Chapter 5
Chapter Five
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H aley
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“H ow did it go?”
Both Tierney and Clementine shout into the phone as I sit on the floor in my bedroom, wearing pajamas and with an overly grumpy Cass in my lap, demanding that I show my loyalty to her again by rubbing her belly.
How I left their office, I have no idea. Okay, I do. They insisted on following me home because it was late, and they didn’t want me driving alone.
“Oh, great,” I say. “First, I arrive at their office in my Mary Poppins costume and ask to speak to their dads because my grandmother said they were distinguished and mature. Then I give them a way out of this marriage, and they refuse. I tell them I’m so not marriage material, yet they still want to marry me. I tell them I’m not attracted to them, and then...” I sigh, rubbing my forehead.
“Haley?” my friends ask, concerned.
“Remember my Aunt Sylvia? When she thought my uncle took her out to dinner to tell her he had secretly booked a cruise weeks before, only for him to tell her he was divorcing her and taking his mistress on the cruise instead? She kind of took out her boobs right there in the restaurant and blamed it on a hot flush because she was super stressed and menopausal.”
“Yeah,” Tierney says slowly.
“What did you do, Haley?” Clementine asks.
“I took off my panties to prove I’m not attracted to them because they were dry. Who does something like that?” I cry.
“And were they?” Tierney asks, holding her breath as she waits for my answer.
“My panties were, in fact, not dry,” I say, furious with myself as I allow another layer of shame to envelop me. “Also, I don’t want to talk about it.”
Yep, I had it bad for the billionaires at first sight. Me, a virgin with really no interest in sex at the moment, despite Tierney and Clementine telling me how amazing it is.
But oh, they disrupted the natural order of my brain, made my body sizzle, and made my heart skip beats—not good for my health at all.
They can never know, of course. Never.
Maybe I could visit my local psychic and ask for a spell to ward off my attraction to them. Yes, I’ll do that.
Still, I close my eyes, so embarrassed that my cheeks are still blood-red.
“It’s fine. It’s just because they looked like man-gods. I was taken off guard. I thought I was going to marry their fathers, for goodness' sake. The bottom line is I think I made them believe I’m not attracted to them. Oh my god, what is wrong with me?” I sob.
“Okay, we’re under a lot of pressure, Haley. And besides, I bribed three guys with a couple of thousand acres of land to teach me how to have sex, and Clem over there accosted three guys she’d never met in her life at a construction site to marry her. She offered them two versions of herself—with benefits or without.”
“Exactly, so in terms of our cray-cray index, you’re on par. Don’t worry about it.”
“Thanks, girls.” I already feel a little better about the whole sorry episode. And they’re right. I’m very stressed at the moment.
“But what the actual hell? That clause saves all four of your asses. Why wouldn’t they take it?” Tierney asks.
“Are they getting anything out of the marriage?” Clementine adds.
“Nothing, at least that’s what they said.” Defeat weighs down on me. “They’re gazillionaires. They don’t need anything. They’re doing this to honor my family—a favor to us ,” I say, running one hand through my hair, still damp from my shower, while the other continues rubbing Cass’ belly.
“Haley, I wish we could just give your parents the money they need. It would be so much easier than this.”
“Thank you again, but my father would never accept it.”
“What are you going to do now, Haley?”
“I’ll have to marry them. Arrogant bastards,” I mutter. “But they’re going to regret not taking me up on my offer to end this.”
I don’t sleep much that night, and I wake up cranky as ever to face my new reality.
The next two days happen in a blur. I don’t even have the opportunity to come up with something to blackmail them into not marrying me. Ugh. I’ve run out of time.
We sign the marriage certificate, and since I can only legally marry one of them, I also sign an accompanying contract stating I am considered legally married to all three of them. Yay me. But I don’t lose hope. Maybe the only way to get out of this is to get right in the middle.
We celebrate our union with a profoundly awkward gathering at my family home, during which I say nothing to them at all. I don’t think they noticed since my grandmother, mother, and all my aunts and cousins tripped over themselves to impress the mega billionaires.
Worse, Cass, my dog, who finds humans tedious at best, suddenly becomes enamored with them. She puffs out her chest and follows them around like a groupie. Traitor. How can my dog start a romance with my enemies?
I’m also glad I managed to hide what they do to my body from Cass, because she would have just head-butted me and pushed me away from them, which in her dog language means, “Don’t go burying their boners in your secret garden.” It’s what she does. Cass has a unique ability to sniff out people who are sexually attracted to someone and looking for a more meaningful relationship, but the other party wants neither, nor if pushed together, their relationship will eventually suck. Together, we save a lot of people from a lot of heartache, and that has a place in the matchmaking business as well.
Now it’s the next morning, and Cass and I, along with our belongings, are whisked away to their penthouse by their PA, Tammy. She’s so much nicer anyway. She also hands me a matte black titanium card, courtesy of them, to do anything I want with it—funds unlimited.
If I expected them to live in a sleek penthouse with minimalist decor, all stark white and seamless, completely unlived-in and giving off museum vibes, I was right.
I assure Tammy I don’t need anything at all, since I may take a six-hour nap anyway, and send her back to the office. We can do all the hiring of new staff tomorrow, and we’ll just have pizza for dinner.
Once I settle Cass, who seems unfazed by the change in her environment, I twirl around in the marble-encased block that masquerades as their home. Now, how do I make their lives as uncomfortable as possible?