Chapter 29
Emma
“Ilost Wren once when she was little in a big retail store,” I told Colin as we shared a lounger out by the pool after Wren had gone to bed. “One second she was right beside me, and a moment later she was gone. I panicked.”
Colin had been brooding all evening about how he’d handled the situation with Wren earlier, and it needed to stop.
He’d sat our daughter down after dinner and explained that he’d reacted that way because he’d been incredibly worried about her.
She’d given him a hug after that discussion was over and asked if he’d be okay with her diving again in the future.
He’d given her a noncommittal “we’ll see” answer.
“You must have found her,” he commented.
“I did,” I confirmed. “It didn’t really take long.
She’d wandered into another aisle, but I spent those moments completely freaked out.
After I found her I swore I’d never take my daughter to a crowded place ever again.
I lamented about what a horrible mother I was for days afterward.
I also scolded my daughter more than I should have because she scared the crap out of me. ”
He turned his head to look at me. “What are you trying to say?”
I sighed. “I’m trying to make you understand that no parent is perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but Wren is a good kid anyway. You’re going to have to let her dive again.”
“Can you really do that after what happened?” Colin asked.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I know it’s relatively safe,” I said calmly.
“I was scared, too, but it’s not the first time my daughter has worried me over the years.
Every illness and injury she’s had scared me, but you kind of get used to worrying about your child.
You learn to protect them as much as you can, but you know you can’t prevent everything that happens.
You’d have to put your kid in a bubble for that, and that’s not good for their development. ”
“Why does it have to be scuba diving?” Colin said in a disgruntled tone.
“It’s the only thing she’s ever begged me to do.
It’s the only sport she’s ever been interested in.
She wants to be a marine biologist with an advanced degree so she can do research.
If she’s going to be diving for a living in the future, I’d rather she have as much exposure and as much experience as possible from the beginning. ”
“Fuck!” he cursed. “I guess that’s true.”
“She grew up here, Colin,” I said reasonably. “She’s been in Lake Michigan since she was old enough to play in the shallows. She’d like to experience some ocean diving. She’ll need you to guide her for that. Wren will be fifteen in two years, and she’ll be able to dive independently.”
“Not happening,” he said stoically. “I’ll be there for every single dive as long as she’s underage.”
I nodded. “I don’t think I’d be able to let her go without parental supervision even when she meets the age requirements. She’s always going to need a dive buddy, and I’d prefer that it’s one of her parents until she’s an adult.”
I should probably remind him that he wasn’t always going to be here when Wren wanted to dive, but I didn’t.
He’d probably had enough parental trauma for one day.
I knew Colin would eventually see sense once he got over all of that initial fear of seeing his daughter in a bad situation.
I’d been exactly where he was right now many times in the past.
“How in the hell did you manage to live through the first thirteen years of her life?” Colin asked unhappily.
“It was hard when she was a baby and a toddler,” I confessed. “I worried about everything. But I had to eventually send her to school. Letting go is always hard.”
“I was pretty harsh with her today, Emma,” he shared. “Nothing that happened was her fault. I let my fear get the better of me. I’ve never done that before.”
“Get used to it,” I teased. “Wren just lets it roll off her back because she understands that our fear is a product of love. Did she seem upset to you when she went to bed?”
“No,” Colin mused. “But she had a right to be upset. I know I can’t just stroll into her life and tell her what to do. But it’s damn hard to fight the urge to protect her.”
I knew he was struggling, and I hated that for him.
He was fighting the fatherly instinct to protect his daughter while trying not to come on too strong with Wren because he hadn’t been around for her during the last thirteen years.
“I don’t really need to tell her what to do anymore, Colin.
She has a good head on her shoulders. She does all of her chores without me needing to remind her.
For the most part, I let her reason things out herself because she’s capable of doing it.
She just needs some guidance sometimes. You’ll figure that out after she’s been in your life for a while. ”
“I hope so,” he grumbled. “Right now I’d like to put her in that bubble and make sure that she never gets hurt.”
I smiled. “You know that’s not realistic. We learn from our mistakes and getting hurt once in a while.”
“Yeah, well, it seems that my rational mind has fled my body since I met my daughter,” he rumbled.
