Chapter 47 Acceptance
ACCEPTANCE
RAE
Dragging myself upright, I scrubbed my tired eyes. For two days, I tried to ignore the ghastly sounds coming from the fog bank surrounding the small courtyard of my prison.
I couldn’t sleep. Whenever my body gave up the fight and succumbed to exhaustion, horrific wails woke me—or one of the robed triplets arrived with food or to provide me with a bucket to relieve myself.
I tried to eat to keep my strength, but nausea made every bite a fight.
I didn’t understand why I felt like microwaved death if I wasn’t their mate. Ash said prolonged separation caused sickness for mates, but no one believed that was our reality anymore.
Even then, we hadn’t bonded. I shouldn’t be sick.
Did the fog contain toxins?
I leaned against the cool iron bars of my cage and studied my surroundings.
A flagstone path strewn with dead leaves and twisted vines ran through the center of the courtyard, straight to my jail’s door. On each side, three cages nestled among gnarled trees with bark coated in black moss, sprouting strange green foliage that reminded me of rotting artichokes.
Twisting and swirling, the ever-moving fog pulsed like a breath around the courtyard’s edges. Its cyan glow erased any sense of when day ended, and night began. Tortured screams and cries from unknown sources frayed my nerves, and the cold, unending light stole what little rest I had.
A shuffle in the gnarled trees caught my attention, reminding me of the only reason I managed any sleep these past two days.
Emerging from the shadows, three humanoid figures wrapped in billowing black smoke shambled toward my enclosure. My shadow friends, whom I hadn’t seen in years, circled me before settling outside the bars.
Like they did when I was a child, they stayed near me without a word. I sensed they were shielding me from something, but I couldn’t figure out what.
“I wish you’d speak to me.”
The one closest to my right turned its head in my direction.
“They plan to kill me. Do you know that?”
The other two turned to look at me—or at least I thought they were looking at me. Without visible eyes, I wasn’t sure what they saw.
“They said in two days I’ll be executed for hurting the princes.”
A choir of desperate howling echoed through the space, punctuated with broken sobs and shrieks.
“I didn’t hurt them!”
More distressed wails from the fog made me think whatever lived there didn’t believe me either.
I reached for Mom’s necklace, only to remember Cyn had taken it.
Pain tightened my chest, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the burn. He’d stolen the one thing I had left of Mom.
“Grandma was right,” I said, drawing the attention of my three shadowed companions again. “She said the shadows would come for me again. I always knew she meant the monsters—well, infernals. I don’t think she knew what any of this was. Mom either.”
Their silent presence comforted me, like when I was a child—though I still wished they’d speak.
I slumped against the bars, scrubbing my face to push away the fatigue before dragging my nails across my scalp to push my hair back. Lifting my eyes, I froze.
Dressed in the pretty chiffon blouse and ankle-length skirt we buried her in, Grandma stood on the other side of the courtyard, glowing with ethereal white light, sadness in her eyes.
I scrambled to the front of the cage, clutching the bars in a white-knuckled grip. “Grandma?”
My shadow friends stood, backing into the edges of the courtyard, dissolving into shadows along the fog bank as Grandma drew closer.
She came to a stop in front of me, kneeling with a grace she’d never had in life. The teary-eyed figure looking at me wasn’t alive, but she wasn’t a corpse, either.
“Why are you here?”
Of all the things I could have said first…
“Sweet Pea, I’m dead. That’s why I’m here.”
My lips twisted. I knew that, but I didn’t enjoy hearing it. “Do you know where this place is? How can I see you?”
Her cold, spectral hand rested over mine. She wasn’t corporeal, but the pressure of her touch made my eyes brim with tears. “This is the land of lost souls. A place where others like me go when they aren’t ready to move on.”
“But why?” I swallowed the lump in my throat as a tear slipped down my cheek, chasing the ones that had fallen before it. “Why are you lost?” My voice cracked. “What can I do?”
