ALEX #10
And then it happens. His other arm slides under my back and with absolute ease he lifts me into the air, ignoring the wheelchair the nurse has kindly pushed closer.
Being carried in his arms makes my head spin.
He still has his jacket on so I am not pressed directly against his body, but the simple fact that we are so close, I’m surrounded by his shower gel scent, lifted so easily and almost romantically by him, nearly takes my breath away.
My heart races, and his heartbeat quickens too, matching mine.
I look up at his face. From that angle he seems to be fairly composed, but a faint blush touches his cheeks.
The fact that my closeness still affects him means more to me than anything else, that sweet magic between us, that spark, obvious in his reaction, subtle for now but definitely there, buzzing beneath the surface.
Bay carries me down the stairs and through the building, then steps outside into the parking lot with me safely snuggled in his arms. The wind and a bit of rain hit us. At one point our eyes meet for a brief second, and his gaze drops to my lips just as a few raindrops land on them.
He immediately forces himself to turn his head away.
I remember our kisses perfectly, first shy ones stolen in the school locker room and then the long passionate make-out sessions, all that slow teasing and nibbling and playing with lips and tongues, the closeness and the savoring of being near each other. I loved it.
Is that going to come back?
Bay unlocks the car remotely and settles me into the front passenger seat with such effortless strength that it feels as though I weigh nothing at all, and for a moment I almost wish the parking lot were more spacious.
He does not say a word, simply walks around the vehicle and gets in on the driver’s side. His face carries a particular tightness, as if he is holding back a comment and wrestling with himself not to let it slip.
For a while we drive in silence, although I am certain he can hear my racing heartbeat just as clearly as I can hear his.
"I miss your touch," slips out of me before I even have time to think, and I probably should not say it, but I just cannot control myself.
Bay’s fingers tighten slightly around the steering wheel, he does not look at me, and instead he says out of nowhere, completely ignoring my words,
"It isn’t fair that you’re the only one undergoing this desensitization process, don’t you think that if I take part in it too then maybe…"
Before he can finish, I cut him off. "It’s my genetic code that was altered during birth, that’s what Blue thinks. It isn’t you who needs to be fixed."
"It still doesn’t seem fair that you’re the one suffering through all of this."
Our eyes meet. The care and protectiveness in his gaze feel like a soft, warm compress pressed to my pain, Bay sees me, he recognizes my sacrifice.
"I appreciate what you’re saying, Bay. Thank you. But my life in this world is in a way borrowed. I have to catch up with the rest of humanity a little."
"It’s so depressing that your body has to go through all of this adjustment now. You’re torturing yourself…"
I sigh. "If what your dad once told me is true, then this body isn’t even my original body."
Bay shoots me a quick look. "What exactly do you mean?"
"Your dad believes you split your soul when you were born, giving me half of it. So my original body is actually… yours."
A faint expression of surprise crosses Bay’s face, maybe even a slightly embarrassed smile.
"Seriously, you believe what my dad says?"
"Lately it feels like it makes sense."
"You know, I thought about this for such a long time… and only recently I found out that my brother Snow has a similar case with his fated mate."
"What do you mean?"
"His fated is living with us now. He isn’t his True Mate in the classical sense, but a Twin Soul. They aren’t one torn soul split apart and reunited, but two souls that naturally divide, like twins."
I stare at him, curious.
"Dad truly believes your body originally held another soul, my Twin Soul, but it left. He thinks I somehow placed half of my own soul in your body instead. Almost like I created my own True Mate in the process, which is kind of strange. That part is something I still don’t understand."
I blink slowly, and mutters, "When he first told me, I thought it was just… you know, the hazy memories of someone who has just survived an accident, but so many things match this theory."
We drive for a while in silence. I close my eyes as I’m incredibly aware of his physical presence next to me, his massive, muscular body, and I want to be closer, so I reach out and lay my hand gently on his forearm.
Strange, the feeling seems to be even more pronounced than before, when we dated in high school.
I sense him more clearly now, for a reason I don’t understand.
