Chapter 13
We kissed. And kissed. And kissed some more. We moved from me sitting in my chair, to us both standing, to us both sitting on the couch, kissing the whole time.
But, much to my frustration (and, okay, maybe a little relief) all we did was kiss. No more groping for clothes, no more pulling shirts free of jeans.
It seemed like the kisses and groping before Corrine interrupted had taken the frenzied edge off and we were now able to relax and just enjoy…many, many, kisses.
I hadn’t been with a guy who just wanted to kiss like that for a long time. Okay, never. It was both refreshing and frustrating.
Yeah, really frustrating.
But I followed his lead, and he never once moved again to remove any of my clothes, or even stick a hand under my fleece, though his hands did tend to gravitate to my ass most of the time.
After at least an hour, (seriously, it had to be over an hour!) he broke away, placing his forehead against mine.
“I’ve got to go,” he whispered.
I pulled back, surprised. I guess I’d assumed if he had come back on Saturday it was so we— No. I couldn’t think like that, I couldn’t read anything in to his actions—or inactions—toward me.
He had to make the rules, because he was worried enough about breaking them by just being with me—his employee and a student. “I’m sorry, but I have to go to a thing for the department. Just drinks, but now that Corrine saw me, I can’t use the excuse that I hadn’t come back in time to go.”
“No. Sure. Of course you can’t.” I tried to hide my disappointment from him, but I was happy to see a smidge of the same feeling on him by the way he eyed my mouth and then let out a long sigh as he rose from the couch.
I packed up and walked out with him, ready to call it a day. I didn’t want to be in the office anymore without Montrose. Hell, after making out on the couch (and desk) with him, I probably wouldn’t ever want to be in there without him again.
It was dark when we left Snyder Hall, and the snow was falling. Not big, fluffy flakes that would land gracefully on my eyelashes and cheek, causing Montrose to want to gently brush them away as he gazed at me.
No, this was that kind of hard, sleety stuff that seemed to come at us sideways, causing us to keep our heads down and not gaze at anything more than where to place our next footstep.
There were people milling around. Not many, but after three weeks of walking around campus nearly alone, it seemed odd to see so many of my fellow students trudging through the snow.
Montrose took our fellow companions in stride, just bidding me good night, that he’d see me Monday, and heading off in the opposite direction from me.
I hadn’t expected a hug and kiss—I knew we could never do anything like that in public.
Still, I walked back to Creyts with a feeling of…not exactly rejection. After all, we’d just spent over an hour proving we wanted very much to be together, in whatever capacity that turned out to be.
I guess I was feeling a sense of uneasy acceptance.
A new reality forming for me. If I wanted to be more than just an employee to Montrose (and, oh God, did I), then this was how it would be.
Stolen time in his office, scurrying to right ourselves when people dropped in.
Him having his own life and social events, me having mine.
I suppose it wouldn’t set off campus gossip alarms if we had the occasional cup of coffee or slice of pizza in public—I did work for him after all.
But that would probably be it, and it wouldn’t be too regular.
I saw a lot of Chinese delivery in our future.
I guess it should have added an element of excitement to the idea that Montrose and I were…going to be Montrose and I, and what all that entailed.
The taboo of it all, the secrecy. But honestly, I didn’t need the added thrill. I was quite thrilled enough that I would be able to spend a semester in the company of Billy Montrose.
And his kisses.
* * *
When I got to my room, I knew immediately from the open doors, the lights and music (something from the seventies) coming from the other side of the suite, that Jane was back.
Sure, Jane and I certainly had our bumps early on, but a warm feeling buzzed through me to know that my suitemate was back. I threw my backpack, coat, beanie and mittens on the empty bed and quickly made my way through the empty bathroom to Lily and Jane’s side of the suite.
“Welcome back,” I said as I entered, delighted to find not only Jane, but Lily as well.
“Hey,” Jane said from her bed, where she was sprawled on her back, phone in hand. She put the phone down and propped herself up with some pillows. “You survived the barren halls of Bribury. No ghosts?”
I chuckled. “Nope. I made it. It was kind of weird, though.”
Lily was standing near her bed, but came over and gave me a hug, then returned to unpacking her bags.
“Oh, my God,” she said, looking me over.
“I got the same boots for Christmas.” She pointed at my new combat boots as she held up a pair of her own, pulled from a huge duffle bag on wheels.
It looked like Louis Vuitton had gone Army or something.
The inner relief I felt was huge. I had indeed gotten the right pair.
Now, I know most girls might have been pissed that they had the same piece of clothing as their roommate, but not me.
Not if said roommate was Lily Spaulding, who innately knew the right thing to wear.
I would blend with Lily, and thus with Bribury.
“That’s random,” I said, like I hadn’t agonized over getting the right pair only a few weeks ago.
I noticed my new boots were leaving small puddles underneath me from the melting snow.
I undid them and placed them on the little mat by the door, then went to join Jane, crawling onto the foot of her bed, my back against the wall, my feet hanging over the side.
She nudged me with a toe—Jane’s version of a big welcome hug—and I squeezed her thick wool sock in reply.
“How long have you guys been here?” I asked.
