Chapter 4
CHAPTER
FOUR
SAMANTHA
I woke up feeling surprisingly good. The last time this had happened…well, I’d ended up in the hospital for a while, and then moved to an in-patient psychiatric facility for even longer. Right now, I had a wicked headache and was a little weak, but that wasn’t bad, considering how it could’ve been.
I could see the light in my room through my closed eyes. I didn’t open them. Not yet. I took stock of my body first. Head to toe. My legs ached a little, and I had a few sore spots, but aside from the headache, nothing hurt enough to make me want medicine for it.
That was a relief.
Time to wake up, Sam. Face the day.
I blinked my eyes open slowly because there was just enough light in the room to hurt my eyes. The blackout curtains darkened the room, but a little bit of light bled out from the edges, making my head hurt even worse. I breathed into the pain, and eventually, it let up enough that I could look around.
Mom sat in one of our living room chairs beside my bed. She had her feet tucked under her and her phone in her hand. She looked up suddenly and froze as she studied me. Her eyes were rimmed in red and had dark circles under them, like she’d been up a lot of the night crying.
I smiled, trying to reassure her.
She smiled back, despite her visible exhaustion, and dropped her phone. She caught it right before it flipped out of her hands, then quietly laughed.
Mom seemed okay, but man, I hated how tired she looked. That was my fault. The tears she’d cried were also very likely my fault.
Her long, dark hair was pulled back in a knot at the nape of her neck, and she was wearing her most comfortable sweatshirt—the one that said, “blessed be the peacekeepers” and had a hole along the neck. She wore it whenever she was upset.
Yeah. All of this was definitely my fault.
I started to say something, but she put her finger over her mouth and pointed at something.
I looked down.
Someone was lying at the foot of my bed.
Wait. Not just someone. Phoenix was sleeping curled up at my feet.
So, he really had been here last night. He’d stayed.
I was confused. And excited. And thankful. Then, confused, again. Truly. I couldn’t believe he actually stayed.
When I thought about it, I barely knew him. That was the logical part of me. But the rest of me—the emotional, spiritual, soul part—felt like this was right. That I knew him and that of course he should be here. Because where else would he be?
But that made exactly zero sense. And yet, here he was.
I glanced at Mom in question, but she just shrugged. As if that explained everything, but it really didn’t explain anything at all. I needed actual words. A hand gesture. Something. Anything .
Phoenix was still in the pack’s standard joggers and T-shirt, which triggered more of the memory from last night. He’d been here when I had woken up earlier from the nightmare. I’d gotten dressed, and he’d been in the kitchen. He’d cooked for me. Fed me.
I didn’t have any memory of how or when I’d ended up back here in this bed. The last thing I remembered was someone handing me a plate, so I must’ve been carried back upstairs. Mom couldn’t have done that. Or Frank. One of the werewolves could’ve, but they’d been gone. I didn’t remember Eli being in the kitchen, either.
That left Phoenix.
He’d carried me?
Oh, man. A foggy memory hit me, and I cringed. He totally had carried me up here, and I’d grabbed him and begged him to stay like some massive clinger.
Way to just show him all the ugly bits in one go, Samantha.
Of course, he stayed. I’d guilted him into it. What a nightmare.
His long legs were tucked in tight as he slept, but his feet still hung off the edge. It was almost as if he didn’t want to risk touching me and waking me up. And yet, he had one arm reaching out to me, lightly gripping my ankle.
He looked younger when he was asleep, but no less fierce or handsome. The short sleeves of his shirt had ridden up on one side, displaying more of his tattoos. They took up more of his arms than I’d thought, and I wanted to get a closer look, to run my fingers over them, to ask what they meant, but that could wait. I didn’t want to wake him up.
I glanced at Mom, and she gave me a barely-there smile. It was as if she were holding back whatever she was thinking about him.
That was a first. Mom was never shy about her feelings. She had to be hiding something, but from the way her smile quirked up as I stared at her, I knew she wasn’t going to spill anytime soon.