"I believe that you are me and I am you," I whisper. "My body was disturbed by my death, but Blue is bringing my original state back. I think I sense you more than before. Everything is clearing up. I was living in a kind of haze and our Bond couldn’t start forming, but I feel like that’s changing. I truly believe we’re two halves of the same soul, Bay.
And only because I ended up in the wrong body, there is this… desynchronization."
That is exactly when we pull into the driveway in front of my house, or maybe I should say our house, because Bay is still co-owner and I’m still his husband, neither of us ever filed for divorce.
We sit like this for a moment, almost like we’re back in high school, before we ever touched each other, just those subtle glances and that quiet excitement. I can feel it again, that buzzing hope for the future I carried through the first two years of high school, and now… it’s waking up.
But suddenly Bay rubs his chin, and something in his energy shifts, his face becomes pensive.
"You know, there’s something I’ve been struggling with lately."
I tense immediately. What does he mean by that?
"I mentioned that Snow’s Twin Soul is living with us now. Summer. And I see him in this… weird way. Like he’s slightly blurred, almost like there’s a swirl of energy around him bending his shape."
I listen, unsure how to respond. There’s no easy answer to something like that.
Bay sighs, running his fingers through his hair, which looks kinda sexy and is rather distracting.
"It’s probably nothing. He’s a powerful sorcerer. But there’s something from my past that keeps bothering me. I met Summer’s brother once. His name is Moon."
"Wait, Moon Ferro?"
Bay turns to me, eyebrows rising.
"You know him?"
I quickly tell him about what happened a few years ago, when Moon pointed at me and called me a revenant. Bay listens, and his face shifts into something more serious, more concerned.
"Moon freaked out when he saw me too," he says quietly.
"He went into this strange rambling trance about saving people, and that I was…
a fallen angel sent to save ‘us’, whatever it means.
" Bay darts me a glance. "I’d ignore it if not for the details. He called the danger a ‘swirl.’ And he started to say ‘my broth…’ before I cut him off. I think he meant Summer, hinting he’s some kind of imminent threat. "
I stay quiet, not sure what to say.
"Is Moon some kind of seer?"
"He is, but not like Snow. His visions are supposedly more chaotic, with less information and coherence, but they’re broader, almost omniscient. Snow tends to see things only related to himself and our family, and subtly influence them. Moon is more of a classic clairvoyant."
For a moment I try to find some useful thing to say but come empty handed.
"I wish I could give you some helpful advice, something that would solve this, but one thing is certain. Moon correctly recognized that I have a… skill. Something tied to taking people’s energy.
So his talent can’t be dismissed completely. "
"And that’s exactly what worries me," Bay says gloomily, turning his head toward the window and staring at the glow of the streetlights, his expression dark and heavy.
We sit like this for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.
Since I do not want us to end on a gloomy note, I decide to offer,
"Do you want to come inside? You could meet Tommy, Jared’s son."
"I don’t know if that’s a good idea right now," Bay says quietly as he turns toward me, his dark, unreadable eyes studying me for a moment.
"But maybe very soon. I do believe there will be a breakthrough in your therapy," he adds softly. "And maybe we will be on the… right path again?"
I take a deep breath. What he said makes it seem like he’s open to exploring this new path… but I’d rather ask directly.
"You never answer my question, and I know I ask you not to, but now I want to know if you’re considering that when the desensitization process is over, you and I will be together?"
Bay exhales.
"How can you even doubt that, Alex?" His expression darkens, almost shadows. "How could you think I would ever tell you no? Ever since you told me about this therapy, I think about it every single day. I’m waiting for the moment you’re ready."
"Really? You seemed so… cautious."
"I’ll admit that at first it didn’t fully register.
I guess I got used to living in permanent pessimism, with no hope at all.
The energy of optimism feels like an alien force inside me.
But Blue is a genius, everyone knows that.
If not him, no one can pull this off. So I consciously choose hope.
But I don’t have to choose you anymore. My heart chose you a long time ago, Alex. "
I feel my pulse spike and I press my hands to my face to stop the tears from spilling over.
"Really? I’m so scared you wouldn’t want me, not after—"
"Why wouldn’t I want you? I’m letting myself believe that you’re my True Mate. There is no one else for me, Alex. There never was."