Chapter 14
Fourteen
D amn. It’s beautiful out here …
I admired the detailed layout of the communal area of the villa while toeing out onto the back patio holding my belly. From here, I could see Ishaan’s lengthy frame sitting on the lip of the pool facing the ocean. After our romp on the balcony about thirty minutes ago, he asked to take a night dip. His braids were swept up into a man bun, exposing his tapered temple, sides, and the nape of his neck. Odd, compared to the men I’ve dated in the past because it was oh, so attractive to me now. Exotic. As I neared him, Ishaan turned to peer over his shoulder.
“You’re not naked.”
I snickered. “And neither are you.”
“Only because I don’t know when the Jacobs’ will be back. Do you need my help getting in?”
I stopped to tighten the strings of the bottom portion of my bikini on the right side. “I’ll take the stairs,” I mumbled, contorting my body so I could focus on the task at hand.
Ishaan lowered himself into the pool. “Cool. Let me get a floatie.” He waded farther into the water to retrieve one of several floaties. “I need to talk to you.”
Making my way to one of the openings of the pool, I used the railing to step inside. The water was refreshingly cool against the above eighty-degree temperature at this late of an hour. It was after one in the morning, and I was surprised the man hadn’t crashed yet.
I waited for Ishaan to bring the mesh-materialled, oversized beanie bag. This was fancy. I’d never seen a non-plastic floatie. But that was my wanna-be-baby daddy’s style. It was Azmir and Rayna’s vibe, too. I figured I’d have to get used to poshness if I’d be rolling with this crew. He held the floatie still while I made several attempts to board until I did it successfully. The thing was so big, it gave a sense of security once I managed my way to the center.
Once settled, I sighed, gazing up at the constellation. “This place takes my breath away.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded, noticing a shooting star. They all felt so close, as though I could reach up and catch one. “I hate to admit it,” I emitted like a whisper, “…but this is possibly the most luxurious place I’ve ever visited. It’s plush and picturesque. Spacious and contemporary.” I turned to him. “It’s perfect.”
“I’m sure you’ve tried the food?”
I nodded again. “Rayna and I had lunch. Everything was good. The salmon tartare and lobster ceviche were out of this world. I can’t wait to have more.” A goofy guffaw shot from my lungs.
Ishaan smiled, tugging me by the floatie. “Good. Glad you enjoyed your first day here in my absence.”
“Rayna was right.”
“About what?
“I missed you today.”
“We’ve discussed that.”
“She told me about you designing this sector of the resort.”
“It’s not supposed to be a part of the resort. Just something close to work.”
“I see that. That’s exactly how it feels.” I noted, “They have a larger unit than yours. Three floors.”
“They have a bigger family. More kids, at least. I wanted them comfortable.”
“And you have two levels with four bedrooms.”
Ishaan nodded. “For me, of course. Mom and Mehki have space, and a guest bedroom is always ideal.” He scoffed, “But now, with…” He tossed his head my way, referencing my expanded waistline.
“There’s no guest bedroom?”
Ishaan shook his head. He took a deep breath and turned, bringing the floatie to a stop. He swiped his face and pinched his nose. His gaze swept around the tropic panorama before arriving to me. “I’ve got to share something with you.”
Panic lanced through me. Why? What could he possibly have to say that could deeply affect me?
“Okay…”
Another deep breath. “Today came with its share of fuckin’ hiccups, but that’s par for the course for me. Something more personal presented itself.”
“What’s that?”
“Ki.”
“Mehki?”
“Yup. My baby boy.”
“Does it have to do with me?” His eyes were on the aqua water in the lit pool as he nodded. “Is he still upset about dinner on Wednesday? Did it come up today?”
“Nah. Or at least, when I broached the subject, he shut me down. So, it didn’t specifically come up. But I know what it is.”
Inexplicably, I felt sad as hell when I whispered, “It’s me. He doesn’t like me.”
