Chapter 8
BENEDICT
I don’t get any more time with Maya after Maxim commandeers me. He seems intent on introducing me to just about everyone who’s attended the party, and I don’t feel I can refuse him.
I wonder a few times whether I should check whether she’s okay.
I’d not felt it wise to contradict Maxim’s wishes for her to return to work with him in case he became suspicious about my motives, but I want her to know I’m frustrated about her time at Ergo-i – and therefore our affair – ending so abruptly.
I also wonder – while I struggle to stay focussed and engaged with the business-talk going on around me – whether having this enforced end to our fling will actually turn out to be a good thing.
A clean break will give me back some much-needed headspace – especially since the pain I’d seen in Maya’s eyes when she told me about what had happened to her mother seems to have completely fucked with my head.
It’s made me want to take her away from here and protect her from it. To try and make her happy again.
The irony that she’s the last person on earth I should be feeling like that about hasn’t escaped me.
I’ve been determined to maintain a clear line between fun fling and relationship, since neither of us is interested in a future together, but despite this, I’ve allowed myself to start caring about her.
Which means it’s a good time to end it.
On the couple of occasions when I catch a glimpse of her, she’s laughing and joking with someone. It seems as if she’s absolutely fine.
And then she just disappears.
The party feels empty and lifeless without her, even though there must be close to a hundred people still there, and I find it almost impossible to concentrate on the conversations I have from that point on.
As the Maya-free minutes tick by it becomes increasingly clear to me that I can’t leave things like this.
We need to give this thing a proper ending.
So, twenty minutes later, I make an excuse to Maxim about an important call to the States – ‘It’s imperative I make it from the office’ – and finally manage to escape.
After dropping in to my house to pick up a package I’ve been meaning to give to Maya for a while now, I make my way over to her flat in Primrose Hill, hoping like hell that I’ll catch her in.
* * *
Maya
When it comes down to it, I can’t stomach the thought of going out clubbing and pretending to have a good time when my chest feels like someone’s trapped it in a vice.
Instead, I go back to my flat and pour myself a very large vodka, trying not to think about Ben and April having a grand old time together at my father’s party as I tip it down my throat.
Blotting out everything I’m feeling right now is definitely the only way to go tonight.
I’m just about to pour myself another shot with a shaking hand when there’s a loud knock on my door.
Who the fuck thinks it’s okay to come calling at eleven o’clock at night? If it’s Freddie Valentine – or wolf-boy – I swear to God, I’m actually going to kill him on my doorstep.
Resisting the urge to go and select a suitable knife from the kitchen with which to perpetrate this imagined act, I march to the door and fling it open, ready to unleash a tirade of abuse on the idiot who’s so foolishly decided to call on me right now.
My heart swoops up to my throat when I see that it’s neither of those idiots.
It’s Ben.
He’s not with April; he’s come here to be with me.
‘What are you doing here? I thought you were set on schmoozing it up at my father’s party tonight,’ I say, trying not to grin like a fool as I stare into his hypnotising eyes and tendrils of lust stroke my skin.
‘I’ve schmoozed enough for one night.’ He gives me a frowning sort of smile, then says, ‘Listen, I’m sorry about how I acted in front of your father, but I thought it’d look a bit suspect if I asked you to stay on with me for longer.’
I give him a forgiving nod, even though I’m still feeling bruised by the indifference I saw in his eyes when he did it. It felt horrifyingly real at the time.
‘That’s what I figured.’
He smiles, looking relieved, then holds up a Jiffy bag and shakes it. The items inside make a gentle clicking sound as they knock together.
‘I have something I need to give you.’
I grin as the memory of the parcel I took to his house flashes through my mind.
‘I hope it’s what I think it is,’ I say, backing up into the hallway, inviting him in with my eyes.
I walk straight into my bedroom, willing him to follow me. I don’t want to waste time pussyfooting around, making small talk, when I could have him in my bed.
As soon as we get there, I remember with a sting of embarrassment that I’ve left the room in a shocking state. There are clothes strewn all over the bed, and you can barely see the top of my dressing table for make-up.
‘Sorry. I’m not the tidiest of people,’ I say, hastily kicking a pair of discarded knickers into another pile of clothes on the floor.
He’s seen what I’ve just done, and to my humiliation he stoops down and picks up the knickers between his fingertips, holds them up for a second and looks at me with one dark eyebrow raised, then tosses them into the bin by my chest of drawers.