Fine. I guessed I had enough to think about already.
The last two days had been intense. I hadn’t been expecting to see Phoenix in Frank’s office, and when he said his sister needed help, I certainly hadn’t expected to find her possessed by my father.
Then, barely recovered, I’d had to face my father again to rescue Van. Two attacks in as many days? This had never happened.
Yes, my father sometimes tracked me down. He had a few times over the course of my life, wreaking all kinds of havoc. Then, he’d go quiet. Sometimes for years.
He’d spent so much power the day before that I had no idea how he’d been able to do what he’d done yesterday. Although, to be fair, I’d gone into his domain. Maybe that was the difference? But he’d wrecked my room. How?
And was it over now? Would he come back again with something awful and new?
I didn’t know what to expect anymore, but I hoped he was done for a while. I officially had nothing left in me.
Mom bunched her fingers together and tapped them to her mouth. Hungry?
Was I? I knew I should be, but I’d eaten a ton last night. That had to have been enough, even after a trip to Hell.
I shrugged. I was still too sleepy to feel hungry, but maybe.
She nodded and got up, tiptoeing to the door.
I was going to have to get up. I knew that much. But how did I do that and not wake up Phoenix?
The embarrassment made my face flame with heat as I realized I had no idea what I’d said to him last night. I remembered eating, but I hoped I hadn’t made an idiot of myself.
And then I realized something.
He must’ve seen me puke up blood after I woke up.
I covered my face with my hands. Dang it. I didn’t remember it, but that always happened. With how much he was hovering now, there was no way he missed it.
And when I woke up last night, I was in my underwear. Which meant he’d seen that, too.
Way to really impress the guy, Samantha. I can’t believe I puked in front of him.
I tugged up the sheets, barely restraining myself from pulling them over my head. I felt so… exposed .
I wasn’t humiliated—not exactly—because I hadn’t done anything wrong. I’d been doing what I had to, and I didn’t regret saving the fey warrior. Not even a little bit. And yet…this fluttering feeling in me had to be somehow related to humiliation or embarrassment or…I didn’t even have a word for it. All I knew was that I was nervous. I really, really wanted this to work out.
I dared myself to look at him again.
His eyes were open, his gaze searing me from the inside out.
This heat was good. It wasn’t the shame of embarrassment anymore, but it was scary. Maybe even a good kind of scary.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi.” His voice was a deep rumble, still waking from sleep.
“You’re still here?”
“I didn’t want to leave. You slept better once dawn broke. It’s not quite lunchtime, but close to it.” He moved to sit in a fluid, graceful motion that I didn’t dare try to replicate. “I’m…” He closed his eyes and bowed his head. He was quiet for a second, then shook his head as if coming to some decision.
Then, he looked at me, and I knew I was right. “You know, yesterday you told me I could stay. All that craziness happened, and I’m really glad I took you up on the offer. Some things happened while you were asleep.”
“Yeah. I can tell.”
“You can?” He seemed surprised.
“I mean—my room is trashed, and I’m sleeping in a pull-out couch. I’m pretty sure that’s a sign not everything went as planned.”
“It did get trashed, and yeah, I don’t know enough about how something like that usually goes, but it didn’t feel like it went as planned.”
“Are you really glad you stayed?
The look in his eyes made my heart race. “Yes. One hundred percent. There’s something I can’t explain exactly that happened, but by the time you were back and safe, I felt like I’d found home. I didn’t even realize I’d been looking for it.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant. My trashed bedroom made him feel like home? The attack from my father? Fighting demons? I was so confused. “I’m sorry, but you found home? I don’t think I understand what you mean.”
“I mean…” He was quiet for a second. “I don’t even know where to start. Or how to start.” He took a breath and let it out slowly, nodding to himself. I liked how he thought things through before he said them. It meant a lot that he took care with his words.