“It’s me . It’s the culture I’ve given him…the life I’ve created for him. I told you Ki has only known of me being in one romantic relationship. I’ve been real with my son about my own manhood as he’s developed over the years. I’m no saint. I fuck regularly. I’m a man. It’s a natural function of my existence. But I’ve never dated. I’ve talked him through the process of pursuing a young lady of interest but haven’t shown him.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve only considered dating one woman since his mother transitioned. Back then, Ki was too young for me to bring her around. I wanted to give it time first.” Ishaan shook his head and snorted, “She did some wild shit, reacting too soon to a woman she saw me simply talking to. It turned me off, and I deaded it. To be real, I’ve never needed a woman romantically. I have one kid, and my mother holds me down with his maternal needs. So, when… we happened and we’re—as you said—trying to figure our shit out…”
“It’s not that easy.”
Ishaan and me. Us figuring out what we were and would be to each other once the baby arrived hadn’t been easy.
He shook his head. “It goes a little deeper than that, though. Mehki has an identity insecurity when it comes to me.”
My face folded and I scoffed, “What does that mean?”
“ This is what I need to share with you. It’s some shit I have to be open to you about as well, seeing…” He gestured to my belly again, with his eyes this time. “Coming up as a kid, I had little girlfriends. I found them cute and was drawn to the opposite sex like most kids. But I was a sheltered child, thanks to the therapist and military officer who raised me. They kept me enrolled in extracurricular activities and even tutoring. It paid off because I was always top in my class, even if not number one. That’s how I got into Ellis High Academy .”
“That’s one of the—” I used air quotations. “—gifted and talented programs of the Ellis educational brand.”
“Right. So, I went to high school smart and cultured.” Laughter burst from his mouth. “But so fuckin’ underdeveloped in the girl department. And mind you: their advanced schools bussed kids in regionally. I was enrolled with kids from maybe four or five neighboring counties. So, my junior year rolls around and I’m still… You know…” There was a grin of embarrassment on Ishaan’s peanut butter-hued face.
My forehead wrinkled. “Underdeveloped?” I echoed his word. Then it suddenly hit me. “Ishaan, were you still a virgin in your junior year?”
He broke into a quiet chuckle, closing his eyes.
Damn. My freaky ass, melanated-Fabio, wanna-be-baby’s daddy was a late bloomer?
My jaw dropped. “How the hell do you know how to fuck the way you do? Did you take a porn course?” I squealed.
He pulled a wet hand from the water and extended his index finger. “I’m getting to that, Hayden,” he attempted to sober the moment, but I saw straight through that shit. A virgin at what? Sixteen? Seventeen? “So, I run into a girl who gave me butterflies. Like…actual shit happened inside my body when I saw her. Shit I couldn’t explain. She was cute, too. Short—no more than five-three. And with skin the color of dark brown sugar. She was feisty. Damn , she gave big attitude. I’d see her in the halls or in gym, cussing niggas out just for trying to holler at her. She terrified the shit out of me. Way out of my league. But shortie was smart as fuck. She’d kick ass and take names in our Forensics class, which was basically a debate course. Mandy would get a topic, go home overnight to study it, and come back to class and fry everybody.”
“Mandy.” I’d caught it and wiggled my brows. “Did she fry you, too?”
Ishaan laughed, and damn, was it sexy. His face opened brightly. “I let her the first few times because I liked her. But our professor knew I was bullshitting and threatened to call Sergeant Patterson, so I had to stop. One day, out by the bus lineup, shortie walked up to me and asked for my number. I almost lost my shit.” Again, Ishaan’s embarrassed expression tickled the hell out of me.
I think he knew it. I rubbed my belly, tittering. “ Daaaaaaamn , bro!”
“Yeah. It was the big one and not the little. So, anyway.” His head shook faintly, as he tried to get back on track. “We exchanged numbers, and right away, I realize Mandy’s household was nothing like mine. Her mom was in and out of prison. Her father, an ex-con himself, worked at a car repair shop and would drink all throughout the day. He relied on her aunt to look out for Mandy, but the aunt was only six or seven years older than her. The aunt was a bird. She played the streets hard, chasing niggas with money who were, of course, drug dealers. The aunt taught Mandy the gift of street gab, and how to spot and work niggas with money. She’d sneak her into clubs—the whole nine—while the girl was underaged. So, there’s no need to explain how much more advanced than me she was.”
