Nila
LIFE HAD TURNED from manic to surreal.
I still lived in a den of beasts, with fear around every corner and dread in my future, but my present had never felt so right.
I had obligations to talk to my father and brother before they appeared with guns blazing.
I had messages to reply to Kite.
I had bridges to mend with Kestrel.
But for some reason, I couldn’t bear to leave the insanely comfortable mattress of the Weaver quarters.
The ceiling above was obscured by the bolts of Persian material, and the scent of freshly spun fabric was the best air freshener I’d ever smelled.
I stretched, basking in the echoing pain of being used by Jethro once again.
He’d shown me how much passion was hidden beneath his wintry shell, and I knew he’d only just started to thaw.
The thought of more sex, better sex, deeper, soul-blistering sex made me shiver in both excitement and nervousness.
I meant what I said about killing ourselves with pleasure.
I didn’t think I could stand much more. But nothing on earth would stop me from willingly walking to my demise if it meant I could take Jethro with me.
Don’t forget the plan.
I froze.
My goal of seducing him had worked. He’d changed and for some reason, had let me worm my way into his affections.
But by letting me inside him, he’d stripped me of my defences.
The moment when my body stretched around him, letting him take me fully, I’d felt something give inside.
More than just an invitation or coy come-hither to destroy him—it had been real, and I’d had no willpower to stop him from invading.
You’re playing such a dangerous game.
My heart crawled up my throat at the thought of losing.
What can truly happen, though?
I already lived with a death sentence. So what if I died with a broken heart as well? It wouldn’t change my fate. It would only grant fullness to a life while it was still mine to enjoy.
Commonsense didn’t like my conclusions, but I switched off my thoughts.
I rolled over, inhaling the scent of his woodland leather from the pillow he’d rested upon.
After we’d crashed back to earth, he’d spent an hour just lying there. Regrouping or thinking or just being himself...once he’d gathered his facade, he’d wordlessly disappeared and not come back.
All my belongings had already been transferred, and I noticed my phone, recharged and no longer in pieces, blinking with incoming mail on the duck-egg-blue bedside table.
Not only had Jethro given me my phone, but he’d left it on and waiting for me to use.
Why did Jethro want me to use it? Wasn’t he jealous that I had an affinity with Kes/Kite? You have to put a stop to that. It wasn’t fair to confuse Kestrel by flirting with him via messages only to pull away in person.
I had too much to juggle with dealing with Jethro; I couldn’t enter into another masquerade with his brother.
Grabbing the device, I skimmed through my emails and opened text messages.
There were a few from Vaughn, a couple from my father, and one only an hour old from Kite.
My heart skipped a beat as I read.
Kite007: I dreamed of kissing you last night.
I reclined against the pillows. Ordinarily, I would’ve loved to respond and tease. Now, I felt as if I was cheating on Jethro.
Needle fresh air never failed to bring clarity to my world.
And I needed clarity after Kite’s message. Every time I thought about it, my heart squeezed in regret.
My jewelled flip-flops, cut-off shorts, and turquoise t-shirt were hardly suitable clothing, especially as small raindrops splashed from above, but I refused to go back inside.
“Nila!” Kes appeared from the side of the house, his boots crunching on the gravel as he jogged closer.
Shit.
As much as I wanted to confront him, I had no clue what to say. Breathing shallowly, I hoped the faint bruises Jethro had left on my upper arms didn’t show.
Kes came to a stop, his eyes drifting over me. “Where are you going?”
I frowned, drinking in his face, seeking the hurt that had been in his message. His gaze was blank, locked against any cypher or clues.
How is he hiding what happened between us?
Unable to understand, I shrugged. “Nowhere in particular. Just getting some air.”
“Mind if I join you?”
I shrugged again. It was best to clear the air sooner rather than later. “Sure.”
Kes fell in step beside me, his gaze rising to the black clouds on the horizon. His silence was heavy, judging.
“Where were you going?” I asked. Were you running after me?
His golden eyes landed on mine. My stomach twisted, thinking how fiery Jethro’s had been last night as he pushed himself inside me.
“I was just going to the stables. There’s a polo match next week—wanted to make sure my horse is shipshape.” Kicking a pebble, he added, “Bloody Jet always wins at polo. This time, I’m going to kick his arse.” His voice was sharp, completely unlike his usual ease.
I wanted to bring up the message but had no idea how.
Instead, I took a bite of my baguette. Once I swallowed, I mumbled, “I’ve never watched a polo game. Do you think I’ll be allowed to come?”
Please tell me I haven’t ruined our friendship. That you’ll let me hang out with you still.
If I didn’t have Kes’s company, I would go bonkers when Jethro disappeared.
God, I was selfish.
Selfish and greedy to try and keep both men, while using them for my gain.
Kes grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Of course. All the staff are given the afternoon off to come and watch.” He joked, “Even prisoners are allowed to go.”
Before Jethro had shown any signs of caring for me, that would’ve stabbed me in the heart and fortified my need to run.
Now...it only gave me courage to continue with my plan. And gave me strength to ignore the hurt I felt at pushing Kes away.
Yes, I enjoyed sleeping with Jethro. Yes, I could even admit to developing confusing emotions toward him. But my end game was the same.