ALEX #12
I clench my fists, press my forehead into the grass. The smell of earth adds some primal edge to this whole situation as his thrusts rock my body, and my cock leaks another drop of white…
Thrust.
Thrust.
Thrust.
My body sways, but I take him, I can handle it, and wild waves of pleasure rip through me again, the buildup of something incredible starting all over.
"Yes, yes," I murmur blissfully.
But I know he’s close. His pace quickens, his cock drills into me, stretching me, massaging me just right.
My poor prostate can’t take it. I come again, and I feel his cock pulse through the two layers of latex.
He comes too, in total silence, only his breath—deep, ragged, straining—giving him away.
The orgasm hits us both, intense, perfect.
We tremble in sync, a blinding white light flooding my body. I float in the feeling, terrified by it at the same time. Because the last time I felt this good was with Bay, and now I’m lost in this divine sensation I’d forgotten for so long.
Yeah, yeah…
Silence falls.
I freeze.
Only then does it fully hit me, what I’ve done. My post-orgasm glow fades fast.
I’m not the old Alex anymore. I’ve become some strange pervert, fucking strangers in parks… on all fours.
With three unconscious bodies just feet away, yep.
At any moment someone could walk down that path and see me, which would end my career as a future lecturer, but above all I start to understand that by making this choice I finally said goodbye to the era of Bay behind me for good.
It stabs me in the chest like I drove a knife into myself. I reach for my neck on instinct to check the chain I always wear, and terror breaks over me when I realize it’s not there.
Nervously, I fumble through the folds of my clothes, but I can’t feel its familiar shape, and panic kicks in as I start searching the grass, dragging my fingers through the blades.
Did the chain break with all that struggling?
Fuck, that would be symbolic in the worst, cruelest way.
Another sign that I’ve ended the era of my life when everything was filled only with Bay.
The thought almost rips me apart, along with the realization that I lost that metal tab.
It wedges itself into my mind like a spike, and the pain of it is unbearable.
"My chain!" I shout. "My chain broke, it fell somewhere in the grass."
The words tumble out in a frantic tone as I feel his cock slip out of me and I crawl through the grass with my bare ass exposed, desperately looking for my lost keepsake, combing through the blades with shaking fingers.
Behind me there is a moment of silence, he must have taken off the condom and tucked it into his pocket, but I don’t stop searching.
Where is it? Where is it? A sob of terror breaks from my throat.
"I have to find it, I have to find it," I cry, throwing myself across the lawn from one patch of grass to another.
Tears start running down my face like streams, choking me. "It’s a keepsake, a really important keepsake, a chain with a silver tab, please help me, please," I wail.
To my immense shock the man leans down, kneels and starts searching the grass with me, and wow, that is unexpectedly decent of him.
Black despair floods me, I cannot lose this. My precious memento of Bay, of those moments when I still lived in faith, in hope for our future together, when I was lucky enough to be by his side.
That little tab represented all of that for me, above all his love and his sacrifice for me.
"I have to get it back," I almost scream as another sob tears out of my throat and I collapse onto my knees, pressing my hands to my face.
Tears keep pouring uncontrollably down my cheeks. "I have to get it back, it’s really important, it’s really important, it’s a gift from someone I loved so much but lost."
I realize that maybe my body fell, maybe it became whorish, but my heart still has only one love, Bay.
I sob helplessly. Then I feel a light touch on my shoulder.
I pull my hands from my eyes and look at him.
I have no idea what his face looks like behind that mask, but the mask is turned toward me and his hand is lifted in my direction.
He is holding the chain with the tab.
"Oh my dear Fate. Thank you."
Hysterically whimpering, I grab the chain like it is my salvation, something that brings me back to life, and then I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him.
The crazy sobbing keeps pouring out of my lungs as I cry and choke against this powerful man who is probably a stranger to me but who just showed me understanding.
Before this, only Bay ever saved me, and now here is this man who pulled me back from something terrible and on top of that, showed heart by helping me search.
Eventually I let him go, feeling a little ridiculous as I fasten the chain around my neck with trembling hands.
"I’m sorry, it’s just a very precious thing for me, it represents something I lost, the worst moment and the best at the same time," I blurt, sniffling while tears still streak my cheeks.
Then suddenly, unexpectedly, the man lifts his hand and very gently brushes my cheek in a soft gesture that can only be interpreted as comfort, and I almost feel the warmth, the gentle sweet energy flowing toward me.
But I stare, dazed by the impossibility of such a soft gesture between strangers, and the words blurt out on their own, "Is this you, Bay?"
He rises to his feet and stands there in silence.
I remain kneeling, staring up at him. "How come you always show up when I need you?" I whisper, but he doesn’t answer.
"Can I contact you somehow?"
The man stays silent.
"Or maybe I should just call Bay’s number…?"
The silence deepens.
So I lower my head. "Oookay. Perhaps it’s for the best to leave this strange situation behind, whoever you are."
I take out my phone, open a new contact, and hold it out to him.
"But please, put in any way I can reach you in case something happens, in case I need your help, and if you’re not him. I believe you would help me."
My hand hangs in the air with the phone extended toward him until he finally takes it. He types something, then gives it back to me.
He turns away from me and walks over to the two unconscious Hansons. He bends over, grabs each of them by the waist, and lifts them into the air with ease. I stare in disbelief.
They are two adult alphas, which means each of them must weigh at least two hundred forty pounds, and he lifts them like nothing. He drags them along as he moves away from me, heading toward the cluster of trees.
I stay on my knees staring after him, then finally snap out of it.
It is only then, in huge shock, that I notice a pair of eyes watching me.