“Okay,” he said, finally. “Maybe I should start with something you know. I’d been playing soccer for forever. It was my life. I made a lot of money, which helped to make sure my family was taken care of. But I spent a lot of time flying from one place to another for matches. I had a home base in a condo I shared with a teammate. We could both afford our own places, but neither of us liked to live alone. I dated and hung out with friends, but…” His voice trailed off, and he covered his face with his hands. “I’m rambling because I’m nervous. I did something last night.” He dropped his hands away from his face, and he looked…sheepish was the only way to describe it. “I did something big , and I’m completely freaked by what you might say once I tell you.”
Something big ? Now, I was dying to know what he’d done.
I had a million questions in my mind, but sometimes being quiet was the best option. People would say what they wanted, and then I could react or ask questions. I could go off whatever they revealed. But trying to get something out of someone who didn’t want to say it? That was hard. I didn’t have it in me for hard today. Patience would have to win.
I sat up and pushed against the couch’s stiff back, waiting for whatever he was going to say next.
“I guess I’ll start with the smallest part from last night. I’m moving in next door.”
A surprised laugh slipped free. “ What? ” I didn’t mean to yell, but that was insanity. Was he for real? “Why would you do that? You have an amazing, brand new house that’s not in the middle of nowhere. It’s close to all the things the city can offer—restaurants, stores, life. Why would you possibly want to stay at the Sanctuary?” We were extremely secluded here because the supernaturals that lived here needed that. It was a sanctuary for them from all the things of the world—both mortal and supernatural.
“I want to be closer to you.” He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“ What? ” It was like waking up and finding out that you’d slept through winning the lottery. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it.
Wait. Before my mind went racing off and imagining all kinds of happily-ever-afters, I needed to know exactly what he meant. “Why do you want to be closer to me?” I slapped my hands over my mouth as I realized one more thing. “Your mom already hates me for essentially no reason. If you move out, she’s going to murder me.” I dropped my hands. “You can’t move in next door. She’ll never forgive me for taking you away from her.” There was no way that lady wouldn’t blame me for this, even if he’d decided it while I’d been passed out. I wasn’t sure I cared what she thought of me, but it was his mother. If they were tight enough to still live together—like me and my mom did—then this would be a problem. A potentially relationship-ending problem.
He made a pained face, then rolled his eyes. “I already told her, and you’re right.” He gave me a crooked, half-smile. “She’s not happy.”
“ Great. Fantastic. Just perfect . Phoenix… What is even happening right now?” It felt like this wasn’t my world, my life, my reality. I’d woken up in some other dimension where nothing made sense.
He smiled like he thought my freak out was cute, and my heart raced.
Why did he have to be so freaking hot?
His smile widened, and it was almost as if he could read my mind. Or maybe I gave it away because my cheeks were on fire.
Whatever. I was a mess.
“Look, Sam. You’re going to have to let me handle my mom. I’m a grown adult, and I can do what I want. Yes, my mom is freaking out, but that’s really not my concern. I…I feel like such a stalker just moving in without talking to you first, but that’s what I’m doing. As long as you’re cool with it.”
Him? My stalker? That was rich. Back when we were neighbors, I used to call myself his stalker. I’d watch for him out my bedroom window when he’d return from his night runs. He’d be all sweaty, with his T-shirt tucked into the back of his shorts, and I had been completely obsessed with him.
It wasn’t just his looks or how incredibly fit he was. It was his soul that shone like nothing I’d ever seen before. So bright and pure. I couldn’t help but be drawn to him.
The idea that him stalking me was even a thing made me laugh.
“I’m glad you think this is funny, but I don’t want to leave you.”
I stopped laughing.
He was serious, and I had no clue what to say.
“After what I saw all those years ago, after what I saw with my sister and what happened last night…I’m sticking close until you tell me to get lost.” He leaned over his legs, reaching out for my hand.
I never let myself want things. Not real things. I mean—I wanted a house and a job and food and all those basic things. And in theory, I wanted a boyfriend, but it never worked out. But Phoenix? He was a stretch. Like a really big reach. Like a want that was too dangerous to indulge in.
