Chapter 7 #2
Her brow creases and I see her jaw tighten, as if she’s desperately trying not to let her emotions get the better of her.
I’m about to open my mouth and say something to comfort her – not that I have any idea what words could do that right now – when her body language suddenly changes and she straightens up, as if she’s throwing off her melancholy and returning to her normal insouciant self.
‘Anyway, there’s no point in dwelling on the past, right?’ she says, in an abnormally bright voice. ‘Especially when there’s so much to look forward to in the future.’
She smiles at me as if we’ve just been discussing some frivolous piece of gossip.
There’s a strange atmosphere in the room now, which is making me really uncomfortable.
Something weird is going on here.
It’s as if I’ve just seen a glimpse of her sensitive alter ego, but now the cocksure Maya has fought her way back.
We both jump as someone rattles the door handle.
‘We should go back to the party before my father misses us,’ she says, pushing away from the wall.
‘You’re right – it’d look pretty bad for the two of us to be discovered hiding out in here together.
’ She leans in towards me and raises her eyebrows.
‘And I wouldn’t want to tarnish your impeccable reputation so you lose favour with him. Business is business, right?’
I can’t tell whether she’s joking or not, so I just give her an awkward sort of frowning nod. Clearly she’s put her barriers back up now, so she doesn’t have to deal with messy feelings about what she just told me.
To be perfectly honest, I’m not quite sure how to deal with what I’m feeling right now either. The thought of her carrying around the pain of losing her mother like that, every day of her life, horrifies me. But, perhaps even more frustratingly, I know there’s not a damn thing I can do to help her.
Not that it’s my responsibility.
Though of course I feel that it is.
Because, most worryingly, every time I find out something new about her, I get pulled a little deeper into her life – care about her a little bit more.
And that definitely wasn’t part of the plan.
* * *
Maya
Ben and I walk back to the party, side by side.
But not together.
There’s a distance between us again – I can sense it.
Is it because I lost the plot and let him see a more vulnerable side to me?
It wouldn’t surprise me. It’s probably made him want to run a mile. Weepy confessions aren’t what he signed up for.
I’m a good-time girl – wild, seductive, never sentimental. Self-pity isn’t sexy. It’s not the sort of thing that endears you to people, which is why I never talk about my mother to anyone.
I suddenly feel sick at the thought of him knowing about it. What the hell possessed me to talk to Ben of all people about her?
I think it was the way he put his hands on my shoulders that loosened my tongue. His touch made me feel safe. Protected. I felt closer to him in those moments than I have to anyone in a very long time.
But as soon as I started my sorry tale I became aware of the weight of emotion that I was pouring into the room. I suddenly felt exposed and stupid, which is why I then put on that ridiculous show of bravado.
I wonder wildly how him knowing about this might impact on our relationship – not that you could exactly call it one. To be honest, I don’t know what it is we have, but I do know that for a while now it’s started to feel like more than just casual sex…
My train of thought is cut short as my father appears as if from nowhere, like a bad omen, and strides straight up to Ben, offering him his hand.
‘Benedict – glad you made it.’
‘Happy birthday, Maxim. Thanks for inviting me.’ Ben takes my father’s hand and gives it a firm shake.
I feel my father’s gaze on me and turn to look at him.
‘I was just showing Ben the photo line-up of “Society’s Most Privileged” in your office,’ I quip, before he can ask me where the hell I’ve been.
‘Well, I’d appreciate it if you could share your attention around a bit and go and talk to some of our other guests,’ my father says tersely. ‘Your disappearance has been remarked on.’
I give him one of my fake subservient smiles, which he ignores, deliberately moving between Ben and I and turning his back on me.
Obviously, Ben’s the only person he deems it worth engaging with here.
I feel the coldness of his actions and bite my lip against the wave of hurt it elicits.
It’s only because I’m still a little wobbly about what just happened in his office that I’m letting it affect me, though.
Normally I don’t give a shit when he stonewalls me.
‘I’d like to introduce you to a few people – particularly my daughter April,’ my father says to Ben, as if I’m not even there.
‘She’s a very impressive woman, Maxim,’ Ben says, leaning a little to the side to catch my eye.