‘I hear that’s where you usually deposit those fancy designer knickers of yours once you’ve worn them for a day. That must be an expensive habit,’ he says with a shake of his head.
I can’t help but laugh, even though I’m sick to death of correcting people about that fallacy.
‘Urban myth,’ I say, raising one derisive eyebrow.
‘I did that once. As a joke. My idiot ex went to the tabloids with it as a story to make some fast cash and suddenly it became a fact in people’s minds that I throw my knickers away every day. Even my bloody father believed it!’
He nods slowly, his eyes not leaving mine, but I can tell from the expression in them that he believes me. This gives me an unexpected lift of happiness, which in turn sends a twist of nerves up through my stomach.
‘Hey, thanks for putting that word in for me about my business plan,’ I say quickly, to distract myself.
‘It was my absolute pleasure. I meant every word of it.’
‘Well, I appreciate it.’
There’s a heavy pause and we just look at each other. I feel my heart fluttering like mad in my chest.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks quietly, his expression darkening with concern. ‘I was worried – after that conversation we had in your father’s study.’
My stomach does an alarming lurch. I really don’t want to talk about that again – not here, not now.
‘I’m fine,’ I say breezily. ‘I was just a bit tiddly from the champagne, and it made me maudlin, that’s all.’
He keeps frowning at me, and then he opens his mouth to say something else, so I cut him off.
‘Can I have my parcel?’ I’m desperate to break the downbeat atmosphere that’s developing and get back to the fun stuff. He doesn’t seem to be taking advantage of the fact that he’s in my bedroom, standing right next to my bed, and it’s starting to worry me.
‘Sure.’ He moves closer, his spicy scent making my head swim with longing, and holds it up.
I take it from him with a playful smile. Reaching inside, I pull out the items I was forced to leave at his house – my vibrator, lube and butt plug – and set them on my dresser.
Hello, my old friends.
‘I thought I should return them. I’ve had them sitting in my kitchen drawer for far too long.’
I grin as I imagine his cleaner opening the cutlery drawer to discover my butt plug nestled next to the fish knives.
‘So, anyway, I wanted to come and tell you we’re going to miss you at Ergo-I,’ he says with a twisted smile. ‘It’s been educational.’
He takes a step back towards the door and alarm thuds through me as I suddenly realise he’s come here to return my things – and say goodbye.
My pulse beats hard in my temple and my stomach rolls with panic.
No. No fucking way am I letting him just swan off like that. It can’t end like this. I won’t let it.
‘I hope you had fun with them,’ I say quickly, bringing out my most seductive smile.
His return grin is slow and amused, but I sense he’s not going to let me get what I want so easily.
Good thing I’m not a quitter.
‘Have you been fantasising about using them on me?’ I ask, making my voice breathy. ‘Because I know I have.’
He looks at me with an intensity that makes my toes curl but doesn’t say anything.
A muscle flickers in his jaw.
I’m desperate for him to tell me he’s not ready for this thing between us to be over yet. To say he doesn’t want to let me go. That we should extend our fling.
I have no idea whether that’s really how he feels, though. He’s not giving anything away.
I move towards him until we’re only a couple of inches apart, and the heat of his body makes the bare skin on my neck and arms prickle with awareness.
‘You know, technically I’m still working for you. Until tomorrow morning, that is,’ I say softly.
‘Yes. Technically that’s correct,’ he replies, his voice rough and low.
The atmosphere is so charged now I swear I can feel the air throbbing between us.
He seems to feel it too, because when I take one more step towards him, moving so close to him that I can feel the whisper of his ragged breath against my mouth, his whole body tenses, as if he’s holding himself back.
‘Then stay,’ I murmur.
He frowns, his eyes narrowing, and I see the internal battle he’s fighting flash in them.
‘I shouldn’t…’ he murmurs back.
I give a wry smile. ‘Since when have you done what you should do instead of what you want to do?’
He lets out a gentle snort of frustration, then raises his hand to cup my jaw, stroking his thumb against my cheek. It’s such a possessive move that I know, right then, that I’ve won.
This is confirmed when he lets out a low kind of growl and finally crushes his lips against mine, pulling me hard against him with his other hand.
His mouth feels like heaven on mine and I’m aware of my whole body flushing with wanton heat.
God, I want him. So much.