Chapter 6 #2
And why do I care so much anyway?
It shouldn’t matter that we can’t see each other this weekend; we’ve seen each other every day this week, after all.
It shouldn’t matter, but for some reason it does.
‘Look, I’m sorry, but I really have to go,’ he says gruffly.
‘Of course you do. All those minions aren’t going to boss themselves around,’ I say, forcing my lips into a cocky smile.
‘I’d better get back too. I’m meeting some friends for after-work drinks later, so I need to leave on the dot,’ I lie, swinging my legs off the bed.
‘I suspect it’ll turn into a big night out, knowing them, so I’ll probably be good for nothing tomorrow anyway. ’
He frowns, but doesn’t say anything before giving me a curt nod and then striding out of the door, leaving me alone to wonder how things got so weird between us so fast.
But of course I know how – because of me and my big mouth.
I made myself sound too needy. As if I wanted to have a proper date – in public – and that wasn’t part of our arrangement. It’s just sex between us after all.
I rub at the weird tension that’s making my chest ache and head straight for the shower.
Anyway, it’s not as though I don’t have plenty of other options. I can call up a whole host of people to come over and hang out with me if I want. In fact, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. It’s about time I threw one of my legendary parties anyway, and now I have the perfect excuse.
I set the shower to its most powerful setting and step under the water, finding relief in the sensation of water pounding against my skin.
Yeah, that’s exactly what I need. To spend some quality time with my friends and have a proper blow-out.
Excitement surges through me as I begin to plan it in my head.
This weekend is going to be fun.
* * *
Benedict
I told Maya I was going to see friends this weekend as an excuse, suddenly finding I needed some headspace away from her all-consuming presence.
I’ve become hyper aware that things have got a bit intense with her recently, and talking to her about my past and spending cosy nights at her place is definitely not the way to go if we’ve got any chance of keeping things light and emotion-free.
It was the genuine interest I saw in her face that made me open up and talk about my parents and my concerns for my business, though.
The cosy camaraderie we share when we’re in that hotel room – just the two of us, hiding out from the rest of the world – made it seem like the right thing to do.
And at least now she understands how high the stakes are for me in seeing her.
I just have to hope my trust in her hasn’t been misplaced. Still, I’m uncomfortably aware that I need to be more circumspect from this point on.
I have to reset my priorities.
It’s imperative I keep my head on straight and handle this fling the way I meant to from the beginning.
Getting home to an empty house on Friday evening, though, I realise I don’t want to be on my own.
I’m restless and agitated for some reason.
I think back to the conversation Maya and I had about my mum.
It bothers me. I’ve been so caught up with work I’ve put off seeing her a lot over the years, but I can’t in all good conscience use that as an excuse any more.
Maya’s right – she probably does miss me; I’m the only family she has, after all.
I really should make more of an effort to include her in my life.
So with that thought ringing through my head I pick up my phone and call my mother, feeling my heart lift at her obvious delight when I tell her I’m coming for a long overdue visit.
* * *
Maya
Despite laughing, swapping gossip and dancing till 4 a.m. with my friends at my party, I still spend the entire weekend thinking about Ben and wondering whether he’s having a good time too.
I know I need to stay cool about this thing between us – which in all likelihood is going to end soon – but to be perfectly honest I’m finding it really bloody hard.
I think he has to be the most impressive person I’ve ever met – and that’s saying something, because I’ve met a lot of impressive people over the years.
But none of them have got under my skin like he has.
Hearing about his horrific upbringing seems to have flipped a switch in my head and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it – about him and what he’s been through.
It’s no wonder he’s so attached to the life he’s built for himself if he grew up with so little and has had to fight hard for what he has now.
It must be horrendous for him even to consider losing it all.
I can imagine that kind of humiliation would kill someone as proud as Ben. Not that I suspect it will ever come to that – he’s too smart and resourceful to let it happen. Too careful and considered. Which is probably why this fling with me seems to be spinning him out so much.
Monday finally rolls around, and I’m frustrated to find that Ben’s out at a meeting all morning. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to settle to anything. A voice in my head keeps whispering, Perhaps it’s over already, and no matter how hard I try to shut it off it won’t bloody well pipe down.
To my utter relief, a text message from him pops up on my phone at midday, asking me to meet him at our hotel, and I’m finally able to breathe again.
It seems he’s just as unable to resist our illicit lunchtime rendezvous as I am.
‘So, it’s your father’s party on Wednesday night,’ Ben says as I pull on my underwear and flatten down my hair an hour later, ready to return to the office after a particularly fast and furious screw.
It appears that time apart from each other adds real fire to our fucking.
My heart does a nosedive as I contemplate what he actually means.
We’re on a countdown now to the end.
I hate the fact that my father has our relationship in such a stranglehold. Just like the rest of my life.
I can’t wait to be free of the bastard.
‘Yeah. It’s going to be quite a do. I think he’s invited the whole of London high society to fawn at his feet,’ I say, laying on the derision to keep my disquiet in check.
‘I hope you don’t expect to get any special treatment from me there, though, boss.
I’ll be off duty,’ I joke with a playful smile, though I’m keenly aware of a prickle of dread beneath my skin.
He smiles back, and despite the tension in my body my heart leaps at the warmth in his eyes.
Perhaps this won’t be the end?
Perhaps…
‘In that case I guess we should make the most of the time we have left now,’ he says, grabbing hold of me and pulling me back onto the bed, where he proceeds to remove the underwear I’ve just put back on.
Not that I mind one little bit.
I’d happily stay here with him, naked in bed, for every second we have left together if I could.