Chapter 35
Dylan turned to look at Gabriel as Carina and Johnny walked away.
He forced a dry chuckle. “What the fuck was that?”
Gabriel cleared his throat. “I think she was saying we need to get out of our own way.”
Dylan smiled and shook his head. “I meant what Johnny said. Does he think that if we had sex, it would help?”
Gabriel shrugged. “In his own way, I think so? He apparently thinks that we’re both pining for each other and doesn’t see all the other stuff.”
“Gabe. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re like your brother. Hell, I know you’re not. My hang-ups have nothing to do with you.”
Gabriel wouldn’t meet his gaze. “It’s not just about you and Michael. Or my parents. I’m just not good under pressure. This is a lot of pressure. I’m not sure what kind of plan they’re coming up with, but it’s going to be big. It has to be.” He sighed. “And a lot of it is going to be resting on my shoulders.”
Dylan hooked his finger under Gabriel’s chin and raised his head up to look him in the eye. “You will do your best. That’s all you can do.”
Gabriel smirked. “And what about you? You say your hang-ups have nothing to do with me, but how do I know that? All you’ve ever done since this shit started was bitch and moan about keeping me safe. You’ve got to see it now. Whatever the plan is. Whatever we do. We have to do it together. We have to work as one. You can’t be worried about me, and I can’t be worried about you. And for the record, I’m not. I know you can take care of yourself, but we’re a team on this. We have to be.”
Dylan gulped. “I know. But you’re not able to shoot fireballs and shit. How are you going to defend yourself?”
Gabriel laughed. “I don’t think I’ve heard of any magic that can stop a bullet.”
Dylan raised an eyebrow. “What? You think we’re going in there like Rambo or something?”
“Nah, but I think Johnny would appreciate some better weaponry. I’m pretty decent with a rifle, and I bet he could learn pretty quickly. He’s been here a while, so I’d say he’s at least familiar with the concept.”
Dylan sighed. “You are thinking of going in like Rambo.” He shook his head. “Okay. Fine, but I’m still going to worry about you.”
Gabriel blushed. “And I’ll still worry about you, but not because I don’t think you can’t handle yourself. I’ll worry because I want you to stay in one piece.”
Dylan bit his lip. “Really?”
“Yes. I don’t know what those assholes said to you or did to make you think you weren’t a catch. That no one could love you, but they were wrong. I’ve always loved you. Even when everything happened when we were kids, my biggest regret was that I never stood up and defended you. Never stood up to them.”
“Gabe, you were like twelve years old. No one would have expected you to fight your parents and your big brother. You’re not responsible for what they did.” He shrugged. “And it’s not like it was a big deal, anyway. My family didn’t care, and what were the people in the community going to do? While mom hated Homer, I was still a Coates, and if it had been too bad, she would have asked him for help.”
Gabriel nodded. “I know, but it still makes me feel like shit when I think about it.”
Dylan shrugged. “Then don’t. I know it’s really not that easy, but you can’t blame yourself for something that, in the grand scheme of things, hurt Mike more than it hurt me. And you can’t blame yourself for what happened to him, either. That was his decision. He made a choice a long time ago that he was going to lie about who he was. We both know that. That choice killed him. Nothing we could have done could change that.”
“You really think so?”
Dylan chuckled. “I know it.” He lowered his voice. “And don’t think for a minute that when I kiss you that I wish it were him. You’ve always been the better one between the two of you. I never thought Mike and I were forever. I just never thought…”
Gabriel bit his lips together and inhaled sharply. “I know you didn’t. Hell, neither did I. I knew he was an asshole. I should have…”
“No. There wasn’t anything you could have or should have done.” Dylan sighed. “Besides, it’s in the past now.”
“Like Derek.”
Dylan arched an eyebrow.
“I know what he did to you was shitty, but there’s no reason to keep moping about it.” Gabriel dropped his head. “Unless you think I’m going to do the same thing.”
“Fuck no. I know you wouldn’t do anything like that. You’re too honest. Too nice to do something like that.”
Gabriel chuckled. “Aren’t we a pair? I feel guilty for shit I had no control over, and you keep trying to protect yourself from something that’s already done and over with.”
Dylan choked out a laugh. “Is that so? My protecting you is really protecting myself?”
Gabriel smirked, then nodded. “Yeah. You’re afraid if you let yourself get too close to me, if you don’t focus on me and what I’m doing, that I’ll get hurt or turn my back on you. Well, I’m not going anywhere. The only way we can get this done and move on, and God, I hope we’re still together when we move on, is to do this. Together.”
Dylan chuckled, shaking his head. “So, you think Johnny’s right? We should just fuck and get it over with?”
Gabriel narrowed his eyes. “No. When and if we do, I want it to be special, not a quick thing to get it out of the way. I’ve wanted it for so long.” He gulped. “But I know we can do this. I have faith in us.”