Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Maggie
I don’t know what I expected from the whole “we possibly…probably–okay, definitely had sex” problem with Jackson. But I should’ve known he’d gloss over it and move on like nothing happened.
Heck, I even asked him to.
But as I finish storing the remains of the day’s baked goods and prepping them for delivery to the local food bank, at least the despondency over losing a best friend finally morphs to anger.
It’s been a week of me trying hard and failing not to fixate on that look of sheer horror that crossed his face when he finally came awake enough and realized who his bedmate was. That momentary flash might as well have been a knife to my heart.
I’ve never felt so rejected in all my life. Even though he was extra sweet while holding me in his lap. Were he not my best friend’s brother, maybe the intimacy of him trying to help me dress would’ve ended in some other way .
I’d never want to risk losing my friendship with Alice, though, and that part of what I told him was true. But he didn’t have to act like he was mortified at the possibility that we’d hooked up. Even though I am. Sort of.
He’s my friend. Or was, anyway.
And even though he said nothing would change between us, it’s been a week and not one nocturnal text message from him. No early-morning memes or TikToks shared.
It hurts to admit how much I miss him. And the number of times I’ve caught myself from being the first one to reach out is ridiculous. I’m afraid I’d appear needy. Or clingy.
Even my Saturday ’90s pop dance mix isn’t doing the job of pulling me from the doldrums, especially since my feet are still tender and actual dancing isn’t really an option.
What I need is to be around my people. Except without Jackson and Alice, I don’t really have a whole lot of people.
I catch sight of Jules out in front of her shop, tending to her planters, and flip my door sign to closed.
Maybe Charlie is nearby, and I can get little-girl snuggles, or if nothing else, help Jules with her planting.
“Hey, girl,” I call, infusing my tone with an exuberance I don’t feel. Her head pops up, and she greets me with a smile.
“Hey yourself.”
“Taking advantage of a slow afternoon?”
“Yeah, I decided I could use a few hours of playtime versus work time.”
“Perks of owning your own business, right?” I look back across the street to my own shop and sigh.
She looks a little tired. My Sticky Sweet sign doesn’t pop like it did when I opened.
The pink of the walls glares through the windows and feels like too much.
Everything feels off with it. My mother would have a field day telling me how ridiculous and washed up it is.
“What’s wrong?” Jules asks, elbow deep in the planter.
On a sigh, I sink to my knees next to her. “Just seeing where I could use some updating. Seeing your shop all posh and nice makes me feel like mine is a little loud in comparison.”
She pauses and studies my face. “I don’t think your shop is loud.
I think it’s got a fun vibe.” Her inspection grows sharper, and I fight a fidget.
“What’s this really about? Have anything to do with why Jackson nearly bit Cal’s head off at the station yesterday?
Or maybe it’s about how you two were cozied up at the reception last week. ”
My eyes dart to hers.
“Yeah, I saw you two leaving together. You wanna talk about it?”
My shoulders sag as the weight of what happened a week ago threatens to consume me. I’m not one to share the intimate parts of my life, but right now, I feel so lost. “I think we may have made a mistake that cost me everything.”
Sympathy radiates from her expression as she stills. “Oh no.”
“I haven’t heard from him since. Did I just fuck up and lose my best friends?
And truly, it would be both, because technically, his sister has been my best friend since high school.
She’s gonna hate me if she finds out. And now he’s not talking to me.
” My voice trembles as I rush through the last part.
Apparently, a week of keeping everything bottled up hasn’t done me any favors, because I just emotion vomited all over Jules. It’s ridiculous to be fighting tears, but I can’t help it. The thought of possibly losing two of the most important people in my life is terrifying .
Jules pulls her gloves off and sets them in the bucket that holds the rest of her tools, then brushes her hands off before offering me one. The simple gesture is so comforting, while also making me realize just how much the physical distance between me and Alice has affected me.
“Let’s go inside,” she says. “There’re too many nosy ears on this sidewalk.”
Hand in hand, she pulls me through the door. The scent of freshly brewed coffee is a warm hug. She pushes me toward the cozy couches at the back of the shop and stops to grab us each a tea.
“Here, I know you like chai.”
I thank her, even though I wish it were something stronger than tea.
My stomach immediately reminds me of the shots I consumed last weekend.
Maybe tea is the better choice after all.
Especially since I can’t seem to stop replaying the night over and over in my head and wondering about the parts I can’t recall.
We sip in silence for a few minutes. Not even the cozy vibe of her coffee shop can quell the turmoil racing through me. But maybe talking it out will help, even if it feels weird to open up to someone new.
“Alice and I were two peas in a pod in high school. You know how it feels when you just find your person? We were inseparable. Jackson was around, but he was older and way too cool to hang with us. You’d think I would’ve had a crush on him like every other girl in school, but I didn’t.”
Jules nods encouragingly.
“He graduated, and Alice and I spent nearly every day together after he went to school. Basically, we were two only children living our best life. Then, after our senior year, their parents divorced. Alice went away to school. Jackson was gone, doing his thing. Their older brother had already been gone for years. And their parents sold their house and moved away.”
I was nearly as affected by the Jacksons’ divorce as their own kids were. Between them moving away and Alice being gone at college, I felt like my life had ended too.
“Alice sided with their mom,” I continue, “so when she’d go home, she’d go to her mom’s new place. It was a weird time.”
