, I was putting her as far off the scent of you fucking her dad that she could get.
That’s the joke, Andi, I was protecting you.
And why? So that you could badmouth me and my family?
I’ve stood by you for years and you’re currently throwing it back in my face because I’ve called you on your shit.
You’re terrified of getting hurt. Well, aren’t we all, Andi? ’
Andrea’s shoulders heaved and Hannah almost felt bad. She knew Andrea’s insecurities and had just exposed them in the street. But not unprompted.
‘You need to decide whether you’re my friend or my assistant and realise that there’s a line you can’t blur.’
Hannah scoffed. ‘We’ve blurred the line for years. I’m always looking out for you, Andi, no matter how bad your mood or what stupid things you decide to do.’
‘No, Hannah, I’m always looking out for you. Any other boss would have kicked you out on your ass already, not brought you over from Sanfia Records and kept giving you pay rises to help with the ever-growing family.’
What stung Hannah, what made her feel like someone was driving a stake through her heart, wasn’t the words being thrown at her but the person saying them.
She looked through the revolving door to the office.
She did need her job. She needed the salary and the stability, now more than ever.
But she could find these things closer to home, where her commute would be negligible.
She stayed with Andrea because she was her best friend. Because Andrea needed Hannah more than she would ever admit. Because working with Andrea had always made her feel like she was just a city gal, free as a bird. Her own person, not a mom or a wife.
Today, though, Hannah wanted to tell her so-called friend where to shove her job and her apparent pity vote.
She had always defended Andrea. She knew Andrea behaved the way she had because she’d had a tough life in many respects.
But times change. And since coming over to Stellar and getting her promotion to CEO, working with Andrea had changed.
She moved her focus to Andrea, who was looking back at her. Say sorry, she willed. Apologise to me for being a dick.
But Andrea stood defiantly, her hands in her pockets. Of course she won’t apologise.
‘I’m going home,’ Hannah said.
‘We’ve got work to do,’ Andrea told her, not an ounce of compassion or remorse in her tone. Just cold, bitter Andrea. Shut down and in protection mode.
Hannah shook her head as she walked past her friend.
‘Are you coming back?’ Andrea asked, a hint of feeling breaking her steely demeanour.
Hannah let the words reach her back and decided not to respond.
She had had enough. Enough of Andrea’s shitty attitude.
Enough of her digs about Hannah’s family, as if Andrea’s life, with her spacious, empty apartment and nothing but work and men she fucked, was better than Hannah’s children and husband.
She walked without purpose, not knowing if she would go back, until she reached the river. Then she walked alongside the Hudson, dipping away and coming back as the sidewalk wound around buildings and through parks. She walked until the low heels of her ankle boots made the balls of her feet ache.
Coming to sit on a bench, she looked out in the direction of Manhattan.
There had been a time – a long time ago – when Hannah thought she could be anything she dreamed of.
She had been one of the most attractive girls in school, when she was a teen.
Back then, the thought of being a model or a movie star, or that the mess-around sessions in Andrea’s dad’s studio recording herself, Andrea and Sofia singing along to Destiny’s Child tracks would lead to fame and fortune, had seemed possible.
Then responsibility after responsibility started to pile up and dreams were replaced by a need to keep a job, to make money and to try to keep a semblance of independence.
She was tired. So incredibly tired. From nappies to gym class uniform, to back-chatting.
From a husband who felt like he didn’t need to run life decisions by her and whose sleep deprivation seemed to trump hers.
From the fact that no other person in her house would leave the toilet seat the eff down.
Work was as much her escape as it was a necessity.
Work meant she commuted into New York each day in smart clothes – though admittedly occasionally covered in puke – with her hair done and a little make-up to make her look human.
It meant she sat on a train with people around her who didn’t know how many kids she had or that her dreams of college graduation and whatever else had been dashed by a youthful pregnancy.
That she earned halfway decent money and had adult conversations with people, where her opinion mattered.
But recently, her opinion hadn’t mattered. The level playing field that had always existed between her and Andrea, despite any hierarchy in employment, had tipped against her.
Was it that Andrea was unhappy and taking it out on Hannah? Or had things changed between them? Was Hannah actually below par at work? Was Andrea doing her a favour by keeping her on?
Andrea had always needed Hannah. They both knew that, despite the fact it had never been said. Andrea had demons that most people couldn’t see. Hannah recognised them and kept her friend’s head above water when they started to creep in. But she had failed recently.