“I get it,” I muttered, admiring his vulnerability.
“Mandy’s phone number would change a lot. She’d come to school with crazy ass stories of her waiting outside small motels for her aunt to finish with a random man. Then seeing her aunt running out of the room and joining her as the men would, sometimes, chase behind them butt-ass naked. One guy ran after their asses with a gun.
“Mandy’s father wasn’t a good provider at all. They moved around a lot, too. He was never good with giving her money for her upkeep or pockets. Remember, when I met her, she was a freshman. The freshmen took a class trip to Canada in the spring. Of course, Mandy didn’t have the money. My love-struck ass gave it to her.”
“ Awwww …”
Ishaan rolled his eyes playfully. “‘ Awwww, ’ my ass. It was puppy love on my part, but for Mandy, a young, broken girl, it was survival. My mother tried explaining that when I finally talked to her about the girl I crushed on. I had my insecurities, too. My father was fuckin’ hell on wheels…constantly staying on my ass, criticizing every fuckin’ thing I did. He never esteemed me, only disciplined. I’m sure that had a lot to do with my underdevelopment. Anyway, some other shit was shaping in my life. I wanted to fuck. Like…I’d finally developed a desire to get my shit wet. And, of course, Mandy was the object of my desire. The problem was, I knew shit about seducing a girl or how to fuck.”
Ishaan peered over to me, likely to see if I was still with him. I was absolutely glued to the television that was him, sharing about himself. He began strolling again in the pool, tugging me by the floatie.
“I don’t know if my mother’s mentioned it to you, but I had a nanny growing up. She was with us for about three years. She started my sophomore year when my mother’s career and studies grew demanding. My nanny was a cool, forty-year-old Puerto Rican. Beautiful woman.” Ishaan sighed sensually. “Sexual woman.”
“She had sex with you?” I trilled.
“All but. Constanza was someone I could talk to when my mother was busy building her career, and Sergeant Patterson was on tour or assignment. She was sexy as fuck, in a totally different way from Mandy. She had the tiniest waist with big ass boobs and hips for days. I’m talking the perfect hourglass!” Ishaan’s quick, lustful tongue swipe over his bottom lip reminded me of a similar expression of letch he’d give before devouring me.
Jealousy bit my ass quickly, causing me to hiss, “Sounds like you’d fuck her now.”
“Oh, I’d tear Ms. Batista’s ass the hell up now,” he growled like a pledge. “Back then, Constanza was also unattainable. She was like other older, sexy women I found attractive as a kid, but could only fantasize about. Like a NormaJean. In fact, it was my nanny who showed me NJ’s porn and taught me how to touch a woman—without me touching her private parts. She demonstrated sensual moves taking place before actual sex did. Shit like grazing my nose against her neck or sucking a woman’s fingers. Shit like that.”
“Shit!” I whispered in disbelief.
“There was no penetration. And I’ve never seen her private parts, neither has Constanza seen mine. It was all educational.”
“Inappropriate education.”
“Albeit,” he expressed in an acquiescent tone. “But starting that second marking period, she was my instructor. Funny thing was, I didn’t finally get Mandy’s ass until the summer before my senior year.”
“Why so long?”
“Because there wasn’t a lot of access. I was busy as a kid. But when I finally did, damn , was my nose wide the fuck open! I wanted Mandy with me all the time. After basketball and football practices, during track practices, after school—all the time. Needless to say, at the beginning of my senior year, she’d be at my house a lot. My parents didn’t like it. They knew the girl was too advanced for my suburban ass. I lived in a protective bubble. The only time Mandy wasn’t running the streets was when she was either in school or with me.”
“Yeah.” I shook my head. “Twenty-nine-year-old me can’t see Dr. Patterson going for that.”
“It was a hard time for her. She knew I was in love, or so I thought. My mother knew she couldn’t control that. So, she tried to manage our access to each other. Mandy could come to my house, but I wasn’t allowed at hers. She lived in Newark—always shady areas. And although I could beat a grown man’s ass all throughout high school, courtesy of the First Sergeant, my mother would never put me in that situation.” Ishaan shrugged. “My house it was. Mandy wasn’t allowed in my room, so we had to sneak around to fuck. And boy, did we fuck.”