“The night I died, your friends over there visited me.” She glanced at the rippling shadows, and I knew the three figures waited, watching us. “I knew something wasn’t right, and I needed to get to you. I knew your time was up.”
“But I’m fine.” I sniffed. “I’m not dead.”
She chuckled. “I didn’t think you were gonna die, Sweet Pea. Whatever curse the women in our family survived all these years finally reared its big ugly head.”
The fog shifted with a chilling breeze, enough for me to see beyond the isolated courtyard. Hundreds of spirits drifted among gnarled, moss-draped trees across the empty land blanketed in dead leaves and creeping vines.
“Don’t look at ‘em. They want a way out of here.”
I turned to Grandma again. “What do you mean?”
“Like me, they have unfinished business on Earth. They don’t accept their death. Until they do, they’ll never leave.”
“But why can’t I look at them?”
“If you connect with one and it possesses you, it’ll find a way back to Earth, and your soul will be lost forever.”
The air stilled, and the heavy fog enclosed the courtyard, creating a protective barrier that obscured my view of the spirits beyond.
“I thought the family curse was seeing infernals?”
I didn’t call them demons anymore.
If Grandma knew enough about this place, lost souls, and their desires, she probably knew demons weren’t real and that mental illness wasn’t the answer to our family’s curse. Perhaps dying revealed answers about the infernal plane.
“No, my sweet girl.” Her chest heaved with a weary sigh. “I don’t know if ‘curse’ is the right word for what we went through. Depends on how you look at it, I suppose.”
“I don’t understand.”
Goose bumps sprouted on my skin when she reached out and trailed her icy fingertips across my cheek in a loving caress, wiping away my tears.
“I didn’t at first, either. And you won’t for a while.
I can’t tell you everything, but I will tell you those boys need you, and that good for nothin’ boss of yours spoke the truth. ”
I shook my head, recoiling. “They don’t want me, Grandma. I don’t even know if the ones who believed it still believe I’m their mate anymore.”
She hummed, pressing her lips together.
“They think I tricked them.”
“You can’t blame them for that. I’ve been listening to what those triplets have told them. Those three have been in their lives for years. But y’know what?”
“What?”
“Not all of ‘em believe it.”
I hugged my waist. “It doesn’t matter if they do or don’t. I’m stuck here. They’ll kill me.”
“Those boys won’t.”
“No, but whoever runs this place will.”
It didn’t matter who ended my life. Ranthus made it clear the people of Elyrdin wanted me dead for tricking the princes and threatening their home. My innocence didn’t matter.
“I think you underestimate the impact you’ve made on them already.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as my vision blurred and another spasm tightened my gut. I forced my words through clenched teeth until the pain subsided. “I still don’t get it. What does it matter?”
“Trust your bond.”
“There’s no bond.”
“It’s happening without you noticing, Rae. Don’t give up on them boys.”
I pressed my forehead against the bars and sighed.
A part of me wondered if Grandma’s presence was a hallucination brought on by hunger and illness, especially with her awareness of the guys, my predicament, and the mate situation. Writing off the unexplainable as hallucinations hadn’t helped before, so I needed to avoid going down that path now.
“Again, what does it matter? I’m human. They’re infernals—royalty!” I slouched, dropping my hand from the bars. “This isn’t my world. Even if I manage to get out of this place, they can’t live on Earth, and I can’t live here. I don’t even want to.”
I wouldn’t get into the nitty-gritty of my issues with Cyn or my nonexistent relationship with Ezra. Those unpleasant details added a cherry on top of the shittastic sundae my life had become.
“My sweet girl, there’s so many things I wish I could tell you.”
“So tell me,” I pleaded, staring into eyes that looked so much like my own.
“I can’t. I can only tell you it’s not over.”
“How do you know any of this?”
“This place… it opened my mind to the past and the present. I can’t see the future, but I know the truth now—why we see things other humans can’t.”
“But if you can’t see the future, then you don’t know if I’ll make it past another two days.”