But I couldn’t help myself. If he was reaching out to me, I couldn’t ignore it. Being with him was automatic, natural, magnetic. So, I gave in and grabbed his hand.
Warmth spread up my body as he linked his fingers with mine. “Please don’t tell me to get lost.”
Yeah. That wasn’t even in the realm of the possible.
So, no. I wasn’t going to send him away. I couldn’t . “Don’t get lost. Stay. Move in next door.” I couldn’t believe I’d just said that.
His chin dropped, and he let out a soft laugh. “Is this weird?”
He looked at me with his hazel eyes and little hint of a dimple and my stomach somersaulted.
“This is kind of weird, right?” he asked again. “Going from zero to a hundred in a day?”
“It’s completely weird.” That didn’t mean I was going to push it away. “But you have to remember that nothing about my life has ever been normal.”
“So, this isn’t freaking you out? Like I’m moving way too fast.” He stared intently into my eyes as if willing me to be honest.
He didn’t know me well enough yet, but I didn’t lie. Lying went against everything I wanted to be. “Honestly?”
“Yes. Always, please.”
I rubbed my thumb along the back of his hand. “It’s been two days, so yeah, logically, this is way too fast. But it doesn’t feel wrong for you to be here. At least not to me. So, I’m not going to kick you out. But if you need to go, if you change your mind, I won’t beg you to stay either. I get it. My life is a lot for most people.” I gave him a smile, hoping to ease any pity he might feel for me. I hated pity more than anything. “Plus, I have to maintain some form of dignity.”
He chuckled, just like I’d wanted him to. But his laughter faded, and that serious look was in his eyes again. “It’s been two days, and I already feel like I just want to be around you as much as possible. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, but at the same time, it doesn’t surprise me. Because I felt the same way six years ago. When I tried to leave you on the stairs—after we talked—I couldn’t do it. It was so hard that I had to force myself to go. And then with the cops…” He ran his free hand over his short hair, making it stick out crazily, yet it was adorable. “So, yeah, please, say something. Tell me something that will make this not feel so insane.”
Oh, man. I got it. I did. “Look, I’d be an idiot not to be afraid.” I gave his hand a squeeze. “Not of you, but of something going wrong. Of getting my heart broken.” That was the biggest risk—my heart. “But I have too many other things to be afraid of that are real, legitimate, life-or-death fears. I’m going to do my best not to overthink this. So, yeah. Move in next door. It’ll be easier for us to find out how serious this really is if we’re not constantly trekking back and forth into the city. We’ll take it one day at a time.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” He moved to sit next to me with his back against the couch, legs stretching long over the thin mattress.
I studied his profile as he grew quiet. “There’s something else I need to tell you,” he said without looking at me. “—but I can’t yet. I have to work up some courage.”
I raised my brows. “You really are stringing me along, huh?”
“Not on purpose. I’m an open, honest person, but…” He gave me a hopeful look. “Do you trust me?”
“I do.” It was the truth. I totally did. “But I’m not the kind of person that will freak out either.”
“You might freak out about this. It would be totally fair if you did.” He winced. “I just…”
He wasn’t saying anything, and honestly, whatever it was, as long as it wasn’t something awful, I was sure it would be fine. “You don’t have to tell me yet,” I said. “But know I will do my best not to get upset. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll do my best. Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.” He said the words, but something in his tone made me think he didn’t actually believe it.
Without knowing more, there wasn’t anything else I could do to reassure him. So, I just had to do the next thing. “I’m going to get up and shower. I’ll be down in a bit.” I slid my hand from his, and it immediately felt like I was missing something. The feeling was so strong it was almost like a physical hurt.
He slid off the fold-out, and the whole mattress bounced with the movement. “I’ll be downstairs.”
“Okay.” When he was gone, and the door clicked shut, I leaned my head back and groaned. “What is even happening right now?” Now that he was gone, I knew that I was missing something. Something huge . But I didn’t have a clue what it was.
What on Earth happened while I’d been in Hell?