Chapter 4
MAYA
I stumble home, barely registering my surroundings, and let myself in through my father’s front door with a shaking hand.
I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’ve never been turned down for sex before – especially not kinky sex – and I’m utterly bewildered by his rejection.
Going straight upstairs, I sit on the edge of my bed and stare in disbelief at the reflection of my flushed face in the dressing table mirror.
I’m in shock. Total and utter shock.
He’s somehow managed to take away the one thing I thought I had absolute power over in my life.
And he’s probably laughing at me right now whilst chucking my favourite toys in the bin.
Taking a couple of deep breaths, I begin to put myself back together.
I’m not going to let this break me. No fucking way.
Way worse things have happened to me than being rejected by a man I barely even know, and I’m still here – living my life, fighting for my future.
I ball my hands into fists, feeling my nails bite into my palms, and take some more steadying breaths, aware of the blood starting to rush through my veins again.
Nothing could ever compare to the horror of losing my mother in the shockingly pointless and life-changing way she was taken from me.
Or to the heart-rending guilt I carry with me every day because of it.
So I can damn well handle something as inconsequential as a knock-back from a man who means absolutely nothing to me.
My nails bite deeper.
Yeah, I’ll be okay. I know I will. I’m well-practised in burying my feelings and getting on with my life. No one gets past the composed indifference I’ve so successfully shielded myself with over the years.
So if Benedict Chivers thinks he’s broken me he’s got another think coming.
* * *
On Monday, after a weekend during which I’ve barely slept, because the scene in Benedict’s kitchen seems to have got stuck in my mind, playing over and over again like a broken record, I’m making my way to my desk after lunch when Rosie comes dashing over, looking as if she’s about to throw up.
‘Oh, God, Maya, I’ve made a real mess of Ben’s diary. A prospective client’s here in Reception to meet with him, but apparently, he’s still out at a meeting with his lawyer and he’s not answering his phone.’ Her hands are trembling and her breathing is erratic.
‘Whoa – calm down. I’m sure it’s nothing to get too panicked about,’ I soothe.
She shakes her head as if she doesn’t agree. ‘This will be the third thing I’ve got wrong in as many weeks. He’s already warned me I’m on dangerous ground if I don’t pull my socks up. He’s going to fire me when he finds out,’ she whispers, her voice breaking.
Instinctively I pull her into a hug, feeling her slight frame shaking against my chest as she begins to cry. ‘It’ll be okay, Rosie,’ I assure her, alarmed by the terror I see in my friend’s eyes. Surely Benedict won’t fire her over something like this?
I think back to the cold-hearted way he’s dealt with me so far.
Then again, maybe he will.
No. I’m not letting it happen. Not to someone who’s shown me so much kindness. Loyalty and friendship are the things I value most in this world.
‘Nobody’s getting fired today,’ I say, drawing back to look her dead in the eyes. ‘Look, why don’t you go to the bathroom and take a few minutes to compose yourself? I’ll handle this. What’s the name of the client?’
‘Hugo W-Wynn Jones. He’s come over for a s-site visit. He’s interested in some t-tailor-made CRM software,’ she says through her hiccoughing sobs.
‘Okay. Fine. I’ll give him the tour and keep him entertained until Benedict gets back.’
‘Are you s-sure? What if Ben’s angry with you for doing that w-without checking with him first? I think this guy’s a really b-big deal,’ she whispers, her eyes wide with anxiety.
‘Don’t worry about me. I can look after myself.’
I flash her a smile, which I hope comes across as blasé, even though my insides feel totally knotted.
She still looks a little uncertain, so I shrug and say, ‘I’m a Darlington-Hume – what’s the worst that can happen to me? I’ll be quietly asked to leave, and my father will arrange for me to go and make coffee for one of his other business cronies.’
I try not to think about how much this might set me back in my quest for respect from my father as I stare boldly back at her.
I’ll just have to make sure I don’t mess it up, that’s all.
‘Okay, if you’re s-sure—’
‘Totally sure. I’ll be fine,’ I say, with a confidence I have to drag up from my gut. ‘Now, go and put yourself back together,’ I say, putting my hands on her shoulders and giving her an encouraging push out of the cubicle.
I make sure Rosie is heading towards the ladies’ bathroom before turning on my heel and striding towards Reception. Well, my father always says the only the reason I get away with so much of my shit is because I’m a master at charming people. So I’m going to use that skill for good today.
