Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jackson
“ D ismissed,” Captain Hale barks. “Georgia, stick around.” It’s been another week of studying and testing and practicals. Another week of being run into the ground by guys even just five years younger than me, and I’m about to get my ass handed to me. I can tell by the look in his eye.
Kids file by—they’re not kids, but since I’m the oldest guy in the class, I can call them that—my annoying roommate clapping me on the shoulder as he passes, like he’s offering me support or good luck, or some shit.
After that night at the dive bar, I have thrown myself into this course. And the harder I work, the more I hate it. I just don’t want to admit that out loud.
Captain Hale doesn’t keep me waiting. “I need to know if you’re invested in this,” he says without preamble.
Fuck. What’s his deal? I’m just about to ask when he continues, “You’ve got real potential, and I want to see you succeed. ”
“Excuse me, sir. Since you’ve mentioned it more than once, what makes you think I don’t want this?”
His stone-cold face doesn’t change, but he cocks his head to the side. “Call it a hunch.”
“With all due respect, you don’t know me well enough to have a hunch about me,” I bite back.
“You want specifics? Okay.” He crosses his arms over his barrel chest and stands tall and proud.
Immovable. “You stare off into space in the middle of lectures. You hesitate in practicals and let someone else take the lead, and then stand back grinding your teeth when they don’t do it the way you would.
You’re all over the place and a fucking mess.
That’s what makes me think you aren’t invested. Your head, or your heart, isn’t in it.”
My fingers twitch at my side, itching to ball into a fist. I bite my tongue so hard to keep from blowing up at him that I’m surprised I don’t taste blood.
“Have you singled out any of the other trainees, or am I just the lucky winner?”
He scoffs. “You’re the only one worth a damn, and you’re half-assing it. Like I said, you’ve got potential. But you’re gonna have to get your head out of your ass if you want to succeed.”
Words fail me. This motherfucker .
He unfolds his arms and crosses behind his desk. “You’re dismissed.”
I spin on a heel, snatching up my materials as I stalk out of the room. Fuck this place, and fuck this guy for making me feel like I’m in high school.
My phone pings with a message, and I nearly hurl it I’m so frustrated.
Kate: So you’re a stalker now, huh?
Jackson: WTF are you talking about ?
My phone rings in my hand, and I’m swiping to answer before I second-guess it. “What’s up, needle-pusher?”
“Weelll. I guess you didn’t fall off the face of the earth after all. And I’m talking about how you trolled my social media and liked all my posts.”
In the background, Cal yells, “Yo, Kate. I’m making a run, you need anything?”
The familiar scene stops me in my tracks.
“Nah, I’m good. Hey, come say hey to the bush boy.”
“Bush boy?” Cal questions, his voice growing louder.
“Hey, man,” I croak, throat suddenly tight. I was a real dick to him.
“Hey.” It’s more of a grunt than anything. There’s a muffled sound over the line, and then Cal’s voice sounds farther away. “I’ll be back.”
“He’s pissed, huh?” I ask when Kate comes back on the line.
“He’s not the only one. You know, I get having goals and wanting to do something different. But I thought we were friends.”
Regret is a double-edged sword, and it cuts deep. I should’ve talked to him, to all of them, about my plans. Should’ve respected our partnership enough to be open about it.
I resume heading back to my barracks, this time without the urgency to go to the next thing, wanting to keep Kate on the line for as long as she will talk to me.
“I’m a dick. I should’ve told y’all what was up. I think I was afraid you’d talk me out of it.”
The only response is a hum. It sounds like acknowledgment, but of what? That I’m a dick, or that they’d talk me out of it?
“So? How’s it going? Everything you thought it’d be? ”
I reach the chairs that sit just outside of our unit and drop into one. “Not really.”
Launching into how the captain has been calling me out leads to me telling Kate more about how I’m not fitting in with the guys, and how the whole program doesn’t seem as urgent as it once did.
“Well, you had the best squad. It makes sense that everyone else would pale in comparison.”
“What about you? I saw you on a farm. What’s up with that?” I need to get us out of this deep conversation and into lighter territory. Something to ease this ache in my chest that grows the longer we stay on the line.
