Chapter 28 Relationships
RELATIONSHIPS
RAE
The morning passed in a blur. The way Ash ran out of my bedroom this morning put me on edge. The feeling only amplified when I came downstairs to find breakfast on the counter and no one in the room. For a moment, I thought they’d gone back to where they came from.
My stomach soured at the idea.
So I did what I always do when overwhelmed—worked harder and made it Future Rae’s problem. By lunchtime, I’d finished most of today’s inventory on my own.
“Are you okay?”
I looked up to find Maya staring down at me. “Yeah. Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know. That’s only the sixth time you’ve sighed in the last five minutes.”
I frowned. “Really?”
“Something like that.” She sat on the floor in front of me and started helping me sort resin statues. “What’s going on?”
I didn’t know how to explain without revealing too much about the guys.
I couldn’t stop thinking about this morning.
I thought we’d had a good time—thought Ash wanted more. I didn’t expect drawing attention to his scars to upset him so much after he opened up to me. I needed to apologize.
“There you go again,” Maya said, pulling me out of my spiraling thoughts. I still hadn’t answered her question.
“Huh?”
“Sighing. Now, come on. If you don’t tell me, I will follow you home and make you tell me what’s going on.”
I laughed. “It’s nothing serious. I just had a moment with this guy and—”
“Guy? Excuse me?” She turned, propping her elbows on her crossed legs. “Spill. Tell me it’s one of those gorgeous pieces of man candy I met a few weeks ago.”
I grimaced.
“Oh my god, it is! Which one? The big one? No, wait. It was the lean one with the icy hair and baby blues, wasn’t it? He looked so cool.”
I shook my head. “The big one.” When her mouth popped open, I laughed again. “They’ve been helping me at home because of everything with Grandma.”
“Oh,” she whispered, looking down.
“Yeah, but something happened between me and Ash.”
She looked at me again, melancholy forgotten.
“I thought everything was going okay, but he up and left me before we got anywhere. I think I might’ve made him feel self-conscious or something.”
Even saying it felt wrong. The more I dwelled on it, the more I questioned my initial assumption.
Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What does a man like that have to feel self-conscious about? Girl, I would let that man break my back like a glow stick.”
I shook off her ridiculous statement. “I thought he wanted me, but now I’m not so sure. Anytime we get close, he pulls away. It happened when he kissed me, too.” I shrugged, sorting the statues. “We’re not together, so I don’t have a right to complain, but I wish I knew more.”
If Ash were human, it’d be easy to ask him straight if he wanted a fling or a serious relationship. But he wasn’t human. I needed to remember that.
I’d pushed aside my apprehension and let myself get swept away by physical desire and his big heart. My feelings for him clouded my judgment—muddled further by my equally complicated feelings for Zeke.
Maya’s lips twisted to the side. “You know, if it were me, I’d move on.”
I looked at her.
“I mean, guys fuck around all the time, right? Maybe he just wants a shallow arrangement.” She held up a finger. “Which isn’t a problem if you want that, too. Those can be fun. But I get the impression you don’t want a fuck buddy.”
“I don’t,” I mumbled.
“About time,” she said, turning to help with the statues again. “I always wondered why you were anti-relationship.”
I couldn’t tell her my history.
I wasn’t even sure I wanted a relationship with Ash—much less someone else. It seemed right in the moment when I ignored our different species, but that wasn’t a realistic approach.
I understood being physically attracted to the four of them. But I hadn’t grasped the depth of my feelings for Ash and Zeke until now. It snuck up on me—worried me. Seeing another guy while already involved with someone else felt wrong.
“You should try a dating app,” Maya said, stealing me from my thoughts.
“Don’t you mean a hookup app? No, thank you.”
“So you do want a relationship.”
“I’m not saying that.” I sighed. “I’m saying I don’t wanna meet some rando who only wants to get laid.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. Just isn’t for me.”
I knew Maya used the apps—most women my age did. I tried it, but after one guy tried to get me to blow him in the movie theater, I deleted the app and called it quits.
“What about my cousin Leo?”
I pushed up from the floor, and she joined me. “What about him?”
“You know he’s had a crush on you for a while.”
“Not really.”
I met Leo at Thanksgiving last year. He’d seemed interested, but I hadn’t been ready for anything.
“Well, he asks about you whenever I see him. You should let me set the two of you up.”
“I’ll think about it.”
I couldn’t commit to anything. Not with a torn heart. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone, including myself. I didn’t need to add another man into my chaotic thoughts while grieving the loss of Grandma.
I rubbed my eyes as pressure built behind them.
“Enough about that,” Maya said as we made our way to the counter where Trudy worked the register. “Tonight. Chinese and a movie?”
“What’s playing?”
“Oh. I meant at your place.”
Shit. “Um.” I toyed with the hem of my blouse. “About that…”
She rounded on me. “No excuses. We haven’t had a movie night in weeks.” Her face softened. “I’ve been worried about you since Bonnie passed. What’s going on? Don’t ice me out now that she’s gone. Let me help you.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew I couldn’t avoid her forever. “Fine. But you need to know what you’re walking into beforehand. Just… don’t ask a lot of questions, because I don’t think I can answer all of them.”
We stepped behind the counter, moving past Trudy, who assisted a customer I made a point of avoiding. The woman’s half-melted face made me nauseous.
I pulled out display trays while Maya set a box filled with fashion rings on the counter. “The guys you met? They’re staying at my house.”
Her mouth dropped open. “What? Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
“But—” She paused. “Have they been there long?”
I appreciated that she redirected and didn’t push for an explanation. “Since I found out about Grandma.”
“So you’ve not been alone. I guess that’s good.” She handed me rings for the trays.
“It’s made things easier.” And harder. “They’ve been helpful.” I braced myself for her reaction to the next bit of information. “They aren’t the only ones there, though.”
She squinted at me.
“A close friend of theirs and his cousin.”
She screeched, “His? More men? Oh my god, are you serious? Is the cousin also a dude?”
I turned to see if anyone overheard Maya’s outburst, bracing myself not to react or vomit, but found no one there.
“Shhh. Keep it down. Yes, I’m serious. And yes, his cousin is a man.”
“You have four men staying in your home and you didn’t tell me? Bitch, you have lost the plot. I knew there was something more going on.”
I put my elbows on the counter, burying my face in my hands. “I knooow,” I said, groaning.
“Yeah, I’m coming over tonight. We’ll grab Chinese food for everyone, and then you can introduce me to these men.”
“No hitting on them,” I said, lowering my hands.
“Nah. I wanna see if they are worthy of you, not me.” She bent, scribbling on the paper as Shane came out of the back.
I tucked a ring into the tray and mumbled, “They aren’t for me either.”
“Never know. People are more open to that shit nowadays.”
I wasn’t ready to unpack the meaning of her words.