She inclined her head. “No, but I can believe in those boys.”
“You don’t know them,” I whispered.
“I told you I’ve been given glimpses into the past and present. I’ve seen y’all together.”
My eyebrows shot up, heat flooding my cheeks.
Her sharp laughter warmed my chest. I never thought I’d hear that sound again. “Oh Sweet Pea, I’ve not seen anything like that. It doesn’t work that way. But I know you’ve built relationships with two of ‘em. And whether you know it or not, the other two are hooked on you too.”
I scoffed and shook my head, changing the subject. “How does that keep me alive?”
“Well, aren’t they royalty?”
“Yeeeah.”
“You think they don’t have sway in how things happen?” She closed her eyes. “I wish I could share more with you, Sweet Pea, but this place only lets me say this much.”
The way the guys spoke of Ezra’s father, I wasn’t so sure. I already doubted their faith in me. If they believed I’d manipulated them, they wouldn’t defy the king. I didn’t expect them to, even if they believed me. Their responsibility was to their people, not me.
I needed to steer the conversation away from my impending execution and the guys before my emotions unraveled and I lost my mind.
With a heavy sigh, I said, “I didn’t get a chance to try to make another batch of biscuits.”
A soft laugh escaped Grandma’s lips before she smiled.
My lip wobbled.
I’d never get a chance to make biscuits for her again.
“Oh, Sweet Pea,” she whispered when I burst into tears. “I know you would’ve made me the best biscuits.”
I choked on big, ugly sobs.
“You’re okay, Rae. You don’t have to prove yourself.”
“That’s not it!” I wiped my eyes hard.
The stupid biscuits weren’t why I cried. If it weren’t for Patricia and that damned summoning book, Grandma and I wouldn’t be in this mess. I cursed whatever evil had led me to it.
I wanted Grandma alive and well. I wanted to make her biscuits.
“Then what is it?”
“It isn’t fair! You shouldn’t be here! I shouldn’t be here!”
“We don’t get to decide when our time comes.” She reached through the bars, stroking my hair as I sagged against the cage. My sobs softened with my quiet defeat. “You know I’ll be fine. I trust you’ll be too.”
I leaned into her touch, rolling my forehead against the bars. “How are you fine being stuck here?” I lifted my gaze.
“I’m not.”
“What?”
“I feel it. I know you’ll be okay, and that’s what I needed.”
I clambered upright and grasped the bars. “What are you saying?”
“It’s time for me to go,” she whispered, her expression softening as fresh tears streamed down my face.
“No.” My voice cracked. “You can’t go yet. I just got you back.”
Her delicate hands cradled my cheeks. “I’ll always be with you, my sweet girl.”
I struggled to breathe as her touch grew fainter against my skin. Through her ethereal form, I could see the other side of the courtyard clearly. “Grandma, no.” My breath shuddered. “Not yet. Stay with me. Don’t make me say goodbye.”
“I love you, Sweet Pea.”
“I love you,” I murmured, struggling against the invisible force obstructing my breathing. I heaved a breath, hoping to speak more clearly. I needed her to know how much I loved her—to say goodbye the right way. “I love you so much. So damn much.”
I collapsed onto my hands and knees, clutching at the dead leaves scattered across my cage floor as the magic binding her to this world fell around me like glittering diamonds.
When the sapphire sparkles faded into nothing, I curled up in the center of my cage as my shadow friends emerged, moving as close to me as the bars would allow.
Their presence didn’t bring me comfort this time. Instead, numbness settled over me, and my skin grew cold even without the temperature dropping.
My mind tried to rationalize her absence as peaceful—something good.
The guys said souls didn’t feel pain in the slipstream. She wasn’t suffering anymore. But that truth didn’t soothe my heart. I couldn’t feel much of anything.
I closed my eyes.
No matter how much my mind understood, my heart wasn’t ready to accept Grandma was really gone for good this time.
I didn’t know how much more I could handle.