“I’ve been here a couple of hours,” Jane answered. “Lily just showed up about twenty minutes ago. I was going to text you, but figured you’d be back any minute. Where have you been?”
“I was at work,” I answered.
“On Saturday?” Lily asked. She’d finished unpacking, flattening her duffle and sliding it under her bed, then sacked out on her stomach, pulling a pillow under her head and turning on her side to face Jane and me.
“Man, that new system must be pretty shaky if they’re still doing testing the weekend before classes start. ”
My mind raced with how much to tell Jane and Lily about my job with Montrose. I didn’t want to lie to them, but I was not prepared to talk about even the clerical work I was doing for him, let alone the…other activities he and I had been engaged in.
I wanted to keep it to myself for a while, it felt so new and so fragile. And I wasn’t even sure what “it” was.
“Actually, I was able to pick up another job for the semester, some more of the same kind of clerical work, also on campus, but I can work around my other job, so…weekends and evenings.”
I could feel Jane’s laser-like focus on me and I tried hard not to give any kind of tell that I was holding back something important. I ignored her, and kept my gaze on Lily.
“Well, that’ll be nice for your checkbook, but are you sure that won’t stretch you too thin? Two jobs, full load of classes?”
“And partying,” Jane added, making Lily and me smile, for which I was grateful.
“No worries,” I said and tweaked Jane’s big toe through her sock. “I will have my priorities well in place. Partying first, for sure.”
“Damn straight,” she said. Lily just rolled her eyes at both of us and turned on to her back, staring up at the ceiling.
Eager to turn the conversation off of me and my new job—let alone my new boss—I said to Lily, “So, how did bringing Lucas home to meet the family go?”
A wide smile crossed her face first, and Jane poked me with her foot to make sure I’d noticed. I had. But then Lily’s smile faded a bit and more of a melancholy look took over her beautiful face. “It went okay. No, I guess better than okay. Or at least better than I’d expected.”
“Lots of covert sneaking into each other’s rooms at night after Mommy and Daddy went to bed?” Jane asked.
Lily took a deep breath, then let it out in a sigh. “Well, no, not really. And not for lack of trying on my part. Lucas got all weirded out about sleeping together in my parents’ house. Said it would be disrespectful or something.”
Jane hooted with laughter and Lily shot her a glare, but then softened and laughed along.
“I know. Ridiculous, right? But I couldn’t sway him.
He came back to Schoolport on New Year’s Day.
I can’t wait to see him.” As if on cue, Lily’s phone buzzed and she smiled as soon as she looked at the screen.
She answered in a low voice and looked around the room.
I motioned for her to take her love-talk call in my room and she nodded and got off her bed and left the room, closing the adjoining door behind her. Leaving Jane and me alone.
“So, how was your sister’s wedding,” I asked, even though we’d talked about it on the phone already. I kind of wondered if, now that time had passed, and we were together in person and not on the phone, she’d be more forthcoming about the guy she’d danced with. And kissed.
“Half sister,” she clarified. “And like I said on the phone, it was fine.”
I didn’t want to push, because I certainly didn’t want her pushing me for any details, but I couldn’t stop myself. “So, no good guys there? With all of the groom’s friends?”
She snorted. “Those guys couldn’t get away from me soon enough. My…half brother, Joey, took me off the hands of the groomsman assigned to dance with me, and you’ve never seen a look more filled with relief.”
I crossed my legs and turned to face her more fully. “Oh, come on, I’ll bet you looked fantastic. You’re telling me not one guy showed any interest?”
Another snort, but it took a longer time coming and didn’t have quite the…oomph as the one previous. “Does an eighty-year-old geezer with wandering hands count? I told you about him, right?”
“Yes,” I said, studying her carefully. Perhaps a bit too carefully, as she narrowed her eyes at me. “Why all the questions about guys at the wedding?”
Did I dare tip my hand? Mention I heard she had danced—and kissed—someone other than the old goat Senator? But that could all lead back to Montrose, and Jane was one sharp cookie.
I waved a hand nonchalantly, as if the question had minimal merit to me. “Just wondering if anyone got lucky over break. Sounds like Lily got frozen out by Lucas’ good-guy morals.”
“I kind of don’t blame him, though,” Jane said, surprising me.
Jane was always one to rebel against what was expected of her.
“I mean, Grayson Spaulding can be a formidable opponent. I think Lucas is smart enough to know that he should stay on Grayson’s good side if he’s going to go long term with Lily. ”
“You’ve been around them more than I have. Do you think that’s the play? Long term?”
She looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded her head. “Yeah, I do. They’ve got a lot going against them…but…yeah, I think so. I know they think so.”
Wow. Halfway through freshman year and Lily was in deep. A third of our group was basically on the bench.
Jane and I looked at each other, neither one of us willing—or able—to talk about the men that may, or may not, be our equivalent of Lily’s Lucas.
Lily came back into the room then, and it seemed irrelevant to ask her if she wanted to go out tonight, it was obvious by her smile she’d be seeing Lucas later.
We spent the next couple of hours before Lily left just sitting on the beds and shooting the shit.
Lily didn’t stop talking about Lucas.
Jane didn’t bring up Ponytail.
I never mentioned Montrose.