I snickered. I couldn’t help it. Imagining COO Ishaan Patterson sneaking around his parents’ home to get his rocks off was comical. That was until I realized he likely wasn’t much different in build than he was now. That made me curious about his teenaged dick size. Then that thought led to imagining him giving Mandy the same sexual energy he’d been giving me. My final thought rested on him having unprotected sex with her as he had with me. I’d shared a sacred experience with Mandy.
Was it inappropriate to be jealous of a dead woman having the coveted experience before you?
Get over yourself, Hayden!
“I can only imagine. I was a teen once myself with bourgeoning hormones.” I swallowed thickly, not wanting to revisit my coming-of-age years. “And all the recklessness to follow. Did they give out condoms at Ellis High Academy ?”
Ishaan chuckled quietly, a wry smile lifting on his cheeks. “We were pretty responsible. Mandy knew how unstable her life was. If her aunt did one thing right, it was imposing a ‘no pregnancy’ rule. She taught Mandy the responsibility was far too great for their impoverished lifestyles—not verbatim, but you get it. And my scary ass wouldn’t dare get a girl pregnant under my father’s roof. So, using condoms was the one thing we were good at.”
Interesting …
“Oh. Okay.”
“Alright. Where do I go next to explain this to you?” Ishaan thought out loud. “Okay! Here we go. One of the things Constanza taught me was with young girls—not women—a method of introducing sex can be asking about their previous experiences. There’s a way you can plant seeds and find out what they like. I took that approach with Mandy. I knew she wasn’t a virgin but didn’t get the impression she was fast either. Even when we were intimate, she was no connoisseur so much as she was down for whatever.
“Midway into my senior year, when Mandy was a sophomore, I found a picture of her with this guy. It was in her opened bookbag at the gym. I didn’t go snooping. It was conspicuously a picture, so I pulled it out. In the pic was Mandy with some guy’s arms wrapped around her. Based on her hairstyle and nail color, I knew it was very recent. She was happy in the picture. I knew it. I’d been with this girl intimately for months, and knew Mandy to be a pretty, but hardcore, mean-muggin’, hating to show positive emotions type of girl. I used to jokingly call her my Mary J. Blige. She was so damn cute and not so refined most of the time.
“She wasn’t a smiley, easy-going, free-spirited, normal girl. Mandy was always uptight with people. I mean… I remember, for her, showing class was a true effort at my parents’ dining room table during dinner. She hated the Sarge, and I got that. He was cold and intimidating. But she even had a hard time with my mother, who was trying to work with me, and was actually hospitable to her.”
“All of a sudden, Dr. Patterson doesn’t seem so unapproachable to me.”
“She isn’t. But she wasn’t exactly happy about having to be so inviting to Mandy. She knew it was a slippery slope.”
Yeah. The impending birth of her first grandchild, Mehki.
“Mandy found it difficult to be comfortable around not just my parents, but most people in general. So, when she smiled the way she did in that picture with the guy, I knew there was something going on. She was relaxed in a way I’d only known her to be with me, I guess. So, I asked her about the guy. She said it was her cousin, Troy. He’d just gotten home from prison.” With pursed lips, Ishaan nodded. “Okay. I left it alone. A couple of days later, Mandy stopped coming around after school like she’d been doing. She came up with excuses of having a job at the shop where her father worked. I knew it was bullshit.”
“How?”
“I managed to have Constanza take me to a clinic. I had warts on my dick.”
I gasped, “What?”
He nodded. “Yup. HPV.”
“But you said you two used condoms.”
“Every time for intercourse, not oral.”
“Holy shhhhh …” I couldn’t complete my sentence.