“Yeah, it’s sort of a working-for-my-rent situation.
A friend of mine needed home-health help for her neighbor, and my landlord jacked my rent up.
So it’s a win-win. He doesn’t need that much help, but he’s diabetic and not taking care of himself.
He’d gotten to the point where he was calling 911 every other day. But really, I think he’s just lonely.”
“I don’t see you being a farm girl.”
“Whatever, dude. I love nature and being outside. You should know, you’ve been trolling my socials.”
My cheeks heat at being busted, but the mention of her socials blasts the post-hike photo of her and Maggie smiling to the front of my mind.
I’m on the verge of asking about Maggie when tones drop in the background on the other end of the line. Kate sighs. “That’s us. But hey, it was good to hear your voice. And Kermie, they haven’t filled your spot here permanently. Maybe talk to Collins and see if you can come back.”
There’s a flurry of commotion over the line as the door slams and Leo calls en route over the radio, the drone of the engine, the echo in the bay.
The familiar sounds, call signs, and lingo put me right back in that station in small-town Georgia, so much so that her use of my stupid-ass name doesn’t grate as much as usual.
“Hey, thanks for calling, Kate.”
“Yep. Later, jackass.”
The line goes dead before I get another word in, but that mental image of her and Maggie is stuck in my brain.
I want to call Mags, just to hear her voice. Maybe that will fix this giant hole in my chest.
The sun is still high in the sky, and it’s a beautiful day, but I’m lost in what might be happening on the other side of the country. It’s been weeks since I’ve talked to her. The longest few weeks of my life.
I pull up her contact info and get lost reading through the text chains. Smiling at the jokes, at her snarky comebacks, at the racier messages once we gave in and accepted the physical attraction.
But it’s more than that. It’s been more than that for a long time.
There are real feelings involved, and they are written plain as day in the tone of those messages.
She’s always cared for me. Always asked me how I am, always checking in. And the absence of her in my life is more than I can stand. She was the reason I needed to find the best memes and videos to send her. The reason to research and plan adventures.
It wasn’t only about me training.
It was about hiding away to spend time alone with her. I’m not sure when it changed and went from friends to something more. But it did. And I was too stupid to realize…
Now that I’ve imploded my life, though, it’s obvious as fuck that the bright part of my world was anything that had Maggie in it .
Maybe Captain Hale is right. Maybe it’s not about the job. Maybe what’s missing from this program are the people who made life worth living. But am I really about to blow a hole in the goal I’ve been striving for all this time? Throw away this opportunity?
I glance around the barren room like it’s my first time seeing it.
What the hell am I even doing? Why is there any decision to be made when I know in my soul this isn’t where I’m supposed to be. This isn’t really my dream. Maybe it once was out of some obligation to a kid I couldn’t save, but he’s gone.
Me? I’m supposed to be helping Maggie try out recipes, helping Cal build whatever next big idea Jules has, harassing Kate and Leo about stupid shit.
The realization hits me with the force of a kick. Hell, even my partner is still open. It’s like a glaring neon sign.
I need to go home. Need to be there for my sister and meet her girlfriend. Need to make amends to all the people I’ve let down. Need to apologize to Magnolia and beg her forgiveness for leaving, beg her to let me back into her life.
With shaking fingers, I unlock my phone and tap out a quick message to the last person I thought I’d ever reach out to. My phone rings immediately in response.
“Hey, Chief.” I swallow reflexively, trying to sort out how to even start this conversation.
“Jackson, how’s it going with the new program.” Chief Collins’s growly voice is a thing that makes heads turn. It’s also another comfort. Something normal and familiar.
I’ve been chasing a high all this time, but normal and familiar somehow feels so much better right now.
“Honestly? It’s not.” The admission shocks me probably as much as my text shocked him. But it feels right at the same time.
“Talk.” He has always cut straight to the point. A quality I don’t think I’ve respected until right this moment. Somehow, the command loosens the hold I’ve kept on all the ways I’ve let myself down, let others down.
I shove my nerves aside and talk. Bracing myself for an instant rejection, I tell him the truth and then voice the real question. “Is there any possibility that my old job is still available?”
By the time we’re done chatting, I’ve got a smile on my face.