Chapter 38 Afterlife #2
“My mom once said that Kalthea allows souls to dream.”
I looked up at Zeke. “Dream?”
“Peaceful dreams. Like what you’d call heaven, I guess? Some kind of paradise or whatever makes them happy?”
The way he said it, it didn’t sound as terrible as I’d pictured. Sustaining an entire population while living a peaceful afterlife without pain? I couldn’t see a downside.
“So when you came here all those weeks ago, Kalthea took your wings, since you didn’t have souls or magic to offer?”
Ash nodded. “Our wings materialize through magic. That’s probably why. It didn’t take any of our other powers. We’ve tested them.”
“I’m sorry.” I looked up at Zeke.
“I got to meet you, so at least I got something good out of it.” His forced laugh made me frown. “Really. I’ll be okay with time. I don’t do well with loss.”
You and me both.
“Do y’all wear the same earrings?” I reached up, touching the small black disc in Zeke’s ear. I’d thought he wore plugs, not smooth discs lying flush against his earlobes.
“Ash has discs like me. Ezra’s are smaller black studs. Cyn wears small gauges, so it doesn’t look too different.”
I leaned in to study the charcoal-gray swirl etched into the disc.
Zeke cleared his throat, the sound raspy and close.
I turned my head to find our lips mere inches from touching.
“Rae,” he whispered, his breath ghosting my face. His gaze lowered to my lips, and I licked them before I could think better of it.
The air thickened with the sweet scent of honey and vanilla as his fingers flexed against my side.
“Is she awake yet?”
Zeke jerked at Cyn’s voice and toppled off the bed with a hard thud.
I looked down, shame flooding me, my cheeks burning. I felt like a kid caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
Cyn had no qualms about messing around when he cared for Zeke. Zeke clearly felt differently.
When I said I wouldn’t interfere, I meant it, but I couldn’t ignore the pull toward him. I thought he felt it too, but his reaction told me he wouldn’t give in, and I hated myself for wishing he would.
Ash reached out and pulled me onto his lap, cradling my head against his chest. “Don’t worry about it,” he whispered.
I didn’t understand why it didn’t bother him to see us almost kiss.
Cyn strode into the room when I looked up. His vibrant amber stare dragged down my body. As if satisfied with what he saw, he said, “Where’s Zeke?”
Zeke put a hand on the bed, pulling himself to his feet.
“What the hell are you doing down there?”
“I fell.”
Cyn walked over to him and pushed his disheveled hair back, smirking. “How did you fall?” A gentle smile played on his lips, a stark contrast to the hardness etched into the rest of his face.
Zeke shrugged. “Being stupid.”
“Stop calling yourself that,” Cyn said. “Come on. I’m ready for bed.” He glanced back at me when he reached the door. “Dinner’s in the fridge.”
Zeke’s gaze lingered on me. “Goodnight, Rae.”
The longing on his face struck me. Maybe I saw what I wanted after the elevator incident, but the way he looked at me before Cyn interrupted said I wasn’t wrong.
When they left, Ash looked down at me. “I really am sorry I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention.”
“I know now. I think everything I’ve been through recently has me out of sorts and expecting the worst.”
He brushed my hair from my shoulder, tracing his fingers over my skin. “No one can blame you for that. But I want you to know I have no desire to hurt you.”
I nodded, staring up at him. “Did you trim your beard?”
“Zeke found a trimmer.”
“It’s nice,” I said, brushing my fingertips over the neat beard along his jaw. I loved how his long hair and braids framed his facial hair, giving him an intense look despite the softness he showed me.
His eyes closed as he leaned into my touch. When my fingertips brushed over his full lips, he opened his eyes to look at me again.
Without a word, he turned my body to straddle his lap, his fingers threading through my hair as his lips found mine.
His hardness pressed through his lounge pants and my leggings, and I moaned into his mouth. His hands found my hips, and he pulled me tight against him, grinding my aching core against his shaft.
I tore my mouth from his, staring up into his eyes while panting.
His olive eyes studied me, and he frowned. “Should we stop?”
“I… are we really gonna do this again?”
“I’ll never do anything you don’t want to,” he said, kissing my forehead. “Do I want to again?” His laugh was strained. “I’ve thought of what it felt like to be inside you every day since. I’d give anything for another taste.”
My face flamed. “Why’d you have to say it like that?” I whacked his shoulder.
He laughed. “Violent little thing, aren’t you?”
“I’ll have you know I’m not violent at all.”
“Only to me then?”
“You’re a special case,” I mumbled. “And I’m not small, either.”
“Oh, but you are to me,” he said, grinning as he leaned in to kiss the side of my neck. “I like being special to you.”
My eyes met his. “You are special. I know things happened with…” I waved a hand toward the door, not saying Cyn’s name. I didn’t want to think of him. “And things are weird with Zeke, but I promise I’m not someone who gets around. It’s not my thing. I haven’t slept with a man in a long time.”
“What about relationships? No one?”
“I can’t drag them into my brand of crazy.
” I averted my eyes. “If I felt an itch that needed scratching, I got someone to scratch it. But I don’t do that often.
I don’t like flings. I need an emotional connection to have sex.
And serious relationships are impossible when I might walk down the aisle one day and freak out when my bridesmaid’s face rots off. ”
He pulled me close, the warmth of his body a comfort against mine.
I sighed, nestling against his chest, secure in his firm arms around my waist.
Knowing he didn’t resent me soothed my heart. But a lingering ache remained when I thought about losing him someday soon.
With new information surfacing about my necklace and the bookstore woman’s warning, I suspected Ezra would find a way home soon.
The cold realization that the afterlife wouldn’t reunite us left me lonely.
His lips brushed the top of my head when I sniffed. “What are you thinking right now?”
“I’m not ready to lose you,” I admitted.
His heartbeat thundered against my ear, fingers combing through my hair, but he never responded.
I didn’t want him to.
Words now would be a useless balm to soothe a childish broken heart. I was twenty-three, not a teenager losing her first boyfriend.
His impending absence shouldn’t affect me to this degree. I’d only known him for a month, but with him, things were good—easy. When in his arms, I felt safe from the world. Even though I knew he didn’t love me, his embrace made me feel loved.
I appreciated that he treated me with respect and avoided superficial words.
If I could survive losing everyone else, I could survive this too.