“I wish I could tell you that it gets easier,” I told him. “It really doesn’t, but you’ll learn to tolerate those emotions a lot better because you want what’s best for your child.”
“I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” he promised. “I know I can’t keep her from something she loves because of my own irrational fears. I overreacted.”
“I know,” I said softly. “Been there and done it myself more times than I can count.”
“Have I told you what an incredible woman you are, Em?” he asked huskily.
I laughed. “Because I freak out over my daughter sometimes?”
He shook his head. “Because you’ve been an incredible mother to our daughter. You always seem to know exactly what to say to Wren.”
“It’s taken me thirteen years of practice to get to this point,” I reminded him. “Be patient with yourself, Colin.”
“I know that I can never be the parent you’ve been to her,” he said thoughtfully. “I just want to be there for you and Wren in the future. I want to make up for all of the times when I wasn’t there for you.”
I shook my head slowly. “You don’t need to make up for the past. You didn’t know about Wren. We just want you to be here now.”
“I’ll be here whenever you need me,” he confirmed. “You know I’m going back to California on Sunday, but I’ll probably be here more than you’d like. It’s going to feel like an eternity before you and Wren get to California for the holidays.”
We’d already agreed to spend the holidays together in California.
I wanted to remind him that the holidays weren’t that far away, but it was going to seem like forever to me, too.
It had been a magical summer, but I knew it was time for both of us to get back to the real world.
I had a daughter who was starting high school, and Wren had to be my priority.
I had to get her back into her usual routine.
It wasn’t going to be easy for Wren to be without her father after spending time with him, so I was going to have to be strong.
I wasn’t going to be able to just wallow in my misery and loneliness once Colin had returned to his home in California.
We’d argued about him paying regular child support, but I’d lost that battle.
He wanted to do his fair share, so I’d put that money into an account for Wren for her future needs once she became an adult.
He was a father who had never known about his daughter, and I couldn’t stop him from doing what he felt was his responsibility.
If I was in his position, I’d probably feel the same way.
He was a man who needed to contribute somehow, and it would kill him not to feel like he was providing for his daughter.
I’d be lying to myself if I tried to pretend like I didn’t want a future with Colin.
I wanted that so badly that my heart ached to be with him.
But it was way too early to talk about that.
He’d only been back in my life for a short amount of time.
I loved him and that was never going to change, but I wasn’t sure he felt the same way.
I knew he cared about me and Wren.
I knew he wanted our relationship to continue in the future.
But we’d never talked about being together for the rest of our lives, and logically, it didn’t really make sense to talk about that at this point in our relationship.
I’d probably figure out a way to move to California if I knew that was what he wanted, but he still hadn’t said a word about Wren and me moving closer to him.
“It’s not Sunday yet,” I reminded him as I crawled on top of him and looked down at the man I was going to miss like crazy.
He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. “It’s only a few days away,” he answered.
My heart squeezed so hard inside my chest that I felt like it was going to explode.
I knew that, but I wanted to forget that he was leaving until I had to be without him again.
“Then I guess we need to make the next few nights count,” I told him as I moved my body sensually on top of his. “Take me to bed, Colin.”
He framed my face with his hands and caught my gaze.
Our eyes locked, and I wasn’t quite sure how long we stayed like that, but I was sure that he could see the longing in my eyes.
“Emma,” he said in a solemn tone. “I—”
I cut him off by dropping my lips to his.
I didn’t want to talk about him leaving again.
I didn’t want to think about how I’d feel when he wasn’t with me anymore.
I was going to spend a lot of lonely nights without Colin but tonight wasn’t one of those nights.
Right now, I was his and he was mine.
I’d spent the last fourteen years missing him.
“Just make love to me,” I whispered after the tender embrace had ended.
There were nights when we made love, and there were nights when sex with Colin was primal and carnal.
I needed all of the tenderness and affection that he could give me along with the sexual satisfaction tonight.
He slapped me on the ass when I started to move my hips against his rampant erection.
“Fuck!” he said on strangled groan. “I think you’re always going to make me completely insane, woman.”
God, I hoped so.
He got the two of us out of the lounger, picked me up, and carried me into his bedroom.
We spent the rest of the night completely forgetting that anything existed except for the two of us and the passion between us.