“Yup. So, I had a car at the time and drove there myself. Went inside and asked for her. Her father was the one who told me she didn’t work there. He found the shit funny. I knew people. Between attending a regional school, playing several sports, and being in JROTC and other programs, I had loads of friends from all over. Some of those people were from Essex County…Irvington and Newark. One thing led to another. I’d heard Mandy had been linking up with her ex, Troy, from a hot block in Irvington. He came from a tough family who sold drugs and stole cars.”
“Damn,” I breathed.
“I pulled up on him one day after school.”
“With whom?”
Ishaan shook his head. “Nobody. Just me and Sergeant Patterson’s favorite nine-millimeter. I found her walking out of the bodega with the same guy from the picture. So, I called her phone and watched her send me to voicemail. Then, I got out of the car and shouted her name. She turned and recognized me. When I told her to come to me, Troy started posting up, asking who I was.”
“And what did you do?”
“I let him. I didn’t come to his hood to fight. I knew I was outnumbered and didn’t want to hurt anybody with the gat. I was only going to use it if I had to. My point in going was to see Mandy. She wouldn’t come to my car. Troy tried to and she pulled him back. She told me to go.”
“And did you?”
“I did.”
“Were you scared? That was dangerous as fuck!”
“Nah. The only thing I feared was killing someone and Sarge finding out about it.” He scoffed, “I wasn’t violent, just super prepared and highly trained compared to a block hugger. But damn, was I hurt. That little girl broke my heart. I did what she said and left.”
“That’s tough.”
“Yup. What’s tougher was me letting her back in about a month later. She snuck into the locker room with a sob story and bruises on her body to back it up. Troy had beat her up.”
“What?”
Ishaan nodded. “That bitch left her face untouched but marked up everything below. Somehow, he got arrested for it. Sat in the county for a court date for months. He eventually got convicted and did less than a year for assault. But that wasn’t the end of Troy and Mandy. I didn’t go back to Mandy after the STD and cheating shit. She broke my heart, and I was done. I do believe she regretted it, though.”
“How so?”
“She stayed in touch, would call and text. She popped up at my graduation and then to the graduation party my parents threw for me. But shit wasn’t the same. Then, I went off to Blakewood State University . My life changed in so many ways out there. I shared with you my development in social networking. Mandy flew out a few times. She loved the campus and vibes.”
“So, you two rekindled?”
“ Ehhhhhh …” Ishaan’s mouth balled up as he considered that. “We became friends again, so I thought. It was understood I dated while away at school.” He scoffed, “A lot. Mandy and I were only friends. I loved the girl deeply, but didn’t trust her with my dick. I couldn’t shake that shit no matter what my heart said.”
“Did she go to college?”
“She didn’t get the chance to. She got pregnant with Ki right out of high school.”
My face wrinkled. “Yeah, but —and… You said…” I was confused. “So, you two did rekindle physically?” Ishaan studied me intently, and I saw an energy expelling from his eyes. “You said she visited you on campus a few times.”
His head shook softly. “I got her a hotel room. It would be years before Mandy got my dick again.”
“But…” I chirped, so fucking bemused. “I don’t…”
“Hayden, Mehki isn’t my biological son.”
My brain spun in my head and mouth went dry. “Come again?”
It fucking pained me to repeat, “Mehki isn’t my biological son.”
Under the lights of the atrium, Hayden’s face looked to turn colors. “He’s not…” She blinked hard. “What?”
“It’s not a secret, per se. Neither is it something we go around announcing.”
“So, Mehki knows?”
I nodded. “He fully knows. Has always known.”
“Does he know—” She shook her head, gathering her thoughts. “Who is Mehki’s father?”
“I am.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Who is his biological father?”
My brows shot up as I shared, “Troy.”
“Troy, Troy?”
“Yup. I may have stopped fuckin’ Mandy, but Troy didn’t. He came home, and they fucked around off and on while I was at BSU . Their relationship was volatile. In fact, the first time I flew Mandy out, it was because they were beefing. He’d cheated on her or some shit.”
“And you still paid for her to visit you? Put her up in a hotel room?”
I shrugged, having accepted the fuckups of my youth. “I loved her. My love existed beyond her pussy. I was a na?ve kid from Waldwick, fuckin’ around with a maverick from Newark. Mandy and I were built different. She didn’t know loyalty as it related to me, only survival.”
