Chapter 17
Emma
“Ilike Colin,” my best friend, Sara, informed me as I walked her to her car later that night. “He seems really interested in everything he can learn about Wren, and he’s obviously been good to you since the kidnapping. You look at him like you’re still crazy about him, Emma. What’s the deal?”
The guys had already departed after watching the movie, and I’d walked Sara out so we could have a few moments to chat.
Sara was younger than me, but we’d been really close since she’d mysteriously moved to Cherry Cove years ago.
There wasn’t much we didn’t share, and I was pretty sure I knew most of her secrets that she didn’t reveal to anyone else except me.
We’d talked and texted, but it was the first time I’d gotten to see her for any length of time since the kidnapping.
“He’s been too good to me,” I told her. “I can’t seem to stop him from constantly buying me things. I can’t mention wanting something without it magically appearing the next day. It’s making me crazy.”
“You’re actually complaining about that?” she asked drily. “He’s the man of most women’s dreams if he’s that attentive to your needs.”
“I don’t need him to buy me things,” I said in a frustrated voice.
“What do you need from him? Obviously, you want him to be part of Wren’s life, but I also think you’re still crazy about him. I’ve known you for years, and I’ve never seen you look at another guy the way you look at him.”
I nodded. Sara was the one person I talked to about everything.
“Nothing has changed for me. He’s just as gorgeous and irresistible as he was fourteen years ago.
He thinks he’s changed because of his injury to his leg, but he’s still the same guy who made me do something completely out of character for me in Virginia Beach.
There’s something about Colin that makes every rational thought fly out of my head. It’s stupid. It’s been fourteen years.”
“Maybe not so stupid,” Sara said sympathetically as she leaned against her vehicle. “I’m not so sure you ever got over him. You’ve never been attracted to another guy. What if this is a second chance for you two? Maybe it’s time for you to have that relationship you should have had years ago.”
“That’s not possible,” I sputtered.
“Why not? You’re both still single.”
“It was a short fling fourteen years ago, Sara. Our lives are different. We aren’t the same people we were then.
He lives in San Diego. My life is in Cherry Cove.
I’m almost forty-six with a teenage daughter.
God, we never even discussed a relationship.
We had sex. Lots and lots of amazing sex.
And then we went our separate ways. That was the deal we made in Virginia Beach. ”
“You wanted more than that, Emma. I know you did. Apparently, Colin did, too. You said he went back to find you later that morning and you were already gone. Maybe you did have mind-blowing sex, but I think there was more than that for both of you. It just didn’t happen that way because you both made that deal and you realized too late that you wanted more. It’s not too late now.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think Colin is a relationship kind of guy.”
I couldn’t tell Sara about Last Hope or Colin’s career, but I knew he was completely dedicated to both of them.
“You won’t know that unless you ask him,” she scolded.
“The way he looks at you tells me he might be willing to try. Hell, have another fling with him if that’s what it takes to make both of you see some sense.
Dammit, Emma. You deserve to grab every bit of happiness you can get.
You’ve dedicated your entire life to Wren and being a good mom.
She’s a teenager now. She doesn’t need you to give up your life for her anymore, and she wouldn’t want that.
Wren is pretty independent and pretty mature for her age. ”
I snorted. “I might just offer him that fling until Wren gets home if I thought he’d take me up on it.”
I was old enough to know that life was short and happiness could be fleeting.
It might kill me eventually when we had to say goodbye, but I wanted to be with Colin so much that I was almost willing to deal with the pain later to have an opportunity to be with him again.
Even if it was only for a little while.
“Seduce him,” she said empathically. “Something tells me it wouldn’t take much effort.
Start there and see what happens. As your friend, I know I should be telling you to be cautious, but I also know you’ve carried a flame for this guy for years.
Now that I’ve met him and spent some time watching you two, I think he feels the same way.
Part of me wants you to be careful because you could end up with your heart broken.
On the other hand, I don’t want you to regret that you never even tried after the miracle of you two meeting up again. What were the chances of that?”
I knew she was right.
It was a miracle that we actually knew some of the same people and that our paths crossed one more time.
“I can’t even explain what a shock it was for me to see him in Lania,” I explained.
“He risked his life for you, Emma. And that was before he knew about Wren. God knows I’m not a woman who has any business giving relationship advice, but I think he might be a guy worth taking some risks for.”
Sara didn’t know about Last Hope, but she did know that Colin had been a SEAL commander. I’d told her that he’d volunteered to go to Lania to locate me because of his previous special forces experience. She didn’t know the details about how Brock and Nate had actually rescued me themselves.
All she knew was that they had gone to Lania to bring me home.
