Chapter 15
We’re not up to Chinatown yet, but we’re close enough to restaurants and shops that I can see people walking up ahead.
This isn’t a great conversation to be having on an open sidewalk, so I pull him between a couple older brick buildings into a more secluded, if filthy, dead-end alley.
It’s decorated with crumpled food wrappers, crushed beer cans, and a soiled and discarded red canvas sneaker. But at least we won’t be disturbed.
“You can’t mean that,” I say, stunned.
“It would make you strong enough to get to the watch and stop this thing, right?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I frown, thinking it over.
“Supposedly, if I did it with someone flesh and blood, I’d be even stronger than last time—or it’d at least last longer—and the vampires did seem pretty scared of me.
” I shift my gaze back to him, concern tightening my face.
“But I have absolutely no idea what kind of effect it would have on you.”
“You think it could kill me?” His tone is serious, but it doesn’t sound like a deal-breaker for him.
I blow out a huge breath.
“Collin said no. That I’d have to deliberately want to harm someone. That you’d feel tired or whatever after, but you’d be okay. But I’ve literally never done it before with anyone who had an actual physical body.”
“But this Avatar of Knowledge thinks it’s safe, and he’s supposed to know everything.”
“He doesn’t know everything. He admitted that himself.” I bite my lower lip, frustrated. “But yeah, he knows a lot more about this than I do.”
Rafa touches my shoulder and smiles gently. “With hundreds of thousands of lives at stake, I think it’s worth the risk.”
Worth the risk to have sex with me. Even if it is a little insulting, as pickup lines go, that one certainly packs a punch. But my relationship with the Hunter at this point feels like an impossibly tangled ball of frayed live wires.
“Rafa, I know you feel bad about hurting me, and I’m sure you’d do anything to stop your dad, but you don’t have to do this.”
He stiffens his shoulders. “If that’s you asking if I’m willing to sacrifice myself, then you’re right, I am.
” Then the hardness in his expression melts away.
“But it’s not guilt that makes me want to do it.
Or thinking it might, possibly, save the world.
That wouldn’t be enough for me to be able to actually go through with it.
“It’s because I trust you. It’s because I like you.”
He looks like he truly means it. I check to see if I’m using my powers on him, but while my monster is definitely paying attention, it’s hanging back.
A few days ago, I would have done almost anything to have a guy this gorgeous even smile at me. But now, I honestly have no idea how this makes me feel.
Actually, no, I do. There’s a part of me that recoils at the very idea of having sex with Rafa, even if there was no chance of hurting him. The reaction plays on my face.
“Well, I’m not sure I can…” I say, softly. “Go through with it.”
My fingers reflexively find their way to the bruises on my neck. His face falls as realization hits him.
“Alvin, are you… scared of me now?”
My mind flashes to his hands, gripped tight on my neck. While I believe he’s being absolutely sincere about liking me and thinking I’m a good guy and not something he has to put down, I don’t feel 100% safe with him. It’s not a head thing. It’s a gut thing.
I exhale. “I was scared of you when we first met. I mean, you’re a Monster Hunter, and I’m me.
And then I got to know you, and I stopped being scared.
For a good while. But the way you grabbed me, choked me…
” I wince. “I don’t blame you for it. You were just reacting.
And you stopped when you saw I was getting hurt.
But I can still feel your hands on me, and I don’t know if I can get past that. Not in one night.”
Rafa tightens his lips and his eyes slide away, creased with shame.
“Right.” He puffs out a pained breath. “Well, you have every reason to blame me. I was out of control and violent, looking for evil in the exact wrong place.” His upper body shrinks in, and I can practically taste the self-loathing.
“Turns out there actually was a monster in your boss’s office—it just wasn’t you. ”
Now I reach out to him. “Rafa… it’s okay…”
He wraps his fingers gently around mine, stopping my hand, and shakes his head.
“No, Alvin. It’s not. And the last thing you should be doing is taking care of me.
I crossed a line. And maybe there’s no going back.
” His jaw tightens with conviction, his words filled with gravity.
“But… unless you know someone else with magic who can help, this is still the best way. I’m telling you, that elf will not come through.
Not how you need him to. It’s not in his nature. ”
Prince Eirian really was my last option, but Rafa is probably right about him. Even Stryker has said more than once that elves are assholes. And this one in particular has done some pretty sketchy stuff.
I lower my head, defeated. “I… don’t know what else to do.”
He nods. “So, let’s find a way to make you feel safe. With me.”
“How?”