“I imagine you were lonely, feeling like you lost your family too, almost.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly it.” I swallow and avoid going further down the slippery slope of emotion.
“Jackson bounced around and then came back here, and over the course of time, we started hanging out. At some point, I mentioned wanting to start hiking but didn’t have anyone to go with, so he took me.
” The memory of that first hike still makes me smile.
“And from there, we just clicked and started hanging out regularly. Always chatting and planning our next adventure. For the last year, we’ve spent so much time traveling and on the trails.
Every available off day. He’s my adventure buddy. ”
But now we have no plans. I can’t remember a time when Jackson and I haven’t had at least one adventure planned. And that thought threatens to send me back down the spiral of despair.
“Until last weekend,” she confirms.
“Until last weekend.” When I’d seen my attractive friend, and he’d shown me attention beyond compare, and we danced and laughed and had a great evening after we finally got past his surly attitude and my bitter jealousy.
The feel of his body next to mine when we danced, the way we moved together… It was like we were made for each other .
Jules is silent for a long moment, like she’s weighing her words. “Maggie, were you replacing Alice with Jackson?”
I sip my tea, considering the question. Yes, the relationship was already established, but I’d gotten over Alice moving away and feeling like she was starting her life without me.
Those were the promises young girls made to each other, before real life happened, and I had realized years ago that adult relationships were different.
Jackson and I were born out of mutual hobbies and a genuine like of the same things.
“I don’t think so.”
Her head tilts as she studies me with an unreadable expression. “And in all this time, you didn’t think you were more than friends? There was no attraction?”
“I mean. I’m not blind. I know he’s attractive.
And the man looks damn good in a suit. But no.
I wasn’t in love with him, if that’s what you’re asking,” I lie.
Maybe I’m not in love with him, but this feeling, this longing to just be with him, this need to reach out and see if he’s okay, the constant wondering what he’s doing, this missing him…
it’s not not-love either. It’s infatuation.
“But you guys texted all the time and hung out together.”
“Yeah. And I guess I relied on it too much, because not talking to him this week has been miserable,” I admit.
She offers me the kind of smile that suggests maybe I’m being a little stupid. “Honey. Do you think maybe there was more there, and you just didn’t see it?”
I shake my head, refusing to admit what I’ve been fearing. Have I truly had feelings for Jackson and been calling it friendship all this time? When did it become more? All I know is that I miss him, so much it’s almost hurt to breathe without him this week, and I’ve never felt that way about Alice.
“What I can tell you is if you’re miserable, then I think he is too. According to Cal, Jackson has been a pain in the ass—his words, not mine. And he’s not meaning in the fun way, more in the, this-guy’s-an-asshole kind of way.”
It shouldn’t be a relief to know he’s suffering too, but it is.
“I think you guys should talk. But if it’s any consolation, the best relationships start out as friendships. There’s built-in intimacy and trust, and it makes sense that it’s scary at first. There’s a lot to lose.”
An hour later, I step back into my shop and finish closing down for the remainder of the weekend.
I helped Jules finish her planter, and she didn’t even mind when I went quiet on her and let my thoughts wander while my hands did the work.
Her comment about intimacy and trust and being scared hit home.
Struck the tender nerve that’s kept me awake every night since he dropped me off, wondering if I’m losing more than just an adventure buddy if Jackson decides he’s done with this friendship.
Not to mention the fact he’s planning on leaving.
What if he gets to that new wildland training and disappears from my life altogether.
That role is even more dangerous than his current job.
Aside from him just deciding to never return, what if something horrible happens to him out in those mountains.
I click the light off and snag my keys and phone, checking for the hundredth time that I have no messages from him.
Why am I waiting around? I’ve literally never bothered to wait for him to text or call me first. If I had something to say, I reached out.
Swallowing my pride, my hurt feelings, and my fear that we’ve somehow failed each other, I type out a quick message saying we should talk and inviting him over before I can change my mind.
Anxiety over if he’ll respond or if he’ll ignore me rumbles around my head as I make the short drive to my house, gripping the steering wheel like it’s a lifeline.
It’s only a couple of blocks and totally walkable, but since I arrive so early in the morning, I let my insecurities get the best of me and take the car instead of walking in the dark.
I’ve never been more grateful that it’s such a familiar trek, because all I can think is what if he doesn’t answer , followed closely by what if he does .
I’m running through a list of things I want to say to him when I turn the corner and see a familiar Jeep parked in my drive and a figure sitting in the swing on my front porch.
My stomach pitches. Guess he got my message.
And he had to have been close by if he beat me home.
Maybe he’d already been planning to stop by.
Every step from the car to the porch feels like walking a tightrope of emotions.
I’m thrilled and nervous, and a little ashamed of myself for noticing that, despite his tired eyes, he’s still one of the most attractive men I’ve ever laid eyes on.
My brain is racing through ways to start this conversation that will hopefully get us back to where we were, when he pats the seat next to him, then stretches his arm across the back of the swing.
Another knot of stress unfurls in relief.
I drop my bag onto the table and fold in next to him, sliding under his arm like it’s my right to be there and we haven’t missed a beat. His arm comes around my shoulder, pulling me into his side, and his lips press a kiss to my hair.
Oh, how I needed this .
My heart squeezes, and tears well as I realize maybe Jules was right, and maybe I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.
Maybe there’s more between me and Jax than I wanted to see.