I look quickly away from him, not sure what he’s playing at.
‘April? Yes, she’s a real asset to the business and to the family,’ my father replies, glancing over his shoulder to shoot me a reproachful look, as if I should be learning something from this.
‘Actually, I was talking about Maya,’ Ben says smoothly.
‘She stepped in and saved an important contract from hitting the skids the other week. I’m impressed with her business savvy too.
I had the pleasure of seeing the proposal for her jewellery enterprise.
It’s inspiring. She’s clearly put a lot of work into it.
It’s exceptionally well thought out and meticulously planned.
If I were you, I’d seriously consider giving her the backing she needs to get it off the ground.
I can see it being a hugely successful venture.
She appears to be a chip off the old block, Maxim. ’
For a second my father looks as though he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing, but he quickly covers it with a solicitous smile.
My heart flutters like a bird in my chest as Ben grins at me.
God, I fucking love this – he’s standing up for me in front of my father. The first person who ever has.
A small voice in my head starts to whisper strange things to me. Things like, What if there could be more to this with Ben? Something real?
My stomach does an excited sort of roll, and I have to give myself a mental slap. I’d be crazy to think like that. He’s made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want anything more serious than a fling with me.
My father glances between the two of us with his eyes narrowed. Does he suspect Ben and I are fucking and that that’s the only reason he’s complimenting me?
And is he right?
Tension twists in my chest as I consider this possibility.
But, no, surely that’s not true.
‘Well, that’s heartening to hear,’ my father says gruffly. ‘I’ll take a look at the paperwork this week with a view to moving it forward, then.’
He gives me a stiff nod, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was actually pleased I’ve done such a good job.
He turns back to Ben. ‘I’m glad to hear she’s been pulling her weight, but I won’t need you to entertain her any longer. Now I’m back in London she’ll be coming back to work at my office tomorrow morning.’
I suck in a sharp breath. So soon? I’d hoped I’d have at least the rest of the week at Ergo-i before I had to leave – before our fling was officially over.
I want to argue with my father and ask if he can spare me for a bit longer, but I’m acutely aware that that would look very suspicious. It was only ever meant to be a short secondment, with no prospect of me staying on there.
The only way it might work is if Ben steps in – perhaps citing the need for me to have a bit of time to hand over a project I’ve been working on.
I hold my breath, hoping he’ll somehow read my thoughts, but to my utter dismay he just nods and says, ‘Okay, that’s fine with me.’
Disappointment, sadness and frustration take turns to throb through me, but I’m hyper aware that for Ben’s sake I need to look as though I’m totally relaxed about it all.
‘Thanks for having her for so long,’ my father adds, as if Ben’s been looking after a troublesome pet for him.
‘It was my absolute pleasure to have her.’
There’s no inflection or innuendo in his voice. No private joke aimed just at me. And my heart sinks.
‘Let me introduce you to April,’ my father says, holding up his arm as if to herd Ben in the direction he wants him to go. Away from me.
With just a nod of farewell in my direction, Ben allows my father to guide him away, through the busy throng of people.
My legs feel weirdly wobbly, so I grip hold of a nearby banister and spin myself around to lean against the newel post for support.
Through my haze of dejection I become aware of my little sister, Juno, walking over to where I’m standing.
‘Hey, Jubelly – enjoying the party?’ I ask her, desperately trying to pull myself together. I can’t fall apart right now. That would be all kinds of bad news.
She scowls and shakes her head at me, making her beautiful chestnut hair ripple across her shoulders. It’s really nice to see her wearing it down for once. She usually has it tied back in a tight knot at the base of her skull – which, as I regularly point out, is an offence against nature.
‘Maya, can you please stop calling me that? I’m twenty-two years old!’ she hisses.
When I turn to grin at her, glad for the distraction from Ben and what just happened, I notice her face is flushed.
‘Hey, what’s up?’ I ask.
It’s not like my little sister to get irritated.
Her head is always too far up in the clouds for her to notice much of what’s going on in front of her – as if she’s constantly thinking about the work she’d rather be doing.
Disengaged from real life is what my father calls it – when he bothers to pay her any attention.