“Use your powers. I remember how that felt. You were in complete control. Leave them on me the whole time, and I won’t be able to do anything you don’t want me to.”
I pull my hand from his and step back, horrified. “Rafa, I told you. I’m not making someone have sex with me against their will. I’m not down for making anyone do anything against their will!”
A small smile returns to Rafa’s face. “It’s not against my will. I really do want to have sex with you. I’ve wanted it since I got you out of that house with the vampires and had you in my SUV. I know exactly what I’m asking for.”
He purses his lips and searches the air for some answer. “Look, consenting adults use all kinds of constraints. The fact that this is magic doesn’t change things. Think of it like, I don’t know—fuzzy handcuffs!”
It’s so not what I expect him to say, I just blink while his words rattle around my tiny brain. But when they land, I can’t help it—I burst out laughing.
“Ha. Hahahaha!”
Then Rafa laughs with me. And at least 90% of the tension that had me wound up tight floats away into the night in just a few seconds of us guffawing like idiots.
“Fuzzy handcuffs?” I say, snorting. “Seriously?”
He’s smirking back, his expression a bit naughty. “For example. I’m just saying, there’s some precedent.”
I shake my head, still pulling myself together.
He continues, “And it’s not actually that bad a metaphor.
I...” He narrows his eyes, building courage.
“I actually like the idea of you being in control. I’ve been thinking about what happened last night, and the way I felt while you were doing your thing to me”—he glances away, and bites his own lip, like he’s just admitting something to himself—“and now that I know I can trust you, it was honestly… really, really hot.”
Rafa is straight-up blushing as he says that—which, since my stomach isn’t tied up in knots anymore, I have to admit is kind of hot in itself. He truly is Instagram-influencer handsome, and this bashful boy thing does something for me. But we are in uncharted territory, way off the map.
“Rafa, I don’t know. This could just be some aftershocks or whatever from my power. It might be addictive.”
He meets my eyes. “I don’t think that’s what this is.
The truth is… there’s, um, some precedent with me, too.
” He scrubs the back of his neck. “With what I do, it’s life or death, right?
I have to be so in control—which means, in my off-hours, I’ve looked for other dudes where I could let go of that completely.
Most guys, they can’t handle me. You’re the first boy I’ve really been into who could turn the tables and actually deliver.
” His chest deflates and he grimaces, helpless.
“Is it such a weird fantasy for a Monster Hunter to want to be dominated by a monster—or a ‘paranormal,’ anyway—if he genuinely felt safe with him? If it was with a guy he really liked?”
“Yes, that is totally weird,” I reply. But I’m smiling. It does make some kind of sense, I guess.
“You swear this isn’t something new?” I fidget my thumb against the edge of my index finger, trying to wrap my head around this. “I mean, you know what I am. And last night, letting go of control around me was the last thing you wanted.”
“Last night, I wasn’t myself, for lots of different reasons. And I didn’t know who you were. Now I do. That changes things.”
I pull the duster tighter around me, still feeling the heat of his body, and suck in my lower lip. “So, you’re saying this is really what you want?”
“Yes, Alvin,” he replies, voice soft, this big, strong guy suddenly shy. “Even if it wasn’t what you needed to save the world, I would still want it.” He cocks a sly grin, revealing his pearly white teeth. “The saving the world part is honestly just a bonus.”
That gets me to laugh again. He’s being charming.
And I guess I am being charmed. At least a little.
But I shoot him a pointed look. “You realize that if we do this, you won’t be able to come with me to the Benevolent Society. At best, you’ll be exhausted afterwards. You’ll be in no state to fight anyone.”
“I know,” he replies, voice sober. There is no doubt in his eyes. It really does seem like he understands what this means.
I duck my head in surrender.
“Okay,” I say. “Okay. We can try.”
I swore I would never feed on a human. There are real risks. He could get seriously hurt, even killed. And he expects me to use the most evil of my incubus powers on him at the same time. To rob him of his free will while I have sex with him.
The thought makes me scowl so hard, my eyebrows actually hurt.
In response, Rafa reaches out and squeezes my shoulder—bicep bulging, jaw square—and meets my eyes with a reassuring smile.
His grip is solid, and it sends a thrum of warmth straight into my chest. There’s so much caring in his expression, I can’t help but be a bit dazzled, and the pinched muscles of my face relax.
He really does look like the handsome lead of a Hollywood romance.
Just a boy standing in front of another boy, asking him to devour his soul.
And I’m agreeing to it. Which means we’re both about to find out exactly how much of a monster I really am.