“But it seems she had some level of loyalty to Troy.”
“She was drawn to his toxicity, I guess. Mandy was wild. Again, way out of my league. But I thought I understood her handicap. Blame it on me being the son of a psychologist. I knew she came from a broken family. I knew her environment made her who she was. Knew she lacked resources. Otherwise, she was just as smart as me, if not smarter. We’d taken the same accelerated courses. I believed she wanted better. So, she called one day, telling me her aunt had died.”
“How?”
“Car accident. The fucked-up thing was, the apartment they’d been living in at the time was in her aunt, Candy’s, name. Her father was an ex-con and didn’t have established credit. I sympathized with her but was powerless. Then, a couple of weeks later, when she called and told me she was pregnant and Troy threatened to beat her ass if she kept it, I did do something.”
“You dropped out.”
I nodded. “I told you; I wasn’t really feeling college no way. And I knew that girl had no means to raise the baby.”
“So, your parents knew you weren’t the father?”
“My mother knew. I didn’t tell her the truth right away, but when I did, she said she’d known the truth all along. Sarge didn’t know the truth. He would have never provided Mandy housing while I was away at basic training. She basically moved into my parents’ home as my pregnant girlfriend while I went off to earn a living for us. My father went to his grave thinking Mehki was my biological son. At least, he’d never made mention of knowing otherwise.”
“So, that’s it. You guys just cosplayed a couple? Like a lavender couple?”
My eyes opened wide, and I scoffed, “Lavender? The fuck, Boo-baby?”
Hayden’s eyes closed to a squeeze and her hand went to her forehead. “I’m sorry. You know what I mean.”
“The answer is ‘no.’ Mandy and I were together at the time of her passing, though.”
“Oh, shit,” she whispered. “So, she eventually changed. She matured.”
I reached over the floatie, rocking it in the water until I was able to reach her lips and kiss her. “Mandy never changed, which was why I had to.”
“How so?”
“Being easy on dating. Relationships may be the one thing I absolutely fail at.”
Hayden busted out laughing. “You base that on one relationship you had as a child? Please. Kill the violins, sir!”
That humbled me. It also felt good to hear her laughter.
“Anyway, bringing this home. Mehki has always been aware of his lineage. I’ve never kept that from him. But lately, I feel he’s acknowledging it. I saw him earlier and he was on some ol’… ‘You don’t owe me shit. You’ve done more than Black boys’ parents can do.’ And while that can be taken more ways than one, I know my son.”
“It’s me,” she mumbled, repeating what she’d said earlier.
“Like I said, Ki’s issue is with me. I’m having my first biological child. To me, the love won’t be different. But to Mehki, it creates a line of demarcation. I don’t want to blindside you with what may come.”
“Which is?”
“I don’t know. But if my son isn’t taking this transition in my life so well, he may not be the most welcoming to you. I’m hoping by me sharing this very intimate detail of my life with you, you’ll be patient with him. Ki’s a good kid. He’ll come around. But dealing with an identity insecurity has to be a muthafucka.”
With her eyes cast down toward her toes, Hayden whispered, “Yeah. I’ve battled with identity insecurities myself.”
My forehead stretched. “Oh, yeah? Maybe you can share them with me when you’re comfortable.”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “But right now, Mr. Patterson, we need to get you to bed. You have another long day tomorrow. And if it’s anything like today, I won’t have any time with you once it’s done.”
Something in that statement relieved me. Nah. It more than relieved me. It made me feel good as hell.
As I began pushing the floatie back toward the villa, I asked, “So, you wanna spend more time with me like you did tonight?”
She rolled her eyes, trying to hold back the smile she couldn’t contain. “No. I hated it, actually.” Hayden’s eyes were toward the ocean. “I’ve been in far more posh homes than this. My johns always treated me to all of the finest accoutrements around the globe.” She held her arm in the air with a limp wrist, expressing pretentiousness. “I’ve even had one make love to me twice in the same night.”
Snickering, I warned, “Don’t give up the ship, Boo-baby.”
Make love...
Who does that shit nowadays?