I hated deceiving my best friend, but I couldn’t tell her the truth.
I completely understood the importance of keeping the existence of Last Hope a mystery to anyone who wasn’t directly involved.
I had to let her continue to believe I’d been rescued by an active special forces team after Colin had located me.
Luckily, she’d been so relieved that I was safe that she hadn’t asked for a bunch of details about the rescue. I’d given her the impression that I didn’t want to talk about it and that I wanted to leave that experience behind me.
“I’m not saying he’s not worth taking risks,” I said hesitantly. “I’m just not sure he wants more than the fling we had years ago. I know he’s still attracted to me, but that doesn’t mean he wants to pick up where we left off.”
“There’s only one way to find out,” she informed me.
Crap! I knew she was right, but putting myself out there was setting myself up for another heartbreak.
He’s worth it, Emma. If he rejects you, at least you’ll know that you tried.
I was getting to the point that possible heartbreak was less risky than living with the fact that I missed an opportunity that had been handed to me by a twist of fate.
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at Sara. “Maybe I’ll think about it after you admit that you have feelings for one of our male friends.”
More than anything I really wanted my best friend to be happy. I was almost certain that she had a thing for one of the guys, but I’d never been able to get her to admit it.
It was possible that was something she hadn’t even admitted to herself.
As expected, she simply rolled her eyes. “I don’t. Every one of them is equally annoying and bossy, but I still consider them my friends, too. We were discussing Colin. Don’t try to change the subject.”
I let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what to do.
We’re still attracted to each other, but everything has changed.
We knew minimal information about our personal lives in Virginia Beach.
Now, there isn’t much we haven’t shared.
We’re older now. Most of our fling centered around incredible sex.
I’m not going to lie and say I don’t still want that because Colin is seriously hot.
Mostly, I just want to be with him in any way possible.
I like seeing his handsome face in the morning and having it be the last thing I see every night.
I really can’t explain the way I feel. It’s like something that’s been missing from my life for a long time is just magically… there.”
“He makes you happy,” Sara said, summing up my feelings in four words.
“Yes,” I admitted. “Even when we were having a fling he made me feel special. It never really felt like a fling. He listens to me like whatever I have to say is important. Yes, it drives me a little crazy because I can’t mention I want something without him going out to get it for me the next day.
But it’s also pretty damn sweet. It’s like he wants to make sure every want or need that I have is satisfied.
He likes to act like a tough guy who doesn’t have a heart, but I know better.
Underneath all of that bluster and denial, Colin has the hugest heart I’ve ever seen.
He just doesn’t let people see it very often.
And don’t get me started on the way he still seems just as attracted to me as he was fourteen years ago.
I have a mom body and I’ve aged a lot, but he still looks at me that same way that he did in Virginia Beach. ”
“Bodies change,” Sara observed. “People change as they get older. You’re still gorgeous, Emma, and that’s all superficial.
You’re still the same woman you were years ago.
If you’re crazy about someone it doesn’t really matter.
I’m sure Colin has changed, but you accept him exactly the way he is now.
Don’t you think he had some insecurities about his limp and his injury? And he is older than you are.”
I snorted. “He’s still ridiculously fit and handsome. That imperfection just makes him a little more human. And we’re only seven years apart in age. I’m going to be forty-six soon, and he just turned fifty-three a few months ago.”
“I know you’ve been content to be Wren’s mom and single,” Sara said patiently. “But there’s nothing wrong with wishing you had the right guy in your life.”
Maybe I’d always buried that part of me that had been lonely all these years.
I’d put it aside because I knew that the man who had the ability to soothe that loneliness would never be in my life again.
“I didn’t expect that guy to just pop up out of nowhere after all these years,” I said drily.
“But he has,” she reminded me. “And it’s not like he’s just going to disappear again. He’s going to stay in your life because you share a daughter. It sounds like he really wants to be a dad to her in the future.”
He did.
I already knew that.
Colin was eager to get to know his daughter.
He watched me do video calls with Wren every night, and I knew it killed him not to be part of those discussions.
He listened to her voice and her words like a man who was desperate to know his child.
“After he gets to know Wren, do you really want to just see him occasionally in passing when he visits with his daughter?” Sara asked.
“No,” I confirmed in a tremulous voice. “I want so much more, but I’m not sure what I want is even possible.”
My heart ached at the thought of only seeing Colin when he had a visit with Wren planned.
I wanted him to be part of my life, too. I just wasn’t sure how to make that happen.
“For once in your life, do something crazy, Emma,” Sara encouraged.
I had already done something crazy once in my life.
I’d had a fling fourteen years ago that had left my heart shattered.
I wasn’t quite sure that I was brave enough to risk going through that all over again.