Like a motherfucking PA superhero.
I crack my knuckles.
Okay, Hugo Wynn Jones, prepare to be charmed.
* * *
Benedict
I walk back to my office after the meeting with my lawyer, aware of a strange hum of nerves in the pit of my stomach as I wonder what I’ll find when I get there.
Will Maya have ignored my demand for only my new phone to be waiting for me on my desk and be ready for another round of hold your nerve?
Memories of her lying across my desk, her legs spread for me, makes me immediately hard, and I have to pull my suit jacket closed to hide the evidence of my arousal from one of my PAs, Laura, who for some reason is standing right outside my office door, as if she’s waiting for me.
When she sees me, she rushes over with a stressed look on her face.
‘Ben, thank goodness you’re back. Hugo Wynn Jones is here to see you about the personalised CRM system.’
My pulse quickens. ‘What? Now?’
Laura looks a little pale. ‘Actually, he’s been here for half an hour already. It wasn’t me who got the date wrong, I swear,’ she adds hurriedly. ‘Rosie was looking after your diary when the meeting request came in, and she put it in for the wrong day.’
Blood pumps hard in my temple as I think about how offended Hugo must be, having been made to wait for me.
I mutter a sting of curses under my breath.
I’ve already spent a hell of a lot of hours perfecting a proposal to try and win his business, and I’d hoped to impress him in person when he came in to meet me and take a look around the office.
‘Where have you put him?’ I ask, aware that my voice sounds terse. But I really don’t have time for niceties right now. The longer I keep him waiting the more opportunity there is for this situation to get away from me.
‘Maya’s shown him around and introduced him to key members of the team, and she’s just taken him into the meeting room,’ Laura answers, her voice breathy with stress. ‘I didn’t know she was doing that until I saw her with him,’ she adds, obviously trying to save her own arse.
I turn to frown at her, dismay sinking through me. ‘Wait – did you say Maya’s looking after him?’
Jesus, who knows what she’s saying to him right now?
The throb in my temple becomes painful. Surely, she wouldn’t badmouth me to Hugo.
Would she?
We didn’t exactly part on good terms the last time we saw each other, so it’s quite possible she might be using this opportunity to get back at me.
Cold alarm sinks through me as I consider the terrible potential damage she might be causing.
I barge into the meeting room to find Hugo sitting in one of the large leather swivel chairs with a cup of coffee in his hand, laughing his head off at something Maya’s just said.
‘Hugo, I’m so sorry I’m late. Apparently, we’ve had a diary miscommunication,’ I say, trying to imbue my voice with calm control, even though I don’t feel much of it right now.
When I glance at Maya she flashes me a bold but composed smile – which, despite the seriousness of the situation, makes something flip in my chest.
What the hell did she say to him to make him laugh like that? I wonder wildly.
‘No problem at all,’ Hugo says with a dismissive wave of his hand. ‘Maya’s been good enough to show me around. Great set-up you have here. Very impressive. And she’s been keeping me entertained with tales of the office,’ he adds, with a warm smile in her direction.
I’m surprised to feel a sting of jealousy at the atmosphere of camaraderie they seem to have built between them.
I stare at them both for a couple of beats, trying to figure out whether she’s been telling him negative stories about me, but when Hugo continues to smile in what seems to be genuine approval, I tell myself to relax.
‘Okay, great – well, if you’re happy with what Maya’s shown you perhaps we can talk about how you see the project moving forward?
’ I say, taking a seat on the opposite side of the table.
‘Thank you, Maya,’ I add, giving her a nod of gratitude mostly for Hugo’s benefit – I’m reserving judgement as to whether I really am grateful for her help till after this meeting concludes and I’m confident she’s not done any damage.
I wait until she’s left the room before giving my full attention to the matter at hand: securing this business.
An hour and, to be perfectly frank, some highly skilled glad-handing later, Wynn Jones is on his way out of the building, after once again lavishing me with compliments about the business and with a firm assurance that he’ll be back in touch soon with a signed contract.
The place is nearly deserted, because it’s now the end of the day, and I head straight for my office to send a couple of emails that need attending to urgently.
As I walk towards my desk there’s a knock on the door and Maya comes striding in.
‘Don’t fire Rosie,’ she says, as soon as the door closes behind her.
She walks over to where I’m standing, her hands clenched at her sides. To my surprise, the ever-present mischievous twinkle in her eyes is noticeably absent.