Wide, stunned, horrified, filled with deep disgust.
Dereck is looking at me. I blink and our eyes meet. For a moment I stare at him with absolute emptiness in my head and then it hits me. How long was Dereck unconscious? That is the heart of the matter. His face gives me the answer. I have never seen him look like that.
"You saw that?" I whisper.
Dereck slowly sits up and dusts off his clothes. So he was lying there pretending to be unconscious. Apparently the Hansons’ blow was not as strong as the stalker’s.
"You saw that?" I repeat.
"Yes. Everything." He adds nothing else, gets to his feet and stands.
I do the same, nervously fixing my pants and fastening them with shaking fingers.
His gaze drops and both of us look at the two torn condom wrappers lying on the ground, a silent piece of evidence of my madness.
Then he lifts his eyes and meets mine again and in his eyes I see an ocean of shock, disgust, confusion, anger.
"You’re just a whore," he says suddenly, in a calm tone. "And a disgusting one at that."
And what can I say to that. Only one thing.
"Yes, I am. You dodged a bullet." And I narrow my eyes.
He stares at me for a moment, then suddenly inhales. "We should go home. We shouldn’t stay here any longer," he says through clenched teeth.
I want to say something, to explain it somehow, but there’s nothing to say, and honestly, I somewhat agree with his assessment of me.
Because really, who normal fucks a stalker, some weirdo who shadows people?
And I gave him my ass on the campus lawn without even seeing his face.
Whether he is Bay undercover or not doesn’t even matter, since technically I didn’t know for sure. And that’s the brutal truth.
Of course, I could tell Dereck that it’s none of his business who I sleep with, but I have to admit that this particular situation goes far beyond a casual hookup in a club. I know it is deeply strange, practically sick.
Dereck and I leave the park in silence, heading for the parking lot and then toward my house. Dereck says nothing, absolutely nothing, and I desperately try to find some way to present this as an understandable situation but the problem is that there is no good explanation here.
We enter the house and Dereck goes to his room.
I stop and watch him for a moment. Okay.
Tomorrow I will clear up everything, tomorrow this matter will be closed for good, and we will never return to it.
But there is something I need to make amends with, something I need to set right, because this cannot go on like this.
It doesn’t matter who the stalker is. He’s a masked man who refused to give me any identifying information, and that’s the heart of the issue.
I walk to my laptop, open it and log into my online banking. The last transfer from Bay arrived just two days ago. I click on it and choose the option ‘return to sender’.
Then I open my email and type Bay’s address into the recipient line.
I write the following message.
Bay,
I’m sending back the money for this past month, and I want to thank you sincerely for all the support you’ve given me over the last few years, but starting today I can’t accept any more money from you.
Please don’t send any more transfers. I’m already working as a teaching assistant now, and I’m getting part of my income from articles and from chess tournaments as well.
I can support myself from now on, since the house is mortgage-free.
I can’t express how deeply grateful I am for all those years when you didn’t have to help me, yet you still did. You were and you are an absolutely wonderful person.
I will always love you.
Alex
Then I send the email, feeling a treacherous sting of wetness in my eyes.
I can’t take his money and sleep with another man, or even with Bay, but with the idea of another man in my head.
I haven’t sunk that low morally, that would be downright wrong.
Maybe I’m not the best person in the world, but I still have some fragment of integrity left in me, and I’m not going to cross that line, not toward someone who showed me only kindness.
Then I walk to my bed, the horrible misshapen nest I made so half-heartedly without feeling that anything made sense, and I crawl into the middle of it, rest my arms over my head and fall asleep.
◆◆◆
The next day is Saturday, but I wake to a suspicious silence.
I know there’s no one in the house besides me. I simply feel it.
Frowning, I jump out of bed, open my bedroom door and head upstairs, because Dereck’s room is on the first floor.
It’s empty.
His laptop is gone, his knickknacks are gone, I open the closet and find nothing inside, no clothes at all.
There’s something white on the windowsill that catches my eye, a short letter for me.
Sorry, but I can’t keep living with you, the level of weirdness in your life has gone beyond what I can handle. But thank you for everything, Alex, for letting me stay under your roof, although our paths should part here.
Dereck
I crumple the letter with a grim expression and toss it to the floor.
Damn it all, why haven’t I been happy a single day since Bay left? Is it the consequence of my choices, or should I simply make a firm decision to move on?
What happened yesterday really suggests that my state of mind isn’t normal or healthy, and I can’t imagine any other responsible person doing something like that and thinking it was hot.
I clearly need some help, maybe a therapist, maybe someone who can finally put me back together, I just don’t know who that could be when the only person I feel I could truly open up to is Bay.
My restless hands reach for the familiar drawer that holds Bay’s diary. I open it, promising myself that whatever page it falls open to, I’ll take it as a sign, a message from him in this fucked-up, bizarre situation. Maybe it can give me something to hold on to, a thought to guide me.
My eyes land on an entry, one of the last ones.
"To pay off my debt, I’ll have to fight in a cage.
The idea makes me uneasy, even though Ennio promises he’ll give me a mask so I won’t be recognized.
But I’m doing this for Alex, so he can have a home, a place where he’ll be safe.
I know how much he liked it there. I saw it in his eyes, the way they lit up, full of wonder.
I’d do anything for him, even if it means stepping onto a dark path. Only Alex matters.
But how do I tell him? I don’t want lies between us, and yet the shadows keep creeping in, secrets piling up. It feels like I’m circling him, hiding in the bushes, making plans to protect him from getting hurt. And yet, in the end, am I only hurting him more by doing this?"